anwiii

you say that books have been written to describe who i am. at the same time, in another thread, you said no books could be written to define someone. which is it, flower?you are hypocritical in your own words that you post. yea, i may be critical....but i am also loving. i don't love unconditional though as there are more people deserving than undeserving of my love. i have no time in my lifetime to play games. if people find me offensive, i have to agree and let them create their own path without my insight. as they are right and i am wrong in their eyes.and i guess you are always right.....but then why would you be seeking advice in a thread you created on a subject where you're bf needs his space. what do you not understand about that....someone who has her own mind and thoughts......

just like you will find meaning to my posts one day. thank you for expressing such divine intelligence. i agree with you on this one.....

not me. but i do want to bring up the point that even if it were legal, it wouldn 't be legal at your age. instead of being more concerned with pot being ok.....you should be more concerned if you are ok smoking pot and know that it WILL distort you. it WILL make you numb. it will prevent you from dealing with the life you are meant to live. believe me bud, pot will distort any reality AGAINST what you are meant to be. smoking doesn't do that although it is just as much harfull to the health. alcohol will do it, but alcohol is legal and you can't be in trouble for drinkin' it unless there is a potential to harm others. i was a pot smoker. not afraid to admit it. i think it should be legal. i knew a pot smoker once in jr/ high who hanged himself in his parents garage. i guess smokin' pot didn't help him huh? he was someone i knew a long time ago and they had to open the garage door to see him hanging there. a pot smoker.....but something more than that that even the pot couldn't control as he was not in control of his own life or destiny. keep smokin' bud....and be the best who you are meant to be.....

ghosts are as real as the alcohol that controls us. our spirit and soul will live forever as the alcohol wears off and as we are faced with reality. the reality that no one person can define. that even the one that believes in the spirit that never dies.....has died. not dead to others, but dead to themselves. their spirit will live on. not by the choices they made, but how they affected others and how others believe in the spirit.

you know, i have had a problem with truefusion for a long time. this is not one of them. he is trying to explain to the best of his knowledge without being subject to the official policy. he is being patient and trying to explain HIS views even if they can be discredited(unlike some of his other posts). i 100% respect truefusions patience right now where i would just hit the delete key on your account. you say you are going to leave, but you don't. who's the hypocrite? you have a problem? state the specifics so we can address them individually. maybe opaque will give a damn and listen to you if you do if you can't do that, shut up and leave beccause you voice will be wasted breath while beating around the bush and talking in circles we may not like eachother personally, but i always loved your posts and i respect what you have to say. even now when i disagree with your choices. you bring a lot to this forum and have a lot to offer it. at the same time, we as well have a lot to offer you and you disrespect. sooo.... what are your personal problems so we can address them. i am sure it's not a 2 year old issue only.....

you wrote this post in dedication of me. i should feel privlidged....but i dont :)i think you misunderstand me just like you misunderstand a lot of things that have NOTHING to do with love. don't let your emotions control you. they have no brains or mind to think.....love doesn't know didly....love is a reaction to what one is given to love. it's an emotion and it can be controlledwhat cannot be controlled is what is meant to be. love doesn't dictate that. YOU DO and HE DOES and WE ALL DO.....and a higher power. don't fight what you can't control. accept it and move on. make the choice to be a better person. you can hope others will do the same, but you can't ever control it...

you're being biased in your own advice compared to your own experiences. she already stated that whatever he says he doesn't take seriously. there is no communication. there is no relationship. there is love....and there is love at one's conveniance. let the guy suffer in this instance because the woman here deserves a lot more.....

it takes two. posting only about what HE is doing wrong is being blind to the fact that maybe you have your own faults to. i stated i believe you both love eachother. i know you love him.i don't see you as a bad person. i don't see HIM as a bad person. i only see the mistakes people can make that doesn't make them bad people and where others may judge different.i offered some good advice. sometimes you have to go backwards to go forwards.....especially if there are mistakes that are still haunting the relationship. i suggest you take my advice. it's all good. well....maybe it's bad for you and you shouldn't take it. that will be your own choice. let's see where it will get you....your choices i mean.....

although i agree that if alcohol is legal, so should pot....i don't agree that pot is any safer than alcohol. go back to do what you enjoy. just don't harm anyone else by doing it.

should we forward those emails to admin so they can delete the accounts? or would that be a waste of time since most spam is a one shot deal on any given user account?

you are fighting a no winning battle. he said he wants his space. he says he's searching for other people.no. you aren't an angel. you don't sound like one. you sound selfish and confused yet innocent and lovable. you confuse even me and i am a pretty good judge of character on and off the net.you aren't being 100% truthfull in this forum or what you write about yourself or your boyfriend. you say one thing, then say another with almost complete opposite meanings to the same points you are trying to make.now i mentioned you are controlling.....and you are trying to control this conversation you started with deception and not very clear in the facts you state and i am sure you are hiding a lot more to this topic. i just haven't figured out what, yetyou are always mentioning that this relationship isn't working because of him. has nothing you did caused this relationship to fail? you say you want bluntness, but you don't because you feel if people really knew you, you would be hurt more. you want to hide the bad parts of your own self and make this topic one sided. i am not your enemy....so don't tell people you want advice and hide the truth

welcome....i guess. you couldn't be more original in your user name? or you just feel your new sig wouldn't be enough to advertise....

i agree. marriage should definately be sacred and two people should be making vows in all that is sacred.sometimes though, a marriage fails because one of the two people or both did take believe in the sacrednessand sometimes one is so good in hiding themselves and being deceptive that the other never really had a chance to know the other person fully...until it comes out later in the marriage. so why be married if you're just going to be miserable and already tried to work through things over and over again and where the other person never considered the vows as sacred....only the lies and deceptions were sacred.life isn't perfect. and although marriage should be entered in to with the utmost responsibility and dedication and sacredness, it takes two. not just one.

i think i have a good hold on your situation so i am not going to re-read it....and i will try to ignore the angel faces. we wouldn't want a subjective response thinking you are an angel and your boyfriend isn't, would we? you're 22(at least that's what your profile says) and i am going to assume your boyfriend is the same age. so you have been with eachother for years you say? well...not that many years if you're only 22....so let me assume about 4 years which would be about at the end of high school.first, parents want the best for their children so they are going to be biased. when any conflict occurs and when conflicts keep occuring, parents will still just want the best for their children. they are going to judge what THEY think the best for their children is. you can't get away from that fact. EVER. what they know however, may not be what you two know about eachother.you need to leave the parents out of your relationship. they can cause doubts and damage. this means, don't go crying to mommy or other family members when there are problems in your relationship. if you do, then you shouldn't blame them if they hear bad crap about how he is treating you.are you selfish because you just want him to love you and treat you like the special person you are or think you are? YUP! that is selfish because when you have those thoughts, they can sometimes be controlling....even if you don't realize it. if you love him, you're thoughts should always be about wanting the best for HIM.have you lied to him? have you done things to where he trusts you less? the fact that you said you shared dreams together. not just dreams, but realistic adventures that could be shared by both of you says alot. it tells me you two had a lot in common. more than most. so my question is....where did it go wrong? that seems to be your question too. follow your heart or let him go thinking you grew apart.you should ask yourself some questions. is it just the heart that connects you or do you think you are soulmates? does he make you want to be a better person? why is he so distant? how did he get hurt by you and is there anything you can change about your self to become more true to him?seems to me that there is a lot more to this than meets the eye and i am really afraid to give any advice here because i feel something strong that he really loves you and you love him...but love is not the only factor in making a relationship work.what i would HIGHLY suggest though is leave family out of the relationship. i wouldn't allow the chance for them to think badly on the other person. doesn't it hurt you both knowking that his family possibly doesn't like you or that your doesn't like him? it HURTS, doesn't it? so why do you both allow it to hurt? we do you both make the choice to confide in family when maybe you two were capable of woking things out without the negative distractions? sure, everyone needs to confide in people when they get hurt, but you need to choose those people wisely. his family would like you if you didn't hurt him. your family would like him if he didn't hurt you. this is what i am going to assume and not some racial or other dumb issue."unheard flower"- i guess there is some deep meaning to that name, huh? did you have problems before you entered in to this relationship? some people would call that baggage. i don't but it's not very easy to be with someone who feels they are "unheard" or someone thinks they are misunderstood or deserves more. these dreams. were they yours or his? where did they originate from? sometimes people fall in love with the idea of love and the ideal relationship and when the idea fails, the relationship fails which could create a lot of distance. sometimes when the idea fails, you have to work that much harder to make the relationship work if there really is a true connection.now, i know you asked for people to be gentle, but i cannot help you without being blunt. i know i may recieve negative critisisms from others in what i am about to say, but you have to hear it from someone. especially somoene that sees right through you right now. by that, i mean that wall you put up(only you know what i am talking about right now). you are selfish, controlling, and you have been hurt in the past and you allowed some of that hurt and how it controlled you to sabotage the relationship. you think long and hard in what i just said because you have a lot of years a ahead of you to make a choice wether things like that are going to dictate your life from now on.with that said, you seem to be held back in life somehow. you hold an adventurous spirit. one in which your boyfriend doesn't hold....or so you say. maybe he's hiding behind a wall too....or just a shell covering himself up, afraid of what life may hold. well, it seems to me you would be good for this type of person but to say he needs to grow up is selfish words. if you stay in this relationship, maybe you need to bring him out of his shell without being so controlling and also respect the things he likes to do. my thinking is, he shared in all your dreams and visions and i seriously doubt you paid as much attention to what HE LIKES or maybe even his own personal dreams....even those that he never mentioned or doesn't even know about yet since he is still young like you are.but maybe the hurt has just gotten too much for the both of you. maybe you two need a break from eachother without the hurt or expectations and the negative distractions and the b.s. that played a big role in this relationship. you have so much in common yet you two fail to compliment the differences. sometimes, with a little thought and creativity you can make the differences in both of you compliment eachother. where one is weak, the other is strong. maybe a break is in order to rebuild a friendship and regain the knowledge of love you once had for eachotherwhat i mean by taking a break is by not seeing or talking to eachother. it's to illiminate all expectations and demands you have for eachother and your families have for eachother. to start each conversation telling the other that you love them and why. to express to eachother what is happening in your lives daily when the other person isn't around to see it. to start answering calls. not ignoring them. to make a deal that you BOTH will call eachother. not just one person calling the other. maybe commit 1/2 on the phone with eachother before you go to bed. to be honest with eachother and to respect eachothers opinions even if you disagree and not try to change who the other person is with those nasty expectations for eachother. in your own times, try to see what created the negativity and see if YOU can change for the better as that is all you can do or expect of your own self. you can never change the other or force expectations on the other.those angels faces are misleading for sure. ohhhh you may be half angel....but the other half may be half devil. a rose with thorns. someone who is not easy to understand or be with but someone who deserves love like everyone else and it's up to you to share who you are so they DO understand you and where you don't feel "unheard".next time he calls, you have two things to think about. you can be hurt and not answer the phone, or you can be hurt and answer the phone and hear his voice. he still loves you. he's just as confused as you are and probably just as stubborn as you too...

you have secret admirers! i am jealous! they want your body. i would reply to them

no. you shouldn't leave it like that. make a decision and confront him and tell him your decision. nothing good can come from you ignoring him or you spying on him. don't fall for any revenge tactics either. if you were old and wise enough to make a commitment, you are the same to end it. i hope you know you deserve to be treated better....but it doesn't mean to be unfair in your honesty and being truthfull which can only come when you confront him. he not only sabataged the relationship, but how can you even consider him a friend? friends don't do that either.... stop procrastinating....it will be the best in the long run....

why don't you start by creating a sig.

i'm sorry to say, but i agree with nameless and you shouldn't be wasting your time in a dead relationship. changes don't happen instantly. your boyfriend didn't wake up one day totally different. his changes happened over timelet me clue you in on something. either he is forgeting things that are important to you because he doesn't care, or, he isn't forgeting....he remembers....but just doesn't care. either way, he doesn't carenormally i would suggest sitting down with him alone and talking about the issues but it seems like he isn't going to take anything seriously in what you said here so that would just be a waste of time to.there is an old saying. i don't know if you heard it but it's something to think about and it has to do with being in control of our lives by the choices we make."hurt me once, your fault. hurt me twice, my fault". so basically, if your boyfriend is hurting who, shame on him....but if you choose to stay in the relationship to allow him to continue to hurt you, shame on you. you can no longer blame him. understand?is it sex? no. it's not sex. don't hurt your head trying to figure out what it is. i know it will leave you with very little closure, but this guy is a jerk. just remember. it's not your fault. you are young, and just chalk this up as a learning experience. everyone has had their bad relationships. you are not the first. sometimes we have to weed through the bad ones to get to the 1 good one.so i would break things off with him. then i would take a break with guys for a while and spend some more time with your friends and do things to keep busy as breakups are pretty rough emotionally and it's best just to do things to take you mind off the hurt. i wish you the best.

good luck with your search, shadow....

so that's a reason to leave? GO AWAY! you are concerned about mycent and how we are paid out? Xisto has always been fair whether we know it or not. i have over $250 in credits right now and i am not even concerned with how much i make because i know i will always make more than what i need. you may be a valuable poster, but you lack other things. yea, i would wish there was some pinned topic explaining how much we can actually earn, but there isn't. BOO HOO! trap never scammed anyone and i STILL want to know how you feel cheated where you are gonna post publicly that you are going to leave. my advice to you is to grab your purse. there is nothing personal about how Xisto operates and if you have a problem....just leave.....or post specifically about your personal problems which involves trap's business practices so we can address them.

i suggest you read up on it and build your own conclusions. not really read....necessarily....but research. you can't do anything you want by casting a spell either. i know! you want to be another harry potter. why don't you dream about it because that's as close as you're going to come to your definition. i hate topics like these because there is so much b.s. associated with topics like this. although i believe anyone can experience some sort of "supernatural" events and even create them themselves. but i also strongly believe in what popeye says. "i am what i am". we are who we are....from the day we are born. being a witch it not just casting spells or studying to be a witch...either solitary or in a circle. it's even more than just a state of mind. it's who you are and what you were born to be. this is why i don't believe science will ever be able to relate or understand. people read about it and think it's cool. it attracts the curiosity seekers. it attracts people who don't understand what being a witch really means....then you have the ones who are serious about learning more about who they are and those people have to be carefull in guiding themselves or having others guide them because this subject is still a mystery to them and they can fall prey to the wrong people who either guide them wrong or people who use them. this is the exact reason i don't even like using the term "witch" because it is such a general term. the true one are the ones who are hereditary....who are born within generations and have 100's of years worth of experience that will be listed in generations book of shadows that will be shared from generation to generation. even if you are born in to it though, it doesn't mean you are a witch. the sacredness comes from being born a witch or NOT being born one while keeping family traditions and cultures a secret. usually females will take on the hereditary traits of a witch as the male role will always be the "protector". the gifts passed on from generation to generation can also skip generations. one key point to keep generations alive is to pro create. this is why the female role to generation is so important. being a witch is not about having a title "witch". they are human just like everyone else. they have something to offer the world just like everyone else. they are neither better no worse than anyone else. everything connects to everything and everyone connects to everyone....even the gods or godesses attached to the pagans or celts of their own religions....and then there is the devine....an entity that takes on no gender role who is above the gods and goddesses. everything is connected....even for those non believers. witches have problems just like everyone else. in fact, they will probably experience a harder life than most and be misunderstood. they can lose their ways in life just like anyone else. i do believe true witches are about nature and loving all. there can never be too much love. and it can be a lonely life sometimes within their own beliefs when they don't get what they give. but just like everything else, there is the good and the bad. you can never discredit either....even in witches....and especially those who practice "magick". i do believe in karma, but i don't believe 3-fold. that is a new age law that was created by wiccans. but i do believe in karma. those like shadow who want to learn the dark magick should never do so alone and should do so within a circle and within the light. but every tom *BLEEP* and harry wants to be a light worker so joining that right circle is almost an impossibility. it's the true believers and the ones who know they need to follow a certain path that get let in.....to the right circles or people. in fact, i believe one doesn't have to search that hard for the right ones.....they will find YOU as similar energies will always have that attraction like a magnet. but....as the book of shadows should be "cloaked" to the rest of the world, so should topics like these. these topics fullfill only one purpose which i wont go in to detail about. now there is a responsibility in being a true witch....and there is a difference between a light worker and a witch. one cannot be both even if there are similarities. the major difference is that a light worker will work within the light only.... i've seen so much crap on the internet it isn't even funny. most is new age crap that most sites just want to make a buck off ya. the #1 unwritten rule to any true witch is to keep your beliefs sacred. if one doesn't keep them sacred, harm can come. people who say jesus died for our sins are idiots. jesus had no choice. it was not under his control to live or die. harm came to him. was he the son of god? we are ALL children of god. shadow- you ask for other peoples input in the "supernatural" when in fact the "supernatural" is a term used by the ignorant. things that happen that cannot be explained. when in fact the "supernatural" is actually natural and nature produced. science will never be able to understand nature because science will never be able to control it. you say science one day will harness the energy around us and be able to duplicate what true nature provides. oh yea....we are in the cloning phase and we can even tell what emotions people had when they died now. but as someone who believes they have a soul and a spirit inside them.....an energy that is hidden where it can be a never ending topic to discredit.....do you believe science will ever be able to duplicate or even understand a soul or spirit? in fact, science and technology is hurting nature.....just to understand it or use it selfishly. our technology dictates that we are using more resources than anything natural that can take it's place. if there was no science, there would be no technology...so technology is an offset of science. but science isn't perfect yet.....is it. there are flaws. do you believe there are flaws in nature? do you believe there are flaws in you? it's really an important question to ask if there are flaws in nature or inside ones own self....despite the ability we have to create our own choices in life that are wrong. if science and technology is ever to harness the energy around a soul or spirit, we are all doomed! the world is dead before the world even had a chance. science is about understanding. technology is about control. so science and technology is about understanding and controlling what we understand. personally, i don't believe science OR technology can every understand or control or harness what nature has in store for us or what nature provides us. although i don't believe in the bible as a whole, i will believe in it over science and technology ANY DAY OF THE WEEK! but.....i don't believe in the bible 100%.....but i do believe in it as much as any religion can provide. sometimes in life.....you have to seperate the BS in life....and religion.....and science/technology to get to the truth....at least the truth in what any one religion cannot provide and what cannot be provided in any science or technology. yea...we have come a long way....society has.....with science and technology. science and technology has grown in leaps and bounds.....more than spirituality or the dna inside our own host. our body. but to believe science and technology will ever prevail over our own soul or spirit and what defines that soul or spirit is ridiculous! as everyone is unique and different in their own way. sorry, i am pissed off now that ANYONE can question or believe that science and technology will ever understand and harness nature

i am clear....both ways. why i flipped it around is because when you bought the domain, whatever you put on it would be personal and that is something nobody should take away. people can guide you, but it's ultimately your choice. the questions you ask are allowing others to make the. you already know you sacrificed a little seo. so all you really have to decide without asking anyone....is it worth it to change and to sacrifice what you already have. that's it, nameless. nobody can make that choice for you. i flipped it around because you have come a long way and i am personally proud of your accomplishments. remember. nothing will ever be perfect. and knowing you, if you try to seek perfection through your own eyes, you wil spend a lifetime seeking it where in the end, you have asked so many questions to get so many answers, nothing ever got done. what happens when you turn 20? why don't you concetrate on what you are going to do THIS year. you are a teenager NOW. you aren't 20 yet. you aren't even close to being 20 yet. you're 3/4 of the way there. i personally feel you can do a lot with the keyword "modern teenager". you have 5 years to think about what you will do when you are 20. changing my outlook doesn't mean i am confused. you are the one confused . it just means, i wouldn't to flip the coin on your thinking and give you yet something else to think about. i hope it doesn't kill you....

well, before i go, because i haven't gotten any sleep last night and it's now 8:30 and going to bed....i just want to state something else i learned...never box a boxer, and never wrestle a wrestler.which means, you can learn all you want to "protect" yourself.....but in the end you will realize that what you protected yourself from can actually hurt you.now warlock has many definitions attatched to it so i guess it falls in line with just about any definition. it's what you think it means. but as the word warlock has something negative attached to it by some people....well....so does the word witch. if people want to consider warlocks as traitors, then we can look at witches as those who fly around on broomsticks. i wouldn't believe everything you read, either, shadowx. especially on the internet. for the most part....especially ones who are true witches or hereditary ones....generations....living and dead, you wont even come close to finding information on the internet.if paganism intrigues you, you might want to study celtic mythology as the religion itself is very similar.sorry that i don't have any comments about science relating to witches. i think the belief in most witches are nature based. one thing to think about is this though. if there was no nature, there would be no science. the same is not true in reverse. think about what that means before you even attempt to try and compare the two.

oh i disagree with this concept entirely as far as defense and offense. with your shield and sword example, even if you pull your sword, you are most likely going to die. the only real difference would be is how many men YOU kill. to truely defend yourself it to out think and outsmart your attackers while running is always a good option. as far as hackers. i learned my hacking skills 25 years ago. i never used them to defend against hackers and that is certainly not why i learned. sometimes a good "defense" can get you in trouble and bite your in your butt. people need to make a choice in how they wish to live. sure, there are those that seek the middle ground for defense and offense, but they really don't. i am 6'4 and went to an integrated school where the blacks seemed to always want to pick fights with me. i later understood it wasn't anything personal, but it was to show their worth if they can seek out the biggest guy and humiliate him. i wasn't a fighter for the most part. i was always on defense. my thinking back then is if i ever fought back and hurt someone, i wouldn't feel good about myself. i would dodge punches. not throw 'm. i wasn't an angel back then either, but for the most part, my multiple suspensions were uncalled for because i wasn't usually the problem. when talking about light energies and dark energies or light magick and dark magick, you don't need to learn the ways of a dark worker just to protect yourself being a light worker. first of all, there are usually only two ways a light worker could get harmed. they practice the dark and make themselves more suseptable to it.....or.....they don't hide themselves well enough to where you would at times be a target for someone who want to play. this is why conversations in threads like these need to be done respectively and cautiously. you don't want to sound the bells of what you practice so some idiot can play games with you. it can be dangerous and that is just irresponsibility on some peoples parts. and i will give an example. i studied martial arts when i was in my 20's. first important thing i learned was that no matter how good you are, there is always someone better. secondly, never practice in public. you sound the bells telling others who you are and to start a fight to where now you are in a conflict that you could have easily avoided. a conflict to test how good you really are. bad bad bad idea. i tell you this shadowx so i hope you never have to learn these lessons the hard way....especially if you are ever going to mix light and dark magick thinking they will create a balance for you AND is needed to protect. do i believe in the supernatural? you betcha! as i have already experience alot of it in different forms. i just don't practice anything that i know about including light and dark magick. the dark has always intrigued me, but i have had the discipline to stay away from it completely as i don't practice within the light either. once in a blue moon, i dabble and exmeriment with the supernatural. i don't have to practice ANYTHING to believe in it and i don't have to practice anything to fulfill my personal beliefs or define who i am. but i will believe in the wiccan's crede....which practices "harm none"....and here is the catch. it includes yourself. drinking is harmfull to your health. also, if you ever do decide to practice any dark magick, i suggest you don't drink as it will leave you more suseptable to harm.

first, two things to clear things up. witches are female. warlocks are malesecond, it's vitamin D the skin absorbes. not vitamin Eit's interesting to see you question things. from my observations, you have more of a science view than a cynic side. and your cynic side outweighs the pagan in you.my question is....how is discussing this going to even help you. what's the point of it.we are raised a certain way from the day we are born. for most of us, we have to break free from it because what we were taught and how we were guided wasn't really 100% us at the time. it was just our parents thinking they know what's best until we are old enough to make our own decisions and choices. in the same way we have to break away from our original guidance, we have to break away from society as well. society dictates certain things in life which are always 100% true to ourselves either. so....we have to break away. science is good, and science has proven many things. at the same time, it hasn't disproven many things either. also, science will never be able prove or disprove certain things specifically related to us in general. we are all born special and unique and some things are only known TO that individual. what they know about themselves.wicca is newage. i don't consider wicca a religion after all the curiosity seekers started to want to learn witchcraft when they didn't even know what wicca was all about. different circles practice different things. so i would think that maybe each circle practices their own religion and just calling it wicca. also...all wicca is is an offset of the pagan religion itself and there are many offsets to it. not just wicca. all pagans believe there is a soul/spirit and they believe in reincarnation through each lifetime.what is really strange to me, being born studying christianity and the bible til i was 17, i was lost as a kid after high school and until i was in my early thirties. i remember thinking alot about who i was and what like is and how life related to me specifically. one day, the answers to a lot of my questions....more than NAMELESS could ever ask in this forum came to me in an instant. a rush of answers....over a hundred.....and over a period of about 2 minutes. i remember wanting to write everything down, but i couldn't. thoughts were coming too quick. it was a god like experience i will never forget as someone or something was talking to me and guiding me in that instant. most of my beliefs came from that experience. what is strange as well is that a couple years later, i was drawn to read about pagans and the religion. and to compare my beliefs that came out of that unusual day, and the thoughts i had aftwards to really define my beliefs to pagan beliefs was uncanny. i never studied the pagan ways before so it was very exciting to me to find such an old religion to where it matched up to my beliefs almost 100%.so, i found something inside me that science can never define. i am not a cynic, and i have experienced things that can be explained within my own beliefs and knowing certain truths where others will consider it unexplainable.....or they will try to give an explaination other that what is true. "energy" to me is a name given to those things in which i cannot explain. i wont use the term energy to ghosts or spirits or spiritual guides, gods, godesses, or the devine. but i will use the term energy to those things that i experience that even i cannot explain. it is a gereral term as energy surounds us all and as we ARE that energy as well and connected.BUT! even though i have very similar beliefs to the pagans, i don't practice it. i don't believe in practicing any one religion as my beliefs stretch further than the pagan religion. i will also never worship any one god....although i will pray from time to time. but i wont light candles or do any rituals for the most part. although i will meditate from time to time.....or try to sometimes it's hard for me....especially in the last year or so. it always helped me become closer to nature and the goodness that surounds us all.one last thing....for me....i would rather believe in love this and love that......rather than hate this and hate that. for me, true love comes from a deep deep understanding.