OpaQue

mail again...

Another mail I recieved... No assumptions please..

a High-tech prayerAs i boot up my pc,my modem dialing next to me,i ask u lord ,give me a sign---will i ever get on-line?if you'd kindly let me throughi'll byte no more than i can chew'i'll surf the waves amid the net,with my mouse, my loyal pet,and through each window i will seethe websites that are offered me.resisting any chat room's lure,i'll download only what is pure.if system errors don't prevail,i vow to read all my e-mail.if you save me from a crash,i'll dump my games into the trash.just please don't take my CD-ROM!Thank you,Lord,God Bless.com

Cheers you up.. isin't it ? Source : Email - All copyrights to respected writers

Virgin Daughters A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt. The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe". Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter. The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges." Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long-King Size". She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter. The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: "British Airways". Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the airline. ? The ad said:- "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways." Mom fainted. Source : Email - All copyrights to respected writers

Source : Email - All copyrights to respected writers

Facts about Engg. Gals !!!!! > > 1. What is the beautiful girl in engg. called? > A Visitor. > > 2. What happens when all the engg. girls go on a > trip to the moon ? > Average beauty on the earth increases and that on > the moon decreases. > > 3. What happens when hundred new girls join an engg > college ? > Average beauty in the college further decreases. > > 4. What happens when two engg. girls meet at fashion > show? > They discuss the cause of the two smaller bugs in > software. > > 5. What happens when an engg. girl participates in > a fashion show? > She gets the highest score for morale boosting. > > 6. What happens if you present a book named "How to > fall in love" to an engg girl? > She uses it as a mouse pad. > > 7. When two engg girls participate in a beauty > contest, it's called a competition. When an > engg girl competes with a non engg girl, its called > overconfidence. > > 8. What happens when two engg girls compete for > same guy? > Some other girl will have him. > > > Quote: > Generally 99.9999% of the girls in the world are > beautiful, rest are in Engineering colleges!! Source : Email - All copyrights to respected writers

It's Up To You Source : Email - All copyrights to respected writers

These are actual letters that kids have written to God. This was done in a Sunday School class and were too cute to miss. Dear God... Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you have now? Dear God... Who draws the lines around the countries ? Dear God... I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? Dear God... Thank you for my baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. Dear God... It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but hope you will not hurt him anyway. Dear God... Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Dear God... If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer because I hate her. Dear God... I want to be just like my daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over. Dear God... I think about you sometimes, even when I'm not praying. Dear God... I bet it is very hard for you to love all the people in the world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it. Dear God... Of all the people who worked for you, I like Noah and David the best. Dear God... If you watch me in church Sunday, I'll show you my new shoes. Dear God... I do not think anybody could be a better God. Well, I just want you to know that I am not just saying this because you are God already. Dear God... I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool! Source : Email - All copyrights to respected writers

MEN ARE LIKE Men are like.....Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table. Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion. Men are like.....Bike helmets. Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly. Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature. Men are like.....Parking spots. The good ones are taken Men are like.....Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it. Men are like.....Lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright. Men are like.....Bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest. Men are like.....High heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it. Men are like.....Mini skirts. If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs Source : Email - All copyrights to respected writers

MALE/FEMALE DICTIONARY WANTS AND NEEDS (wontz and nedz) n. Female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled in a relationship. Male: Food, sex and beer. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female: Any part under a car's hood. Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra. GLASS CEILING (glas see-ling) n. Female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the upper levels in business. Male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took over the office one flight up. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male: Playing ball without a cup. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the guys. BUTT (but) n. Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger." Male: The organ of mooning. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female: A desire to get married and raise a family. Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female: A good movie, concert, play or book. Male: Anything with one ball, two beers, or three stooges. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male: What men have to call "boinking" to get women to boink. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 minutes. TASTE (tayst) v. Female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's good. Male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad prior to tossing it out. Source : Email - All copyrights to respected writers

GIFTS FOR MEN Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems. Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why. Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "Okay. By the way, are you through with my 3/8" socket yet?" Again, no one knows why. Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why. Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he would not have invented jockey shorts. Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips and flips and flips. Forget the program, your entertainment is watching him have fun! Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy. Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why. Rule #9: Never buy a man anything and then tell him he should read the instructions because the box says "some assembly required". It will ruin his Special Day. He will always have parts left over. Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.") Rule #11: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100 pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?" Rule #12: Tickets to a NY Giants game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why. Rule #13: Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why, please refer to Rule #8 (Remember what happens when he gets a label maker?) Rule #14: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why. Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says "I love you" like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope. No one knows why. Source : Email - All copyrights to respected writers

35 Ways to Annoy People Leave the copy machine set to 99 copies, reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper. in the memo field of all your checks, write, "for sensual massage." Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking with others. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions, "to keep them tuned up." Reply to everything someone says with, "that's what YOU think." Practice making fax and modem noises. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss. Make beeping noises when you back up. Finish all your sentences with the words, "in accordance with prophecy." Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." Staple papers in the middle of the page. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise. Honk and wave to strangers. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat the complimentary mints by the cash register. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE. type only in lowercase. dont use any punctuation either Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute entire streets. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." As much as possible, skip rather than walk. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "No, wait -- I messed it up." Then repeat. Ask people what gender they are. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. Sing along at the opera. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, then scribble their answers in a notebook and mutter something about "psychological profiles." Tell your friends that you can't attend their party, five days prior to the event, because you're "not in the mood." And the final way to annoy people... Source : Email - All copyrights to respected writers

Between the ages of 15 -20 a woman is like Africa. She is half discovered, half wild. Between the ages of 20 -30 a woman is like America. Fully discovered and scientifically perfect Between the ages of 30 -35, she is like India & Japan. Very hot, wise and beautiful Between the ages of 35 -40 a woman is like France. She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable Between the ages of 40 -50 she is like Germany. She lost the war but not the hope. Between the ages of 50 -60 she is like Russia. Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there. Between the ages of 60 -70 a woman is like England. With a glorious past but no future. After 70, they become Siberia. Everyone knows where is it, but no one wants to go there. Source : Email - All copyrights to respected writers

once upon a time .... Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious.He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny,she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. " 'Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured 'Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too,because pretty soon both of them started panting and gettin all out of breath. His other hand must of been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick -- a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared --her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough,they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats -- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet. listening to him,his mother got really pissed off & told him to sleep out with his friends. He had a friend,tom with whom he saw the show. That night little jonny saw his mom & dad do the same stuff over & over till it was dawn. He then understood the meaning , he said to tom "why do people do that with a women,can't men do that without any trouble of fighting the way women do, we know how efficently we can do that ... i read that in a book from libray,which father steve was also reading.... let do that tonight"............. and this gave the rise of gayism ...... tom sister jem saw them doing in the farm ...she did the same use a pipe & her friend christina ..... and that how lesbianism started...................... this concludes whom gayism & lesbianism , because of a silly mistake of a mother & curious kids of age between 6-12. Source : Email - All copyrights to respected writers

Source : Email - All copyrights to respected writersrecipe for a "stiff banana cake "ingredients:1. laughing eyes2.loving arms3.well shaped legs4. two milk container5.fur linked mixing bowls6.firm large bananamixing instruction:1. look in to laughing eyes.2. spread well shaped legs slowly.3. squeeze and massage milk container very gently until fur lined mixing bowl is well gressed. (check frequently with middle finger)4. add firm lartge banana and gently work in and out.5. as heat rises,plug firm banana deep into the fur lined mixing bowl , cover it with nuts ,leave it to work for 10 minutes.6. cake is done when banana becomes soft, be sure to wash mixing utensils, do not lick the mixing bowl.7. if cake starts to rises , leave town.

source : email - all copyrights to respected writers.Baked Beans Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!!!

The Credit system activates your site only when you have 4 or more credits after suspension.Your account is working perfectly now.gridadvertiser.com

They have good points.. especially the one regarding privacy. Google can have a large database of all of us and our search queries.

A mail I recieved...

Anything which involves compromising the funds of the advertisers is cheating. And these practices are not supposed to be carried out, as you not only cheating the advertisers but the overall reputation of a company which is paying you and providing you the service.Google Adsense has strict measures of preventing spam and don't under estimate them. They are the people who have technology to plot you through the satellites. They have the information of the INTERNET loaded on their servers. Which is seriously not a joke and most of the people cannnot even imagine it. I have written algorithms and I can seriously estimate their brains when they can give us RESULTs contained in a webpage existing on the web within a fraction of a second. In short, Its wrong and its no use keeping this thread active.

I use Google alerts to track SEO and the pages being included ;-) Yahoo alerts are good for people who want new information and news delivered to their mail box.

HELM. If you want a very much userfriendly Control panel, My suggestion would be switch to Linux. Yes, You do have access to webmail.

I wish if this was something related to PHP :-SI'd really appreciate if anyone could come forward and provide a solution. kvarnerexpress, if you happen to find out the solution, please update this thread.

I really feel very sorry for you.. My mom is the best :-), and I seriously cannot imagine your mom in her place. (that's the reason I said, I really feel sorry).I think the drugs and alcohol is the main reason to blame. I am also quite unaware of the western culture and lifestyle, so I really cannot comment much :-SBut, that story hurts. I had suffered a lot of verbal abuse from my dad, but things are pretty much ok now.. and we both love each other. The only feeling I get is, may be we don't like each other..