Hurt4love

You walk on this road that you build for yourself. You stumble a little but you keep walking, because this is what you want to do…but also need to do. Suddenly you find yourself on top of the mountain with the wind blowing from behind. You want to stop but the force of the wind is much stronger than you are. You still fight and resist, for you know you can do it. You resist until one big rock falls and moves the earth from underneath you. As the earth shakes you are about to fall again. However, you need to fight this new additional force. You won’t let anything stop you. You look towards the sun, thinking it will bring hope to your heart; instead you end up fighting its rays which nearly blind you. There are so many forces against you now and you have doubts you will fight them all. There is no one to give you a hand, but that is not the problem. The problem lies in you. You had always been loaded with illusions that you are strong enough to fight the negative forces on your own, and suddenly you realize you were always wrong. You have doubts in yourself now. Are you really as strong as you thought you were? Or are you lying to yourself and just from the first obstacle that you encountered you realize now that you needed help? You don’t know anymore but you just wish you can hold on and fight those forces alone to prove to yourself…That you can do it. But can you? You ask this question to yourself at a time when you are nearly falling off the cliff and do you think you have time to figure the answer out? You wait moments; seconds even milliseconds to find the answer hoping it will be a positive one at a moment when you need a positive attitude to fight the negative forces.

I know you miss him and I know how much you are hurting right now. I know how much you loved him and it is not going to be easy I know that. In this life you will be faced with many situations where you are going to get hurt. There will be times when even if there are people that love you, you will still find yourself alone and the only person you can count on is YOU. that is why you need to start focusing on yourself because you will always need to be there for yourself even when others are there for you. You know that noone will understand the situation better than you and noone can feel what you feel. You need to nurture and nourish yourself for yourself. So you can go through life no matter what happens. Even when you are with the best person on this earth, you will need to find peace in yourself and be strong for yourself. I have to admit my love for my ex turned into hate for a while. I let my feelings surface and I allowed myself to hate him. But it was not destroying him, it was destroying me. I let go of that hate recently because of what it was doing to me. Now I decided to forgive him and decided to let go of my hatred. Sure I don't like him but I don't hate him. I feel sorry for him because he did not know any better and because he will live his life making the same mistakes over and over again. I know what it feels like to be lied to and betrayed. I try to continue making the decisions that are going to help me become a better person. You need to do that. You need to try and understand things about yourself and you need to be there for yourself. I can't tell you it is easy to trust again. I still have trust issues. But I try and it is so hard. Trust is not something you can just decides. But it is deeply rooted inside you and I tell you it is not easy at all when people that you used to trust betray you. we all make mistakes but trust issues and trusting people again is the most difficult thing ever. But the only way is if you trust yourself. That is the only way to build trust again. Trust yourself and try to never give up. Try to build it slowly and continue to do things for yourself so you can save your own soul. Alot of things happened to you in that relationship and you need to mend the pieces inside you so take your time but always look inside you and understand yourself. That is the only way you can build up what was broken. And no my dear he is not coming back. Don't try to think about it at all right now. Just take a breather and treat yourself. Do things that you wanted to do for a long time. Make new friends. Go out and explore the world. Do the things you put on hold before you met him. Start pampering yourself because you are priortiy. You deserve the best and you need to look after yourself.

burberry8 - To tell you the truth, I did not know where to start replying to your thread or even if I am the best one to post a reply because I don't want to give you a clouded view of the situation. But your words moved me and I feel strongly your hurt because I can relate to you. I had been there before where you are now and that is not too long ago. I was in a similar position to yours 9 months ago. Let me just say to you now that what anwiii said to you is something I believe fully because he said it to me when I was going through my break up. He promised me that it gets easier over time even though it is hard to believe that now. Trust him when he says that because it is true. Ironically, we can never understand how it gets easier. For one thing, I have a theory which many don't agree with but burberry8, I tell you now you are the chosen one! You might wonder how could this be true and I will explain how. God doesn't give you more than you can handle and this is why each one of us goes through different experiences because God knows the limits of how much each one of us can handle. The more you are burdened by hurt and strong hurtful experiences, the more you are chosen by God to handle those situations because he put his trust in you. He knows you are strong to handle it. That is why I say you are the chosen one because he chose you to deal with this huge amount of pain. I am not saying to sit back and enjoy the pain. Not at all, I am just saying trust in god just as he entrusted you with this burden. Be patient and trust that he will help you ease this pain away because he knows you are strong. And YOU ARE burberry8. You can get over this over time I promise you. Just give yourself time to mourn your sorrow and pain. What you are going through right now is something that you will feel for a while but you can make it more tolerable by tossing away everything that will make you remember. Trust me dear, I know that it is the memories that haunt you and kill you. These were 7 years of memories. You remember what he said in this situation, or you remember where you went on this day or even special moments you both had. It is the memories that create ulcers inside you and make you toss and turn at night or cry yourself to sleep. That is why you need to toss away everything that reminds you of your time together. Begin with his pictures. The streets used to even remind me of him, my car even reminded me of him and our times together. Movies were killers to me when I would watch a couple in movies and remember my ex. Even when songs played on the radio I used to remember my ex and start hurting again. I had a relationship with my ex for 4 years where we were even engaged to be married. I thought with all my heart that he was the one but what I realize now is I was blinded from the truth because he was never the one. There were many aspects in that relationship that proved to be wrong for me and even painful for me to be with my ex but I was not able to see that back then because I was entrapped in the relationship blinded by my emotions. Something inside me felt wrong so many times but I could never see it or feel it back then. He came to me at a time when my father was on his death bed in a coma and said to me he does not love me and never did. A month later I found out he was cheating on me months before he broke up with me. So trust me darling, I know how you feel and I speak from an experience that is similar to yours. I posted here 9 months ago because I also was alone, worried about my dad and fearing for his life and dealing with my break up at the same time. My family did not understand what I was going through because they were in a shock themselves. My siblings are too young and inexperienced so they never understood either. I found myself going through this pain all alone. But I allowed some people inside my circle like my best friend and friends here on Xisto that helped me go through this pain with their support. My break up pain took longer than it should for me to start healing because I tried to stop the process. I tried to block the mourning process and block my tears, I tried to even put on my strength hat and act like nothing happened and soon I realized I was making it worse. Don't try to stop what you are feeling, this is my advice to you. Let it be as the Beatles say. Let your heart ache and let your tears falls. This is all supposed to happen afterall, this was a 7 year relationship and your heart is broken it is only natural to feel this pain. I know you are crying yourself to sleep most of the time, and I know you are feeling like your whole world collapsed. If anything, you feel shattered to pieces inside you and you feel so empty that you don't know what your life is going to be or even what your future looks like because your future plans and goals included him all along. Listen to me now and try to feel what I am going to say. He was attracted to you because of what is inside you. You have a burning flame making you unique and he loved that part of you. Surely he did or he would not have been with you for 7 years. Now try to look inside you for that burning flame that make you YOU. What makes you who you are? What were your dreams and goals that kept you going all along? Focus on YOU my dear. It is not about him anymore, it is about YOU. I realized after my break up that I lost a part of me just by being with my ex. For us to be together I had to kill a very important part and I did and this is why it did not work. Had I ended up with my ex I would die because I would no longer have that charming side of me that make me special. That part was my passion for my dreams and my childish side of me that makes people around me smile. I reached a point when we broke up that I did not know who I am or what I wanted to become and I swore then That I will never let anyone kill that part of me anymore not even if it was me. I went back to college and started studying what I put on hold for him. I went back to enjoying the simplest things in life like I used to before I met my ex. Things like swinging in the park and taking a walk in nature or even just the simple thing as watching a movie and relaxing after a very long day. I no longer do things for my ex only while ignoring my own self. It is not his fault it is just who he is, someone that wants all the attention in the relationship. He took me for granted because I allowed him to and I gave in to his demanding needs and never thought for a minute about what I needed but kept focusing on what he needed. Soon after we broke up I started thinking of how I had ignored my poor self for 4 years. I am a movie maker and I had not even thought about making movies the whole time I was with him. I am a writer and I put my novel on hold and left it unfinished the whole time we were together. I literally ignored what I am meant to be just to make his business go well and If I were to blame anyone I would blame my emotions that blinded my judgement back then. So look inside you my dear and look at all the things you wanted to be and who you are and nourish that part of you. I know for a fact that there is a part inside you that needs nurturing and only you can do that. I would also like to advise you not to think of a counter situation where he would come back. Let me tell you now that even if he did come back (which is unlikely), things will never be the same. I know this because when my ex broke up with me the first time, he came back few days later and said he wanted us to try again. But nothing was ever the same. and I was really setting myself up for another heart break knowing something has already been broken in the relationship. In your case your heart has been broken by his declaration of not being in love with you anymore and by saying there is someone else in his life. You will never be able to trust him ever again the way you used to and the pain that you felt in your heart will always linger every now and then if you ever get back together. So you need to believe that this option is out of the question. You need to tell that subconscious part of you that this relationship is over and that he will never be back in the picture. I know it is so hurtful especially when this subconscious is creating this idea to ease the pain but the sooner you relaize that the relationship is over, the faster your healing process will be and the sooner your process of letting go will be. I know this is harsh on you to realize but you need to do that so you are more in the here and now... And Let me tell you now, even though I still hate to even think about my past relationship because it brings inside me anger for what I gave up all these years, I know deep inside me that I know how important my talents and gifts are to me because of what I had been through with my ex. Had I not been through that experience I probably would have never understood how important writing and making movies are to me. I probably would have never understood how important the childish person inside me is, that person that likes to sing with the birds and believes that the world is a good place. Surely life is difficult but without that innocent belief I know I cannot smile and in turn I cannot help others with just my smile. I had to go through this because I needed to know myself better. And now I know too another reason why I needed to go through this. After my ex, I thought I will never love again. But I met someone who made my heart sing and brought happiness to my life. someone I know is my Mr. Right because he pushes me to achieve my dreams and be who I always wanted to be. It is a gut feeling inside you that tells you he is the one. Something I did not feel with my ex. I understood what true love is now with the person I love today because it is far more magnified and intensified than I ever felt. I know for a fact that I appreciate this man today more and love him more than anything in this world because of what I had been through because I know he is everything I love and he is perfect for me. It is hard to admit but I know this because of my previous relationship. I also understand now that being a writer and filmmaker, I needed that experience to relate to my characters and the stories I am building. So again with patience you will see the light soon.This is all because I believed in myself and I want you to promise me that you will believe in yourself too. We are all not perfect but we are meant to be something. You were both not meant to be. But you have to believe in fate. What is meant to be for you is far greater and better than what you had with this guy. To be able to move on you need to believe that. You need to do some soul searching right now and look inside you to realize what you want to be. Once you do, then you need to know what steps to take to pursue your destiny of who you are. One more thing, one day you never know when, you will find true happiness with someone who you really deserve. It will come when you least expect it. I found true love when I wasn't looking for it and when I least expected to find it. I don't know how much my words helped you. I truly hope that by at least telling you my experience that I was able to offer some kind of help. Just remember you are not alone. I know you will have other members here for you when you need to vent. But between us girls I know sometimes a girl in this situation needs to open up and vent and I am here if you need anything. Don't hesitate to write me a PM anytime you need to let out those bottled feelings you have. And anytime you feel the need to feel sorry for yourself, it is ok and it is very natural to feel that way right now. Trust me on this, there is nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself right now and mourning your broken heart. I really hope your pain goes away because I know you deserve to be happy. Just believe in yourself! We are here for you