My Rant On Strict Parents

[Albus Dumbledore 0]

I love my mom and dad to death, but they are strict parentsi understand tha they are only doing it because they love me and want to protect me. but there is a point in time where it needs to stop.For instance, if i simply want to go to the movies with a friend of mine they want to meet the parents of this person, they want to meet the person, they want to know this persons background, where i met this person, how old this person is, how long i've known them and OMG it gets ANNOYING and they wonder why im never out from in front of my computer, maybe it's because they wont back off of my *bottom* and im just too emberased to sit there and ask their whole life storie before i can go to the movie with them.I mean, yeah they dont want me goin to a movie with a wh-ore or drug dealer or whatever, but i think that i have proven myself smart enough to not mess with drugs, and not mess with girls.Dont ya ever wish they would just lighten up?

Edited January 20, 2007 by Albus Dumbledore (see edit history)

[Kubi 0]

Why not....just say that to them? Tell them that you're 16 years old, mature, and should be able to make your own dicisions. Tell them if you mess up you'll be a responsible person and take account for it. Don't just go along with everything they say.

[Albus Dumbledore 0]

because if i were to talk back to my parents like that i'd probably not have to worry about goin anywhere for quite some time

[Mich 0]

Hey, Albus, what else is new? My parents, as well as my husband's parents, expected the same thing. Especially at 16. And times were not as violent then as they are today. I wouldn't want to be raising a child in todays society. But if I were, I think I would want to know all your parents want to know and even more. Like I would probably want to check the people out personally before I would let a child of mine go somewhere with them. Children, and you are still a child at 16, are too precious to not be careful for them. Yes, you are a good student, so was I, and you aren't into drugs, neither was I, but they still treated me the same way. I was trustworthy, but you cannot depend on others to be as trustworthy. And at 16 you still make stupid mistakes. You may take responsibility for them, which I would expect, but what if that mistake is fatal and could have been prevented by a little knowledge? You have to realize too that your parents are financially, legally, morally responsible for anything you do or anything that happens to you. Be patient, you will be 18 in 2 more years and then the legal system says you are an adult. Lets hope you have matured enough to accept the responsibility that goes with adulthood. You will survive, as I did, even when my parents embarrassed me.

[master_bacarra 0]

i understand tha they are only doing it because they love me and want to protect me. but there is a point in time where it needs to stop.
For instance, if i simply want to go to the movies with a friend of mine they want to meet the parents of this person, they want to meet the person, they want to know this persons background, where i met this person, how old this person is, how long i've known them and OMG it gets ANNOYING and they wonder why im never out from in front of my computer, maybe it's because they wont back off of my *bottom* and im just too emberased to sit there and ask their whole life storie before i can go to the movie with them.

you know i kinda relate to that story as well, a lot of similarities, especially with the "always in front of the computer" part. although i do believe that parents should always keep an eye over their kids, i don't think it's necessary to be too strict, unless a kid is really naughty they just need some guidance to straighten them up. anyway, that's besides the point.

i think you should talk to your parents, and i mean serious talk. tell them that you're a grown up already, they should need to loosen up the leash, that they need to trust you on some stuff because you already have a mind of your own, that there are certain decisions you can make by yourself. of course, you have to tell them that in a proper way so they won't get offended (trust me, parents sometimes take that as an offense and feel like you're going rebel on them). i think you should both set up certain rules that both sides can agree upon, so as to make everything fair. i think they would understand considering you've already shown them how much you love them.

and if everything goes well, make sure you don't break the trust they have given you. that would be the greatest mistake, if that would happen.

hope that helps.
Edited January 20, 2007 by master_bacarra (see edit history)

[mojoman 0]

I know how you feel. I have experienced something like this before. The only way you'll get them to loosen p is to settle them down n a nice quiet place, and tell them straight forward. Doing something else though, such as getting angry, disrespecting etc. will just cause them to get worse, and it'll become a cycle that ends with bad results. As parents they should be able to understand and listen to you.

[Spyda 0]

Your parents are just dping what they feel is in your best interest. They do not want you to be wit hthe wrong corwd or wrong group of people, and they care about you a lot. You should feel lucky that you have parents that actually care about you and not some parents that do not care and let you run wild. Really, i don't know what it is like to have strict parents mine were never like that, since my dad was always away on business, and sometimes he'd tag along my mom too, so I had to make my own decisions a lot. That was rough siunce I hung around the wrong crowfd a lot. So really be grateful, because there may be some kids wising their parents wer elike yours!

[zyzzyvette 0]

Your parents are only trying to keep you safe; unfortunately some parents go overboard... A parent's job isn't just to protect their kids, but teach them to be independent adults, which requires some sort of transition. It's totally unreasonable for anyone to expect that their kid will be totally unable to function without them the day before their 18th, and be just fine the day after. Although its not entirely their fault (the increasing media coverage of 'bad news' undoubtedly freaks them out), its my personal opinion that this is a major cause of the whole "boomerang kid" problem. Train your kid to be helpless without you, and they will be!My parents used to do the exact same thing, but they've become more reasonable after several "gentle reminders" that I'm getting older. Things will probably go more smoothly if you try to be a little diplomatic than I was, but hey, it got the job done.

[crayolabox 0]

I can totally relate! I'm in the same situation. What's worse is that I've already graduated from college!! Im done with school yet they treat me like a grade school kid! I cant go out at night without having to introduce each and every person of the group Im going out with. Or they ask a million and one questions before they let me go to a beach party! On ordinary day, my curfew is at 7PM! And when Im not home by that time, they start calling me up every 5 minutes! It really gets annoying!I know parents have the right to be protective and all, but in my case, it's just too much! Sometimes I just say no to my friends when they ask me out coz I dont wanna go through the hassle of explaining and answering every single question my parents are gonna ask when I ask them for permission. It's so frustrating!I sometimes just wanna confront them and all but then I know they're never gonna listen and they're gonna give me that "we're-your-parents speech". I dont know. It's hopeless.

[garbage 0]

man i thinkeveryone has gone thru this and or is gonna go thru it at some point. And I truley say that if you do experience it's cause your parents really care about you and they really do have concerns for your well being. But thats not to say that a parent who doesnt ask these wuestions doesnt care, im just saying that the ones that do really do show it up front. For me it was not a tough thing to do, cause my parents always said to me that aslong as they knew where i was and who i was with, i could do anything id like. keep in mind i didnt act like ajack *bottom* when i was out , so that really helped alot as well but i know the feeling of parents always buggin about who you hang with ..

[Watermonkey 0]

You've heard this before, I'd wager, but don't discount it just because it's cliche: You'll look back on the way your parents parented you when you're older and you'll thank the heavens they cared enough to do the things that irritate you now. It's those parents who don't keep their noses in their kids' lives who have no business having kids and whose kids are drunk, high, pregnant or all of the above instead of learning how to act as independant responsible adults and staying out of trouble like you. Maintain a small group of friends whose parents are friends of your parents and you'll likely keep those friends for life and your parents won't worry so much if at all when you're out with them.

 

Just my $.02. I got "fixed" so I'll never have kids. I couldn't possibly imagine what it must be like for a kid to grow up in this day and age. I'd have to buy an island somewhere and hire a full time nanny/tutor to home school and all that before even thinking of raising a child in today's world. And that ain't gonna happen any time soon.

[Yratorm, LightMage 0]

I find most of the posts on this thread so interesting, because my mom and dad were just the opposite. When I was sixteen, my mother told me, "see, you're growing up, and it's time for you to think for yourself. Your dad and I trust you. And if you need advice we're always here for you. But you're a free person and we won't chain you down. Just remember that freedom is a responsibility. We're treating you like an adult - now you do your best to BE one"

 

Well, not EXACTLY those words, but that's the best that I can remember of what she said. And she stood by that pact and so did I. I kind of realize now what a wonderful parent she is.

 

When I was eighteen, I left to see the world, earning my way, and I'm sure she worried a LOT, especially when I started rock-climbing in mountains far away and crossing deserts and sitting at the feet of various gurus in the east, but she never complained. We had our pact. I traveled, because I was filled with an endless curiosity about places and people 'over the horizon'.

 

And it's been a wonderful life - full of freedom, and new experiences and good books. So I guess in some cases, giving a person freedom works. Sure, I don't have much of 'worldly goods' - I'm an instructor in a Ninjutsu Ryu in the east at the moment, and my life is pretty much that of a mountain ascetic - but I've found that 'happiness' isn't really measured in creature comforts, so it's a life that I'm satisfied with, and I owe a LOT of it to my mom, who set me free to wing my way around a world, instead of trying to protect me from it.

 

Note: This is just my personal experience - not saying it would work with everyone. I suppose a lot of kids DO need protection - what I think is parents should (as Aristotle advised ) walk the middle way - be neither too overprotective NOR too permissive. And above all, treat kids as thinking human beings, which they are.

 

------------------------------------------------

For those who care for poetry, I think Kipling puts the issue well

 

Thy rein's too tight, Sire. He is no dog

But a fierce hawk that footed ere we caught him,

Dangerously free o' the air.

Faith! Were he mine!

(E'en as mine's this glove he binds to for his tirings).

 

For he be young, and

Plumed to the very point - so manned, so weathered ...

Give him the firmament God made him for,

And what shall take the air of him?

Edited March 23, 2007 by jlhaslip (see edit history)

[Avalon 1]

Yes Albus, some parents can seem like they are smothering their children, but as you have acknowledged, they are doing their very to protect from the dangers they see in the world, like any parent should. There are parents that are too self-centered to be concerned about what their children are doing and this is very sad. As parents, we walk a tightrope every day trying to do the 'right' thing by our children. It's hard to know when to 'loosen the reins' as Kipling would put it. Then when we decide the time is right, how loose do we make the reins? If we keep them too tight, you will not experience life for yourself and when it comes time for you to be truly on your own, you will not be prepared for life can throw at you. If we make the reins too loose, then with the world the way it is today, there is a very good chance you will be hurt, (not necessarily physically) by some of the bad things in the world, no matter how responsible you might be. My wife and I are at a similar point with our children, and it worries the heck out of us.Perhaps you need to try and rationally discuss this with your parents, but you will have to pick the right time. Once you are given more freedom, which you will eventually, be very sure not to abuse the trust they have instilled in you as someone else has said. To do so, will only put you further back than when you started.Have some patience with your parents, they quite clearly see a lot of danger out there and are just protecting you.

[garbage 0]

Here's agood statement... " Just be greatful you have parents"Lots dont and wish they did. and those that do, and not all but a big number just take them for granted. Keep in mind we are not here for a long time, especially at some of our parents age..

[MIGUE2k7 0]

My parents are not so strict, but they are really really concerned when i go somewhere away from house.But as garbage said, there are lots of kids who doesnt have parents, as many people say, one doesnt knows what he has until he lose it, so i just let it be like that, i have to deal with troubles about persuading them for let me go somewhere with my friends, but i know im not the only one.As with Yratorm, freedom also involves risk, thats why parents are strict with their childs, what sounds logic, but sometimes parents doesnt understand that their childs are smart enough like for avoid those risk.What a nice parents you had Yratorm who would not like to have ones like that...