Saint-michael Says Goodbye

[Saint_Michael 3]

I consider this my last post ever I came to a conclusion that being in the computer business in all its forms to be pointless now, trying to be something I can't in a very competitive world that relies on computers won't help me in this world, I should have did more but I let to many distractions come in front of me. Yeah I know i get 2-3 replys on this topic but really why bother trying to show support when all your doing is getting a post increase and credits for your account.And no this is not about why I lost my mod status/hosted account (wasn't using it anyways), I guess you can say trying to help people out was an escape from trying to get the help I needed. I pretty much lost everything that concerns me anyways, heck even thought about commiting a crime serious enough that I will be just a person with a number and no name, of course thought about the other thing as well but leads me into the religious aspect if you can call it that, I stop believing something that is not real that all I am is just Dust in the wind.Thought about commiting myself and then just rot away there and listening to others complain about their problems when all they have to do is pull the trigger or jump and everthing will be solved. Hell when i was in the desert I even put the weapon in my mouth just to taste the cold metal stupidly enough it was empty when I pulled the trigger. I squirmed when I heard the click of the weapon then I went into deep thought about what had happen. Of course I say to myself sometimes don't wake up when you go to sleep but when I wake up I see another pointless day. I know I'm going to die it scares the Crap out of me, but if I dull the pain just enough it won't matter to me anymore. Sometimes I wish I was one of the victims in the Desert at least I know my family will be taken care of (money wise). But at least I don't have to feel pain that I feel now.But then again these are my thoughts about life and exsistance and people will just look at this post as sad pathetic loser that should get a life or laid or both, but really your opinions don't really matter to me anymore, all I can say is don't rely on computers to make you happy cause its just another took to use to escape from reality.So I consider this my last post here on trap maybe my last time on this computer as well....

[Lyon2 0]

I've read all you have write in this topic, and i have to agree with you.Computers don't make anyone happy, and i really sure of it, i just use computers because i need them for my work as webdesigner, and also to make some more money.It seems like you are very depressed, sad and unhappy.In my opinion you don't have to stop using computers, you have to see the good side of using them, because there are many good things in them (Internet, free information, Chats, ...).Try to see the good things in life, not only in computers, but in all things, in all situations, because then you will accept the bad things and certanly you will move on with your life.Don't be so sad because something that doesn't have too much value, at least comparing with your and mine important thing, the most important thing for all, to live, life, happyness, friends, work, pleasure.Again, computers are usefull, but not an important thing as to speek.There are a lot of more important things in life, in your life, and if now you are having difficulties in find those important things, call a friend, go to a chat and talk to someone, "just let in all out".If you need to talk, i'm here for you if you need.I have 2 works, so i don't have too much time, in fact, i am now at one of my 2 works, your topic was the first one i saw and clicked because it was so sad, specially for your friends here in Xisto.com forums, i don't consider myself as one of your friends, but i see your work, i see your draws or sigs (images) and let me say that they are very good, with high quality.Try to express this feelings in Photoshop or whatever Image editing program you use, i'm sure you will feel much better in the end, it's not enogh but it will help.I also consider you as a good moderator, and the fact that you are not now one, you can be again later, fight for it if you think you deserve it, fight for it.You have some things ti fight for, for example: - You are a good designer - - - - I'm sure your friends will fill up the spaces above, i'm sure they will say nice things to you, so i will let them finish up.Hope you are better now.

[eee 0]

I consider this my last post ever I came to a conclusion that being in the computer business in all its forms to be pointless now, trying to be something I can't in a very competitive world that relies on computers won't help me in this world, I should have did more but I let to many distractions come in front of me. Yeah I know i get 2-3 replys on this topic but really why bother trying to show support when all your doing is getting a post increase and credits for your account.
And no this is not about why I lost my mod status/hosted account (wasn't using it anyways), I guess you can say trying to help people out was an escape from trying to get the help I needed. I pretty much lost everything that concerns me anyways, heck even thought about commiting a crime serious enough that I will be just a person with a number and no name, of course thought about the other thing as well but leads me into the religious aspect if you can call it that, I stop believing something that is not real that all I am is just Dust in the wind.

Thought about commiting myself and then just rot away there and listening to others complain about their problems when all they have to do is pull the trigger or jump and everthing will be solved. Hell when i was in the desert I even put the weapon in my mouth just to taste the cold metal stupidly enough it was empty when I pulled the trigger. I squirmed when I heard the click of the weapon then I went into deep thought about what had happen. Of course I say to myself sometimes don't wake up when you go to sleep but when I wake up I see another pointless day. I know I'm going to die it scares the Crap out of me, but if I dull the pain just enough it won't matter to me anymore. Sometimes I wish I was one of the victims in the Desert at least I know my family will be taken care of (money wise). But at least I don't have to feel pain that I feel now.

But then again these are my thoughts about life and exsistance and people will just look at this post as sad pathetic loser that should get a life or laid or both, but really your opinions don't really matter to me anymore, all I can say is don't rely on computers to make you happy cause its just another took to use to escape from reality.

So I consider this my last post here on trap maybe my last time on this computer as well....

yeah i agree computers are stressful...ALOT...it can get you away from other mmore important things...good luck in the future man peace

[Avalon 1]

Saint Michael, I really hope you reconsider you decision to leave the forums. You have been a valuable contributor to the community and your good humour is refreshing. Your skills with graphics have taught me, and I'm sure many others a lot. You will be very sorely missed around here if you leave. You have earned the respect of a lot members with your dedication to the GFX section of the forum and without your efforts it would have never been as successful as it was. Sure, it's a little quiet at the moment, but I'm sure it's just a phase that will pass.I cannot pretend to understand what you went through when you were serving your country overseas. But I am sure there are many support groups out that do understand and can help you overcome the way you currently feel. Seek them out, I'm certain they will be more than willing to help you through this difficult time in your life.Take care mate and make me laugh again.

[Plenoptic 0]

Well, Avalon pretty much said it all. You have done a lot to contribute to these forums and will be missed. We might not ever have anyone that will be even close to filling in your shoes as a Great Designer, Moderator, Comedian, ect; You will be greatly missed, but if you really think this is what you want to do, we have to respect that. I do hope you change your mind and stay on Xisto but if not that is ok. Even though you probably won't even see this, good bye and good luck.

[wild20 0]

I am really sorry you are leaving, but there are more important issues to address here. You are lacking something in your life. Is it wanting to be worth something more? Not feeling like there is a point to being on this earth? I use to feel the same way until I found Jesus, or until He found me I should say. Suicide is pointless, it seals your fate in a way you can now not change. Computers are not going to help, family won't help you, nothing will. I found it all in Jesus Christ. I know some people find it dumb, and stupid, but there were too many miracles. The asnwer was somewhere and I found it.I wish I could help you some more. I feel that everyone has worth in the would. And deserves to have a place in it. Listen old buddy, you have helped me out a lot, and now it's my turn. If you ever need to talk, email me, i'm here. Justin_1390@yahoo.com

[jlhaslip 4]

SM,
I tried to think of the right words to use here, but I would only be repeating the thoughts posted above.
As Avalon suggests, talk to those who understand what you went through and are going through the same thing.
I'll include this in quotes so it won't increase my credits. Post count be damned.

Take care of yourself.

[elevenmil 0]

Now I hope we're all aware here that SM will most likely not read these replies, but I guess it is nice to send him off with a farewell to one of the most active members here ever. Only the ones who have been here for a long time can truely realize his contributions and ability to keep the forum lively, although new members can acknowledge he was probably the first name you saw when you signed up.SM was a great contributor but like many times change and people move on. It's great to be a part of this community but we all know there's just a point in time where priorities take over and certain things aren't as important as they once were. Despite my desire to stay here for a long, long time, I have seen many active members fizzle away since I started here, and SM is just the latest of the many to leave, and his exit is considered a major one here at Xisto. If you are having troubles in life like SM, please, get some help. His emotions are quite disturbing and, for real, I do hope his life straightens out. We can all act so nice and pleasant in the forums, but you just never know who exactly you're talking to in real life.So now we move on, Xisto members, this forum has progressed so much since I came here, and despite his departure, I don't doubt new active members can replace what we'll miss from him.

[Avalon 1]

Now I hope we're all aware here that SM will most likely not read these replies, but I guess it is nice to send him off with a farewell to one of the most active members here ever.

Given he replied to a topic about 4 hours ago, I would say he has seen these messages.

Last Active Today, 09:06 AM

SM, hopefully you can see from these responses that people here care about you. While I doubt we can help you much with your personal problems at the moment, we still care about your welfare. Life can be difficult at times, these are the times we need to seek help from others, even if we think we are too proud to do so. There is no shame in seeking help, we all need help from time to time. While it's not the same, just think about the number of people you have helped here with your knowledge. I'm sure there are people out there that have the knowledge to help you with your problems. Edited February 5, 2006 by Avalon (see edit history)

[HoRuS 0]

SM, I don't know you very well, but good luck with the things you want/need to do.Been here over a year and got your help/advice a couple of times, I guess you will leave a space behind and T17 will welcome you back whenever you wanna return.

[Galahad 0]

I've been here for a while, and ever since I got here the name of Saint_Michael has been arround. We haven't crossed paths much, but I kept seeing your sigs all over the place, and I liked them. And I rarely like any sigs I read quite a few of your posts, and I can agree, that there will hardly come someone to fill your shoes.
I don't know you personaly, but I have a feeling that you are not a bad person. I'm sorry to see you so depressed and down, and I hope, with all my heart, that you will sort everything in your life, in the most positive way there is, and that you will decide one day, to return to Trap, where you will be most welcome.

I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, but it doesn't sound good to me, doesn't sound good at all. Try to talk to your friends, to your family members, try to let all that anger, depression, feelings of meaninglessness out, it will make you feel a bit better. And definitely try to seek out one of those support groups, they will surely point you in the right direction to solve your problems. Consider a therapist? It's not a bad thing. Heck, even I went for a while, and it did help me. No one can solve your problems, but they surely can point you the right way, and support you while you solve your problems.

And, just as jlhaslip did, I too will include this in quote marks... This is not a topic, nor the situation, in which I want to gather some credits, nor have I thought about doing that. There is nothing more important, tha a well being of a fellow human... Saint Michael, if there is any way I can help, don't hesitate to contact me, I will do all I can...

All the best to you, and your family, and I hope to see you back soon...

[Togi 0]

Yeah I know i get 2-3 replys on this topic but really why bother trying to show support when all your doing is getting a post increase and credits for your account.

Yeah.. that's the 'problem' with this place. Half the time the replies seem meaningless, because you can tell people are just spamming stuff to get their credits up, so it's not generally fun to post here.However.. you have a good sense of humor, your posts are fun to read, so it'll be a little more quiet when you're gone ^^
But.. I'll agree with lots of people: computers can't make you happy, and I wouldnt really want to discourage someone who said they were through with stuff like this.
Computers make me happy currently, since my boyfriend is spending a semester taking classes far away from here, and it's cheaper to talk to him online than over the phone, but.. he'll be back in town soon, so.. yay ^^

Good luck finding something that makes you happy.... ^^;

[kasm 0]

I consider this my last post ever I came to a conclusion that being in the computer business in all its forms to be pointless now, trying to be something I can't in a very competitive world that relies on computers won't help me in this world, I should have did more but I let to many distractions come in front of me. Yeah I know i get 2-3 replys on this topic but really why bother trying to show support when all your doing is getting a post increase and credits for your account.
And no this is not about why I lost my mod status/hosted account (wasn't using it anyways), I guess you can say trying to help people out was an escape from trying to get the help I needed. I pretty much lost everything that concerns me anyways, heck even thought about commiting a crime serious enough that I will be just a person with a number and no name, of course thought about the other thing as well but leads me into the religious aspect if you can call it that, I stop believing something that is not real that all I am is just Dust in the wind.

Thought about commiting myself and then just rot away there and listening to others complain about their problems when all they have to do is pull the trigger or jump and everthing will be solved. Hell when i was in the desert I even put the weapon in my mouth just to taste the cold metal stupidly enough it was empty when I pulled the trigger. I squirmed when I heard the click of the weapon then I went into deep thought about what had happen. Of course I say to myself sometimes don't wake up when you go to sleep but when I wake up I see another pointless day. I know I'm going to die it scares the Crap out of me, but if I dull the pain just enough it won't matter to me anymore. Sometimes I wish I was one of the victims in the Desert at least I know my family will be taken care of (money wise). But at least I don't have to feel pain that I feel now.

But then again these are my thoughts about life and exsistance and people will just look at this post as sad pathetic loser that should get a life or laid or both, but really your opinions don't really matter to me anymore, all I can say is don't rely on computers to make you happy cause its just another took to use to escape from reality.

So I consider this my last post here on trap maybe my last time on this computer as well....

I don't agree with you.

The computers for most of peoples is not a job but facility. If people realise how was looking for research or book in the past. How was to draw a curve or dind information from a table before "Lotus", Excell or sql. How we were communicated by snail mail.

Most of us here is not for get income but using our spare time for another purposes.

So you can be moderate but not diverce the matter completely.

By the way I read for you some posts for St_Michael after initiating the one here. I think that he changed his mind.

Also from start when I see "st_michael" name , I hads a question for him. Michael is the name of arch angel. but saint is salute for human who was saint.

[Dawiss 0]

.. You were one of the most popularest friendliest and coolest member I have seen on this forum .. It's probably one of the unluckyest days ever on Xisto loosing such attractive and great designer too ;(.. Hope you sometimes will come on MSN so I can contact yoyu and talk about anything ..

[lacking_imagination 0]

Again, who needs a post count... I'm leaving Xisto's hosting soon as well.I just want to say, you're not alone. Others have been there. There was a time in my life that I was alone... I was suicidal. And I took a while but I had to find that there was someone there for me that loved me... Someone that cared. You have been a great help in this forum, and your designing skills are amazing. You will be missed, even though I won't be as active due to running my site...I'll be praying for you.Peace, and God bless,~Aaron