Is There Hope For Me Finding Someone?

[Sonic95 0]

Hi All,Found this forum and thoguht it would be a good place to vent. Sorry for the long read, but hopefully someone here can help me.I am 30 years old, and for some reason, I just can not find anyone out there for a companion.All my life, I have looked forward to meeting someone, settling down, and having a family. The problem is, I just can not find anyone.I have tried everything from the online dating services - I have gotten many first dates from those sites, but they either see me and decide they don't want to go any further, or I don't like them for whatever reason. I even went so far as to join a dating service that cost me over $900 - that was 4 years ago, and I had no sucess.I learned very early on that going to a bar, I am NOT going to meet the type of girl I want to meet. Several years back, I even joined the singles group at my church in town, but I was 23 at the time and everyone there was in there 40's and older.I just don't understand why I can not find a girl out there who wants to give me a chance. What makes things even more depressing, is that everyone else in my family is either involved in a relationship that they have been in for years, or married and starting their families. My cousin, who is 4 years younger than me, married 4 years ago and had his first baby over a year ago. Another cousin, who is only 22, has been involved with the same guy for over 2 years, and the way they are talking, THEY will end up married soon.I just came back from my Grandfather's funeral, where I saw realatives I have not seen in years, and I must tell you, it was very depressing seeing that every single one of them was married or involved in a relationship of some sort, and then there is me, still single, at 30.My 10 year high school reunion was 2 years ago, and after seeing everyone who signed up on the website, and seeing how they were all married, had kids, ETC. it just made me so depressed that I didn't bother to go. When I looked this far ahead to where I thought I'd be right now back in 1996, I pictured myself married, owning a house, and having 2 or 3 kids.But for some reason, no matter how hard I try, it just has not happened that way. People tell me I am being too picky, but I want to find that special someone who I will be married to forever. I need someone in my life who I can talk to, who understands me, and the way I feel about things.I have virtually NO ONE in my life that I can talk to, and feel comfortable, who will actually understand me. WHY, I have no idea, I have just never found such a friend, but let me tell you, it sure would be nice to be able to talk about what I have been through over the years and be able to cry on someone's shoulder (Yes, some men do that, LOL) I just don't know how to go about it anymore. I don't have a whole lot of self confidence to begin with, but a factor that's also not helping me any is that I weigh 350 pounds, and not may girls like people like that.Everyone keeps telling me to just hang in there and I'll eventually find someone. but when? I have lived here now for the last 9 years, and have not even remotely come close to hitting it off with anyone I feel comfortable with. It's like they just see me and run.I really just feel lke no one wants me in this world. I moved over 1500 miles away from my home to be with my 2 sisters, who never really accepted me the way I thought they would, and here I am 9 years later, with no chance of any type of companionship anywhere in sight.Why this has to be my life I will never know, but hopefully someone, somewhere, can give me some advice.

Edited December 20, 2008 by Sonic95 (see edit history)

[liod 0]

I`m sorry to hear that my friend.Look for companion of life is not easy we need very hardwork to get the right for us.Maybe there is something wrong with you, it probably how you talk with her or she feel uncomfortable with you.All the things is back to you yourself. Try to introspect yourself and ask for advice from your closest friend. He/she will tell you your weakness and you should try tho change it. I`m sorry that i can`t help you mor than this since we`ve never met.Good luck and never give up

[Echo_of_thunder 1]

I`m sorry to hear that my friend.Look for companion of life is not easy we need very hardwork to get the right for us.
Maybe there is something wrong with you, it probably how you talk with her or she feel uncomfortable with you.
All the things is back to you yourself. Try to introspect yourself and ask for advice from your closest friend. He/she will tell you your weakness and you should try tho change it. I`m sorry that i can`t help you mor than this since we`ve never met.
Good luck and never give up

I have to agree with the above. But I will say this though. Maybe too your looking too hard. Maybe your pushing yourself on these ladies/men. Chill out and be yourself.

Good Luck

[contactskn 2]

Dear friend first of all welcome to trap 17. If you are in search of good intellectual friends here to discuss your problems get solutions and share your knowledge then you are at the right place otherwise dear friend I am sorry. Moreover for your posts out here you can also get cents. With that money you can buy services of xisto. So have fun and best of luck for search. A very happy christmas to all.?

[Baniboy 3]

I see your problem, I made a plan for you:Lose weight. Do sports, jogging, ride a bicycle or something. All about dating is the first impression, no matter how good guy you are, if you don't make the good impression she won't want to get to know you. This sound a bit like all women care about is your look, it's not like that but it still is a part of impression. Thats why it's so important.I undrestand that when you're dating a woman all you think is that will she be suitable for you for the rest of your life, when you should be thinking do you like her, whatever you do think but don't be too picky. If you think her clothes aren't looking good on her don't think "I can't live with her for the rest of my life". Go to a bar, you don't think you'll find a woman that you would like there but you never know, maybe there's a female just in the same situation like you who is looking for a man. Don't look too hard, don't think of finding a lifetime companion, think about the moment itself, do you feel comfortable?Be self-confident when you go to a date, say yourself "I'm the man, I'm the man" or something like that.Hope I was helpful, good luck with dating!

[Tramposch 1]

Something I think that might also help you, in conjunction with the other suggestions, is try just being in one of those relationships. Even if you know they aren't the one, live it out a little to get used to it. It seems to me that that would be a great way of going about things right now. And maybe you will decide you actually do like them. There is an old saying that goes "Don't judge a book by its cover" and that applies to this. A first date is like reading the cover. Finding them online was only like hearing about it from a friend. There are many people I have known for years and didn't really like them until I actually talked to them (and partied with them) for a while.Also, if you don't feel comfortable with anybody, and also have self confidence issues, dating somebody would help that. Not feeling comfortable with anybody directly relates to self confidence. I believe that if you just start a relationship, then let it go until a) you can't take it, it works out, or c) you just find somebody better, you will be able to boost your self confidence enough to feel comfortable with more people.As for finding a best friend, sometimes they come in weird places. I found my best friend on a game server that I made. That was about 4 years back. We don't got a day without talking now. The oddest part is I have never met him in person because we live quite far away. But we do have video chats occassionally.Which actually reminds me that if you try video chatting with people before you meet them, you might feel more comfortable when you talk with them face to face.

[africa 0]

Hi All,
Found this forum and thoguht it would be a good place to vent. Sorry for the long read, but hopefully someone here can help me.

I am 30 years old, and for some reason, I just can not find anyone out there for a companion.

All my life, I have looked forward to meeting someone, settling down, and having a family. The problem is, I just can not find anyone.

I have tried everything from the online dating services - I have gotten many first dates from those sites, but they either see me and decide they don't want to go any further, or I don't like them for whatever reason. I even went so far as to join a dating service that cost me over $900 - that was 4 years ago, and I had no sucess.

I learned very early on that going to a bar, I am NOT going to meet the type of girl I want to meet. Several years back, I even joined the singles group at my church in town, but I was 23 at the time and everyone there was in there 40's and older.

I just don't understand why I can not find a girl out there who wants to give me a chance.

What makes things even more depressing, is that everyone else in my family is either involved in a relationship that they have been in for years, or married and starting their families. My cousin, who is 4 years younger than me, married 4 years ago and had his first baby over a year ago. Another cousin, who is only 22, has been involved with the same guy for over 2 years, and the way they are talking, THEY will end up married soon.

I just came back from my Grandfather's funeral, where I saw realatives I have not seen in years, and I must tell you, it was very depressing seeing that every single one of them was married or involved in a relationship of some sort, and then there is me, still single, at 30.

My 10 year high school reunion was 2 years ago, and after seeing everyone who signed up on the website, and seeing how they were all married, had kids, ETC. it just made me so depressed that I didn't bother to go. When I looked this far ahead to where I thought I'd be right now back in 1996, I pictured myself married, owning a house, and having 2 or 3 kids.

But for some reason, no matter how hard I try, it just has not happened that way.

People tell me I am being too picky, but I want to find that special someone who I will be married to forever.

I need someone in my life who I can talk to, who understands me, and the way I feel about things.

I have virtually NO ONE in my life that I can talk to, and feel comfortable, who will actually understand me. WHY, I have no idea, I have just never found such a friend, but let me tell you, it sure would be nice to be able to talk about what I have been through over the years and be able to cry on someone's shoulder (Yes, some men do that, LOL)

I just don't know how to go about it anymore. I don't have a whole lot of self confidence to begin with, but a factor that's also not helping me any is that I weigh 350 pounds, and not may girls like people like that.

Everyone keeps telling me to just hang in there and I'll eventually find someone. but when? I have lived here now for the last 9 years, and have not even remotely come close to hitting it off with anyone I feel comfortable with. It's like they just see me and run.

I really just feel lke no one wants me in this world. I moved over 1500 miles away from my home to be with my 2 sisters, who never really accepted me the way I thought they would, and here I am 9 years later, with no chance of any type of companionship anywhere in sight.

Why this has to be my life I will never know, but hopefully someone, somewhere, can give me some advice.

hey dude..it's really not easy to find a soulmate.

Like what Baniboy said..be more involved in these relationships and i hope you do not show the chick you're that interested in her. sometimes it scares them and that may kill their enthusiasm..girls want to have fun not someone who takes life too seriously.

My advice to you would be to chill out when out on a date and not appear to have this problem you think you have. You can even read books and learn how to be a gentleman..learn how to take good care of a chick at the same time not being too soft. Appear a bit ungettable but an interesting guys who has got everything going for him!

Don't ever think you are not meant to date. Movies sometimes teach many valuabe lessons. Watch how the hot guys interact with the chicks..they crack jokes occassionaly, connect with her mind and just get on with her!

true love is coming for you soon if you make a real attempt at choosing the best girl for you. Don't just accept crap...it's not you who has the problem, maybe the people you have been hooking up are pretty desperate too! its a bad combination!

Good luck mate. when you do get one..please let us know okay!

laters dude.

[tatati 0]

Hello mr. africa, have you found anyone yet? I liked Tramposch´s advice. I feel lonely sometimes, but i have a crush on this unnatainable person and i can´t let anybody else enter my heart for that matter.
I still want a real relationship, with someone I like, of course this guru here on youtube says that you should be a source of happiness by yourself, then you´ll have something to offer to other people. Osho said something like that too.
Bottom line, we have to fill that gap with something other than sorrow. I believe that once we take care of it, instantly we become happier, more confident and attractive, people want to be our friend, etc.
Are you really ready to enter a relationship?