Depressed...need Advice!

[JustHereToVent 0]

I have been depressed for several months. I am unhappy about work, marriage, and life in general. I wonder sometimes what the meaning is for my existence.I am unhappy with my marriage because my husband values money over time. He is constantly working. He's really boring and unromantic. He doesn't have any friends and so every time we go out it's with my friends. I'm beginning to wonder why I married him in the first place.I am unhappy with my work because I've been there for too long! I've worked at the same place for 8 years. I've gotten promotions here and there, but I'm at a point where I am ready to quit and switch careers. I'm tired of working for a corporation. I'm just unsure what I want to do right now. Just here to vent, but any advice from the forum is appreciated!

[RAWRzilla 0]

Well, I think you would probably feel alot better if you took a more positive point of view.A lot of the time people have a tendancey to focus on the negative.Try listing some of the good things about your life instead of worrying about the more negative side.Just a quick pick me up really.Hope you start to feel better!

[chaosdesign 0]

I have been depressed for several months. I am unhappy about work, marriage, and life in general. I wonder sometimes what the meaning is for my existence.

I know how you feel, just the other week, i was thinking 'what the hell am i doing Getting married, having a Child, im only 22'
Then i got a call from my partner, and i realized why i am doing this.

I am unhappy with my marriage because my husband values money over time. He is constantly working. He's really boring and unromantic. He doesn't have any friends and so every time we go out it's with my friends. I'm beginning to wonder why I married him in the first place.

When was the last time you and your Husband went on a holiday just the two of you, you will be surprised what can happen when you get away form the everyday drag of life.

Another suggestion i have, is communicate with your husband, take a notepad and write down everything that is on your mind, then sit down with him and read out what you have written then ask him "how can we make this work".

I am unhappy with my work because I've been there for too long! I've worked at the same place for 8 years. I've gotten promotions here and there, but I'm at a point where I am ready to quit and switch careers. I'm tired of working for a corporation. I'm just unsure what I want to do right now.

What skills do you have, what job's are you interested in, if you are not happy in the job you have, then look for a new job.

Hope this helps, i have done the same things i know what it is like to be in your position. concentrate on the things that make you happy and laugh.

[bishoujo 0]

I have been depressed for several months. I am unhappy about work, marriage, and life in general. I wonder sometimes what the meaning is for my existence.
I am unhappy with my marriage because my husband values money over time. He is constantly working. He's really boring and unromantic. He doesn't have any friends and so every time we go out it's with my friends. I'm beginning to wonder why I married him in the first place.

I am unhappy with my work because I've been there for too long! I've worked at the same place for 8 years. I've gotten promotions here and there, but I'm at a point where I am ready to quit and switch careers. I'm tired of working for a corporation. I'm just unsure what I want to do right now.

Just here to vent, but any advice from the forum is appreciated!

First, you should start developing some positive thinking, like what RAWRzilla said.

At least you know your husband is constantly working, instead of fooling around outside. It is good that men value their careers. If he has a good career, he will be able to give your family a good life. Also, why do you both have to go out with your friends? Why not just the 2 of you together? If he's unromantic, you probably can't change that, but you can suggest some romantic things to do and have him go along with your plans. I'm sure he won't mind that.

If you are tired with your current job, you should start hunting for a new job (but don't quit yet if you need the income or something to keep you occupied). But first ask yourself what kind of job do really want.

[JustHereToVent 0]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I feel better already! I know I can make romantic plans, however I'm tired of being the one to take the initiative. I guess writing down my problems and going thru them one by one with my husband would be a good start. As for my work condition, I've tried looking for a new job. It's a competitive world out there! I'm taking a class right now and hopefully that will help. It just sucks that companies are asking for the world from you yet pay so little compared to what they're asking for.

[nelito0982 0]

First of all let me tell you that being depress is normal, now for months it is not normal. My sugestion is talk it out with your husbad, you guys are married so work things together. express to him how you feel, tell him how you want him to be, don't be afraid. if he loves you he will do anything to keep you happy. Maybe he is unhappy as well. the best thing is always comunicaction.As your job if you don't like it quit it an d look for something that you love to do...This will make a huge change in your life..

[g3place 0]

Well...Its time for my first test subject. I have been studying about mycobacterium vaccae, a type of mycobacterium that exists in the soil/dirt we called today. It has some very special properties that I have seen, and many docters are calling it a miracle. Sometimes, its just not good to be very clean. Mycobacterium vaccae has been proven (in a study with mice / cancer patients) to alleviate moods and make people feel better. It also relieves asthma symptoms and such. Try going outside and sniffing and air, and getting dirty. Play some football with friends or just do the dumb things that you did when you were a kid. You will feel much better, and it might have some significant improvement. Why this works is that somehow, the m. vaccae releases cytokines which eventually targets and releases serotonin, same thing as prozac. Its basically a cheaper and more natural version of prozac, which helps fight depression! Try this daily and you will find an improvement to your depression. PM me back with the details, I wanna know everything you felt :)If you want to know more about this miracle drug, try googling it. It has some articles by Jose M. (forgot the last name) and others. Its not just good for depression but muich more

Edited October 8, 2007 by g3place (see edit history)

[IMHO 0]

Depression is something I've struggled with for many years. It's not a constant thing, but I fall into it for weeks at a time. The thing that's really important to recognize is that when you're feeling depressed, everything seems so much worse. For example, if you're unhappy with your husband or partner, work seems even worse. If you're unhappy at work, problems at home take on much bigger proportions. I have a good friend who does a lot of 'life coaching,' and his advice to me, whenever this starts happening, is 'put a wedge in it!' What he means is that first, you have to separate all those things and address each one individually. By lumping everthing together, we tend to overwhelm ourselves with what's wrong and lead ourselves to the conclusion that our entire life is a mess, making the depression even worse. Second, when you're in a depressed state, you have to realize that what's going on in your head is feelings, not necessarily truths. There's a big difference.What has really helped me is making small changes that allow me to look at things with a slightly different perspective. I need to sell my house because it isn't gaining market value and I'm losing money every month. I haven't had a great paying freelance job in a long time. My boyfriend is great in a lot of ways, but he never tells me how he feels, much less that he loves me. I need to get back to the gym because I can't fit into my clothes. My dog is driving me crazy. Everything in my house is a mess.... and on and on. You see how we pile everything up? If I take a step back and look at each thing, then decide what small change I can make in each area, I have a more realistic view and a proactive one, too. Get a new real estate agent that's more aggressive. Take one hour every day and look for better freelance opportunities. Tell my boyfriend how I feel and recognize that he shows how much he loves me in what he does, but just has a hard time saying it... and accept that's just who he is. Just get up and go to the gym... no matter what... because I know I always feel better after I've had some exercise. From these changes or steps toward resolving individual problems springs a much more positive attitude. You're taking care of yourself! And the depression lifts.Last point it... if you're feeling depressed for an extended amount of time (not just feeling 'blue' for a few days or weeks), you need to talk to a doctor. I'm not advocating the use of anti-depressants if they are really not necessary, but it *may* be something to consider if you're spending too much time sleeping, you feel helpless, you have no energy and/or many of the other classic depression symptoms. A doctor can easily recognize syptoms of depression and offer help, whether that's in the form of counseling or, perhaps, a temporary prescription. You can also look for natural supplements such as St. John's Wort, 5-HTTP or Sam-E, to help lift your mood.I truly wish I wasn't so familiar with this topic. I hope that what I've written helps and I hope you start feeling better very soon.

[manhuntkl 0]

Everyone gets depressed at some point in there lives and this is yours. Your unhappy with your career, so change is, do something you love, take a risk, what have you got to lose? Your already unhappy with the way things are so do something that will benifit you for a change instead of just doing what you think is right. Think about it, whens the last time you've done something for yourself? Your husbans boring and unromantic, take charge, you be the outgoing romantic one and maybe he'll see that your unhappy and need a change and step up, yes yo may have doughts about your marrige but everyone does at some point in there life just like everyone gets depressed now and then. Take a marrige councelling course or go on a vacation together so you can discover what it was that made you fall in love with them in the first place, theres always a solution to a problem and most of the time you know what it is, but its to hard to listen to your own advice and we often find it more realistic if is comes from someone else. So heres your chance, take a risk and you just might find out it was worthwild

[markyy 0]

Hello

Its sounds like you are having a quite a hard time. Please consider the following principles and see if some might apply to your circumstances.

1) Life is to short to focus on what yo don't want.
2) Ask where is my power to make choices-- identify your choices and do the pros and cons on each choice.
3) Communicate with your husband-- let him know how you are feeling and tell him what you need. If he is willing to give you some of what you need -- (less work more play/time) that would be a good start.
4) If you are afraid to talk to about your feelings you need to examine why -- talk to friend or consider psychotherapy / counseling if possible.
4) Often when things get to be as you descirbed there is more to it than meets the eye. Couples counseling can really help.
5) Don't get stuck on what you don't -- flip it into an " I want" --" I don't want my huband to work so much" -- "I want to work at ways of finding balance in our relationship" --
6) See if somewhere lurking in the background is the belief that you are powerless -- in most cases we are not.

Hope the above helps

Mark Weiss counseling psychotherapy

[Moogler 0]

Depression is something I've struggled with for many years. It's not a constant thing, but I fall into it for weeks at a time. The thing that's really important to recognize is that when you're feeling depressed, everything seems so much worse. For example, if you're unhappy with your husband or partner, work seems even worse. If you're unhappy at work, problems at home take on much bigger proportions.
I have a good friend who does a lot of 'life coaching,' and his advice to me, whenever this starts happening, is 'put a wedge in it!' What he means is that first, you have to separate all those things and address each one individually. By lumping everthing together, we tend to overwhelm ourselves with what's wrong and lead ourselves to the conclusion that our entire life is a mess, making the depression even worse. Second, when you're in a depressed state, you have to realize that what's going on in your head is feelings, not necessarily truths. There's a big difference.

What has really helped me is making small changes that allow me to look at things with a slightly different perspective. I need to sell my house because it isn't gaining market value and I'm losing money every month. I haven't had a great paying freelance job in a long time. My boyfriend is great in a lot of ways, but he never tells me how he feels, much less that he loves me. I need to get back to the gym because I can't fit into my clothes. My dog is driving me crazy. Everything in my house is a mess.... and on and on. You see how we pile everything up?

If I take a step back and look at each thing, then decide what small change I can make in each area, I have a more realistic view and a proactive one, too. Get a new real estate agent that's more aggressive. Take one hour every day and look for better freelance opportunities. Tell my boyfriend how I feel and recognize that he shows how much he loves me in what he does, but just has a hard time saying it... and accept that's just who he is. Just get up and go to the gym... no matter what... because I know I always feel better after I've had some exercise. From these changes or steps toward resolving individual problems springs a much more positive attitude. You're taking care of yourself! And the depression lifts.

Last point it... if you're feeling depressed for an extended amount of time (not just feeling 'blue' for a few days or weeks), you need to talk to a doctor. I'm not advocating the use of anti-depressants if they are really not necessary, but it *may* be something to consider if you're spending too much time sleeping, you feel helpless, you have no energy and/or many of the other classic depression symptoms. A doctor can easily recognize syptoms of depression and offer help, whether that's in the form of counseling or, perhaps, a temporary prescription. You can also look for natural supplements such as St. John's Wort, 5-HTTP or Sam-E, to help lift your mood.

I truly wish I wasn't so familiar with this topic. I hope that what I've written helps and I hope you start feeling better very soon.

All I can do is agree. You said it all, and literally stole the words out of my mouth. Excellent advice.
Edited May 13, 2008 by Moogler (see edit history)

[iGuest 3]

marriage adviceDepressed...need Advice!

Money problems in a marriage or in any relationship are not uncommon. In fact, love and money is often a point of significant contention. Unfortunately, I had to learn this the hard way. I once believed that if two people were in love, all the money would go into one account and both individuals would use it responsible. As much as I wish this created harmony, it seems the opposite is true.If you and your partner have developed a system that works for you, then I support your decision to continue your current arrangement. If, on the other hand, money is a constant arguing point, it?s time to resolve the issues before they have an adverse affect on the relationship. Spending time together each week to figure out how to lower your bills may help you strike balanced household budget in your relationship.

[silenthill 0]

Help you break your negative thought pattern and stop you feeling depressed:

 

1. Understand the emotional cycle - Life is an emotional roller coaster. Some days you feel like nothing can stop you. Other days you feel utterly hopeless. Most of the time you?re somewhere in between. Understanding the pattern of positive and negative emotions will help you put your feelings in perspective. Next time you feel down, just remember that it?s a natural emotion that will inevitably pass. Knowing that a feeling of depression is only temporary makes it less dreadful.

 

2. Spend time with positive people - Nothing affects the way you think and feel more than the people you interact with. Thoughts (both positive and negative) are contagious. If you are surrounded by negative people, it?s only natural that you?ll start to think and feel the same way. To improve your outlook on life, spend time with positive people. Search them out and try to understand the way they see the world. Chances are their happiness will rub off.

 

3. Reflect on past success - In the wake of a colossal failure, it?s easy to forget everything you?ve ever done right. Take a few minutes to remember your past accomplishments and build yourself up. What made you successful before? What are your strengths? Frequently, this exercise will build self confidence, help you figure out what went wrong, and generate ideas for success in the future.

 

4. Focus on gratitude - It?s human nature to measure ourselves against those ahead of us on the social ladder. Studies have shown that people care more about being richer than their friends than actually making more money. When you consider everything good in your life and compare it to the problems of less fortunate people, the issue that?s making you depressed won?t seem as serious.

 

5. Change of scenery - One of the best ways to change the way you feel is to change your environment. When you get in a slump, you start to associate your problems with everything around you. It can get to the point where your environment is a constant reminder of your problems. This can be a dangerous cycle. The solution is to change things. Change doesn?t have to be radical. Cleaning up, adding more lights, or including pleasant decorations can completely change the mood of a room.

 

6. Break your routine - Going through the same routine, day after day, can be monotonous and depressing. It often leads to getting caught in a rut. To get out of it you need to temporarily change your routine. If you can, take a day off from work. Do something you don?t normally have time for or something you?ve never tried. In the long run, taking a day off every now and then to get out of slump will make you happier and more productive.

 

7. Interact with animals and nature - It?s funny when you consider how humans put so much importance on their own tiny problems. Animals don?t think this way. A little bird doesn?t mope around because it isn?t an eagle or because another bird beat it to a tasty seed. Animals live in the present moment and they show love unconditionally. Observing and interacting with them will help you get over your problems.

 

8. Get moving - As Johnny Cash famously suggested, ?Get a rhythm, when you get the blues.? Moving to a beat makes everyone feel better. The same is true for movement in general. Hitting the gym or going for a walk will help you shed the lethargy that comes with feeling depressed. The more enthusiastic your moments, the better you will start to feel.

 

9. Think about the big picture - As Carl Sagan made evident with the Pale Blue Dot, we?re insignificant creatures living in a vast universe on a tiny planet. In the long run, everything we do will probably be forgotten. Some might find this depressing, but it shouldn?t be. It means that all our problems are illusory. In a million years no one will remember what you did or didn?t do. What matters is the present moment and enjoying every second of life that we?re blessed with.

 

10. Do something to help yourself - Above all, the best way to stop feeling depressed is to take action. What is your biggest problem? How can you alleviate it? Once you decide to stop moping and start moving forward you won?t have time to feel depressed. Action will occupy your mind and give you something to look forward to. Once you get some results, you?ll build momentum and positive thinking will keep getting easier.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[iGuest 3]

just here to venyDepressed...need Advice!

I was dating this girl on and off for about 2 years.  We broke up because she got drunk at a party and kissed another guy.  We were seperated for about 4 months when we decided to give it another shot?  After about 3 months of dating we broke up again,  its been 3 months since we broke up but I still have dreams about her??? not everynight but alot of them?  It always ends with us breaking up, so when I wake up I feel sick and cant breath!!  I have not seen or talked to her since we broke up so I wonder why does this keep having?  She was my first love!! sometimes I wish we never met so all the pain would go away!! what can I do????

-reply by helipilot

 

[gisellebebegirl 0]

If makes you feel any better, so have i Nothing makes sence to me anymore, i know i should be happy, but im not and its just everything is starting to slip out of control, i cant handle this anymore, i know it sounds like im breaking up w/my life but eh, i need to figure out what makes me happy, what i should be doing, this aint like me to run away from things, but i guess theres a first time for everything, i know im happy, i listen to what people say, i listen to myself, i look in the mirror, and nothing clicks, i stand up and stick my nose up in school, act like nothing can break me, but in reality i just want to drop down to my knees and cry.. hoping somoene will come, hug me, and help mei just feel so lonely.