How Do I Get Over My First Love Who Cheated On Me?

[Sammy82 0]

So I've been dating this girl for about 5 years now. Things were great at the beginning but 3 years in her father passed away and things went crazy. During our fourth year together she started to spiral down into depression, most likely due to her father's death. Despite her constant sadness she never allowed herself to talk to me about her problems. As time went by, she started meeting some guys, 3 to be exact, and began to confide in them about her sadness and depression. This gradually developed into feelings and she was seeing these 3 guys behind my back, at different times of course. When I found out, she claimed that they were only friends and they were temporary relief from all the sadness she was going through. I believed her. All 3 times. She was a good girl when I met her, that's why i fell for her. She was very kind and considerate. But now things are so different and she's no longer the person I fell in love with. But I'm such a hopeful son of a *BLEEP* that I don't allow reality to soak in. Everyone of my friends, including hers, have been telling me to walk away. And I've tried but can't because I know she's got a medical condition that's making her make irrational decisions and act on impulse. I am also very close to her family. They love me just as much as I love all of them. Now i'm torn. This girl i'm with is constantly going through emotional ups and downs and is constantly looking for relief away from me. Because I am her reality. I remind her that life isn't always peachy. I remind her of the times we had with her father before he passed. Like I her family loves me. She still sees guy number three. She said she can't just cut him off like that. She needs time to slowly pull back away from him. But to me it seems like forever. He calls her everyday, and he emails her everyday. He's making her gifts and she would call him when she feels like *BLEEP*. And she does this while i'm around. Sometimes she would wake up in the morning feeling very irritated and groggy and she would be soo cold to me, then she would call him up and all is smiles and laughter. But to me, this is her depression getting the best of her. Can somebody slap me in the face with the truth. Friends have been telling me all this but it just doesn't register. How do I harness enough hate and anger to walk away. I am not an angry person. I try to give her the benefit of the doubt, but she's just abusing it. What should I do? What could I do? Life's a *BLEEP* and mine is a perfect example of it. I'm torn and everyday a little more of me dies because of her.

[seez 0]

I'm sorry, man, about what she did to you. I know that you loved this girl with your life, like really loved her. And I don't mean to be cruel or rude, but:Maybe in a way you got yourself into this. Maybe you might be too young to be in love so deeply. Maybe you got a little too attached. Maybe you were so blinded with her beauty that you didn't realize the truth. Maybe you misunderstood.There. I've said it, and I've done what you asked: I've slapped you in the face with the truth. Hard.What should you do? Walk away. Just walk away from her and start anew. Don't try making up with her - she doesn't deserve you, and she's proven that many times over. Gather up the hurt and anger and walk away. Don't look at her with fondness ever again.Will it be hard? Yes. Will it be scarring? Yes. But you have to do it - it's just one of those things. I'm sorry.

[cangor 0]

I'm sorry, man, about what she did to you. I know that you loved this girl with your life, like really loved her. And I don't mean to be cruel or rude, but:

 

Maybe in a way you got yourself into this. Maybe you might be too young to be in love so deeply. Maybe you got a little too attached. Maybe you were so blinded with her beauty that you didn't realize the truth. Maybe you misunderstood.

 

There. I've said it, and I've done what you asked: I've slapped you in the face with the truth. Hard.

 

What should you do?

 

Walk away. Just walk away from her and start anew. Don't try making up with her - she doesn't deserve you, and she's proven that many times over. Gather up the hurt and anger and walk away. Don't look at her with fondness ever again.

 

Will it be hard? Yes. Will it be scarring? Yes. But you have to do it - it's just one of those things. I'm sorry.

I think someone can totally be truly in love at a young age. I don't think anyone can, but there are people who are developed enough at that age mentally to understand love as opposed to infatuation. I do agree with your advice, though. You just have to move on - it's hard, it's painful, and it sucks, but you need to get on with life - there are other things to life than being in a relationship and, as unromantic a thing as that is to say, there'll be others as well. Soon, you'll find another girl and you'll forget all about past problems.

If you don't I'd seek therapy because then that's starting to be abnormal.

[kuuldot 0]

I dont know if this post is late or not but... she appears to be willing to be with you but you are, naturally, jealous about her "involvement" with the other guy. Me thinks you should give her space and give yourself a break - admitted it would be real difficult and you do not need to hate her to do it but uyou've got to do it, for your sake and for hers. It is bound to help you get a fresh perspective on things and life.I hope that helps, good luck.

[linekill 1]

I'm really sorry to hear that...But I'm actually happy to know that I'm not alone. And I really do understand how you feel, man. Been through the same shoes you are currently on and I still think I'm still wearing the other half of the pair until now. Although yours is worse than I am. I felt so relieved when I read your post. Thanks, man. Maybe you'd feel the same way (more than the comments, suggestions and advices) if I post my own story here. I feel in love with this girl and she cheated on me so many times I don't want to count it anymore. And every time she goes back to me, I keep on accepting her like nothing has happened. And after a few months and promises, she'll do it again. I'm still wondering why I always fail to leave her after what she did to me. Maybe I'm just foolish enough to stick with her. And those cold treatment you were saying,... Yes, it's cold but it burns so much. (agree?). Well, we did break up (her decision) and I'm at lost for months..even now. I just made up my mind to set new goals. Goals where I can benefit. I believe it's the wise decision though it's still saddens me. Wish that gives you some hope that you're not alone with this kind of problems. As for her treatment, she may actually be just waiting for you to get out of her life. I know and understand how much you love her but would you go so far as learning how to hate her just to earn the courage to leave her? Sometimes, love isn't really enough. Well then mate... a toast to us...Hope to see you get up and love again.

[caz2406 0]

I am sorry you are going through all of this, am not gonna slap you in the face, i feel you will walk away eventually, when u love someone is hard to let go no matter what they have done to you, but their will come a time when u can't take no more and know that the time has come to leave it all behind. it will hurt for a while, but u will get through it. u sound like u have some good friends, let them be there for you to help u through all this. You will move on to love again, think a lot of us have been there and r proof So good luckCaz

[hitmanblood 0]

Man just walk away she's pulling you for your nose and you don't deserve and noone deserv such thign. If she like to see other guys let her and go away this is the best you can do for your sake. Why? Because eventualyl you will change after she keeps on cheating you like that. It will be hard and often you will think that you made mistake of your life. Often you will think about it you will not be able to keep it up you may even have problems with sleeping but you have to do it. BEcause eventually she will eat you inside and there will be nothing just emtiness. Try to solve this man.

[johnsgirl 0]

In my personal experiences I have learned that letting someone who cheated back into your life is a huge mistake! I have had guys cheat on me, swear they would never do it again, they were sorry, and all the lame excuses one could fathom. I had my heart torn out, ripped to shreds and stomped on more times than I would care to count, but it's always the same. Once someone has broke your trust, you can't get it back. Somewhere in the back of your head it's going to be there, and what she's doing just elevates it more. People change, sometimes for the worst. There is someone better out there, someone who will treat you the way you deserve, and respect you. Keep your head up and move on! I know it's hard, but it's the best advice I can give. Life goes on, sometimes relationships don't. You can't put yourself through the pain, and if she loved you, she wouldn't stray.

So I've been dating this girl for about 5 years now. Things were great at the beginning but 3 years in her father passed away and things went crazy. During our fourth year together she started to spiral down into depression, most likely due to her father's death. Despite her constant sadness she never allowed herself to talk to me about her problems. As time went by, she started meeting some guys, 3 to be exact, and began to confide in them about her sadness and depression. This gradually developed into feelings and she was seeing these 3 guys behind my back, at different times of course. When I found out, she claimed that they were only friends and they were temporary relief from all the sadness she was going through. I believed her. All 3 times. She was a good girl when I met her, that's why i fell for her. She was very kind and considerate. But now things are so different and she's no longer the person I fell in love with. But I'm such a hopeful son of a *BLEEP* that I don't allow reality to soak in. Everyone of my friends, including hers, have been telling me to walk away. And I've tried but can't because I know she's got a medical condition that's making her make irrational decisions and act on impulse. I am also very close to her family. They love me just as much as I love all of them. Now i'm torn. This girl i'm with is constantly going through emotional ups and downs and is constantly looking for relief away from me. Because I am her reality. I remind her that life isn't always peachy. I remind her of the times we had with her father before he passed. Like I her family loves me. She still sees guy number three. She said she can't just cut him off like that. She needs time to slowly pull back away from him. But to me it seems like forever. He calls her everyday, and he emails her everyday. He's making her gifts and she would call him when she feels like *BLEEP*. And she does this while i'm around. Sometimes she would wake up in the morning feeling very irritated and groggy and she would be soo cold to me, then she would call him up and all is smiles and laughter. But to me, this is her depression getting the best of her. Can somebody slap me in the face with the truth. Friends have been telling me all this but it just doesn't register. How do I harness enough hate and anger to walk away. I am not an angry person. I try to give her the benefit of the doubt, but she's just abusing it. What should I do? What could I do? Life's a *BLEEP* and mine is a perfect example of it. I'm torn and everyday a little more of me dies because of her.

[mc05w37 0]

Dude, u remind her bout her father and that makes her feelings even worst. you know, girls are so different than boys. girls don't care what first love means. when girl don't love boy anymore, she started to do something that make boy's heart bleed. you should just go away dude. leave her. i know it's hurt and it cut deep down inside your heart. some scars will never heal, but it makes us (boys) stronger to face every problem we encounter in our life. let her go and start a new life. you will keep thinking and even dreaming bout her in early time after you leave her and its normal. you need time to heal your broken heart and when all is over, you can take a deep breath and big smile.

[chassidydawnn 0]

Well it happens my 1st love cheated on me and it broke my heart in high school but you live and learn and you just move on. just leave them in the dust. someone else will come along i know for a fact it happend with me i found my love the very next year and weve been together ever since and we got married last year it will be ok... everyone is ment for someone but dont dwell in the past.

[anwiii 17]

at any age really ,If in a relationship ,your heart is opened to that person with unbinding trust ,secretly you hold within yourself that even you at sometimes don't truly realize just how much trust you did actually hold for the one you love or in a relationship with ,especially for a long time .Once its really broken in cheating ,no matter what way describes cheating ,only thing that matters is how it is described to you ,how it affects you ,cheating is different in everyone?s eyes and mind frame ,but respect for the one you are with and How they see cheating to be is important issue here .and should be respected Highly between the two in a relationship.You can forgive those you love ,that comes naturally .At same time inside you will be a nagging thought that will always linger ,concerning the doubts of cheating .Really girls ,that are in relationship at young age ,they really don't know what they really want out Life and should experience and live Life as they see fit in being respectfully and happy .just as with any guy life. Being in relationship at young age ,I personally should not be limited or restricted in living life how it's meant to live ,each year getting older ,you some how find self changing and growing in a direction that you wish to experience and live just taste of it in your own Life .Life?s a lesson Learn from it and move on.Let go and grow in your Own Life too.you know what type of relationship you want for self or still growing to experiences all likes or dislikes in own self .The stars are in front of you .Don't stop dreaming and living Life .That special one will come into your Life and when they do ,you both will know it .It will be meant to be for rest of your lives together .So Till then Don?t fret over things ,Live your Life ,

[Unknown_99 0]

The best advice which can be given is you will have to get over it sooner or later, I know it may be hard but you cannot stay within the dumps, there are many women even some quite similar to your previous girlfriend. Not saying you should replace her but give other girl's a chance in trying to warm your heart again. Love is a beautiful thing when you find the right person, I believe even though she broke your heart trying to get back at her is wrong, so really you should just forgive her and go on with your life... Trust me you will feel much better and she probably will feel terrible.

[iGuest 3]

Replying to Sammy82 It didnt register to my friend either but then I had him listen to tom leykis show after I couldnt get it in his head, google THE TOM LEYKIS SHOW and listen to his show and he will be very detailed about relationsips. You are wasting your time with this gal and who cares about her family its not YOURS ! It seems to me you are giving yourself excuses like leykis says DTB. -reply by steve

[iGuest 3]

Hi, so I was dating this guy for 10 months he was everything to me I love him and I loved him some more, one night we went out to a bar and we met this girl she was not pretty and she had a lot of issues, well to make a long story short my boyfriend cheated on me with her the same night, I told him I was going to to the locar bar and hang out with my friends, so they both stayed together, ok then he called me on my cell and tells me that this girl needed a place to stay, I said yes because I didnt think anything of it, I mean this girl was unatracted fat in a realy bad way her body was so deform and screwed up, never in a million yrs did I expect for my man to cheat on me with anybody let alone with her. So I left the bar and went back to our place when I was pulling up I heard some weired noises coming out of his room so I knockedon the door and she was with her shirt off and he didnt have his pants on... Omg my world colapse that moment... This happend like yesterday and today I'm at work and cant function well, I cry and alot of things are going threw my mind.. He told me it wasnt what I was thinking but you now what that means... I'm hurt and I don't know how to heal.-reply by Aracely

[CyrusX 0]

Hi, so I was dating this guy for 10 months he was everything to me I love him and I loved him some more, one night we went out to a bar and we met this girl she was not pretty and she had a lot of issues, well to make a long story short my boyfriend cheated on me with her the same night, I told him I was going to to the locar bar and hang out with my friends, so they both stayed together, ok then he called me on my cell and tells me that this girl needed a place to stay, I said yes because I didnt think anything of it, I mean this girl was unatracted fat in a realy bad way her body was so deform and screwed up, never in a million yrs did I expect for my man to cheat on me with anybody let alone with her. So I left the bar and went back to our place when I was pulling up I heard some weired noises coming out of his room so I knockedon the door and she was with her shirt off and he didnt have his pants on... Omg my world colapse that moment... This happend like yesterday and today I'm at work and cant function well, I cry and alot of things are going threw my mind.. He told me it wasnt what I was thinking but you now what that means... I'm hurt and I don't know how to heal.
-reply by Aracely

Hi,

Excuse me if I let myself judging you or anybody else feelings who has experienced the same problems as our friends here described.

May be I know some code but for sure I'm not the one - the pure one - to give somebody I do not know an advice. May be I need it more myself.

I just want to quote a poem by Moalana (Rumi) my beloved poet of Persia (Iran). (The translation from Persian into English is mine and of course not that good, I just hope that you can find this helpful and feel that we have shared some feelings before even if we never knew it).

He says:

"You saw the light on the wall, felt in love with the wall,
But the eternal sunshine is what you really admire,

Now that the sun no more shines, and the shadows will fall,

Turn your eyes to the light of the eternal fire."

I am not feeling well now. May be tomorrow I come back and write a few lines more.

Sincerely,

CyrusX