What Causes Long-term Relationship To End?

[Sentress 0]

Recently, someone I know broke up with their boyfriend of six years. The first thing that came to my mind was "what makes you realise that the relationship is no good after six years, that you couldn't have known at, say, 3, 4 or 5 years?"Apologies if this is too dumb and open-ended a question, but at my age (19) and lack of life experience, I just can't get my head around it. I'm currently in a year-long relationship, and it's bizarre to think that in 2 years it's possible that we'll hate each other. Excluding the obvious betrayals such as infidelity, what the hell would cause that?I understand that the responses will be varied, and it's the range of experiences that I'm interested in hearing. The issue(s) that ended the relationship -- did they arise unexpectedly? Or did you always sort of know? I have this morbid curiosity to know what can make something really really good evaporate into nothing.My friends are too young to help me with this, and I'm too impatient to wait three heartbreaks and a restraining order to find out myself.

[SSBC 0]

Ah, I see what you mean. Well, a good friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend after about 2 years or so, solely because there wasn't enough "vroom" left in the relationship. He said she became tedious, and nothing was new. Now I believe thats crap, really. I believe some people just get bored after awhile, but if it is your true love you'll never get bored, eh? I know this isn't a straight forward answer to your question, but theres gonna be a lot of answers to your question and there all gonna be varied, you just really never know. Hope I helped atleast some, best of wishes in your relationship and don't let it get boring.

Edited February 8, 2007 by SSBC (see edit history)

[truefusion 3]

The relationship breaks usually because one failed to meet (unknown) requirements set by their partner, or cause they were just being played/used. Woe to the one who plays another for a fool! True love never fails. The hard part is the breaking up?they usually always never end properly. Everyone needs closure, but sadly some don't receive it. No closure and pain may remain, if there was any pain to begin with. Most of the time, anger or hate is the person's closure?not the best, proper way to go about it.

[jlhaslip 4]

It is usually something I did or didn't do...

[sylenzednuke 0]

My post might sound dumb and totally useless as it is I am just 14 and can't really think of that now.As far as I've heard and a lot of people above me have said, true love never dies, you might get bored in a relationship, and sometimes it so happens that one person starts thinking that this is true love and sometimes sets very high expectations from the other person but never reveals it thinking that the other person is already knowing about it as it is "true" love but then the expectations aren't fulfilled and you end up losing faith or interest in the other person.Sometimes after so many years of a strong relationship, a person gets convinced that his/her partner is totally aware of her affection and won't ever doubt anything, then they kinda don't mind mingling along with the members of the opposite gender a little more than they used to, this might create insecurity in the other partner as suddenly his/her partner is getting closer to the other guys/girls.Sometimes it's just plain misunderstanding that makes people break relationships, all these years the other partner has been always there to clear out your relationship but now he/she is sure that you are well aware that you won't cheat on him/her or something, then a misunderstanding arises again but this time the partner isn't that interested in solving it thinking that it's not necessary due to the fact that they have already proved their strong affection, this might lead the other partner to think that he/she is no longer interested in the relationship seeing that there is no clearing out of the misunderstandings.There are a lot of answers to your question actually but the thing is these are all I can guess for now.Hope this helped you to find your answer.

[TypoMage 0]

Well I would think that it would be umm.Well this would kinda be a guess but cheating probably.OR you learn someting about them that you did not before you got into the relationship.

[dre 0]

Here's what I think:1. Cheating- will obviously be a good reason to break up2. Buildup of tension and unresolved problems between the couple3. Immaturity- not being commited to relationship.

[Misanthrope 0]

The term, "youth is wasted on the young" might be appropriate here. I would agree with True Fusion in as much as "true love never dies." However, when relationships are engaged in too early in life, true love is often not recognized for what it is, and thus discarded in favor of other flights of fancy. But regardless of age, what I've noticed in untimely breakups are expectations that have been set far too high. People often interpret what they see on television and other media as some sort of moral and/or cultural guide post, reflecting what some faceless entity says is "cool" onto their own spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend. This is a dreadful mistake, as tv is generally designed to illicit feelings of inadecuacy and insecurity among viewers. No man or woman can live up to the unrealistic figures as presented in the media. When the initial thrill has died, shallow partners move on to greener pastures. What once was the "seven year itch" has degraded to the five year itch. Now, it's more like the one-year itch as America continues it's moral decline into oblivion.

[sunzoje 0]

basically, relationship depends on trust and truth. if both the persons have these virtues. the relation will last for ever. in due course of time if only one of this is betrayed, ,the relationship collapse. because trust and truth spreads love.

[-[Nero]- 0]

I say we expect what we want from your partner. Things just wont come true if you keep fantasizing them.Also, remember that BOYS and GIRLS are different. Take this as we're different species. Some of our (boys) emotional feeling and mental thinking are completely different than the girls'. When girls have problem, the boys tend to think that they want solutions, but that's not the case. What they want you is to LISTEN and APPRECIATE, and nothing else. After that, give her a NICE WARM HUG. Awhhhhhhh... Bleh, if your relationship started becuz you and your partner followed your instinct or temptation for love, in my experience, it wont last.

[thejestergl 0]

Ah, I see what you mean. Well, a good friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend after about 2 years or so, solely because there wasn't enough "vroom" left in the relationship. He said she became tedious, and nothing was new. Now I believe thats crap, really.
I believe some people just get bored after awhile, but if it is your true love you'll never get bored, eh? I know this isn't a straight forward answer to your question, but theres gonna be a lot of answers to your question and there all gonna be varied, you just really never know. Hope I helped atleast some, best of wishes in your relationship and don't let it get boring.

Yeah I would have agree with this. Most people get "bored" of their partner especially after being them for so long. Some people really like to seak out change and have things new everyday. After six years that may finally just take too much of a toll on them and they call it off. This if course, as you said, excludes cheating and backstabbing. The search for change makes people feel alive I suppose. Not many other ways to put it.

Another reason is they just finally realize that they aren't the best match for each other. Maybe some things over time happened, some small things that never really ment much till that final day. I don't know how many instances this really happens because for the most part you know if you aren't a match within at least a year.

Well that's my insite !
-Jester

[lez77 0]

Just my opinion, but...I don't agree with the upper posters, who say that "true love never dies". She does!Love can exsist in the couple by itself only a year а two years. And it is not love indeed, but falling in love.It is very sweet process, that’s why we prefer to call it love. After a year our passions calm and many relationships end.True love is something that both people must be building all the time. This is a hard workout, which has little common withthe beginning of the relationship. The reason why a couple breaks after 6 years, usually is that only one, he or she, was tryingto build this relations and the other was just "drifting". So the one who worked just becomes tired (mentally of course) and realizes that he does not need such relations. And that’s it.Of course, there many other possible reasons, but what i have seen or heard of (or taken part in:)) is this.Best wishes to Author and all forumers in finding an ideal partner!

[tuddy 0]

It isn't true love then. You have to get around what the meaning between love and true love is. Love isn't something that happens, but may not last forever, it has a concept of lust involved as well. True love, has a way of re-creating that spark of love over and over and never losing that love, just because you break up with someone doesn't mean that love is gone either.

[garbage 0]

Lack of Communication within each other.

[iGuest 3]

how can he just fell out of love?What Causes Long-term Relationship To End?

This will be going to be long, but I need your help. Just a month my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me for good. I was caught off guard.Our realtionship is almost close to perfect. We can never be apart. We are our friends best example of a couple. He said that he fell out of love, he said that it didnt happen overnight. It was a process. Lemme tell you the story for understanding. For 5 years it was so smooth, when a tragic happend to my life, I felt so confused. Finances, family and all.. I was in a crisis so I asked for a cool off. It didnt last that long, but before getting back together, I booked myself to go out of the country for two weeks. I told him about it and he was shocked to know that I am leaving knowing that we havent fixed our issues yet. When we got back together,everything was back to normal, we spend time together a lot because I am leaving. When I left, we still talk everyday. Until I had to extend my trip coz an opportunitycame in, he was shocked but I told him I need to check on this first. When I was away, he started to be independent. When I got back, everything was fine. Until another job opportunity came in,which will be harder for us to communicate and see each other... But I wasnt sure about the job yet.. Everything I told him about my plans are statements..Notassuring him about our future. But in my heart its for us. I am not vocal about it. Then he asked to have a talk, about our relationship, so I said if you think its not gonna work, lets just let go, then he said he is scared,  and he said that we can work it out, he realized that he built a defense mechanism for himself that involuntarily detaching himself to me because he doenst want to get hurt again by me leaving and he has issues with insecurity because he felt that hes being left behind and rejected, he asked me to marry him many times but I thought he wasnt serious about it, and the timing was really off.  He realized that he cant live out me. So we did work it out, pouring out all the best in me and I'm not considering the job anymore but he doesnt know that, I saw myself getting married to him stuff like that. A week or two after that, he broke up with me for good. He said that he tried, only he did it on his own. He told my family and friend that there is no third party involved, he even assured me of that which I give him that because I saw it, no one was involved.

My family and friends were shocked about what happend. So some of them tried to figure things out. He said that it all piled up from the cool off up to the very end of me planning of taking the job.  Not knowing that he was hurting everyday. He said that he never imagined that this will happen. And he said that theres no love anymore. Hes not seeing anybody till now. Hes not even calling me.

Can you guys fill me in? Is that really possible?

Did he control his love for me knwoing that we never imagined that we will be apart?

What exactly did he feel to make him fall out of love?

Is there any chances of getting back together?

whats your take on this? plese help. Thank you very much 

-question by trixq