I Need Some Advice Badly. Something i think about every single day

[BooZker 0]

I have this problem. I think it about it over and over again. I know it will never work out, but here is the story and i would really like you guys to help me out with this because it's one of those things you stay up at night and can't sleep cause your thinking about that one thing.

 

There is this one girl i went out with in 8th grade for about two weeks. Then in 10th grade we went out again. Then broke up again. Now this girl is different though. Tell me how many of you can say you have this much in common with your Girl friend or wife:

both woke up 4 days in a row at the exact same time

one day we didn't sleep for some reason at both got on myspace at 5 am

both wanted to go to australia

both of our moms are named christina

both of our moms are twins

both have blonde hair and blue eyes

both have the same paint colors on the walls by the same exact brand

both move in and out of houses ever few years

both love computers

that is just a FEW of the things. I mean some are really weird. Like the mom things and the house things. This is not even talking about that all of our hobbies are the same.

 

The problem is... well... i dont know. I want to know what you guys think it is? After she broke up with me the 2nd time i promised myself i wouldn't go out with her EVER again. The only problem is when i started dated afterwards it was like... different. Whenever i say i love you, i dont mean it. I mean i like her, but dont love her. She really likes me and i really believe she loves me, but we have nothing in common at all. Everytime i am with her i can't stop thinking about her. I really and truly believe i fell in love with that girl. I just dont know what i could do.

 

She randomly IMed me today and was like i am bored. I invited her over (i am not single by the way) because i have been wishing she would since august. She came over and we just hung out. We made some prank phone calls on skype and got dairy queen. It was so fun. I miss her and hanging out with her.

 

Ok knowing all this including the thing about randomly IMing me and wanting to hang out would you (answer these questions knowing she has broken up with me already twice AND knowing that she will most likely do it again AND knowing how truly much i like her. I have never ever met a girl like that.)

 

Make a move on her?

If you knew she would say yes ask her out?

Dump my current girl friend for her?

At least write a note and tell her how much you like her?

 

So if you could answer these questions it would be so much help. I really can not stop thinking her.

 

Thanks in advance.

[george4u 0]

dear i was quite unfutunate that both have everything in common but are you sure you love her? if yes then go ahead and make her your real best friend so that all these things that is disturbing you will stop.you said that you are not single now ,do that mean that you have married another girl? because i dont know how to start with these your case had it been you have not married i would have suggested that you will try to know whether she still love you if you find out that she is still interested in you then go ahead and date with her. she migh be of go help to you. she might be the love of your life. but it was very impressing to hear this that both have some of these features in common. well thats means you are t it migth work out for both yours. so go ahead to see if it will work. the friend i am suggesting is not an ugly one i mean real friendship not the one of sex but the person that will be encouraging you in all that you are doing and since both of you have some things in common you people might grow up to establish some good friendly relationship among your families but take care in all the ways you look and think because of her..

[BooZker 0]

Well we are for sure not married haha. But are you saying i should try to date the girl i really love? She called again today when my GF was over and, I KNOW THIS IS HORRIBLE, but i waited an hour and told her it was time for her to leave because i had to finish up my college work. She was like oh ok. And then i had my girl thats a friend come over (my crush) , but it was so nice. I mean we just talked and hung out and had fun. My other girl friend just always wants to have sex, which is fun for like 2 months straight, but i can only have so much and i never thought i would say that haha. This whole thing is getting so out of hand.I think i am getting close to dumping her, real close. Should I?

[katwomanjulie 0]

Here is my advice to you, the reason why you should not go back out with her is because you too have so much in common. Eventually you will start to annoy each other. You will start to see yourselves in each other and find faults with each other and you will probably break up again. YOu can always be friends and have a fun time hanging out. It doesn't mean you have to have some sort of sexual relationship with her. My best friend in the world is of the opposite sex and we have an insane amount in common but that doesn't mean I would be willing to get into a relationship with him because after the first week he'd drive me crazy. So my advice is keep your current girlfriend nad just be friends with the other.

Edited November 12, 2006 by katwomanjulie (see edit history)

[jhsmurray 0]

Hey man,

 

You've done a great job of explaining how special this girl is. I'm sorry to hear of your heartache.

 

Make a move on her?

If you knew she would say yes ask her out?

Dump my current girl friend for her?

At least write a note and tell her how much you like her?

I would recommend doing none of these things, until you figure out and reconcile the why she dumped you part. Until you accept that, doing any of the above will likely cause more pain.

 

Who knows, maybe this girl dumped you for all the wrong reasons? Or maybe she misinterpreted something you said? Or maybe she has a legitimate reason? You need a clear answer from her, especially since it hurts so bad - just try not to yell or anything if and when you get into it with her. Talking it through will show her how much you care. Until you figure out the why, you're pretty much stuck in this conundrum, or worse possibly going to make a mistake.

 

How you handle that helps determine the next best move. If you do know why and dont feel like sharing it here, that's cool - just remember that is important for you know.

 

Maybe I'm stating the obvious here, but there is a danger that a dumped person might undervalue themself in a sitation like this. Remember to keep a clear head, and really try to understand not only her, but yourself.

 

If you decide not to go through with it, remember that over time the pain (and temptation) will eventually go away.

 

Hope it helps a little.

[BooZker 0]

katwomanjulie your right, but the problem is that we as humans can not help who we fall for unfortunately. I mean yes, too much in common is most likely not the best thing, but i like her too much. I guess i can try to forget her, but i couldnt forget her over a two month period. I wonder if i could ever, probably not. Hmmm... jhsmurray i should find that out first. Your absolutely right.By the way she all of a sudden sent me and email saying i love you??? Any ideas about that?

[richierich1m 0]

first of all its not nescessary that you need something common with your partner even if you have completely different attitude than also you can have a great relationship beleive me the best thing you can do is try to understand why she broke with you the first time obviously she would have given you a reason for that ,figure out how you could avoid that reason if avoidable and what she thinks about you, you should leave your current partner becuase what you are currently doing is betraying your current partner ,its betraying that when you don't say you love her you shouldn't say you love her it would be like you got got betrayed so you betrayed her the best thing you can do is tell her truth as far as the old girl is concerned yes you love her,try to know her more first as friends ,yes you need to understand her more if you have doubt that she may broke with you later be clear about yourself and also be clear about what she thinks about me you can even ask her why she broke with you and what she wants from a relationship and then think would you be happy with this relationship , make clear points in your mind to get together with her is either yes or no ,make sure that you already know whether you and her would be able to get together for lifetime if you have doubt yet the girl is not for you and you need to find someone else soon she isn't for you

[pat_decor 0]

I think when it comes to relationships, you should try and find someone who completes you, you know, someone who can shine where you would fall short. Someone who can give you a different perspective when you're trying to figure things out. Yes you should have some things in common, but not everything.But how old are you? You sound alil young (no offense), I think you should just enjoy your youth and not worry about a serious relationship till you are older.And until you've actually lived with someone and have gotten so comfortable with them that you can fart in front of eachother and just not care and then go make out even though neither one of you have brushed your teeth yet, then that's love. lol. Pretty much everything up until then is just puppy love and infatuation.

[heavensounds 0]

Well this really sounds like a toguh situation. Well, first I'd make sure that I really love her by thinking about 10 things you love about her and then you don't! You willl get a clear picture of what is the most important on her - is it just that you 2 have so much in common or is it something else that you are looking for? Eventhough we usually think that we do not know why we love somebody, in the end there are certain values and characteristics that are important to us and the person we love posess them. So is she funny? Is she loving and caring? Is she a bit dirty and you like it? Is she just so beautiful? Consider everything you can think of....this is a very good start!Now, you said you are dating another girl...that is surely NOT good! You cannot love (or think you love) someone and go dating someone else. That is not OK at all! It is quite selfish acctually and from this I would say that you are quite egocentric and probably good-looking (sorry, it might not be true)..So the right thing to do is to tell that girl you are currently dating that you just don't feel what you should feel and that it would be best if you two were friends....Don't mention your dreamgirl because it will only make everything more painful to you substitute-girl (and this is why it is wrong you are with her - not a single person deserves to be a substitue-partnet! Everyone deserves pure devotion of his partner!)So you found out the 10 things you love and hate? Are there many more of those you love or equal to those you hate or dislike? If you love her and broke up with the substitute-girl then you are ready to ask the ONE girl if she is ready for something REALLY serious (you say to her that she is hard to trust after what she has done to you - maybe that is one of the things you don't like - trust?). BUT before you start all that..it shouldn't be like that: "OK, I will ask the ONE girl if she is ready to do it again and wait before cancelling the substitute-girl." THAT IS WRONG AND TOTALLY EGOCENTRIC - because you only think about yourself - what is going to be with me if I leave what I have now and don't get the ONE girl back? Do you see the egocnetriness here?What else can I say to you...it is quite simple acctually..Are you ready to try for the third time? If you are, leace the substitute the first thing in the morning and go to you love...it is in action that relief hides! If you do it you will always know - I TRIED! and you will be on top of the situation..trust me :blink:Greetz and good luck mate..

[BooZker 0]

Wow so much has happened. I will not write everything, because i don't think anyone wants to read it or even will. The big events however were that i have really gotten over her.

This is one day that has changed SO much. It all started when my best guy friend for 7 years came by to visit. When he came over my "love" as i refer to her on the internet and this forum asked if she could stop by. So of course i said yes. She comes by and we are all on our laptops and IMing each other. My friend and her started flirting. She well how do i put this... made out with him. They made out when i left the room because i knew it was going to happen, so i left the room and called my EX girlfriend and went to pick her up. I did this because i was a little depressed, but i knew it was bound to happen. So I was not surprised or anything. I left picked her up and then we came back and hung out. My "love" looked a little unnerved though. She left shortly afterward.

This is what i later found out from my mom who she spoke to when i was gone picking up my EX. My mother and my "love" were talking about me. My mom told her i liked her, which she did not know, and my mom had no idea my best friend just made out with her. My "love" told her this,"I could see my self ending up with him in the end, but i am to immature" as in i would like to marry him. Later that night she emailed me saying "Tonight was *BLEEP*ed up. We need to talk". I said about what. This is what she wrote in an email, i want to know what you guys think about it:

honestly oscar, i can see myself ending up with u at some point in life. but as of now, i love you to death and i love where we are now and i dont wanna get into a relationship with u cuz im really not mature enough right now. i have all these feelings and i dont know what to do with them and chances are ill do something stupid so until i think i can handle a true relationship i wanna be friends with u and with jake you guys are a blast to be around and i havent been very happy with life lately but u guys make that al dissapear.your amazing babe but for now i wanna be like best friends

love u

Know is this just BS and she just wants to let me know she doesn't ever want to date me, or is it all serious? Remember she is responding to my friend Jake and my mom telling her that i liked her. The only, and biggest problem with this, if it is true, is that i wont be here. She might think i will be waiting for her, but i have a life also. I move a lot and i honestly don't see us EVER dating if we dont date within a few months.

So what do you guys think?
Edited November 27, 2006 by BooZker (see edit history)

[jhsmurray 0]

It's very possible she's being totally honest with you when she wrote that email. It sounds like shes young and doesnt have a solid idea of what she wants, and is still "playing the field". That's the idea behind dating.

She might think i will be waiting for her, but i have a life also. I move a lot and i honestly don't see us EVER dating if we dont date within a few months.

Good point. The question is, was she aware of this fact while all this was going on? Because if not, you should tell her - not in a mean way of course, but say it just to be fair. It will be interesting to see if that changes things (or not).

[garbage 0]

as pretty much everyone said try to figure out what you did ..and work on it.. man

[rsf 0]

Well if you can't stop thinking about this girl so much so that you can't concentrate on your current relationship, and you know this old girl likes you back, then you should hook up with her again.I shouldn't speculate about the circumstances of your previous two breakups with her, but maybe you two are just supposed to be really close friends instead of boyfriend and girlfriend.

[humanisfilth 0]

If you read between the lines in her message, she's being very clear with her feelings. This is an important friendship to her, one she'll always value, but this is never going to be THE romantic relationship for her. I'm sure for YOU, right now, she seems like your soul mate, but there's a LOT of souls out there, man!So yeah, do yourself a HUGE favor and heed her wishes. Don't put your life on hold because of something that might be, but you're quite specifically being told won't be now or any time in the near future. LIVE LIFE!!! There's truth to the old saying "If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with." Big truth!(I say all of this from personal experience. Were it not for the advice of some very good friends, I'd probably have grown old and gray waiting for my "soul mate"...who now just makes me very, very sad.)

[BooZker 0]

If you read between the lines in her message, she's being very clear with her feelings. This is an important friendship to her, one she'll always value, but this is never going to be THE romantic relationship for her. I'm sure for YOU, right now, she seems like your soul mate, but there's a LOT of souls out there, man!
So yeah, do yourself a HUGE favor and heed her wishes. Don't put your life on hold because of something that might be, but you're quite specifically being told won't be now or any time in the near future. LIVE LIFE!!! There's truth to the old saying "If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with." Big truth!

(I say all of this from personal experience. Were it not for the advice of some very good friends, I'd probably have grown old and gray waiting for my "soul mate"...who now just makes me very, very sad.)

Humanisfilth not only do i love you name, but i really like the way you explained this. Good point. I'm trying to love the i'm with right now. I am also just being friends with her and not making any moves like that at all. MY feelings have been put to rest for now you could say.

Humanisfilth... do you like punk music? You seem like you would haha. I love Punk music. My favorite.