Orphanage what are the options and ways

[conret 0]

ok well i know somebody who is having real problems with his family and had this problem for 3 years now he has been telling me about it but it was just like little teenager problems we all have them but lately he has been really sad and he said he hates his family and he wants to move out but he has no one to stay with so he wants to go to some orphanage place. I told him that he should reconsider the problem but he says that his family doesn?t talk to him, doesn't like him and he says that they yell at him for things like getting a B and they have hit him so basically he doesn't want to sew them or anything he just wants to go to another place where he will feel safer. I was thinking i would tell him the orphanage but he is 14 and i don't know how this process works any ideas or information. TY

[Mich 0]

Tell him to talk to a counselor, or his favorite teacher at school. Or maybe somebody in the clergy if he goes to church. He needs help. He probably doesn't trust adults at this point, but there must be some adult he can talk to. Another option is getting in touch with his local Social Services. He can look that up in the telephone book probably under County listings.

[icemarle 0]

Interesting... I have a classmate who has the exact same problem. She also wanted to go to an orphanage... Guh... as if things will be better over there. It's not exactly a cakewalk. I agree with Mich on the counseling part though. The best way to fix a problem is not to run from it, but to face it. If all else fails, call the Social Services if the situation is getting dangerous. I wish you luck with your friend. Do they make your friend leave the house? :/ What else is giving him stress?

[terminal2k 0]

man i don't think any kids life is perfect, but you need to stick with it even if you think your parents suck and your life sucks. the only reasons i could see for kids to actually leave their parents is if they were drug addicts, or beat the kids badly or sexually abused them. you say the family doesn't talk to him and hits him, well i never got along with my family, and my mum would spank me for discipline and I fought with my brother but thats life. the other guys have made some good suggestions, like seeking some counselling or something, there are always people out there who can help if life isn't working like it should, make sure he knows exactly what he's doing before he leaves his family.

[conret 0]

that is exacly the problem he isn't just getting spanked its hitting on the head and its not like the way we think of punishing kids its much harsher. And someone said that if they make him leave the house and i didn't mention this but they have sometimes made him get out for three days and i didn't find out about this until he told me a month later. And since he has no family other than his parents he said that he would stay in the library during the day and at night on the sofa that was left on the street.

[richierich1m 0]

this is a serious problem if they are making him stay out of house for three days,are they parents? idon't think so these sort of people should be jailed and now to the solving part of the problem

1. go to a religious orphanage (like if he is christian go to a church etc) religious orphanage are better then the others

2.opt for any other social service orphanage

3.if he's older get a job and leave alone, the best option

4.take support from relatives if possible

i am out of good ideas here ,he won't get a normal childhood in any of above ,yet he could try them and make his life the best he can

AND TELL HIM NOT TO FORGET TO SUE HIS PARENTS WHEN HE GROW OLD[

[alanmccann 0]

have to agree there richierich1

[JasperIk 0]

ok well i know somebody who is having real problems with his family and had this problem for 3 years now he has been telling me about it but it was just like little teenager problems we all have them but lately he has been really sad and he said he hates his family and he wants to move out but he has no one to stay with so he wants to go to some orphanage place. I told him that he should reconsider the problem but he says that his family doesnt talk to him, doesn't like him and he says that they yell at him for things like getting a B and they have hit him so basically he doesn't want to sew them or anything he just wants to go to another place where he will feel safer. I was thinking i would tell him the orphanage but he is 14 and i don't know how this process works any ideas or information. TY

Not that i am saying he is lying, but he might just be blowing it all out of proportion. I had a friend who complained, about her parents and her home life constantly, saying her parents never gave her anything, that they loved her sister nore etc...but the more i stayed at her place, and the more i was around her (not just at her house, at school, the movies...etc) i realized, she was really stretching the truth. It was apparent that there was some kind of connection between her parents, and her sister yes that was apparent, but as for loving her more, i dont think so. And my friend got a lot, it was one of those, maybe she didnt get what she asked for right then and there, but she did get it, kind of ordeals.

My point is, he could just be stretching the truth, Teens tend to overreact, and i know that almost every teen has at one point in their life said they wish they could run away, or go to an orphanage. Teenage years are hard, and during your teens you start wanting to gain more independance, and often you feel your family gets in the way of exploring life. Maybe his parents have hit him, but maybe they only hit him once and he has blown it way out of proportion. Its just hard to tell what is true with kids anymore, because it seems like the ones crying about their problems, arent the ones who are usually suffering, they just hunger for some form of attention [possibly, from not getting a whole lot from their family- so they feel, if their family isnt giving them attention, they will draw negative attention to their own family, as a way of personal revenge]

Have you seen bruises on his body, you say he was hit in the head...did you see any bruises? Have you been to his house? Well, i know this post wasnt probably what you wanted, but i just dont want you to put so much effort in trying to help someone when in the end, it turns out to be something so small (it has happened to me, and not just with my friend talked about above). As for 'real' advice, i would suggest YOU go to the school counseler, and express your concern on your friends situation, because no one can help if no one speaks up.

[franz see 0]

Not that i am saying he is lying, but he might just be blowing it all out of proportion. I had a friend who complained, about her parents and her home life constantly, saying her parents never gave her anything, that they loved her sister nore etc...but the more i stayed at her place, and the more i was around her (not just at her house, at school, the movies...etc) i realized, she was really stretching the truth. It was apparent that there was some kind of connection between her parents, and her sister yes that was apparent, but as for loving her more, i dont think so. And my friend got a lot, it was one of those, maybe she didnt get what she asked for right then and there, but she did get it, kind of ordeals.
My point is, he could just be stretching the truth, Teens tend to overreact, and i know that almost every teen has at one point in their life said they wish they could run away, or go to an orphanage. Teenage years are hard, and during your teens you start wanting to gain more independance, and often you feel your family gets in the way of exploring life. Maybe his parents have hit him, but maybe they only hit him once and he has blown it way out of proportion. Its just hard to tell what is true with kids anymore, because it seems like the ones crying about their problems, arent the ones who are usually suffering, they just hunger for some form of attention [possibly, from not getting a whole lot from their family- so they feel, if their family isnt giving them attention, they will draw negative attention to their own family, as a way of personal revenge]

Have you seen bruises on his body, you say he was hit in the head...did you see any bruises? Have you been to his house? Well, i know this post wasnt probably what you wanted, but i just dont want you to put so much effort in trying to help someone when in the end, it turns out to be something so small (it has happened to me, and not just with my friend talked about above). As for 'real' advice, i would suggest YOU go to the school counseler, and express your concern on your friends situation, because no one can help if no one speaks up.

i'd have to agree with this one if he's really battered, you would have seen the bruises yes, his parents might have hit him a bit too hard, but i don't think it's enough for him to leave his house.

secondly, i don't think it was like that when he was young. because if it were, he would have never trusted anyone, including you and an orphanage. most likely, he had already made friends before that happened. thus, it may be just a phase.

lastly, all he needs are friends. friends to talk to, friends to keep him company, and friends that will share their problems with him as well. if your friends share their problems with you, life isn't that lonely.

...however, i am a bit preplexed about the 3 days missing part. however, he did not say what his parents did when he left the house and when he came back.

[True2Earn 0]

Living in an orphanage, children's home or foster home is not a glamorous existance. As a child I spent 6 years as a ward of the state, from age 11 to 17, then I was dumped out on the streets to fend for myself after graduating HS. Being in fostercare is miserable, especially when being moved from one to another, to another. There is no permanence of residence, no love, few friends (if any) and people tend to see you as a reject. When pulled out of your home and placed in the states care you feel like an outcast. When young enough you feel that nobody wants you. What else can you think when your own parent got rid of you. It's an isolated life and they do not prepare you for the real world, they just drop you into it.Also, you find all kinds of "psycho" people in the fostercare world. It doesn't matter whether you are male or female, your chances of being "molested" are a lot greater being a ward of the state than being with your family. As people are in a position of power over the kids, it gives them great opportunity to take advantage of you. And after such an event occurs, you are driven by fear and don't report it.These are things I have experienced firsthand while in the state's care and knew many others that shared such horrific experiences, some worse than others. I've known kids who took their own lives after a while, other's that were raped and some that went on to live a criminal life.Trust me, it's no picnic being in such a place...

[sweet_princess 0]

How can your friend dare to disrespect his family, tell him to stop feeling sorry for himself and start to respect his parents.He is the problem, and he can be the solution too, but only if he actually wants to.One who disrespects his own parents is so bllind and heartless that he can't even see that his own parents gave birth to him and without them he would not even be living, feeling, breathing right now. Earth to your friend, have you guys ever heard of RESPECT? grrr......I'm 14 too but not that dumb. I know the difference between someone who loves me and someone who wants bad for me. His parents must love him, just like my paents love me (touch wood).Give him one slap round the face, he deserves it.

Edited October 25, 2006 by sweet_princess (see edit history)

[Unregistered 012 0]

ya i dont think that a orphanage would be the best thing for that person to do. i doubt that is gonna make things better. he should go and talk to a counseler or the one at his school. or even someone else in the family that he can trust like a aunt, uncle, or grandparents. i would just stay at the house the person has now and deal with it and try to work through it. if his parents dont want to talk to him then there might be a problem. but he shouldnt move out that instant. he should try to deal with the problem first. and then if nothing gets better probly like in a year or so then he should probly try to find somewhere like another person in the family. but i doubt he would like going to a orphange.

[Saint_Michael 3]

Living in an orphanage, children's home or foster home is not a glamorous existance. As a child I spent 6 years as a ward of the state, from age 11 to 17, then I was dumped out on the streets to fend for myself after graduating HS. Being in fostercare is miserable, especially when being moved from one to another, to another. There is no permanence of residence, no love, few friends (if any) and people tend to see you as a reject. When pulled out of your home and placed in the states care you feel like an outcast. When young enough you feel that nobody wants you. What else can you think when your own parent got rid of you. It's an isolated life and they do not prepare you for the real world, they just drop you into it.
Also, you find all kinds of "psycho" people in the fostercare world. It doesn't matter whether you are male or female, your chances of being "molested" are a lot greater being a ward of the state than being with your family. As people are in a position of power over the kids, it gives them great opportunity to take advantage of you. And after such an event occurs, you are driven by fear and don't report it.

These are things I have experienced firsthand while in the state's care and knew many others that shared such horrific experiences, some worse than others. I've known kids who took their own lives after a while, other's that were raped and some that went on to live a criminal life.

Trust me, it's no picnic being in such a place...

That is true in some cases, where those are placed in temp homes are just there until something is figured out, so how those temp homes have to do is watch the kid and that's it. But of course those who bounce around are usually trobulemakers so is one reason why. But Also their are some great families who wouldn't mind a foster child whose life is in shambles like that.

How can your friend dare to disrespect his family, tell him to stop feeling sorry for himself and start to respect his parents.He is the problem, and he can be the solution too, but only if he actually wants to.
One who disrespects his own parents is so bllind and heartless that he can't even see that his own parents gave birth to him and without them he would not even be living, feeling, breathing right now. Earth to your friend, have you guys ever heard of RESPECT? grrr......
I'm 14 too but not that dumb. I know the difference between someone who loves me and someone who wants bad for me. His parents must love him, just like my paents love me (touch wood).
Give him one slap round the face, he deserves it.

It has nothing to do with him respecting his parents, it's about emotional/mental/physical abuse they are giving him. No parent has the right to treat their own children like that. I don't know what world you live in that makes it sound ok for parents to treat their own kids like that.

I recommend that you as a friend call the police or social services and let them know that this is happening. Even though he wants to he just can't put himself to do it. So make the call and help speed things up. If he was 16 I would say he could legally divorce his parents (USA you can).

Also as a Friend why don't you bring him to your house I doubt your parents would be creul about that. Heck I would talk to your parents about it as well.

[anto 0]

he is 14? i would rather stay with my parents until i am 18. Then i could get a job or something and i could rent a house. anyway, let him decide!

[techclave 0]

It is typical, to have problems in your teenage life. But i don't guess moving out to an orphanage is a bright option. That would cultivate more hatred into your friend's mind. Once he stops depending upon his family , for shelter or support, i am sure, he would cultivate very negative attitude towards his parents. This , in my opinion should be stopped somehow, ... and who cold do it other than you , his friend !!! Take your friend to a counseling .. Talk to him about what causes these problem, and try to correct any mistakes your friend might do. If he really need a break , and move out of his house, ask him to move to a hostel, rather than an orphanage. I am sure hostel might not make his relation with his parents too bad. Hope your friend finds happy ways with his family ,soon ...