Why Can't I Focus And I Hate My Parents. Why can I not make them happy?

[barnes 0]

These final days of school are starting to become painful as hell. Every class I'm not doing so hot in, and nothing I do works. Sure I'll spend 4 hours on a project, but its not right, sure I'll spend 2 hours on a 40 point homework assignment, and magiclly the book disappears. I can't win, I can't do anything right.I wish I didn't start to see this until now and I could have tried and stop my bad habits and train my forgetful mind, but right now is to late. I'm *BLEEP*ed. Its not that I forget doing homework or anything, its that I can't focus when I'm doing it. I've told my parents many times that I would like to get one of those A.D.D tests, but they are just to proud of parents to know that their son has a disabiliy. Exspecially since they are already dead as parents hearing that my brother is gay. Now the parents really arn't making this day better. My dad only cares about sports, and seeing his sons achive in sports. Now you know, I'm posting here, I'm not much of an athlete. No sport I played I was ever even slightly good at. Maybe it was because I couldn't focus, who knows. But every day my Dad has to make me feel like the worlds worst son because I didn't make the baseball team, and I didn't want to play baskeball. Half the reason I can't play sports is because of my father in the first place. All he does is push me and push me, and I can't do it. I hate having to walk this one single line that my Dad paves for me. I think its just all organized sports.Sure, in the rec league of baseball was alot of fun, but now, its all about the competition and I can't stand it. I don't like worring about winning or losing, I just want to play.Gym class softball, I'm amazing. Maybe its because the ball is as soft as foam, or maybe its because the players in teh field are mostly half retarded, but I kick some **bottom**. I have so much fun playing it too. But when I play Connie Mack baseball, I just sit the bench because the coach only cares about winning. Its just a big waste of my dads money, but for some reason hes willing to spend it just so he can say "My son won his baseball game on Saturday" to his buddies, regardless of if I even touched the sand on the field. I know this is a bit of a lengthy post, and I know no one will read this whole thing, but I'm happy I could post this here and just vent out everything going on in my mind.And to anyone who does read this all, Thanks.

[Wilson Cook 0]

I'm glad you wrote this post. Every kid feels this way at one time or another. I always got insane amounts of pressure from my parents and nothing was ever good enough. And it was bad enough to feel my own guilt, then I had to face up to the disappointment I was being to them.

[barnes 0]

I'm glad you wrote this post. Every kid feels this way at one time or another. I always got insane amounts of pressure from my parents and nothing was ever good enough. And it was bad enough to feel my own guilt, then I had to face up to the disappointment I was being to them.

Thank you, I under stand what you mean by te guilt.

My dad just walked in here while I was stressed out over this god damned project and decided to ask if he could help. I told him no and he just refused to leave. I told him to leave so I can finish but I jsut kept getting more mad and mad, until I just practicly chased him out of my room.

This isn't how I act, I'm afraid I am going to hurt someone cause I am just that upset right now.

[gaea 0]

Sounds like you're having a tough time. I hope things get better for you soon (worse comes to worse you'll be "free" once you get to college).

My dad just walked in here while I was stressed out over this god damned project and decided to ask if he could help. I told him no and he just refused to leave. I told him to leave so I can finish but I jsut kept getting more mad and mad, until I just practicly chased him out of my room.

I don't know you or your father, but from what you just said it seems that he really wanted to help (i'm not just talking about the project here, but about your troubles and relationship with him at large) but he just doesn't know how to go about it. Perhaphs you could try to talk to him about what you feel, later once everything has calmed down a little bit more.

*hug* Things will get better man, you've just got to give them time.

[ibsu 0]

I hope things will get better, it is the common phase that most people go through but sometimes it doesn't recover. I'm going through something similar, and it's a real tough time. I too am not great at focusing, I wasn't that good in school work either. Managed to pull "good" marks but nothing to make my parents happy. I'm going through training to become a Intrepreter/Translator but my parents, being traditional Korean parents, feel the only path for me is a doctor or scientist (you'll notice MANY Koreans say the same thing about their parents). I really thought, they of all people, would support my decision.Best wishes to you. Hope you pull through.

[dark_drgn 0]

Its not that I forget doing homework or anything, its that I can't focus when I'm doing it. I've told my parents many times that I would like to get one of those A.D.D tests, but they are just to proud of parents to know that their son has a disabiliy. Exspecially since they are already dead as parents hearing that my brother is gay.

Just writing this without straying from the topic is a big accomplishment if you have A.D.D. I don't want people killing me because of this, but i think that you don't have a problem and that you're just lazy. BUT I can and may be wrong!!!

[Sinari 0]

I agree with others above me, that every kid feels that way. I'm one of them. I don't think I'm ADD or anything but I am a gifted kid which makes the pressure to exceed even higher. My parents don't push me because they've realized that I don't care and that it does't stress me out. Try to meditate or something to kill stress that they give you. It works for me and helps me to live a normal life so I'm sure that it could probably help you some. Hope that you feel better and start to like your parents a bit more. They love you and that's why they push you so hard to do well.

Notice from jlhaslip:

*edit * erase duplication of post...

[FLaKes 0]

Well, as long as it is, I did read the whole post. Maybe it brought my attention that I can relate to some of it except with the dad being an obsessive sport parent. I am also a very distracted person, I cant concentrate on anything, I dont usually take anything serious, whenever Im reading a book, I could be reading it while my mind is drifting of thinking of a whole bunch of other things that dont have to do with the book, and by the time I got through reading the chapter or whatever amount of pages I read, I dont remember a single thing. The same thing happens in exams, I cannot study, thats why I hate exams, I dont think its a fair way to evaluate students. Because one can kill himself doing homework to keep up, while others just study an hour or two the night before the test, and since exams are usually worth like the entire grade they never even care about assignments.About the parents, to me, they are almost non existent. First of all they are separated, my dad lives in the U.S. and my mom here in Mexico, Ive been back and forth, therefore I know english as much as I know spanish, though in school I have failed both (seperating sentences and stuff like that, advance language). The only person I have really considered as a parent is my grandma, she raised me and my brother through out all our lives when my parents werent there. About not being able to focus, I kind of like it, because I believe its the reason for all my creativity, I am always coming up with new things spontaneosly and Im very creative in almost anything. Well there goes my long post.... Thanks for sharing your post.

[Plenoptic 0]

Well I sort of felt the same way my last couple weeks of school. Yesterday was my last day and I am just glad it is over. I started losing it the night before the last day and gave up on studying and started playing video games. Well I got a D on my last exam which brought my A for the second semester to a B because it counted as 15% of my grade. My mom was mad but she got over it. I think you should just take maybe 20 minutes alone in any place, even a closet and just relax and meditate really. Try and take things off your mind to try and focus on the task at hand. Think positive. If that doesn't work maybe you should sit your parents down and try to have a serious conversation with them and tell them. If they don't listen then keep trying and trying because they will give in. If they don't think you have a problem then tell them to let you take the test to prove to yourself that you don't.

[master_bacarra 0]

These final days of school are starting to become painful as hell. Every class I'm not doing so hot in, and nothing I do works. Sure I'll spend 4 hours on a project, but its not right, sure I'll spend 2 hours on a 40 point homework assignment, and magiclly the book disappears. I can't win, I can't do anything right.

i think can relate to that. there's always the pressure of the last days in school where all the projects and exams pile up and make things worst. my usual case often involves my pc crashing at the last minute without me being able to retrieve/save all the work i've done (that's why some of the posts here often have the issue of my computer having viruses, malwares, etc).

you shouldn't blame yourself too much if you don't do well on a certain subject. there's a part of you that says "i have to make a good project on this subject because it's the subject that i'm weak at. it's the only thing i can do to make up for the low grades that i get". and it shows how much effort you make by the time you consume on just one project or assignment, and i give you credit for that. you just fear that for some reason, if you don't do well, then it's over. don't be too hard on yourself.

for starters, you should at least commend yourself for the effort. it will give you that boost that you need to get things going. sometimes, people get tired easily because they feel they aren't doing any progress. don't let the bad things get into you. yeah there are times that you fail, but this should give you the drive to strive harder next time. having an optimistic outlook on things can really help. and if you succeed, you should give credit to yourself, give yourself a pat on the back for that. the credit that you receive will also give you that extra boost that you need. but don't let the praise get too much into your head. sometimes, when we think we've done well, we assume that we've done enough, and this may lead to a downward spiral, something that's not good. everything should be done in moderation.

I wish I didn't start to see this until now and I could have tried and stop my bad habits and train my forgetful mind, but right now is to late. I'm *BLEEP*ed.
Its not that I forget doing homework or anything, its that I can't focus when I'm doing it.

well, better late than never. there's always time for improvement. and like what you've said, you should stop those habits and divert on stuff that matter. i've read from a book that in order for something to become instilled in your mind as part of your natural routine, you have to do it several times, something like a ritual or something. this is for you to get used to doing these stuff that are new to you.

and when it comes to focusing. there are a lot of ways for you to be able to focus on things that you need to do. the internet has a lot of things to offer, you could search one yourself. my advise would be, try to lessen the things that might distract you, i.e., turn off the tv, radio, player, but sometimes music can help so you could rule that one out. if you're going to do more than one task, try to plan on which task is needed to be done ahead of the others, taking into consideration some factors, for example, if you don't do well on a subject, you could prioritize this first to give yourself more time on this subject. some people advise that, but i would rather advise the opposite. if you think you don't do well on a subject, you should finish first all the other tasks that you think could be finished the least amount of time, in this way, you could allot more time on the subject that you least excel into. kinda ironic and weird in a sense, but that's what i usually do, because when i do the former, i usually scramble a lot and in turn, i don't learn much on that subject. yeah i know planning is kinda hard, i'm not really into planning but it really does help. by planning, you can only focus on one task alone and not worry too much on the other tasks.

if you have free time, the library is the place to be. i know people are gonna disagree by saying "the library makes me feel asleep", but a quiet place can help you focus a lot. if you don't have that kind of time to go to the library, you could always do it at home in your room. an organized room would be preferable and would help you more to focus, rather a filthy room.

I've told my parents many times that I would like to get one of those A.D.D tests, but they are just to proud of parents to know that their son has a disabiliy. Now the parents really arn't making this day better. My dad only cares about sports, and seeing his sons achive in sports. Now you know, I'm posting here, I'm not much of an athlete. No sport I played I was ever even slightly good at. Maybe it was because I couldn't focus, who knows. But every day my Dad has to make me feel like the worlds worst son because I didn't make the baseball team, and I didn't want to play baskeball.

Half the reason I can't play sports is because of my father in the first place. All he does is push me and push me, and I can't do it. I hate having to walk this one single line that my Dad paves for me. I think its just all organized sports.

i'm not a sports buff either. in fact i don't even play a single sport (if biking doesn't count). i would only play one if it's necessary or required, just like the p.e. classes in school.

i don't really think your parents think about you that way. i think he's just encouraging you to try on those sports because he thinks you can do it. it's not about forcing you to do it, he probably just wants you to try. and if you really can't, then i think he would understand. and besides, if the sport is something that you don't want to do, then you shouldn't force yourself, and hate him for letting you try it. you could explain to him that you don't want to play, and that you have other things in mind.

Sure, in the rec league of baseball was alot of fun, but now, its all about the competition and I can't stand it. I don't like worring about winning or losing, I just want to play.
Gym class softball, I'm amazing. Maybe its because the ball is as soft as foam, or maybe its because the players in teh field are mostly half retarded, but I kick some **bottom**. I have so much fun playing it too. But when I play Connie Mack baseball, I just sit the bench because the coach only cares about winning. Its just a big waste of my dads money, but for some reason hes willing to spend it just so he can say "My son won his baseball game on Saturday" to his buddies, regardless of if I even touched the sand on the field.

i think you should try to eliminate that kind of mentality. first of all, you shouldn't put yourself below others and think that "you're just winning because your opponents are weaker". it reflects the way you think about yourself. sports is not all about competition, it can also be something that can be fun.

---i have to cut this for the moment. i have to restart my pc...

..........continuation.... sorry, i had to run scans because i had encountered some problems with something....

if you think your coach is just wanting all the glory that comes with winning, think again. it's not for him, it's for the team's and for the school. he's pushing you as a player because he wants you to work yourself out so you could help the team win the games. who doesn't want to win? may it be a sport that requires a lot of effort so the team can win, or just a sport that is part of having fun, winning would give someone that extra confidence, and losing gives someone that drive to strive harder, and the humility to accept defeat and be sport about it.

since you asked for advise, i think the only thing that i can give you at the moment is to start working on yourself first. i think your judgement is being clouded by your attitude towards yourself and towards others. sometimes we act first before we think, and the consequences of those actions more often than not, hurt those that are around us and could backfire to us.

think about it.
Edited May 26, 2006 by mbacarra (see edit history)

[Jimmy 0]

Well, I would say that I am pretty much in the same boat... Just began exams and this is the time that I have never done so little wirk in my life - NONE!.Well Ive got to the point where certain things are really bugging me (crap headmaster, being punished for things I didn't do, totally annoying hypocricy in school - they say the were taking our english exam one year early and stress fir abouut three weeks that there will be npo re-takes and that that would be that.) Well I put my life for all that time into the exam and worked really hard... I got a "b", which in comparison to the other people who were much cleverer than me getting c's in their GCSEs it was very good. then two or three weeks later, they go "actually you will be taken again in a year's time -I was devastated- I hate the ****************s for that. To me It just doesn't seem woerth it anymore. I have tried everything - even meditation and I must say that meditation is very good and calming but can't seem to do anything for my total lack of work spirit.My dad also really annoys me for many reasons i just cant be bothered to list now...unfortunastely this turned out to be a post on a venting of mine... but i hope it may be able to help you in someway... - there are many people going through the same thing - just try to keep a low profile and just sail through it all as before you know it, you'll be somewhere better and much less pressured that will suit your character

[seez 0]

I read the whole thing and you have my sympathy. Everybody feels like this at one point or another but you must have a lot of stress right now... I hope things get better for you.

[Unregistered 012 0]

That is how my mom is with me and sports. I hate playing for competition. I am really good at most of all the sports but i just like to have fun and being able to play the sport without having to be worrying about that if we don't win that i will get scolded. I'm really good at soccer, and baseball, and fairly good at basketball but i just don't want to play for the school and my mom wont get over that. I don't like playing football unless it is with my friends and we are just messing around. Just wait and things should get better. Good luck.

[iGuest 3]

I have the same problems

Why Can't I Focus And I Hate My Parents.

 

Replying to barnes

I hate it... I have an F in 2 classes but if I show my parents I'll never hear the end of it, they think that I'm such a good kid but I can't pay attention and I hate school and I haven't done any of the end of the year projects... I'm sick of my parents treating me like ****. You think your parents may **** but I was born with old parents... I have never played a sport or video game with my dad ever! My mom has occasionally every once in a blue moon played a sport with me, or at least tried to do something I want to do. My parents are overly critical and my dad is an *******. Twice my parents have nearly broken up. Tomorrow I start back, 4 days of school left... After I'm out I'm gonna be so God damn happy...

 

-reply by Connor