Life

[gisellebebegirl 0]

Im so tired of living like this, it might seem to you like its silly or juvinial but you dont know what its like to have to go through *BLEEP* every day of your life, as years passed i found ways to cope with it, things that averaged it out, but right now i just i cant take it, everything that was there to help cope, and every inch of what brought happiness into my life is gone, i just feel so alone, and misunderstood and im shattered, everything is getting to me now, i hate crying over nothing, but thats how bad its getting, i know to be smart, to not kill myself, and stuff but its just so hard to stop myself nowadays from doing something stupid, i dont know. thats all i know. i dont know. i hate telling people that im fine. im fine. here goes a smile to you.

[rob86 2]

Well, believe it or not, I have a pretty good idea what you're going through. I would be happy to talk to you about it if you need someone to talk to but I'm not really fond of talking about such personal issues in a public forum. What you're going through is serious stuff, and you need to talk to someone about it, you can't just vent on a forum and never look at it again because that doesn't help at all. I know what it's like to have nobody to talk to when you're feeling depressed and it's one of the worst feelings in the world to feel like nobody can or will help, so I'm just saying, I'm here if you need someone to talk to, it's up to you. I won't mind. Talk to someone about it though, don't let your problems continue like this or they will get worse and believe me, things can and will get worse if you just go to bed and hope the pain goes away every time you feel like this.

[inverse_bloom 0]

Yeah im also open to talking with you should you call upon it. Although we are communicating through the net, i really care about you and how you are feeling. I've had depression in various forms since i was young. If you want to talk (about anything no smiles necessary) please give me a message maybe we could talk more perhaps through facebook? Your choice. Your a nice girl gisellebebegirl, i want to help and im sure rob86 does too.

Edited August 27, 2009 by inverse_bloom (see edit history)

[anwiii 17]

that's a real bold statement there. in fact, sometimes writing things down is a really good coping skill used to relax, understand things better, and sort through life's pleasures and displeasures. works for a lot of people.

you can't just vent on a forum and never look at it again because that doesn't help at all.

[rob86 2]

I don't retract my bold statement. Writing things down has it's benefits but it's only a temporary fix to someone who is depressed and it can become an addiction and make things much worse in the long run if it's the only source of relief. Posting stuff like that on a forum can also lead to embarrassment. People often say things they regret in a wave of depression and loneliness and it makes them feel ashamed and it makes the problems worse. I don't know if Gisellebebe is easily embarrassed like that, but she could be. Judging by her post, it sure seems like she needs help even if she's over it by the next day. Being depressed like that is serious stuff.

[inverse_bloom 0]

Yeah i agree, at risk of sounding like a broken record im still open to talking... Things like this dont easily go away, you get some release by verbalizing it, but it always comes back (again im speaking from experience). You may enter the stage where you can't hide it so easily Gisellebebe, that makes everything a lot harder. People can only help you if you accept it, it doesnt have to be anyone on the trap, i just hope you begin feeling better...

Edited August 28, 2009 by inverse_bloom (see edit history)

[gisellebebegirl 0]

i know i know, you have to let things out to feel better and everything, but when i do it it doesnt seem to help?ive let things out so many times, and it doesnt lead to anything, its the same, im over it, then it happens again/and then people say they know, they care, they've been there, but in reality they havent. its just hard

[inverse_bloom 0]

Actually I do know what you mean m8, you tell your story so many times you forget the reason why you started. The thing is you need to talk to caring people for longer durations, if there are people around you who offer that; it would be wise to take 'em up on it. I’m not suggesting that you talk about your issues all the time... that just gets insane... especially if they are the same ones.What I suggest to you is to have someone around that gives you support when you fall down, but converses normally at other times. That is the best help you can get, if you’re fortunate enough to find such people don’t forget how important they are!Unfortunately, from what I can gather you've got a similar depression to what i had (and to some degree continue to have). It will probably linger on for you for at least for another couple of years... not good news, but better sooner than later?. If you have done so, or currently plan to see a therapist be mindful that they don't offer any golden keys. Actually some people prefer less conventional methods then the standard therapy, for instance in my own way i derive satisfaction from knowing the background of psych analysis, so I prefer to educate myself on that rather than following other peoples leadership. For every person i have met who tries to help, I have had the same dissatisfaction which you describe (somewhat under whelmed). Some people, who should know a lot, actually don't know squat. Usually you need to seek out people who are well experienced and have immersed themselves in the world they are trying to help (i know finding them isnt easy, but persistence will be needed). Also having genuine friendships is a really awesome thing... If you can find friends who you don't have to "pretend" for, than that's gonna be such a great benefit to you. Be honest but patient to people who tell you the same repetitious crud you've heard before, argue with what they are saying or seek someone who has better insight on what you’re talking about. Also identify if it's "people" who bother you or something else... like expected outcomes from yourself or your circumstances. If people bother you, then forming positive personal relationships will be "very" important for you to draw fortitude from. Most people wont openly admit it, but there are so many jerk’s in this world it can seem a bit too much sometimes.Always interested to offer some of my unique insights, if you need it (i dont claim to have any golden keys though) .

Edited October 1, 2009 by inverse_bloom (see edit history)

[sheepdog 10]

I am so sorry to hear your having problems. From reading your posts here at Trap 17, you seem like a really nice, inteligent person. I don't suppose it helps at the time when you are in a fit of depression to know that it will eventually pass and things will get back on track and you will feel better. I have my own rounds of depression, so I know it will pass, but you just have to figure out a way to get over the rough spots. To quite from one of my favorite commedians, Red Green, "Hang in there, we're all pulling for you."