Older Guy Im 18 and hes 34... help

[sarahscope 0]

I'm 18 and just finished my A levels. I left school 2 years ago and have only been back for school plays as up until recently my friends and my brothers (and their mates) were there. Anyway I've become friendly with a new teacher who wasn't there when I was at the school and the other night he and his wife invited me round for dinner.Another member of staff (non-teaching) also came along and we all drank a lot - 6 bottles of wine, lots of cider and beer between the four of us. This guy and I ended up getting pretty close, kisses, cuddles and the like. It was weird because obviously he was a member of staff when I was at school however, he's sweet and I always thought so. Whatever the history though I ended up going back to his house, we didn't have intercourse (mainly because we both couldn't quite get over the barrier) but we were sexual.The following morning the four of us laughed it off (we went over for breakfast). Thing is I do actually like this guy and even went over to his to watch a film with him yesterday. I didn't think it would come out but I wasn't surprised when it did today. I think most people think is funny and that's cool but what would happen if it became more than that? Should I even let it get that far? He asked me round with the couple from the other night today but decided it probably wasn't the best idea even though I do like him. I don't want to look too keen, and wouldn't even if he were my age so I've left it. He says he still wants to see me again and I'm cool with that.I'm thinking I'm going to let things run but he is 16 years older than me so it's unlikely to work out. I guess I just wanted to know what your opinion on it was and also whether you think it would be difficult/odd? (If indeed it goes further of course)Would appreciate some advice.SarahScopePlease see my 2 following posts below.

Edited November 5, 2008 by sarahscope (see edit history)

[Spyda 0]

Well what kind of school do you go to? I'm not quite sure on this, but some schools disallow student teacher relationships for various reasons. I mean you could probably guess why they have such a rule. As for the age thing, I don't think it matters. As long as you are okay with it yourself, then I really don't see much wrong with it at all.

[moogie 0]

If you no longer attend the school, and that's how I understand it, then I don't see that there's a problem. Or am I missing something?You're 18, legally of the age of majority, no longer attend the school as a student and all that's left is the age difference. You're the only one who can decide if that difference is too great for you for a long term relationship and you might have to get to know him better before you make that decision. Because he's a high school teacher, he would be in touch with younger generations, so the age difference wouldn't impact you this way.On the other hand, being 16 years older than you means that when you're 50 he's 66.Take the time to get to know him and how you feel and then take it from there.

[jlhaslip 4]

Well, here is a scenario that will blow you away... I have a sister whose husband is older than my parents, and my sister and her husband have been together for 30 some years already. About a twenty-six year (I think) age difference there.So, as Moogie suggested, get to know the fella, and take it from there. It may well work out for you. Only you and he will determine whether it is a good thing. That's what matters most.

[sarahscope 0]

I don't go to the school no, I left two years ago and went to a 6th form only college.THank you for your comments its been helpful, I think I'm worried about doing the wrong thing... whatever that may be...

[Spyda 0]

I don't go to the school no, I left two years ago and went to a 6th form only college.
THank you for your comments its been helpful, I think I'm worried about doing the wrong thing... whatever that may be...

Oh well if that's the case then yeah age shouldn't really matter. I mean as long as you two are okay with this age difference, then it shouldn't be a big deal whatsoever!

[sylent 0]

I would say it depends on what you and he are both looking for.If it is just a sexual thing for him and not for you, then you know it's going to do more harm than good.Alot of men are looking to "hook up" with younger women just for the fling, and some think it is a way to turn back the clock in their own lives.Even more women are having serious relationships with younger men these daysBe sure he is being honest, if you can, about what he wants in a relationship of any sort with you, and do what you feel is right for you.Many have found an age difference doesn't matter and it works very well for them, but others find the opposite to be true and the older of the pair is ready to settle down when the younger one wants to party and explore their youth more by going out with friends and "sowing wild oats" etc.The bottom line, is think very hard about the choice you make, and do what makes you happy... period.Society will tell you different things that ultimately dont matter, and may not even pertain to you and your new-found friend.I wish you the best of luck no matter what you decide to do! :lol:Live, love, and be happy!

[anwiii 17]

i am gonna go against the normal response here and say stay away from this situation. you like they guy, fine. dime a dozen.what i don't like about this situation is that these older adults are allowing you to drink and this guy is taking advantage of what alcohol does. these so called mature adults don't seem to be acting on what is in your best interest.what are the drinking laws there? here in the united states, the legal drinking age is 21 so i can't really support how these teachers or administrators are gettin' you drunk. what kinda screwed up school is this when they can get frisky with someone who just graduated while offering them booze?sorry, i think you're in the wrong situation and you'll only get hurt. more so, if other people from that school found out, it could get people in trouble as well. it's not really a situation to look highly on and could cause disruption to reputations.as far as older guys, that's fine in general. it's a matter of personal taste and preference and how that person's being matches up to your own.this is my outlook on this situation....but more importantly than my outlook, it's what YOU want out of a relationship and life that is important with the ultimate goal of being happy and connected to someone you love with your heart.

[Saint_Michael 3]

Shockingly enough I have to agree with anwii once again and this time it is about the seriousness of the situation, because at your age your even more vulnerable emotionally and older guys like this one could take an advantage of that especially if he is teacher. Also because you go to the same school this guy works it could get ugly especially if he rejects it could create problems that you might not be able to control and so I would say either break it off or keep it friendly and if you keep it friendly don't put yourself in situations were lots of alcohol is consume. There is nothing wrong with dating older people, but in cases with people who are just becoming adults it is a lot better both emotionally and mentally to date within your own age group 18-21 but it is up to you how you want to do this but most of the time relationships with teachers or even staff at the same school usually cause trouble.

[ihost 0]

Hello,This is another of those delicate questions! I will try to show up some different possible situations that might happen.First of all, think about him and you live with him in future. Do you see yourself happy? Do you see yourself complexed and shy going out with a guy 16 years old older than you? Would you be, in future, less attired by him because he will get a real old man and you still young lady? What would peoples think about you? Would you be fine with this?So taking in considerations with all those, you can find some real answer to yourself. If you have pretty opened peoples around you and you will feel and they will feel also comfortable with it, you will be fine. If not, check yourself. Do you really care about what others think about you? You live for yourself and not for others and everyone has the right of having different life and opinions no? But are you one of those persons who actually takes in considerations those stuffs?Project yourself few years later in future. You are at your parent's house, married to this man. Sitting having a good dinner with your friends there too and their husbands/wifes. How will you feel? In few years will they get used to it?So basically, one of my university teacher that is well known here in Montreal (He was/is a psychiatrist) said the following: ''succumb to temptations''So what he meant by this is that you have only one life and you can regret of not having done something you really want. But you might also regret what you've done, so its risk, but if you don't live life without risks, life is not fun!!So thats all I have to say for those comments, but I still want to add a last point there; you should be able to, if you ever start going out with him, see if he really loves you or want a ''one night sex'' and then leave u and put you on his long list of girls he make up with if you know what I mean, so be careful with this, because if it is the case, it hurts.Well thats about it!Tim.

[sarahscope 0]

It's been over a week now since we got together. And no it's not long. We are seeing each other semi-regularly, just meeting up, watching TV or getting a take away. The other night we went to a gig with some other mutual friends. Some of his mates found out about us hooking up. They thought it was amusing at first but generally had no problem with it, just joking and so on. I asked him whether he was embarrassed and he said "it could be fun". Whatever that's supposed to mean.When I went back to his that night I half expected to be put in an uncomfortable position where he was forcing himself on me, but it just didn't happen. I genuinely believe he respects me. As for love, its far far too early for that... we like each other yes, keep each other company and make each other laugh!The other day I asked where we stood with each other and he laughed it off, making marriage and age jokes. It's becoming common knowledge that we got together that first night, and even that we're still seeing each other and it's not been a problem as I thought I would. In fact its only a handful people nearer to my age who have a problem. Even my mum's ok with it!anwii - the drinking age in the UK is 18. I started when I was 13, just the odd drink here and there. Gave up about a month before I was 17 and only started drinking socially again earlier this year; I know how to hold my drink. As for the teachers who "encouraged me" obviously as they were never staff at the school when I was a pupil I don't see them in the same light as I would another teacher, they're just mates who happen to teach, they're only 25 and just finished their training a year or so ago.Saint_Michael - I respect where you're coming from regarding finding someone closer to my age, but I have always been attracted physically and intellectually to older men. When I was 16 I had a boyfriend 5 years older than me and have had a few partners of a similar age difference. My friends have always been older. My best mate is 24, and I have close mates in their 40's and even 80's.For now I am taking things slow... we will see...SarahScope

[contactskn 2]

Dear friend my advise is don't pull that relationship for a long as you are very young and this is the time to concentrate on your future and carrier and not such things and relations so be practical and be positive towards your carrier goal. Best of luck.?