I Have Never Been In A Relationship and Id like some general advice..

[DSGamer3002 0]

I live in a town where girls generally make a first impression on people based on what they wear; not what they look like, not their personality, etc. I know all girls aren't like this, but sometimes I think that it's just me that can't express who I really am to the opposite gender. I've had friends who are girls before, but that was in elementary school and early middle school, and now I'm in high school where things are a bit more serious. I general tend to hang out with my friends in an area separate from where most of the people are, and our entire group consists of boys. We never really discuss girls, and I have a really great feeling that the majority of the school sees us (although primarily me) as nerds, and/or outsiders. Sure, we like video games and we're good at school, but we aren't completely ignorant in terms of society. The thing is, out of all of the people in the group of friends I hang out with, I've been ignored the most by other people, especially girls. I think this would be a wise place to note that I used to go to a private school until 7th grade, when I transferred to a public school where I knew absolutely nobody. The first person to confront me was a girl, but later in the year she left and I had to make new friends on my own. I guess it would have been smarter to change to public school at the beginning of middle school... Anyways, I really started off on the wrong foot. An example of being completely ignored would be an occurrence a few months ago. A girl who was in my 8th grade English class was walking by (apparently she's in a photography class of some sort) me and my friends, and walked up to one of my friends who has the same name as me, who was also in my 8th grade English class. She directed conversation to him, starting off by saying, "Hey ____, weren't you in my English class before?" and offered to take a picture with him for a project she was doing. I qualified for the same "position", but was treated like a pebble among the hundreds of other pebbles on the ground. So at this point, I get to thinking that it really is my attire that turns people away from interacting with me. Being completely honest, I normally wear a navy blue sweatshirt over a striped shirt, then dark pants (not jeans like 99% of the population) and 2-year old sneakers. It's not a goth look or anything, it's just clothing I wear so I feel comfortable; I don't care what other people think of me unless they base their entire impression of my on what I wear. After going past the clothes, I remember all of the times I've been referred to as "ugly". Never by a girl, but by other jerks who think they're better than the whole world and don't honestly have a care for other peoples' feelings. I've been told multiple times by family members that I'm handsome and blah blah blah, then a while ago when I had the guts to actually take a picture of myself and show one or to rather close friends on the internet what I look like, and I asked if I was "ugly" and told them to be honest, they said I just looked like any other guy. Finally, the reason I'm making this thread and the advice I want is this: What can I do to be less "reflective" of other people without having to change my personality?

[demank 0]

I have similar problem with you.Maybe We must out to other place where there are a lot of girl which're charm.and can be a good friend.,

[Evolke 0]

Firstly let me say theres nothing wrong with never being in a relationship. I have had a few relationships, but only one 'Serous' relationship, and although its great at the time, when your seperated.. it really hard. So dont be ashamed of never being in a relationship.

 

If you want girls or basically people to notice you full stop, without changing who you are is going tobe hard, especially because people already have a lasting impression of you. The only advice I think I can give you is you can change yourself very slowly or in an instant. You can gradually sneak in to the 'Cooler Groups' and start to do the things the 'Coolies' do but it will take a long time to get in there and be accepted. And you cant expect for them all to love you straight up. Try to become good friends with a member of the group, then you can move in slowly. On the other hand if you wated an instand change, then its gotta be instant. Not over the month, or the week, really instant. Go out and seriously trewat your self. Cange the way you look, the things you wear and maybe some things around your house, so that you get an impression of how your trying to be, without changing your personality, opinions etc.

 

Either way its going to be very hard work. And I can say, that if you dont like the look of either of them, dont listen to them because I cant say how you can work things out without a real impression of whats really happening and how everything is actually in real life.

 

What ever you do choose to do, remember that you cant ever change who you are, dont change for anyone. I know right now this seems like the worst advice ever, because of the way your life seems through school and stuff, but were only at school to get an eduction. Were not at school to be the coolest, or go out with the most people. Im ducts of my grade two years in a row, and Im not cool, nor am I uncool, Im very much in the same spot as you. But I have my true friends, and I couldn't care less if Im not going out with anyone of Im not 'Hot'. You have to try your hardest to love yourself and not want to be in the cool group, even though your unhappy.

 

Just dont go changing

 

♥Evo

[iGuest 3]

clothes? BAH

I Have Never Been In A Relationship

 

Yes clothes matter in the sense that you don't want to look like trailer trash or a ****

 

However

 

Your clothes sound just fine to me

 

And if people only wanna date you for your clothes, then they aren't very good choices are they? they're just a bunch of shallow jerks that don't deserve you

 

You should go out and see the world and meet some other people who are a lot better than the choices you have

 

Besides, there might be a secret gem among all those people you meet who just might see you for more than you're shirt, ya just gotta go up to em and be bold

 

I hope that helps you

 

-reply by Bloompie

[homesofaugusta 0]

---cut--- ... Finally, the reason I'm making this thread and the advice I want is this: What can I do to be less "reflective" of other people without having to change my personality?

I'm not sure what you mean by "less reflective of other people." I'm trying to put myself in your shoes. Your personality will change. As you get older you develop, and your personality changes with that development. You won't see it now, but as you get older and look back, you'll see it then. I would need more information on what it is that you want to change or what your desired end result is. You DO need to interact more with women. Just like with anything else, the more practice you get, the better you'll be. It sounds like you may be a little on the shy side. It also sounds like you aren't entirely comfortable with yourself. When you are comfortable with yourself, it will shine through. Girls will pick up on this and be attracted to you. Happines will attract other happy people. Shyness will attract other shy people, etc. Am I making sense to you?

[keego 0]

umm i agree.. you guys gota hang out somewhere else lmao.. not every girl is like those girls.. but sometimes what you wear do matter thats why sometimes ppl make a good first impression and then once ur dating u can be bummy around each other lol

[rs redemption 0]

I went to an all boys school for a while, I wasn't exactly the most popular guy, and the way i portrayed myself didn't help too much either. The girls didn't know too much about us, but if one of us were known as 'nerdy', the other guys at school would make sure that was known. I ended up breaking into the more popular group for reasons i regret. Basically, the school was a strict all boys catholic school, and i started being the 'class clown', of course I soon became more popular and had a lot more attention from the girls, but because I was always misbehaving, I ended up making some unwise choices, that have basically ended up ruining my life a few years down the track. My advice to you, stick with what you got, The 'Jocks' that got the beautiful ladies and neglected his studies in high school or a 'nerd' that ends up becoming a civil engineer or doctor, earning hundreds of thousands per year. I know which one I'd rather be. There is always time after school to fall in love.But that is just my opinion, I wish almost everyday that I could turn back the clock and do things right again, although in the end, it is your choice.

[iGuest 3]

Replying to DSGamer3002

 

Hey wateva you do dnt change your self cause you seem like a cool person but fashion wise you can change up yo clothes a lil and stil be comfortable. You dnt gotta wear jeans a yo life just to follow the crowd sum1 will see you fo who you really are! haha if you wanna talk mo hit me up at https://myspace.com/browser.

 

Good luck boo!

 

-reply by eh...

[curtis07 0]

I am a sophomore in college now. I have yet to date. No, I'm not a loser (maybe at football; I suck at American football). I have just been waiting. Not just for the right girl. No, I'm waiting until it will be more fun TO date than NOT to. When I started high school, I planned on waiting until I was 16. When I was 16, I noticed that nobody that dated had fun after the first three dates or so. I also noticed that ONLY going on one or two dates was impossible for my academy friends. So I waited. I decided to wait until I was 18. It's nothing my parents said (they told me I could date at 13). I simply had foresight.Actually, my first school was in a church basement with seven girls and me, the only boy. I was the youngest. Then I went to an elementary school with more boys than girls (for third-graders, it was the most immature group of elementary boys you could imagine; I feel sorry for the teacher). Then I went to a very small academy, the only guy in my class again. Then, on to another academy, with something like 2/3 of the student body being girls. Now I'm going to a university with an excellent nursing program (I'm business and mass comm, in case you care), so, as stereotype would suggest correctly, there are more girls than guys. So I've had opportunity.Well, this waiting is actually not bad. It gives me a chance to actually have good friend relationships. I became great friends with my roommate, had a study group going, and had a blast on choir tours. It's cool to be able to play chess with your business major buddy one day and go to the gym and play volleyball with your nursing friends for three hours the next. So many people see dating as "interminable togetherness" (get out your wiktionaries). It would be nice if dating could mean playing chess one day and volleyball the next. Sitting together during school assemblies just doesn't sound like fun. My advice (look at this: someone with no experience giving advice! the nerve!) is: date someone you can be friends with. Not the "just friends" type, but someone you are not just "lovers" with.So far, I don't regret not dating. I'm not going to wait too much longer, though, because I go to a wonderful university with a lot of nice girls. And they aren't 13 and looking to show off to all the 11-year-old girls that they're dating.

[iGuest 3]

Does he like me?

I Have Never Been In A Relationship

 

I was set up with this guy by my bestfriend and we talked 4 like a week and then he invited me to the movies.We ended up fooling around in the movie theater.And later on he told me that he didn't like that I was so easy to do things with him.We are not together now but we still talk do you think this will ever grow into a real relationship?

 

-question by shay

[EchoTang 0]

dont worry so much. have fun while your still young, do what you feel is right and don't do something just because of the idea of it. Be yourself

[Echo_of_thunder 1]

well this topic being a year or so old I just hope you have found that realionship by now.

[africa 0]

For real dawg...have you found her??I was in such a situation for sometime only by choice!Now i'm getting back in the game..my things is coming on point again!

[iGuest 3]

Out of all the letters I just read through, yours stands out as the most mature. God only knows why we are so vain and insensitive at an age where life is actually one long and exciting road ahead. I'm 34 and now, reading your letter remember myself at the same age, feeling just like a pebble amongst pebbles. I just wanted to say, you are beautiful (without seeing any pictures) and that comes across in your personality and choice of words. It is exactly these experiences that you are lucky (yes lucky) to experience so early on - in your 2 year old sneakers *how cool! that you are honing your life skills in figuring out very quickly the shallow people that thrive mainly on looks and charming behaviour.  Meanwhile you will find as you grow older and move out into the most interesting world, that there are many people like you, and each curious and shaped differently just like those gorgeous pebbles. Is any pebble the same? Isnt that their beauty.. So, if I can ask you to take any advice, it would be to learn to love each one of your quirks, be even more true to yourself and don't conform if deep inside it makes you sad. Be happy and the only way to find true happiness is by looking inside of you and being every bit yourself, in the way you dress and put things together, in your hairstyle, in the way you walk and talk and write. When you are happy and content and not trying at all, you will see, that people are attracted by simplicity and purity in intention. Hope that makes sense..