Can I Vent On Myself?

[anwiii 17]

well, it's not really a vent but it's not something i need help on either. i've just been feeling down on myself. i know i am not the easiest guy to get along with but my actions recently have been overboard. i've been trying to pinpoint where it's coming from. best answer i can think of is that Xisto makes my emotions scramble with all sorts of emotions that are sometimes hard to control. i take everything personal and i think i get too deep. i don't think i'm crazy, i think it comes from loving Xisto. the real world is embeded in it. happy, sad, angry, depressed and all sorts of emotions that can be read and disected differently depending on who reads the posts. i've come to love Xisto and it kills me knowing i have been wrong with my words recently. i'm a grown man and have tears in my eyes. i feel a little better for reasons i wont state but still feel bad knowing it doesn't fix the problem or how i have acted. to know me is to know i would give the shirt off my back for someone...i go out of my way to help people. but i realized my tone and words don't really help people much and have the opposite effect and just knowing this hurts me greatly inside. it's actually nothing personal towards anyone...but that is besides the point because it doesn't get interpreted that way. and it's my job if i am to write something, that it gets understood the RIGHT way. with respect for others and their opinions.thinking back before the www when there were only bbses, then irc came along, i saw alot of cruel people. i saw how they treated others and their excuse was that it wasn't the real world and anything is game. some peoples excuse was that combined with their thoughts that the internet was a place to vent and release all the negative inside them no matter who it hurt. i for one was an advocate for the people who were getting hurt. i argued with these people who were just plain WRONG! although i don't think i have taken it to that same level as i have witnessed over 20 years ago, but i did to a certain degree. i feel like a hypocrit in how i can feel one way in how the world should be and then i go off acting the way i do sometimes. i am not perfect, but it's just no excuse. but i know my errors and all i can do is try. usually people don't realize things about themselves sometimes and it takes others to help them realize if that person is open to understanding him/herself more. i try to incorportate this life philosophy in my own life to always keep improving myself to become a better person.although i know my wrongs, sometimes it's hard to take ones own advice. not because i don't want to. just because it's HARD sometimes and i thank a few people on trap in being patient with me when they didn't have to be. i don't need to name names since they probably know who they are. all i can say is i love the staff here. i know i am not that well known but i sure as heck don't want to be known as a prick or any other name that describes me better. you can think of one yourself, just keep it to yourself :Pwell, i am a little embarrased writing this....especially admitting the tears in my eyes. i just know i had to release what's inside me here and the only way i could do that was with sincerity and honesty.i just hope the people i have offended or disrespected or embarrased in anyway forgive me. i am deeply sorry and i will always try to improve how i write my posts here. maybe it's a good thing i feel this way. maybe it's a wakeup call and something good will come about it.ok...continue on to the other threads....i feel a little better now {TAKING DEEP BREATH} SIGH! THANKS FOR LISTENING> CRAP> HELD THE SHIFT KEY TOO LONG!

[jlhaslip 4]

Can I Vent On Myself?

Absolutely.

We are often harder on ourselves than others would be, so, yes, it can be refreshing and insightful.

[BuffaloHelp 24]

It takes a big person to admin his/her true feeling. It takes even a bigger person to have the ability to reflect and remorse. Reflecting about one's own action to know the difference and to laugh at him/her self is a lost art--perhaps that is what's missing in today's society.I am confident to say that the general statement shown to the parties involved will understand your true intention. I say this out of personal experiences. When I became a moderator of Xisto I realized subtle changed I had towards others. This subtle change came immediately in my driving style. I was inclined to yield and show compassion to slow drivers--I have some heavy lead foot, you see.And I cannot credit this self-involving growth without crediting Xisto. I, too, have had shares of conflicts in this beloved forum. And without such I would not have the great opportunity to view myself from others' eyes. I am grateful, for however small the affect, I had the luxury of safely expose my flaws so that I can learn--safely in the environment of Xisto forum with intellectual discussions.If the World was as perfect as a discussion forum, I would imagine wars would be over in matter of weeks rather than years or decades. When words are left at the end we learn from words that were left behind. Battles only leave casualties behind.I would also like to acknowledge and thank those who were referred in this Vent for their deep understandings. Without both remorse and understanding this Vent could not have the chance to be of a value.

[Csshih 0]

I agree with BuffaloHELP,I was a great experience reading your post, It made me think of what I've the internet.Not many good things :PYou are a bit hard on yourself.Take pride that you have admitted this, and have sometimes tried to correct this.It is much more than many people do/have done these days.*Sits back in awe.*

[anwiii 17]

I agree with BuffaloHELP,I was a great experience reading your post, It made me think of what I've the internet.
Not many good things
You are a bit hard on yourself.
Take pride that you have admitted this, and have sometimes tried to correct this.
It is much more than many people do/have done these days.

*Sits back in awe.*

naw, i don't think i was too hard on myself. if i didn't feel the way i did, i would never have came to my realizations and felt bad to try harder to change some of my ways. sometimes bad things have to happen for change to occur. i am a firm believer in this. that's why i believe there are positives to any bad situation because i feel life balances out that way....or should. i'm feeling 100% better now though and i am aware more of some of the things i should have been aware of before. so it's all good for now

thanks haslip and buff for your responses and your pm's. both your support and patience has amazed me and has meant alot from the bottom of my heart and opaQ who i know has a deep understanding and caring for people who helped me realize some things.

after i got all emotional the other night, i re-read some of my messages and pm's i sent to people <shaking head> i wanted to realize the true extent of what was going on and i felt worse knowing i was just way out of line and rude. why i say the patience i recieved from others has amazed me

why i will continue to support Xisto and acknowledge this place as more than just free web hosting, but a close community that is hard to find now a days in such a huge place as the WWW. just proves to me what i have always known.

[Aeara 0]

O= That's such a good idea? Why NOT vent on one's self? I mean really? I bet there are always moments in each of our lives that we point out subconsciously, that we could have avoided or prevented by doing or saying something different. I mean there are times when I flash back to something stupid that I just said and I scream at myself "NO YOU IDIOT DON'T SAY THAT CRAP!" Yeah, I really really bring out the worst in myself in some situations. I guess it really comes down to using this venting as a way of improving one's self or "self worth/image" To me it's both, I feel *BLEEP* when my character outside is *BLEEP*. So I try to represent myself in a way that is representing a country (idealistically; because it doesn't mean that I do it, I just wish I could) that way I represent/act/talk/think in a wya that is far beyond dignified, almost overproud of one's self even, but that's at the most extremity. My main point is that venting should have a purpose, whether it be getting out stress and anger in a healthy fashion or simply trying to use venting as a way to criticize yourself in a constructive way. I might be venting out on myself here on this thread some time later on if admin staff permits it.