bluefrostii 0 Report post Posted June 27, 2007 Hey everyone,my story is this. I've been in love wit my best guy friend for 5 years.It started when we were both 14, the usual teen crush. But we both went out seperate ways,different schools,lifes,etc. and remained best friends.I have always had feelings for him, and recently he told me that he has been in love with me from the first time he met me,and that we are alike in so many ways,etc.But problem number one is that he has a girlfriend of 2 years.He asked me how i felt,and i said i didnt want to say because he has a girlfriend.He told his girlfriend that he was in love with me,they broke up and got back together now.He still keeps asking me if i have feelings for him, and our weekly emails to each other,have turned into 2-3 emails per day, instant messaging and going out.Dont get me wrong, we just hang out,we are just friends.His girlfriend is really obsessive about our emails to each other,and the fact that we hang out. Which she obviously has a right to be upset about since he told her that he was in love with me. The other day she emailed me asking me if i liked him,and that she doesnt blame me for liking him since he is a nice guy my problem is this, i cannot be friends with him because i am in love with him, yet i feel stupid for sacrificing our long friendship over something so stupid.I feel that he is being selfish, and keeping me on the reserve bench.I know his relationship is falling apart because of me,and thats the reason why I want to stop it all.But i am in love with him,and crazily enough i want to be with him.can someone please give me some advice? i just dont know what to do????thanks.sorry about the length... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
t3jem 0 Report post Posted June 27, 2007 I think a good question to ask him, would be how much he likes/loves his girlfriend. Some guys tend to think they need a girlfriend and always try to have one; however, it seems that he loves you quite a bit and he may just be confused and doesn't want to break up with his current girlfriend if he isn't sure he can date you. That what it sounds like to me anyways, I hope this helped and everything works ok.P.S. Don't stop talking to him just because your in love with him, you don't want to lose a great guy because he has a girlfriend, just don't tempt him to cheat on his girlfriend. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nol 0 Report post Posted June 27, 2007 Some guys tend to think they need a girlfriend and always try to have oneI 100% agree with that statement. I had 3 girlfriends in the past like 4 months, but I have always loved my ex, and I still do, even though I was the one that broke us up. The other 3 girls were just for me to feel loved, I just liked the feeling of kissing them, even though everytime I did, I was thinking of my other girlfriend, yet I went out with more girls just to have a girl to be with, and pretend that everything is ok. If I were you, I'd tell him you love him, and you really want to be with him, yet you don't want him to break up with his girlfriend because they look perfect together.I know thats what always gets my friends, they really like this other girl, but are going out with another girl, and a girl says this, they go all over this other girl (by over i mean "crushing" on them) So just tell him how you really feel, itll help, and if he never knows, itll just haunt you the rest of your life, and if he does, and he doesn't feel that he loves you more then his current girlfriend, well at least you tried right? And theres nothing better then that feeling of knowing you tried your best. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BuffaloHelp 24 Report post Posted June 28, 2007 Some relationships were just not meant to be...And for him to keep you aside just in case he "needs the backup" is not and never fair for you. Heck, you can grow old and still wait for his affection while he's running around getting it from someone else.The fact that you still love him even you identified this flaw of his, says you are genuinely in love with him--and not just a crush or an infatuation. So the question is, are you willingly able to stand by while he comes to his sense and recognize your love for who you are or are you going to move on and find someone that deserves your love and can return equal admiration?It would be unwise if you believe that "you" can change any aspects of "him." I think this is the first and the biggest mistake when anyone falls in love. Love should be almost unconditional. I say "almost" because we all demand something in return at some point for our dedication towards someone else. You should love that person for who he/she really is and not what he/she can pretend or have the potential. And lastly, anyone showing that much of obsession at this early age doesn't look too good for the future You can almost sense some kind of psychological dependency on someone else from a far. And he choosing her over you says a lot about his ability to cast a good judgment. You don't need that juvenile as a boyfriend in your life. You deserve so much more! I don't know who you are but all of us deserve so much better. :)If he can't recognize your love by now, I don't think he will ever recognize. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
salamangkero 0 Report post Posted June 28, 2007 (edited) Oh dear, you are quite in a predicament, aren't you? My heart reaches out to you; I seriously feel sorry for you.  Oh yeah, not that I'm insinuating anything or being extremely judgmental but are you a guy or a girl? You have a forum name that is not indicative of any gender, your profile gender is not set and, well, you don't have any pics either so I really have no idea...  In any case, I really feel sorry for you because I do think your best friend is a bit of a jerk. At the very least, you have an insensitive guy on your plate. I mean, what kind of sensible guy would just say that to a girl and not do anything about it? In other words, why should he tell you how he feels if he has no intention, or at least, no courage of his conviction to follow through and ask you out?  It is perfectly normal for best friends to feel attached to one another and when it really comes down to it, I really think he loves you (No, I'm not psychic; I'm just saying that if the two of you were really close friends, there is a high chance he has a place for you in his heart) If I might be audacious enough, it is easy to imagine that he loves you even more than that girl of his. However, it does seem that your best friend is being extra-cautious. Sorta like testing the waters; maybe if you said yes, he'd jump ship (ditch his girl and ask you out) I'm assuming you haven't told him how you feel. I know it looks greedy, and even rude, but, practically speaking, it is a wise decision on his part (only that it's beneficial to him alone) The heart, after all, is a very precious investment; you'd be better off knowing first what you're getting into.  It may look like he's keeping you as a reserve, or a safety net, just in case things don't work out with his girlfriend but have you ever considered that he might be keeping her as the backup and that he's really after you?  Again, I'm not saying anything is real; I'm just saying that there are some things worth considering.  Okay, I know I'm also bing insensitive, thinking aloud when what you asked for is an advice, right? So on to the advice...  I strongly suggest you tell him how you feel. Tell him, with all honesty, that you are in love with him. Now, I know this looks like a very selfish move on your part for it will put him into hot water, appearing to make him choose between his girl and you but, if you look at it carefully, he started it. He most probably won't tell you he loves you out of pure honesty, hell, he's probably telling you that because he is hoping you feel the same way too!  Now, ideally, you can tell him that, even though you love him, you're not seeking to ruin his current relationship and that you wish for his happiness even though it does not include you. However, I would not want to ask you to do that if you don't really feel that way; it will come off as cheap trick and a quite too histrionic one too if you pull i off without meaning it.  Humanly speaking, the moment his girl find out about your confession, she'd be pissed off and there'd be a confrontation. Whatever you do, don't antagonize her or tell your best friend to ditch that slutty 3!+(# he's dating, despite any urge you may or may not feel.  Of course, things may or may not go as I have said but, whatever happens, stick to the truth. It was well that you didn't answer his question, rather than lie and say, "No, I'm not in love with you." Don't try any offhand techniques, cheap trick or dirty magic; it won't help the least bit and will most probably complicate the situation. If he asks for the truth, tell him the truth; don't lie. Tell him how you feel, that you are in love with him and that you feel like he's being selfish and that you think he's keeping you as a reserve broad.  From here on, you'll probably get a lot of other advices. (Well, duh, you asked for it ) Anyway, just to show that I'm not pulling this stuff from thin air, let me tell you a story...  I have gone through your... situation. Twice.  The first one was my best friend in high school. In our first few years in college, we grew closer together despite the fact that we're in different universities. Anyway, to cut the long cheese short, I admitted what I felt for him. Three months after, things went awry between us; we were expecting more from each other since we're already together and there was friction because, when it comes down to it, we were trying to change each other to suit our tastes perfectly.  We broke up and lost contact with each other for four years. When we finally met again, we were, at first, awkward but we rekindled our friendship gradually. We were, initially, just civil with each other, then warm, then we shared an open friendship. I know we can never be romantically involved with each other ever again but I'm glad I took that leap. More than ever, I think we gained a deeper understanding of each other. Now we know what we can ask/request and what we'd be better off keeping mum about. We lead different lives now and we rarely meet offline but we share an intimate camaraderie and a better degree of respect for each other than when we were just best friends.  The second guy was my senpai in my college days. It was quite an accident that I fell in love with him. Anyway, we were academically busy with school requirements that I vowed to myself never to say a word about it until after graduation; I don't want any possible friction between us to affect some projects we're working on together.  Well, things didn't go quite well on my part so he graduated and I, on the other hand, had to stay for another year. (As a side note, I didn't tell him that and put him off track with white lies, just so he won't worry about me) I confessed how I felt and, quite unfortunately, he didn't like me that way, at least, not as a romantic partner. He does respect my... preferences, just that he's not one of "us".  Things were awkward for the months that followed; we suddenly ran out of topics to IM to each other. I seriously thought that he feels uneasy around me so I started online conversations with him less frequently than before.  He got himself a girlfriend during that time, though he didn't tell me; I found it out from another person. Still, I know that trust is not something so easily given, especially after I have hidden some things from him all that time.  After some time, however, we soon fell back to the easy talk and light banter we often exchanged in our college days. Soon, we have regained mutual trust in each other. I trust him not to "out" me to our other (homophobic) friends and he trusts me not to, well, rape him or stuff.  Falling in love with your best friend is always tricky stuff but, as someone once told me before, it is better to say it and take the chance rather than keep silent and let it poison your friendship ^_^v  Oh yeah, and about what BuffaloHELP-san said, I'd like to point out that you (bluefrostii, not BuffaloHELP) yourself didn't recognize it as well until he told you  Again, don't jump to conclusions and say he's keeping you as a spare tire. It could very well be the other way around Edited June 28, 2007 by salamangkero (see edit history) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tuddy 0 Report post Posted June 28, 2007 How is he keeping you on the reserve bench? He asked you how you felt, and you wouldn't tell him, even though he has a girlfriend tell him. While it may not be fair for you to interfere with the current relationship its not fair on his girlfriend that he keeps stringer her along if he really loves you. I know how you think it may seem bad if they break up again that you somehow caused it, but if he is such a nice guy he isn't going to break up with his current girlfrend unless he knows its the right thing to do, because he loves you more, and he knows you love him, and he needs to know that, so go on, go tell him!!You can't make it just end, if he loves you, then thats that. If you love him, then that is what it is. You can't turn it on or off, and the only way this friendship will die is if you make it die. Why is it that you two hang out together and not invite his girlfriend? You could invite one of your girlfriends? The fact your with him by yourself is what is making the whole sitiuation harder then what it may seem. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
farh1n 0 Report post Posted June 28, 2007 hay, i think u should ask him again state away, that what kind of relationship he want to carry, if he likes u , then he feel some hasitation to answer, feel and judge him at that point of time, and please dont go furture with a gut who dont like u . Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bluefrostii 0 Report post Posted June 29, 2007 hey everyone, thanks for the advice.i am a girl lol (didnt know how to change my profile,but i have fixed it.YAYUPDATEso the guy has gone away for a 2 week holiday,and when he comes back im going overseas..the day he returns, but i have decided to simply tell him i love him,and that i want to be with him... something along those lines. im just trying to say it right,so it would be less akward afterwards.thank you so much for your time :)hope it works out for the best Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
iGuest 3 Report post Posted May 25, 2009 Fell in love with my best friendIn Love With A Best FriendI was best friends with this guy for about a year... We did everything together and we told eachother everything. He started falling for me but I didn't feel the same way. Then he told me he was leaving for Iraq being as he was in the Marines. When he told me this, I realized how much I really did love him more than a friend, so we hooked up. It was the best thing I could have ever done. We stayed in touch the whole 9 months he was gone, and when he came back it was like he never left. We're now dating and I'm happier than I've ever been and soo in love. Being best friends first made our love for eachother so much stronger. We are so comfortable for eachother and once again... So damn in love with eachother. Go for it! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
iGuest 3 Report post Posted August 1, 2009 advice 2 u pplIn Love With A Best FriendI think u should ask him if he luv u or his girlfriend and than tell him 2 pick between u or her if he chooses his girlfriend than just forget about him and start being friend ,but if he picks u than he should brake up with his girlfriend because he should not be going out with a girl that he doesn't love it like telling lie 2 her and start going out with u /txtmngr/images/smileys/smiley14.Gif /txtmngr/images/smileys/smiley4.Gif-reply by can't say Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
iGuest 3 Report post Posted September 2, 2009 GO FOR IT GIRL!!!In Love With A Best FriendWhat's stopping you girl? If he feels the same way about you go for it... When you love someone you give it your all and jump head first, no matter the consequences. I am in the same position... Here's my quote of the day... After a lot of thinking and considering my options I came down to this.. "LIFE IS ALL ABOUT A LEARNING EXPERIENCE... YOU WILL NEVER FULLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU LEARNED UNLESS YOU FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THE LESSON..." If your worried about hurting the other girls feelings, don't be... If he feels this way about you then he doesnt need to be with her and your actually doing her a favor so she can find happiness of her own.. -reply by rachel Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
iGuest 3 Report post Posted September 4, 2009 advice for being in love with your best friend....In Love With A Best FriendReplying to bluefrostiiMy best friend told me 20 years ago that he was in love with me. At the time, I was dating someone else. I told my friend that I wasn't interested in him like that. I got married and just celebrated my 14th anniversary. I realized two years ago when my best friend was visiting me that I had very strong feelings for him.It's too late now...I am married and have kids. He just came to visit again and we talked about our feelings openly. My heart is breaking. He kissed me and it was like nothing I have ever felt before. When he left ,I knew it was good-bye and he took my heart with him. I have soooo much regret that I never gave him a chance. He was my soul mate. I will never get a chance to know what it's like to feel that kind of love again.Tell your friend that you love him. If he loves you too, he should leave his girl friend so that you can be together. Don't wait 20 years when it's too late...-reply by Chi-town Girl Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
iGuest 3 Report post Posted September 9, 2009 what do you do when your in love with your best friend but he loves your GIRL best friend ^In Love With A Best Friendheey so I'm a 14 year old girl & just got into highschool ( todayy !) ive been best friends with this guy I like since grade 7. He was dating my best friend at the time and he was happy, she was happy & I was happy with my crush. (another guy) he was always with me( we were in the same class ) it got to the point that my girl friends in my class got sick of him always being my partner for projects and sitting with us at lunch a.K.A [ we couldnt talk about anything cause he was listening ] once when we were getting into partners he came up 2 me and my other friend got fed up & yelled oh God will you get lost !? well he did,.. For about an hour. We knew each other so well I could tell when he was upset just by looking at his face or even if I wasnt looking at him hearing the tone of his voice. He knew me well too. I knew everything about him . He told me everything.I always helped him get in good with his girlfriend ( my best girl friend ) && he helped me when I was down. Like one time my best friend ( his girlfriend ) got in a fight w. Her other friends. When they were making up she left me to be with them because they didnt like me. So I was left alone, sitting by the wall. My best guy friend walked over from playing basketball & without a word sat down beside me. When we went inside and recaped what happened to our other friend he helped he get through the pain I felt from getting ditched. he was pratically glued to me the only time he wasnt was when I went to the bathroom, literally. but then my best friend dumped him. He was heartbroken & guess what had to pick up & put back together the peices of his broken heart ? ya thats right, me . Over the summer & next year we kinda grew apart, due to the fact that the next year we were put in seprate classes. But then near the end of the year he told me a 'big' secret. He still loved my best friend. Of coarse I wasnt aloud to tell anyone & I didnt. But my best friend had ended up dating my guy best friends guy best friend [i know confusing, try 2 stay with me] it crushed him. But they broke up & now I'm in highschool with all my friends & the one who said hes stay my friend forever is not even talking to me. Yup thats right that friends my so called guy best friend. My girl best friend hates him now & he still loves her with all his heart. I hear about it practically everyday now but its not something I wanna hear, I just listen to show I care, way more then he knows. I do everything 4 him , ive even made my best girl friend unblock him from msn so he could talk 2 her & be happy. The last couple of days hes barley accknoledged me. When just a week before he would talk 2 me everyday, give me advice, make me smile & laugh. He would always talk the secound he got on msn. Now he doesnt. My best girl friend complains about him all the time & I'm sick of it. Shes lucky he cares about her so much. Shes compleatly evil 2 him but his love for her blinds him of that. Hes online right now & he still hasnt said anything to me... It hurts so badd... I love him so much I just wish he'd see that ? its driving me crazy ! id give him my life if he needed it, id give him my heart, my last breath. Hes my world. I used to be his. I should of never made such a special spot in my heart 4 him... But I did. How do I cope with this ? it hurts so much... How do I deal with my best guy friend liking my best girl friend ?-reply by natasha Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
iGuest 3 Report post Posted September 12, 2009 ok so I read what u had to say I sooooo know how your feeling girl...I knew my bestfriend for about 4 years as well and now he has a girlfriend..I'm going crazy now...Everyone told us before that they knew we where going to get together and etc...But we never thought that but now...Its crazy cause I'm in love with him and don't know what to do... -reply by nichole Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gisellebebegirl 0 Report post Posted September 20, 2009 i really think you have a talk with him, i know how it feels to be almost in love with your friend and know you cant carry the relationship as a friendship anymore, because there is nothing else to know, and nowhere to go from thereyou either love him or hate him, cant be in betweeni really think you should confront him in person, ask him how much he cares about his girlfriend, and if he cares more about you, then hint him, that maybe you should try going out/being a couple etcbecause i dont think it is fair for the other girl to keep being lead on, if he has bigger feelings for you, than he does for herjust go for it.. if he cant grow the cajones you make the first move.. IN PERSON, none of that email stuff Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
