Partiality By Parents (between Son And Daughter) pampering and partiality by mother / father

[velma 6]

Hey,This is actually a topic that I wanted to get out of my system from a long time....It's about mothers and their fascinations to worship their sons and of pampering and partiality.I came from a family where I was literally kept on the side while my brother was the god....I mean then he got spoiled and behaved badly but still was treated like a king, Now his wife is suffering because of his bratty nature.The thing that bugs me is that many times mothers pamper their sons like gods and then get hurt and jealous when the boy gets a girl friend.. Imagine your a girl and you hook up with this really nice guy but then his mom gets all jealous of you because he is spending too much time on you. I mean she might not do anything but it is still bad blood which no man is ever aware of sadly....I have this friend I know whose brother is pampered like crazy but she is just a member of the family, It has its positives like independence and quicker maturity mentally.....First the mothers pamper their sons and then when the girls drift away or get weird complexes or get into drugs or something, It is casually blamed on her and she is made miserable even more.... I mean why? When the son is gonna be there with the family but the girl leaves then why make the life of the woman who will be the son's better half in the future hell?This does not apply to son spoilt and daughter hurt policy....Even sons get battered often like my best friendCheers....I finally got it out of my system.

[salamangkero 0]

I think this stems from a very sexist point of view. Men, supposedly, are of great benefit to their families even after getting married. In a stereotypical family, men are the breadwinners, meaning, they are part of the workforce. Should they excel in their respective fields, they bring honor, not only to their own family but also to their own parents.Women, on the other hand, in a conservative setting, get married off. As housewives, they hardly have a chance to excel. Also, as mothers, they have a tendency to brood over their young, in other words, their loyalty lies, first, in their progeny, before their own parents.Might I also add that a big factor is the fact that men carry the family name while women's surnames get overwritten by their husband's surnames

[Smack 0]

Well, in my family we don't do this - if any we are taught to value our women more.But it is annoying and hurtful when a parent values one child more than the other(s). It's sad and it really affects the shunned child in an awful way.I would have to say what decides this is the type of culture you're in and the way your parents and you were/are brought up.

[velma 6]

Hey,I was the shunned child my whole life time and my bro was loved and cherished and now he is living of fmy parents and earning a bit through odd jobs. The day I had left my house to live separate and work, they suddenly felt the love for their child and started to yell at me about how I did not belong to the family and that I was "betraying them" I wonder how that happened .I was blamed for everything all my life and I still dont hate them or blame them for they taught me to live alone and independent....Though their method was accidental and not preferable.....I now live a really happy life with my boyfriend and 6 pets including me and my boy :(Thanks for listening.....Cheers

[t3jem 0]

In my family it was just two boys, my mom didn't really pamper us though. We do get quite a bit of support and freebies from our parents, but we aren't pampered either. I think I grew up to be a very good man and I'm glad of the way my parents raised me; though I don't plan on getting married for quite some time, I don't think I'll be a bad husband.

[JasperIk 0]

I see this happen a lot. Now i have a couple theories on why. But i'll get to them in a second, my friend has a brother and he is constantly doing stupid/bad things, and yet he gets away with them. Now my friend does something, or the same thing and she gets in trouble. Now, i wouldn't consider this sexist exactly, because heres where it becomes a little more clear as to why this occurs: It's quite obvious that my friends mom didn't want a second baby, (it's been said by people who knew her before she conceived my friend, and even she has lightly admitted to it.) as her husband did, so it was a silent agreement that the mom would take care of the son, and the dad would take care of the daughter. What this means, is they will handle how they get treated when they get in trouble, now my friends mom is really easy going about how things get ran, where as her dad is more stern, so basically my friend, who happens to be the second child, just got the crap deal, and i don't think it would have mattered if she was a girl or a boy. At the same time, i find it common in both parents, to favor one gender over the other. I think it has to do with being the only person in their life, like the main opposite gendered person. So naturally a lot of dads feel threatened when their daughter brings home another guy, just as a mom feels threatened when her son brings home a girl. They both feel their spotlight is being taken away, however they tend to not feel like the same about their kids who are of the same gender. Which is why you see so many dads being okay their sons going off and dating a bunch of chicks, many would see that as being sexist, but seriously moms do the SAME thing when it comes to their daughters, maybe they aren't encouraging it like you see fathers, but they aren't saying anything, which means they support it. Now i don't want to make you feel worthless by saying this, but it just is another thought about the situation. Parents do not love their children equally, they may love them in different ways for different reasons, but i can honestly say i don't feel that they love their children equally. There may be something that prevents your mom from thinking higher of you, maybe you remind her of herself when she was younger, or a part of her that she doesn't like about herself. Maybe theres things you do she doesn't agree with. What i'm trying to say is maybe she just doesn't love you as much as your brother, regardless of his gender. There is an another possibility, maybe she doesn't expect much from you, she assumes you don't need the same comfort and spoiling as your brother. Parents can be really stupid sometimes, and they assume because a child doesn't show their craving for support, spoiling, or any other kind of need, that they don't want it. Maybe you should just confront her about it. In my family theres there is only 2 boys and then 4 sisters, my mother has ALWAYS treated us all differently. For example, i cannot honestly remember a time that my mother treated me like a worthy human being. I don't know if it was because she always knew i was gay, or because she didn't like my father...she just never treated me as nicely as she treated my other siblings. She also hardly treated my brother very well either, nor my second youngest sister. It is horrible, and it sucks but what can you do about it? People aren't perfect, and neither are parents. Maybe you should confront your mom. Do something most people are afraid to do. Because honestly i think almost every sibling, has dealt with something like that. Whether they felt too smothered, because their parents never give any attention to the other sibling (it happens, some siblings HATE seeing their other sibling not get enough attention, then theres some who don't even notice.) Or because they aren't getting enough attention. Theres so many issues with not being an only child, but at least we all can relate?

[Saint_Michael 3]

Well look at the Japanese and especially the Chinese cultures the first child especially if it is a son gets the most attention and the perks and if anyone been paying attention to New from China about the ratio of men to women I believe it was like 15-20:1 because of the fact that chinese couples prefer sons as a first child then a daughter. Of course when you see a lot of parents adopt it's mostly Chinese girls because of the fact some parents didn't want them. I am not saying all Chinese parents are like that, but of course theirs that 2 child rule that everyone follows as well, which I think is cruel especially for a society that prefere sons over daughters.With Japan its not as bad but if you all remember the fact that the emperor had no sons and 2 daughters, the Japanese government have been battle it out to see if they would allow a Woman to become empress of Japan. If my memory servers me correctly there have been only 2 empress's in all of Japans history. Of course that all change when a second wife (if you want to call it that) gave birth to a son, so that matter was finished once it happen. Now I haven't heard much about since then (fall of last year).But was mention earlier in some post about parents hating their kids because they didn't want them is not uncommon either of course some decide to give up the child which is a good healthy thing but other will treat them badly and or in most severe cases beat or kill their children. But I have heard to many cases in the last 5 years or so about that happen; however, it still could happen because most of the time no one outside the family knows about it.Either way if don't want kids do the simple thing and get your tubes tied, but with the cultural thing thats hard to break a tradition thats been going on for a very long time so it would hard to change peoples views on that, so I can't really give an opinion on that.

[garbage 0]

Wow I have never even looked at people or boys and their moms like this, but after reading most of what you all posted I really see alot of that.. I have noticed it especially with the ones who play the sports and the moms are there, caterring to their needs, and this here just might explain one situation with someone I know,He recently just started talking to girl and the mom like gives her a nasty look always gives her attitude, and ofcourse tells him that he doesnt need a girl and other junk..I think these moms are obsessed and in this case i think there is something sick withthis lady, tho she is a single parent, and i dont know if its something that was caused by the dad not beiong there so she doesnt want to be feeling like shes unwanted again. and maybe she feels like she needs to do what she has to to keep her boy.. as much as possible.either way, i see this alot but i never really noticed it, or actually cared to look into it or pay attention to it, but now that its brought up here, i tend to notice it a bit more..

[velma 6]

He recently just started talking to girl and the mom like gives her a nasty look always gives her attitude, and ofcourse tells him that he doesnt need a girl and other junk..

I know how that is...Somehow Mothers think that every chick their son dates is a **** and she "Bewitched" her son.....My ex boy friends mother thought that atleast.. And that too It happened because I made her boy do his own stuff and was "blunt"......

We broke up because of her..Her son has no backbone though. He never used his brains.....Thought whatever she said was right and the whole world wrong.Now that loser is in a lot of debts because of bad advice from his mom...

I too was an unplanned and unwanted child and the only reason my mom did not get me aborted was because my granny stopped her.......

Cheers

[garbage 0]

I know how that is...Somehow Mothers think that every chick their son dates is a **** and she "Bewitched" her son.....My ex boy friends mother thought that atleast.. And that too It happened because I made her boy do his own stuff and was "blunt"......
We broke up because of her..Her son has no backbone though. He never used his brains.....Thought whatever she said was right and the whole world wrong.Now that loser is in a lot of debts because of bad advice from his mom...

I too was an unplanned and unwanted child and the only reason my mom did not get me aborted was because my granny stopped her.......

Cheers

well its goods to hear that ypou are here,..

and that had to have sucked, having a boyfriend with a mom likre that. In most cases you really dont see that especially from the boys side of it. it usually the other way around with the girls mom or parents talking bad about the guy..

either way sucks to be him too, cause a guy like that who cant think for himself and im sure he always relies on his mom has got to suck too..

[velma 6]

Yeah garbage tell me about it.....That guy had no backbone and his mom leeched onto him and made him do what she wanted...Said "It is for your own good". I have seen parents talk about their daughters like she was an angel and turns out that she is just a brat.I appreciate parents trying to save their kids from harm but there has to be a limit and let the kid learn to live life in their own rather than controlling every motion. Today parents alive. Kids happy.....Tomorrow Parents die. Kids lost and get abused. Blame parents.I dont want anybody to get turned into my ex earthworm(spineless boyfriend).

[iGuest 3]

I am the oldest of 7 kids, 4 girls and 3 boys.  My parents worshiped my brothers while we girls did all of the chores etc they sat in front of the tv. My brothers got cars after they got their licence and we didn't even get a wedding (nor did they even attend the girls weddings).  My Dad is gone now and my mom is living with one of my brothers and still worshiping her sons.  All of her daughters have moved 100's of miles away. 

what really bothers me about all of this is that my mom is now worshiping my brothers kids and treats them way differently than her daughters kids.  they are all her grandchildren, but only the son's kids get birthday, christmas and anyday gifts.  She see's my kids one time a year when we visit and hardly acknowledges their presence!  the mother bear in me is making me crazy over this! 

Lisa

[iGuest 3]

IGuestPartiality By Parents (between Son And Daughter)

What iGuest said is 100% true in my life too..After my Dad died, things changed a lot in my mother. She always worship my brother and harnass me... Even after we both get married, treating the daughters is always not  100% equal with sons. People think son as God and daughter as slave...My mother never says anything nice about my family and always praises my brothers family..I hate when the partiality is shown the same way when it comes to grand children as well..This also gives me a lesson that NEVER EVER treat your children with partiality.

Even though both my brother and I live abroad,I have stopped discussing anything personal to my mother or my brother, and just talk about general things now a days. That helps me of not being totally out of my world, as well as keeping some distance. I initially tried my level best to be very nicer to my mother and truthful, but got a response as harnass as I cannot bare and my husband gave this idea of staying away so I am not mentally stressed out of all these harnass.

-reply by sdgsdg

[Parubilla 0]

That?s definitely true, moms have something with sons that they just do nothing and we girls have to do everything, my mom used to be like that with my brother I?m the oldest of 2, but I really started to complain about how I did everything while he was doing nothing and at first my mom answered me like "he?s too young he can?t do anything yet I don?t want him to get hurt blah blah" and I was like ???? I did the same things when I was his age and nothing happened to me, like we went to the same school he used to lost his uniform jacket all the time and my mom was like you have to go and find it, It really got me because when I had his age no one helped me find my stuff I have to take care of it myself, then as he became older he became off course and he still is really irresponsible with his things I finished highschool when he was still in elementary school so he had to start being responsible, it never happens, and I don?t think is going to happen for a long time. Now that I don?t live at home I just can?t imagine all the pampering he must be receiving is not jealousy is just that I?m a more responsible and down to earth person because of the way I was raised like to do things by myself, and he just doesn?t have that, so it?s really hard to say how his life is going to be when he start college and have to be more independent and it?s not going to be an easy transition for him. Now he do little things around the house but it?s like once a month or never, or do the things so mediocre that you have to redo them. Awful. So lesson learned you have to treat your kids the same way, you cannot be partial, and that also creates rivalry between the siblings, like I?m not close to my brother I love him off course he?s my brother but it?s sad that I see other siblings and no matter the age gap they?re really close and it all comes on the upbringing.

[onkarnath2001 0]

Hey,
This is actually a topic that I wanted to get out of my system from a long time....It's about mothers and their fascinations to worship their sons and of pampering and partiality.

I came from a family where I was literally kept on the side while my brother was the god....I mean then he got spoiled and behaved badly but still was treated like a king, Now his wife is suffering because of his bratty nature.

The thing that bugs me is that many times mothers pamper their sons like gods and then get hurt and jealous when the boy gets a girl friend.. Imagine your a girl and you hook up with this really nice guy but then his mom gets all jealous of you because he is spending too much time on you. I mean she might not do anything but it is still bad blood which no man is ever aware of sadly....

I have this friend I know whose brother is pampered like crazy but she is just a member of the family, It has its positives like independence and quicker maturity mentally.....

First the mothers pamper their sons and then when the girls drift away or get weird complexes or get into drugs or something, It is casually blamed on her and she is made miserable even more.... I mean why? When the son is gonna be there with the family but the girl leaves then why make the life of the woman who will be the son's better half in the future hell?

This does not apply to son spoilt and daughter hurt policy....Even sons get battered often like my best friend

Cheers....I finally got it out of my system.

hello,i believe that son are given more preferences but now a days the saga is changing and daughters are becoming more powerful than the sons.regarding the part of workforce,its is seen that girls are also participating in the working fields and contributing a lot.
in every field starting from the house hold job to office job,,fiels work of risky jobs even,,girls are contributing their efforts.
the rates will grow up in future and soon girls will come parallel to boys and it is understood by parents also and the difference is now just lying in between in just developing countries ..most of the developed countries have overcome this issue..