So What Should I Do?

[badger78 0]

2 days ago my gf came home after a day of shopping with her mom and sister (ironically in my home town and she saw my parents). Anyway, I didn't go since I was planning on making the 2.5 hour trip in a few weeks to see them plus a lot of times on Sundays they are out and about. Ok so she tells me she wants to "chat." So I stop what I'm doing and follow her into the kitchen. She looks at me and says "I want to breakup." I was very very taken aback by this. It was the last thing I expected to hear. I asked her why and she said her "gut" told her things weren't going to work out. I asked her for more details, and she said such things as she "needs to be who she really is" and she doesn't want to have me change. I said what things do I need to change, and she said we had talked about it before. Of course there are always bumps in the road, but I never thought anything was seriously wrong. I consider my self to be a pretty "aware" person, so if she was unhappy I didn't see it. I asked her for more details but she wouldn't tell me. I asked if there was someone else twice, and she said no. She said she can't keep trying to make it work out, but that I am a wonderful guy, etc. etc.She and I dated for almost 3 years. In fact, we had been talking about marriage and she dropped hints a lot the past few months. I was planning on getting her a ring in the next 2 months (which I told her). Last week we talked about me meeting up with her in Boston during the summer so we could see Fenway Park (she has a convention she want to go to in RI). Even marriage came up again last week! For some more perspective, I moved with her to a new city 7 months ago. Sure I was ready for a change, but I moved to stay with her since I knew she was the one. I do have some moments were I am not the most touchy feeling person, which I told I was sorry for, but I said that never meant I loved you less.To me it seems there is something I'm not being told. I talked to several female friends, and 1 thinks she is cheating on me, the other thinks her family told her to do this (which is strange since I thought we got along great), and another just said she is being unfair to me and needs to tell me everything.I don't know if I should put up the good fight for her and try to stay with her or move on. HELP!

[xtxtx91x 0]

thats really sadif i was you id defiantly be totally confused yeah i to think that she was most likely cheating on you because it kind of seems weird that you were together for 3 years and have been talking about marriage then all of a sudden she just wants to break up with you and wont explain there has to be something going on that she doesn't want you to know i think that if you really like her then you should put up a fight for her but thats what i would do if i was in this situation

[tuddy 0]

Can i just say one thing here, i know your hurt and all, bu do not dig yourself in rather by pushing her further away, making assumptions that she is cheating, assumptions like her family said something. You have to find a way to get out of her what ever it is she is not teliing you, provided there is something she isn't telling you.Also on the other foot, try something new and exciting to grab her attention back, ask her questions but not too many. Don't make her feel like she is being harrassed by you and make it turn out more ugly then what it is now. Good Luck mate!

[Autumn 0]

This is mostly textbook behavior.You guys have gotten to a point in the relationship where things are becoming very serious very fast. She's over-analyzing everything from her perspective; as she sees it. She's one of those girls that don't make any decision right off the start. Most of the time she has to think things through 7 or 8 times before she can make an assumptious conclusion.The best thing for you to do, I'd say, is to just give her time. While you're giving her time, though, it's important to show her that you feel no less for her now then you did last week, when you two were still dating. Tell her you still love her, as often as possible and just tell her that everything will play out fine. Assure her that you feel this is the right thing. Don't take it too far though. There's a limit between being desperate for her to come back, and you stalking her. It's a fine line that most people don't realise they're crossing.All that's left to say is that you need to be there for her, even if she doesn't come back to you right away. This isn't so much of a break-up, I think, as it is a time for her to collect her thoughts. Girls are emotional, most of the time.I hope everything works out for you. No one wants to be alone, and no one wants to accept the fact that they invested 3 years into something that's no longer.Again, give her her space when she wants it, but always let her know you still care. Always let her know.

[badger78 0]

Well I would hope after almost 3 years it would be serious :PWe haven't talked much since Sunday. I haven't seen her yet today, but she should be home in awhile. She will probably go shut herself in the bedroom. I do understand the need to give space, but I also want to be social and let her know my feelings have changed. Still, I want to get the whole story.

[FolkRockFan 0]

Keep pressing the issue and she'll just put more distance between you. Yeah, right now the situation is really confusing. I can see why. Three years together, marriage on the table, relocations have happened...there's a lot of investment in this relationship.But leaving her be is probably the best thing that you can do. If you give her space, she can think about what she really wants and probably even figure out what's bothering her. If you keep pushing things, one thing that will be bothering her will be YOU, and you don't want that.

[tuddy 0]

Well if she is shutting herself out of the relationship then it is only hers, and her alone at fault. If she was unhappy and was not able to talk about it like a resposible adult then all i have to say is don't beat yourself up, don't let her get the house/unit whatever becuase she wants to break up, go live life and i think in the end she may come around and see the stupid mistake she is making anyway.

[Spyda 0]

Move on mate, she def. had problems with herselv that she need to work on. You seem like a good guy and need a girl better for you, and not somebody who one time says they married you, and the other says good bye. Move on, the best thing i think of

[tuddy 0]

I want to know how there sorting out who moves out and if thats the case also where they moving to, another place or back to their home town? You have a fairly strong argument that she should be talking rather then shutting herself away, its unfair to leave or break up not having any explanation as to why.