Can't Find Guts For Girl, Long Story... Want to but cant do it

[Lanzo 0]

I need help! I'm in grade 8 and I like this girl but i can't really find the time to talk to her, i want to be all cool, but i get pressured all the time by the other girls and guys! i'm considered a nerd in my school, i don't play football, hockey or anything like that. I'm just not a player. But i want to! But i can't convince my self to try to start a realtionship with this girl. on halloween was a dance at our school, i went but i couldn't convince my self to ask her to dance! ever since then i've been feeling depressed, i should of asked. all of the pouplur kids were dancing with their girl. and one of my friends also! So i really need help, i want to ask her to the dance in april, so any tips that could start me in the right direction for the next dance?

PLEASE I NEED HELP!!!

[husker 0]

Well first of, don't change who you are. Don't go try to be a jock just to impress her. I don't really know what to say but relax and on a good day, ask her. Even if you get a no, you still tried. You have to give it that one shot and then after that you won't worry as much. Sometimes for me there are these times where I feel like doing anything and am crazy. You need to find the right time to ask and don't be afraid. You will never know unless you try just one time, that's it.

[-[Nero]- 0]

i agree 100% with husker, don't change who you are or worst pretend to be something you're not, just be yourself or you'd be living a lie. first things first, you don't have to be depressed, just chill, you have time. to get started, you'd have to know her better, and you'd have to let her get to know you too. jsut try and engage her in small conversations on a daily basis, greet her when you see her, just be friendly..unless you two are already good friends or on speaking terms. because if she doesn't know you well enough and you're a stranger to her...its highly unlikely that if you go up to her and ask, her answer will be a yes.. get to know her better, let her get to know the real you as well, you seem like a sincere guy, whats not to like? looks and popularity are only skin deep, its who you really are that matters. once she knows you better, when you think the time is right, tell her how you feel about her, and maybe then you can ask her to the dance. if she accepts your feelings and feels the same way, thats great! if she doesn't...you did try, no regrets, and even if she turns you down, maybe she felt that she wasn't ready yet or something, a second chance might come along.just keep in mind, if she likes you for who you are, thats great. but if she doesn't, and no matter what you do she still doesn't, then, my suggestion is to move on, there are bigger fish in the sea~ if she doesn't like you, maybe she just wasn't the right one for you. you'll find your partner in life, it may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but the day will come, and probably sooner than you think, without you even knowing it at first. to sum up the whole hting, i suggest you:1. talk to her2. get to know her and let her get to know you3. don't rush things, take your time4. if both of you are on friendly terms, tell her your feelings when you think she's ready to hear what you have to say5. if it works out for the two of you, excellent! my congrats to the happy couple. if it doesn't work out, take your time and try again or move on, your choice. don't dwell on the past

[tuddy 0]

Well Well, It all depends on how much she knows you, i mean if you say your seen as the nerdy one within your school, she can either like that or hate. Some chicks prefer to have guys that ain't smart, live like an idiot for there lives then reliese they could have an easy life within somoene who actually studied at school, not into drugs, crime etc.Don't change to be with her, let her get to know you for who you really are. If she says no, they don't force it, find the person that genuinly says yes to who you are.

[brandice 0]

Follow everyone's advise about being yourself. But remember, the toughest part of anything that you are unsure about is that first step. TheMost nervous you'll ever be about anything is just before you do it. Once you start talking- you get over that first few seconds, you will be fine. So many people are so afraid of making that first step that they never do anything. And that's a shame. Once you have actually talked to her you will realize that it was nothing to stress out about.

[master_bacarra 0]

-' date='Nov 3 2006, 05:07 PM' post='292403']to sum up the whole hting, i suggest you:
1. talk to her

well that wasn't really much of an advise considering that he can't approach the girl in the first place. but anyway, whoever said only the jocks are cool? yeah sure some girls do have the hearts for these types of guys, but any guy who can pull off his own stuff can be appealing as well. you don't have to pressure yourself too much. if you think others are pressuring you, then you have to keep your cool.

the primary reason why you can't even have the guts to approach the girl is that you don't have enough confidence on yourself. look at yourself in the mirror and assess yourself. stress on the good stuff, those that you think you have that others don't. i've always said this before, the problem with people is that they look at what they don't have rather than the opposite, so they end up envying other people. this way you could build that self-confidence up so you could be able to come up to her and talk to her. and i'm not saying that you should take this advice too far and be a show off or become arrogant or something. it's just supposed to give you that boost so you could gather courage to face her. building up the confidence will give you a different aura, an aura that the people will find very strong and convincing but not arrogant.

hope that helps.

[cangor 0]

Well, I guess I know where you're coming from, I really used to be a nerd, and I guess I still am, a bit, but not like I used to. I don't know exactly what you're like so I don't really know how to help you exactly, but I agree that you shouldn't change who you are. I mean, I'm still the same person I've always been and I've got plenty of friends, girls or otherwise. But anyways, enough about me.mbacarra is right, though. What you're lacking is self confidence. I mean, it's ok to be shy, but you can't just lock up or something. Anyways, I've got a story for you which applies to your situation.So, homecoming dance at my high school was a month ago or something, and one day, when I'm going to get on the bus, a (geeky, not exactly good looking, hippie-ish, shy) friend plows past me and runs on to the bus. He sits down across from me and basically collapses. I ask him why he was running. He doesn't answer. I asked if he was trying to beat me on the bus. No reply. I ask him if he was being chased by a certain one of our other friends."Well, I was running from someone...""Who?""Ask yourself this. Have you ever asked a girl out with a post-it note?"Me: "Heck no! That's amazingly dumb.""Well, I did it today. And then I bolted as soon as class was over.""Uh, that's not going to solve anything.""...""What about school tomorrow?""I don't know. I just told myself, this is the year. either I do it or be damned. I think I'm damned."Anyways, it trailed off there with a series of funny events, but let me just say that this kid is not good looking, or whatever the opposite of good looking is, is shy, weird, and, uh, has a lot less going for him than anyone else I know.But she said yes. I mean, if a girl does turn you down, she'll do it very kindly like, "I'm buzy that night" or "I'm already going to the dance with someone, sorry." They don't bite, and they don't tell the entire school.My point is, just ask her. I'm guessing that if you ask her before anyone else does, she'll say yes for sure.Also, try to look nice-ish. Mostly what I'm saying here is don't just have super, super messy hair. Girls don't like that, and, if you are a nerd as you say, well, I know a lot of nerds who absolutely do not care about how they look. Sorry, but it helps if you care about personal grooming at least a bit.Good luck, though.

[Lanzo 0]

Well thanks for the tips, i'm going to start on monday and see how it works out, the girl i like, i talk to her ocasionaly, shes in my class, so i guess thats cool. Shes very nice a not really a pouplar girl. No one really likes, they all make fun of her and laugh, Well the other guys and girls. So i think i have a good chance. I haven't ever called her by her name ever. I don't know why, i just think i'm a little shy still. I don't consider my slef to ohter people in the school. I don't play much video games, but i DO like to have a shower every night. It's just because i'm nervouse, of what there going to think about me. Well if you need any more info to solve my problem, just say and i'll tell you it. THanks guys.

[Kuroshiro 0]

Yeah, I went through this back at ninth grade.I always wonder:What will she say back?Will she still talk and/or like me?What will her friends say?What should I say to her?How am I going to say this to her?Where should I say this to her? [Online, in-person, seccond person]Etc...Well, yes. Its not as simple as it looks. But you just have to face your fears. Unless you want other to think you're gay because people would think that you're too shy to talk to girls.Also, unless you know that shes going to the same high school as you are going to... so uh.. if shes going to a different high school you're going to, then why bother asking? Unless you dont know for sure, chances are that she'll end up in your highschool.Alright, so I went a little off subject there. Anyways, I would suggest that you find a perfect time when you two are alone. Then just talk normally to her. Then when the time comes, just say the words to get it over with. Actually, it does feel really good after saying that. My mistake was that, i told the girl i like online, which was a really bad idea for some reason. Also, it was before summer break since I couldnt hold myself in any longer.So what should you do? Act natural. Dont try being someone else, and dont get any advices from your friends. This isnt the Sims, its your life, your love, and your decisions. When all hell breaks loose [meaning that she says no], then just let it go. Chances are that you can just rather be friends with her and then probably in the future she'll start liking you. But if she says yes, then its your best day ever. Just dont be all jumping everywhere like a wild maniac just casue you arent single no more.Also, its good to start relationships with hugs. Then when time comes by you can try the smooches with her somewhere with no people. I think in my opinion its really weird to make-out in public.Anyways, you dont have to listen to my advice. Just do what you think whats best. And just try to think one step ahead of what youre doing. Just one mistake can ruin everything. Anyways, good luck with that man.

[Krazychinkstaboi 0]

well, the same kind of thing has happened to me too. at this holloween party i wanted to dance with my friend who i actually like but i just could'nt work up the nerve to. but dont worry i mean theres always other chances to get closer to a girl. well if its too big of a step for you to ask her directly u should get to know her first, become friends or even more and then it will be easier to ask a girl to a dance. and dont mind the people who try to rush you when you think your not ready.

[tuddy 0]

Everyone's experiences are going to be different, some people will feel comafortable after they finally do it for the first time, others may take a few years to get the hang of both asking for a relationship and being in one. I myself have never really had to ask for the relationship, just usually choocse between two chicks, most of the time, making the wrong choice (life wise), but in the short time i had fun and don't regert any moment of my life or any part of my relationships.Just keep on keepiing on. Life is life, love will always follow.

[richierich1m 0]

just relax thats what you need now ,don't be deepressed or try to change yourself be what you are ,go and ask her ,don't feel you are not capable to handle her ,create a strong confidence for yourself ,beleive that asking her to dance is not begging but a fair deal where you are as important as her ,if she says no beleive me you'll get better chill out,life is too big ,just go and ask her for a date now (if you have permission to date ),why wait till april to ask for a dance ,beleive me the world richest person is a nerd so being a nerd is nothing bad,be assured that if she says yes its good for both but if no its like shes missing the best opportunity in the world,i will also liketo tell you that if she says yes don't just keep drolling on her she'll get scared her be like even she needs you obviously you should be a bit soft ,but don't start to be poetic and don't get at all sorry for underconfidence even asking this question in af roum needs guts, just chill and go to her and ask her for date don't wait till april ar you may repent it if she finds someone best of luck

[fr0z3n 0]

Just think of this way, a building is on fire on youre on the top of the roof. To save your life, jumping to the roof of another building is the only way. If you dont jump, you will surely die, if you jump its a 50-50 you will die or be saved. Take the risk to jump to save your life.If you dont take the risk to talk to her, another guy will talk to her and probably get her attention or interest and thats it, you lose the girl and you will regret it. If you will talk to her, there is also a 50-50% chance, she will like you or she will snob you. You cant force her to like you but still there is a chance that she will like you, she will never like you if you wont talk to her. Dont pretend to be a cool guy because being a nerd or a geek guy pwns an athletic guy. Just be yourself, dont think about anything even the tips that your friends gave you. Just say Hi then thats it, let the conversation flow.

[lodd 0]

I notice that many people on this thread are asking you to be yourself. The problem I get when giving this kind of advice to people is that they understand it the wrong way. I'm sure you are intelligent enough to figure this out, but for the sake of clarity, I'll elaborate here. It might also help some other people who come across this thread.You can't just be yourself. You have to be the best aspect of yourself. You have to be the "you" that you are when you're at your best. This means that you can't be the "you" that is having a nervous breakdown, nor the "you" that is picking his nose, nor the "you" that is feeling depressed and anti-social that day, nor the "you" that hasn't taken a shower yet. You have to yourself at your best. This means that every time she sees you, she sees a person who always takes the time to make sure he's decent-looking, a person who knows how to treat a lady, a person who isn't too clingy and a person who she can talk to freely and who will talk back.The clingy part is really important. If you have a little brother or sister , you'll understand. They always ask for your time, constantly badgering you every five minutes to look at what they're drawing. If it's her brother, she'll still love him, but if it's a complete stranger, she'll just brush you off.Now, what do you do that you think a girl would consider interesting? What kind of geek are you? I'm the computer kind of geek who's interested in magic. The game AND the choose-a-card-any-card type. Magic is interesting. Do a couple of magic tricks and start asking her if she believes in other stuff like ghosts. But you say she's the shy type. Which probably means that all you need to do is make the first move. Talk to her more often and find out what she likes. Try those things out. If you like it, do it too. If you don't, don't force yourself. This is different from stalking her and copying whatever she does. This is expanding your interests. Remember that you should only do the things that YOU like as well. Every day at school or after school, talk to her for about 5 minutes about anything. Then slowly increase it to 10 minutes. Of course, this depends on you and her. One of my friends managed to talk a girl that he met for the first time for 4 hours non-stop. If you can do that, cool.During this time, talk about how tough life is as a teenager and what each of you do to de-stress. You can talk about your annoying teachers, or the music that you listen to to de-stress, or the favourite icecream you eat when doing homework. Then one day, tell her about an amazing movie coming out and ask "Wanna check it out with me?".And that should do it. Have fun. This advice WILL work, but only if you actually go and do it. G'luck.

[trace-uk 0]

don't ask her to do anything with you until you know her. would you go and dance with someone you'd never met before??? its an easy way to get rejected, beleive me.the best thing to do would be to chat to her a few times first, and make it funny! then ask her to dance and she will say yes! just don;t make it "heavy" and date-like, just play it as a bit of fun!