AssassinX 0 Report post Posted October 2, 2006 I just started dating this girl Cassie about 5 weeks ago and i've cheated on her twice already, I feel so bad and im not sure if I should tell her. What happened the first time: My friend Anna came over to my house and we hung out like usual and I was playing guitar when she just jumped on to me and we started maknig out and it lead to other things, I had no control over it and I didnt use my good judgement.2nd time: Last night my firend Sam(ex girlfriend of 8 months) called me and said she needed my help because she was upset. So I went to her house and we hung out, I made a phone call to my firend Andrea and while I was talking Sam just randomly started dry humping me, she tryed to kiss me numerous times and I avoided them, but as the night went on she kept trying to kiss me and temptation is the devil... I gave into her tempation, I explained to her that I was already guilty from cheating on Cassie the first time. But, she somehow persuaded me to do more.I know im a bad person for this because I really like Cassie, but if my friends are going to keep attacking me with sex, what am I supposed to do. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Plenoptic 0 Report post Posted October 2, 2006 My advice would be to tell Cassie and be straight up and tell her because if she finds out matters will be worse than they already are. I would also advise to make up a plan so you can avoid being pushed into these situations. Make sure when you hang out with them you are also with other people that are your friends so you aren't kept alone with them. I don't have any experience in this situation but it's really my opinion of what I'd do. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
truefusion 3 Report post Posted October 2, 2006 I'ma have to agree with Pleno. The truth has it's way of showing itself--and history does have it's way of repeating itself, like it already did, with your second "friend". Temptation is hard to overcome. It requires a LOT of practice. By my observation, if you truly loved Cassie, you would have stopped the others from engaging you in that manner. I know you tried to, but it looks like it was in vain. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thorned Rose 0 Report post Posted October 2, 2006 I'm going to have to agree and pretty much repeat what the others say. You have to tell her. Things will be so much worse if she finds out for herself. You have to understand that once trust is broken, it is broken forever. Most people think that they can screw up, fix things then all will be fine again. Not true. Once that trust has been damaged it probably won't be 100% ever again but if she finds out for herself, that trust won't even have a chance to build back up again. Though it is entirely possible that when you tell her, it could end your relatioship. Which might make keeping it to yourself seem like the best idea. But look at it this way: If you don't tell her, she will find out and your relationsip will end. If you do tell her, there is a good possibility it will end but at least there will be room to make things better.As for being weak with regards to sex, I always make it a rule don't put yourself in a situation where you could screw up. If your friends wheedle you in to it whenever you see them, 1. tell them you are in a relationship and that having sex with them is not an option and 2. don't go anywhere alone - always take someone reliable with you (who knows the situation) and will watch out for you. If none of that works, then don't see those firends at all. If you are truely into this girl, it shouldn't be difficult.And finally, good luck man and all the best! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mich 0 Report post Posted October 2, 2006 (edited) Well now. You have only dated this girl, Cassie, for the last 5 weeks, right? Have you commited yourself exclusively to her during this time? If you have, then I agree with the others. If not, I don't see what the problem is. You don't owe Cassie any loyalty or fidelity unless there is a commitment. If there is none, then you haven't cheated on her. You just have a guilty conscience. In both cases, let your conscience be your guide. It will tell you what the right thing to do is. Edited October 2, 2006 by Mich (see edit history) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thorned Rose 0 Report post Posted October 2, 2006 Well now. You have only dated this girl, Cassie, for the last 5 weeks, right? Have you commited yourself exclusively to her during this time? If you have, then I agree with the others. If not, I don't see what the problem is. You don't owe Cassie any loyalty or fidelity unless there is a commitment. If there is none, then you haven't cheated on her. You just have a guilty conscience. In both cases, let your conscience be your guide. It will tell you what the right thing to do is. I'm not sure that this is exactly great advice to give. Unless a girl actually *says* that she doesn't mind a guy having sex with other girls, exclusivity is the default. And even then, many girls say they don't mind just cause they're really into a guy and don't want to scare him off but don't really mean it and end up getting really hurt. Not to mention what it does to any girl's self esteem ("Was I not good enough that he had to go to others?").Exclusivity, I'm afraid, is a myth so that guys can get off scot-free when they have sex with women they shouldn't (many women too for that matter). No to mention that promiscuity is a good way to end up with an STD. Mich, you say in one sentence that "you just have a guilty conscience" and then in the next breath say "let your conscience be your guide" - well if the dude feels guilty and he follows his conscience then obviously his conscience is telling him that he did something wrong! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mich 0 Report post Posted October 2, 2006 Mich, you say in one sentence that "you just have a guilty conscience" and then in the next breath say "let your conscience be your guide" - well if the dude feels guilty and he follows his conscience then obviously his conscience is telling him that he did something wrong! That is right. If he feels he did something wrong, then he should handle it accordingly. But I still see no reason to feel guilty about cheating if there isn't a commitment. Maybe he just feels guilty for the reasons you state such as STD and promiscuity. And I disagree strongly about exclusivity being the default. Just because a guy takes a gal out on a few dates, doesn't automatically give her exclusive rights to him or for that matter him to her. Exclusivity comes with the commitment. And I never said he should continue to behave this way, I only said he shouldn't feel guilty about cheating if there wasn't a commitment. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AssassinX 0 Report post Posted October 3, 2006 Well I went to sams house tonight, and she tried the same stuff, but I refused and called my friend andrea and told her to come over. I have yet to tell cassie, truth is im nervous. Thanks for the advice and I will happily accept more. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thorned Rose 0 Report post Posted October 3, 2006 Good on you man! It can be difficult and I know I'm a complete stranger, but I'm proud of you Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tuddy 0 Report post Posted October 3, 2006 If you are feeling guility about it either way, then you should tell her. FULL STOP!! NO Arguments! Think about it this way, would you rather her tell you if she cheated on you? Or find out through your friends? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AssassinX 0 Report post Posted October 3, 2006 Thanks Guys. Im going to tell her *gulp*. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tuddy 0 Report post Posted October 4, 2006 Good for You! Mak sure you coem back and tell us what happens, and ask fo m advice, we love havin our noses in other people bussiness!!!Anyway, best of luck mate! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AssassinX 0 Report post Posted October 5, 2006 Well she dumped, n ojust joking its all good now. Thanks you guys, suprisingly she was cool about it and understood. Sam is a w**re Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
biscuitrat 0 Report post Posted October 5, 2006 If an ything, I'd phrase it as "she dumped you" because it's better for her that she isn't in this sort of relationship. I'm pretty sure you could have helped it, because I know if I were in that situation, I wouldn't really be very sympathetic or understanding. When you start dating someone, that's a commitment. And after the first time, if things really started happening so badly, just tell her the truth and let her go. I don't mean to sound cruel, because being in high school, I don't approve of half the world's high school relationships, but if she let you go that easily or vice versa, there probably wasn't much there, or she probably already knew. Bleghhehh. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
iGuest 3 Report post Posted May 22, 2008 HELP!!! See Theres this guy... & his bestfriend.... & im in big trouble! I Need Help And Advice. Okay... So theres this one guy... Lets call him the prince. And I love him... & he loves me... But our mutual friend... Who's one of his bestfriends... Lets call her cheese... Well shes always wanted his body. Now her sister attacks me with all this stuff saying I'm an "attention w**re" and other various names.When io didnt even do anything. The cheese is always two faced! & the only reason I did put up with her was cause the prince!! and it made me so mad I had to yell... Then she said the prince and cheese ere talking about me behind my back. So I go to the prince and in a fit of rage I yell at cheese when I see her and call her sister names... ( b**ch) & she gets mad we have a yelling match@ then I see the prince& yell 7 tell him whats going... Then he gets mad for me yellin at cheese! can you believe that! & now were talkin about breaking up. And hes the type to just walk away when hes mad! & say absolutely nothing. We've dated before & it was stressful.Then we finally get the chance and work hard to be together again & this happens! I do love him very much. & I don't want to break up... But I need help. Will he ever choose me over the big cheese! what do I do! Xoxo, the frog. -reply by Still.Just.The.Frog. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
