Johnny 1 Report post Posted June 10, 2006 I don't know what it is, but I like it. slow down, keep your pace this is not a horse race all you need is a taste and then brace yourself for my grace my embrace copy and paste this court case from place to place don't backspace in this interface don't misplace the preface harden your carapace tie your shoelace speed your footpace clear your headspace we're not commonplace you're a queen, I'm the ace... you make me flush I make you blush don't rush hush turning to mush from this sudden ambush this subtle onrush drawn by a paintbrush... I'm lemons you're limes you're giving me all the right signs at all the right times I'm giving you all the right lines from all the right rhymes hear the chimes? in the meantime in realtime you're so divine I might feel inclined to mix the bloodline redesigned to entwine suppertime in summertime sine and cosine if you're not mine by the primetime my hotline could flatline don't stop the plotline don't stop the playtime don't stop the turbines don't stop the sunshine, sunshine... beware don't mean to scare but I can't stop the stare I might need medical care you're just right there with angel hair quite rare I'll take the dare elite warfare save you from the dragon's lair we can share the fanfaire... join my coalition with an acquisition through precognition just one condition full composition hit the ignition what's the definition for recognition and juxtapositions an audition in tradition not enough nutrition in the new edition tough competition tough opposition but I have ammunition without inhibitions on the road to perdition put yourself in my rendition put yourself in my ambition put yourself in my vision put yourself in my position I thought of half of it while in the shower this morning, and the other half on my walk home from school. I didn't realize it when I thought of it, but this really coincides with a girl I'm falling for. Oh, and um, any suggestions/fixes/comments to make it better? 1 OpaQue reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BEagle 0 Report post Posted June 10, 2006 Nice, thats ryhme tastic!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny 1 Report post Posted June 10, 2006 Heh, thanks. :rolleyes:Nice sig, btw. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BuffaloHelp 24 Report post Posted June 10, 2006 I wonder if some one can put this into a music lyric? Well that is if Johnny wouldn't mind seeing it happen.It flows very nicely. I'm sure as a music lyric the constant rhyming wouldn't work.. or will it? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny 1 Report post Posted June 11, 2006 I wonder if some one can put this into a music lyric? Well that is if Johnny wouldn't mind seeing it happen.It flows very nicely. I'm sure as a music lyric the constant rhyming wouldn't work.. or will it? Heh, that's why I said I'm not sure what it is. It rhymes like a song, but the timing wouldn't be right, I don't think. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cool_Freaker 0 Report post Posted June 11, 2006 Damn, you got so many words to rhyme Johnny I really think it could be a rap of sorts, you just need a chorus. Oh and the timing is fine, depending on how you say it and when you pause - IMO anyway. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny 1 Report post Posted June 11, 2006 Yeah, but it all goes downhill from don't stop the sunshine...It either doesn't make sense or sounds stupid. -.- Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PierceandRichard 0 Report post Posted June 15, 2006 The words ryhme but, what's the message? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny 1 Report post Posted June 15, 2006 The words ryhme but, what's the message?The first parts should have a pretty clear message, it kinda fades away toward the end though. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rejected 0 Report post Posted June 15, 2006 Very nice, but don't make it into a rap song.. It'd go way better as actual music . Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PierceandRichard 0 Report post Posted June 15, 2006 The first parts should have a pretty clear message, it kinda fades away toward the end though. Hmm let me reread it...I'm sorry I don't see the message... is it about love? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny 1 Report post Posted June 15, 2006 Hmm let me reread it...I'm sorry I don't see the message... is it about love?That pretty much sums it up. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hulunes 0 Report post Posted June 16, 2006 nice rhyme...which may be collected to a lyric :)i found that jim is not good at designing but gift on poem thought... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stevenufc291088 0 Report post Posted June 16, 2006 That ryhme is really good! Nice work!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PierceandRichard 0 Report post Posted June 16, 2006 oh ok lol Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
