Guy Problems I need some serious advice

[msdeeva 0]

Well Amanda, you probably already figured out what you want to do by now, but just in case, I'll give you my two cents. Personally I've been where you're at with a guy treating you like crap, but you still want to be with him. I've never experienced verbal abuse, and with this additional "problem," I'd have to say, that is something that you should not put up with. In your post, I did not find not one redeeming quality about him. You have not said anything good about him, which leads me to believe that he is all around not good for you. What it comes down to is that you really have to put yourself first. Ask yourself this question: Do you love yourself more than you love him? The goal is to get to a point where you love yourself first. Think about it. If he's putting himself first in the relationship, and you're putting him first, where does that leave you. Do yourself a favor, and buy "The Rules" and some other self help books (namely in the area of self-esteem). You really don't need someone like that stealing your thunder. There are plenty of guys out there that will appreciate you. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.Good Luck!

[AmandaB78 0]

Well Amanda, you probably already figured out what you want to do by now, but just in case, I'll give you my two cents.  Personally I've been where you're at with a guy treating you like crap, but you still want to be with him.  I've never experienced verbal abuse, and with this additional "problem," I'd have to say, that is something that you should not put up with.  In your post, I did not find not one redeeming quality about him.  You have not said anything good about him, which leads me to believe that he is all around not good for you.  What it comes down to is that you really have to put yourself first.  Ask yourself this question:  Do you love yourself more than you love him?  The goal is to get to a point where you love yourself first.  Think about it.  If he's putting himself first in the relationship, and you're putting him first, where does that leave you.  Do yourself a favor, and buy "The Rules" and some other self help books (namely in the area of self-esteem).  You really don't need someone like that stealing your thunder. There are plenty of guys out there that will appreciate you.  You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

 

Good Luck!

214425[/snapback]

Your so right. I know I don't need this but yet I still put up with it. The past week hes been fine. Hes been picking me up from work and actually wanting to hang out with me. The only problem is I know hes going to do something wrng this weekend. I always dread the weekends because I know something is obviously going to happen. I've realized that I love him more than I love myself and he knows that. But lately I've been doing a lot more for myself and not revolving my life around his. If he doesn't want to hang out with me thats okay because I've got better things to do ith my time. By not caring about hanging out with him, I've actually got a lot of things done.

[no9t9 0]

I dont even see why you are still trying to hang out with this guy. First of all, it is a well known fact that people like this don't change. The percentage of guys like this that actually change for the better is almost zero. Besides, it isn't your job to change him. The best thing to do is to completely ignore him and cut him off. Do not hang around this loser anymore. Why bother? Wait until you are both a little older and see if he actually has changed before trying anything. And when I say older, I'm not saying a few months off. I am talking years. People don't change overnight and you shouldn't expect this guy to change quickly no matter what you do and especially no matter what he says. They ALWAYS say they can change. It sounds like he already has a drinking problem and he is already abusive. If you stay with this guy, you will turn into one of those women with NO self esteem and be submissive for the rest of your life. I have seen it so many times, women are slowly worn down by the guy that they "love" until they have no choice but to stay with him. They eventually lose their will to move on. Besides this, stay longer and the mental/verbal abuse WILL turn to physical abuse. This is how it starts.This guy is worthless. Don't try to change him because it won't work. You should not hang around this guy anymore. You think it is love but most probably it is NOT. Besides, if it is love, a few years in between can't hurt it.

[AmandaB78 0]

I totally see where your coming from. I hear it all the time. It just that sometimes he can be nice and I sooo think hes gonna change. Which he does but when it comes down to drinkin he doesn't care so then its pointless to try so I stopped. Matter of fact, last night I was haning out with him and he had his stupid friend there so he ignored me so I ignored him. THen when his friend left I stayed and hung out with him. He was being nice again. Then I told him I might sleep over so he turned off the light and started to pass out, but I need pants to wear instead of jeans so I turned on the light and started looking for pants and he was like .. go home your making too much noise. So I gave up looking and then he got up went to the bathroom and I was about to leave and he got mad that I was leaving. So i ended up staying. It was like 1130 and he passed out and I was really uncomfortable and had to work this morning so I just wanted to sleep in my bed. SO I got up and went home. I didn't even tell him I was going home. His phones shut off(go figure) so I can't get a hold of him, and he can't call me which I know he likes. I honestly not a bad person at all from what I'm told but sometimes I just don't see the point of telling him to go f himself because I know without me hes worse off. You should see what happens to him when hes not with me. Hes miserable, thats one of the reasons why I want to stay, because I know he truly can't stop being with me.

[kaylanicole 0]

he's a loser and you deserve better. listen to all your friends. they're completely right. you can't love him if he hurts you like this. you say you've turned your life around and you're doing the best to make yourself happy. if you really are intent on making youself happy, let him go. don't be scared to do it. you only have one life to live. don't waste it with someone who doesnt deserve you. in your heart, you know that letting him go would benefit you so much. you are independent and young. go out and have fun. there's a million things you can do and million guys out there worthy of you, who will truly love you. if he doesnt appreciate you and isnt happy for you when you do something that you like, then you wont appreciate yourself or be happy either. do the right thing....let him go. i promise it'll all work out alright if you do

[brandice 0]

exactly. There's been a lot of great advice in this thread.But going back to what Saint Michael said a few pages back, you need to take a break from dating all together for a while. Don't go looking for someone new right away. I've seen it so many times, with friends, 3 sisters, aunts... even myself- If you don't get yourself together and learn to like yourself and feel that you deserve to be treated a certain way you are going to keep dating the exact same guy with a different shell. My older sister must have gone out with 15 guys in her life that were basically the same person before she took some time off and got herself together.

[the_aggie10 0]

well. you said you love him....i think he loves you...but also loves the bottle i think you should give him a choice between beer or you....that sounds mean but wouldnt you want him to love you more than beer?

[MikeyUchiha 0]

Ok that really pisses me off when a guy uses a girl like you and the girl just stays with him because she "loves" him. I mean come on there are guys out there like me who are willing to treat you right and have never had a gf because they're "too nice" I think you should just quit. He obviously does not plan on changing. Besides you're a minor I should sue his a**. I would be willing to go out with you if we lived near each other which I doubt. Anyway just think about yourself before him.

[trace-uk 0]

I agree with the others. you've been a fool to stay with him."So I put up with him for a year or so"- This is the worst thing you've ever done. Wasted a whole year. That's 365 Days! Any idea how many hours???

[iGuest 3]

Hi. I am quite good friends with this guy and lately hes getting quite mean now and I have had this argument with him, today, and hes starts *****ing about me. and if I have something to say. when I am with my friends hes like ssssshhuusssssssshh and wont let me say anything, and I cant stand it anymore. I want to be friends but not like him like this and I have told him this and hes all, whatever.

[iGuest 3]

He gives you all the signals but you still not sure!

Guy Problems

 

Okay, there is this guy I like and he says he doesn't like me like that. Well, last night he brought me back to town to meet my mom after a party and while we were there, he moved my hair from my face to behind my ear. I'm not sure if he was flirting, making a move, or just trying to be nice since I was worried about my mom driving. I need help before I make a drastic move I might regret later. Please help.

 

-reply by Robyne

[weimond 0]

You are way too young to get your life too complicated, that guy is clearly not focus, he probably needs to sort out his own demons first.. My honest advice will be to give him some more time apart and see how he goes. Remember, life is to enjoy

S

hey everyone. I have a serious problem on my hands. Let me start here..
I started going out with this guy a year and 4 months ago. While we were together he used to get drunk all the time and completely hurt me.. Not physically but emotionally and mentally. Its like.. when he gets one beer in his system he doesn't care about me or us. Everything sets him off. So I put up with him for a year or so. I was use to the weekends being a mess.I knew that I would get ditched at least once or twice every week, have him leave my house out of nowhere for stupid reasons (always when he drinks tho) ((which is every night))
, hanging up on me all the time, basically breaking my heart.

I do everything for this kid. We are broken up now. But were back trying to see if wwe can work it out. He tells me hes goning to change but I've heard it a million times. He freaks out over nothing still to this day and were not going out. He says he can't trust me and mostly everything is my fault but if you ask me and everyone including my parents friends teachers etc.. hes got some seri0ous problems and if anything I shouldn't trust him. Hes done some bad things and he even admits to me that he "ditches" me and that he keeps things from me. Also... I've really changed my life around alot in the past year and started doing alot of good things instead of being miserable. But he doesn't appreciate the things I do. He doesn't ask me how I feel or how my day was. He doesn't congradulate me on things I do. He just thinks about himself.

I love him but I HATE THIS! I don't mean to sound cocky or anything but I'm sure there are other guys out there that would appreciate me and treat me good but I can't let go. Everyone I know tells me I should but I can't do it. I hate being miserbale and I know I will be. I just don't think he'll change. He told me he would the other day and just an hour ago. He got mad at me because some stupid kid called my phone. I don't talk to this kid I can't stand him and I don't know why he called. But "the boy toy" got mad and basically flipped on me walked out and went home. It wasn't my fault!! I'm 17 and hes 20 but I swear to god hes just as immature and stupid as he was when he was 13.

I need some advice. I'm pretty positive the outcome though.

[jogarriot 0]

hey amanda, let me tell you... my girlfriend used to smoke like crazy, she used to drink like hell and got drunk, violent, and we had problems all the time. i couldnt sleep well anyday because she partied everyday and it really hurted me, all her guy friends wanted to sleep with her and taking a drunk girl is not that hard... i just hated it. but she loved beer too muchwhat i did was did. when she was sober, we talked about how much it affected me. she would have comebacks for everything, but eventually after i asked her to not talk back (for the hundredth time) she listened totally. and we made a deal that would meet half ways (using in a sutil way the threat that if she didnt change i would leave her) the deal was she would only drink to get happy not drunk and i would not complain about the beer. she agreed upon it. a few months later when she got used to be only happy i told her that it still affected to see her like that, that i didnt want her to get happy or drunk (this was harder thought) but eventually we agreed, she didnt get happy/drunk and i wouldnt complain about drinking. time passed and eventually i told her hey, i want you to drink less because you are not fit or whatever excuse i could find (this was the hardest part) but eventually she almost stopped it. now i have my very healthy and responsible girlfriend :-) it took around 9 months overall and like 1 and a half for each step but it sure was worth it.

[jogarriot 0]

maybe you dont have to leave him... but if he doesnt change at all, its 'better alone than with bad company'

[iGuest 3]

what would you do?????

Guy Problems

 

So I'm friends with this guy, and we have been seeing each other for the last 5 months, plus we dated about 7 years ago, I really like him, he tells me that he likes me to. My friends keep telling me that I'm stupid and he's just using me and thinks that he can have me whenever he wants. They tell me I should forget about him, and move on. He told me the other night that he had a date the next night and that he didn't want me to be mad or anything, I'm not mad but it still hurts, I do feel like he is using me but then he always tells me that he likes me and stuff, I'm so confused and I don't know what to do. Everyone looks at me like I'm stupid and like what the hell is she doing.It's so hard because I like him so much, I want to say thats enough but easier said than done. I have even turned down other guys for him, and everyone says he would not do that for me. I feel so stupid because I think sometimes he is just using me, but then he gets there telling all this stuff about how he do like me and that I'm so pretty and all that stuff, he got my head confused...What would you do if you were me???????????

 

-reply by confused