Bad Relationship, Partner Trust & Cheating Cheating on your mates?

[DeathLock 0]

i personally dont think its bad to cheat on ur mate as long as u dont let he/she find out...because cheating on your mate might just be the thing that keeps you two together...and what he/she doesnt know wont hurt he/she ...i mean like for instance...a friend of mine went out for a girl for almost 2-3 years and they cheated on each other the whole time but never got caught and they had a great relationship...they ended up braking up in the end because she had to move away...but they still keep in touch and hook up every once in awhile lol...but if ur married then u should not cheat no way!...or if ur going out with someone u can picture spending ur life with u shouldnt cheat either...thats just my opinion...what do u guys think?

[quiksilver 0]

and what he/she doesnt know wont hurt he/she

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no, but syphilis might. Or herpies.

Not telling your girlfriend/boyfriend that you cheated on them is lying and it puts them at risk.

[clagnol 0]

There are lots of ways for your partner to find out. The last time I dated two girls simultaneously, one of them found out from a mutual friend. This wasn't cheating, mind you, as I was not exclusive with either girl. But sometimes you'd rather just keep certain details to yourself.

[rejected 0]

I'm totally against cheating in relationships, I'd be crushed if I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me. What someone doesn't know won't hurt them, but what happens when they do find out? I wouldn't go out with someone and then be that unfaithful! That's the whole reason of being in a relationship is to be together, to have commitment and that trust that you feel for your partner.And as quiksilver said, what would happen if you get an STD, or some disease from the person you're cheating with? Your partner would find out and then you have some nasty disease on you that may stay with you your whole life.In my opinion, cheating is dead wrong and shouldn't occur ever.

[Johnny 1]

Cheating is bad. Period. It just causes way too much stress, distrust, and general badness. O.o

[apopguru 0]

Cheating is a bad thing. It hurts you even though you don't know it and if your partner finds out then you are in even worse trouble,My advice is don't do it

[Joshua 0]

I've thought before on where the idea of "cheating" originates from. Is it because people are trying to have the blessings of marriage without the responsibilities and institution God created to go with them? Long story short, I think it's because we treat dating as marriage is supposed to be treated, with much the same level of intimacy (I assume it doesn't involve sex, it still involves hugging and kissing and levels of intimacy and bonding) yet without the protections of marriage and the responsibilities/bond that marriage brings. You're expecting another to be tied to you when they have never made the official commitment to do so.Also, because there is no level of patience or waiting, of commitment without satisfaction, the relationship is devalued and people base their commitment to the other person on how they feel and what pleasure it brings them without caring about the other person. So what is being cheated on if there was never a commitment made on which to be cheated? As soon as the person feels the "magic" of the relationship, or what they could get out of it, is gone, they too are gone. I see it as something like sex. As they say, having sex before marriage only serves to put you on the used car lot. I'm sure I've just offended about 9 of 10 people who will read this post Sorry, just my opinions

[hulunes 0]

personally,no one would like to cheat on other.maybe exiting some true lie,they can not help but to cheat. :unsure:however i dont like...especially on parents and friends.

[clagnol 0]

I've thought before on where the idea of "cheating" originates from.  Is it because people are trying to have the blessings of marriage without the responsibilities and institution God created to go with them?

 

No, it has nothing to do with religion, whatsoever.

 

Long story short, I think it's because we treat dating as marriage is supposed to be treated, with much the same level of intimacy (I assume it doesn't involve sex, it still involves hugging and kissing and levels of intimacy and bonding) yet without the protections of marriage and the responsibilities/bond that marriage brings.

 

Hugging and kissing? Wow...

 

Also, because there is no level of patience or waiting, of commitment without satisfaction, the relationship is devalued and people base their commitment to the other person on how they feel and what pleasure it brings them without caring about the other person. 

 

That's quite a logical leap, jzye. So a man cheats on his girlfriend (and vice versa) because there is no little slip of paper stating their legal and financial ties? I think you should give this little theory of yours some more thought.

 

So what is being cheated on if there was never a commitment made on which to be cheated?

I very much recommend you do not use this line when you start dating girls.

 

As they say, having sex before marriage only serves to put you on the used car lot.

 

Who says this? Do you think you are better than us used cars for never having touched the road? Well, I hate to break it to you, but even new cars are tested to make sure they work. You aren't a new car, you are a car that hasn't even left the assembly line, for fear that you'll get a little dent before someone buys you.

 

I'm sure I've just offended about 9 of 10 people who will read this post   Sorry, just my opinions

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What you really did was hijack a thread about cheating and turn it into a sermon against the evils of sex before marriage. I understand that you feel strongly about this, and I can empathize, as I once shared your views, when I was a child. But there is a difference between sharing your opinions and blurting them out during an unrelated conversation.

 

And for future reference, when you realize that you are offending 9 out of 10 people, perhaps it's best just not to post at all, lest you be labelled a troll.

[twentyinches631 0]

Ehh, clagnol let him say what he wants. He is entitled. I'm not offended. To get back to the topic though, cheating is definitely not something you would want to do. And you can call it trying to be married without actually being married if you want but I love my girlfriend and I wouldn't even want to see anyone else beside her, nor would I want to hurt her by doing so. Dating for most people I think is trying to find that special girl or guy you wanna spend the rest of your life with. If you prove that you can't be faithful (ie cheat) then you will never keep a mate. They also have a saying "once a cheater always a cheater"... but I don't believe that. Many people do however, so cheating will get you nowhere fast.

[Joshua 0]

QUOTE(jzyehoshua @ Jul 1 2005, 10:05 PM)I've thought before on where the idea of "cheating" originates from.  Is it because people are trying to have the blessings of marriage without the responsibilities and institution God created to go with them?

No, it has nothing to do with religion, whatsoever.

Who said anything about religion? I was just talking about God specifically

QUOTEAlso, because there is no level of patience or waiting, of commitment without satisfaction, the relationship is devalued and people base their commitment to the other person on how they feel and what pleasure it brings them without caring about the other person. 
That's quite a logical leap, jzye. So a man cheats on his girlfriend (and vice versa) because there is no little slip of paper stating their legal and financial ties? I think you should give this little theory of yours some more thought.

If a person views it only as a slip of paper and not a formalized bond then they will hold it in low esteem. I think people see marriage as only a way to avoid certain taxes or something for their children to be proud of rather then a bond which will tie them to each other for the rest of their lives, God's way of doing things which brings into the relationship His blessings, and vows which are meant to make them give themselves wholeheartedly to each other so that they are no longer 2 people, but one.

  QUOTESo what is being cheated on if there was never a commitment made on which to be cheated?

I very much recommend you do not use this line when you start dating girls.

Well, I was getting at the question of why we treat any relationships before marriage as anything more then friendships with any higher a level of intimacy then from a friendship before marriage. But if dating is treated simply as friendship with no sexual or intimate relations (which should be reserved for marriage) then where does the jealousy you think dating must involve come in?

QUOTEAs they say, having sex before marriage only serves to put you on the used car lot.
Who says this? Do you think you are better than us used cars for never having touched the road? Well, I hate to break it to you, but even new cars are tested to make sure they work. You aren't a new car, you are a car that hasn't even left the assembly line, for fear that you'll get a little dent before someone buys you.

Well, I have heard the saying said before. And the difference between new cars and used ones is not that they have been driven but that they have been owned and thus subject to abuse. But if you testdrive something and cause any damage or anything to it you are obligated to buy it. With a new car there should be few if any worries about it already being damaged.

My point lay not in my being better than you which you seem to take it as, but that when we treat something as commonplace it is no longer special and we will never be able to view it as special, in essence, you are destroying the blessings you can have from marriage and which God meant for you. God does forgive (if we confess) but we do not forget, and when we stray from His ways He still loves us but we lose out on the blessings. God wants the best for our lives, and there are those who simply refuse that "best."

You seem to think sex outside of marriage is simply a "testing phase." But in reality it is much more dangerous then that, aside from the obvious risks not only to your physical body but also to you emotionally, which God never intended for you, there is also the matter of who you are seeking out. You're seeking out people who place no value on the relationship and simply consider it a testing phase but when in marriage the blessing for marriage God created as sex has no special meaning because it was never upheld as special to begin with. If you wait something becomes special and is upheld as such, if you treat something as commonplace it will be to you as commonplace.

And finally, the other person will be focused on the physical side rather then the emotions. If you catch someone by physical means, what kind of person do you think you'll get? A physical person. Love is not physical, and if you are expecting to find it from people more worried about physical gratifications I think you are sadly mistaken.

QUOTEI'm sure I've just offended about 9 of 10 people who will read this post  Sorry, just my opinions
What you really did was hijack a thread about cheating and turn it into a sermon against the evils of sex before marriage. I understand that you feel strongly about this, and I can empathize, as I once shared your views, when I was a child. But there is a difference between sharing your opinions and blurting them out during an unrelated conversation.

And for future reference, when you realize that you are offending 9 out of 10 people, perhaps it's best just not to post at all, lest you be labelled a troll.

Well, why is cheating considered cheating? Do the relationships around dating commonly use the term "cheating" and involve jealousy because they treat dating as marriage? I think it is a valid point and 100% related to the conversation, or I wouldn't have brought it up.

My post did not involve profanity and was not a "nothing but charachter assassination/insults at other people" post so if it offends other people it is simply because it is a concept they do not wish to deal with.

[dundun2007 0]

yeah.... i thought that was the worst example that Deathlock could of picked. So these 2 were going out for 2-3 years and they both cheated. ok.... then she has to leave? How does that help support that it helps relationships. If they really loved each other wouldnt the other person want to go with her? I dont undertstand your example how it supports cheating. I do believe that cheating can help in some ways but in other cases the person cheats and then stays with that person. It is not very likley that if you cheat on someone that you will go back to her after. Anyways so i guess cheating has its advantages and disadvantages.

[DeathLock 0]

yeah.... i thought that was the worst example that Deathlock could of picked. So these 2 were going out for 2-3 years and they both cheated. ok.... then she has to leave? How does that help support that it helps relationships. If they really loved each other wouldnt the other person want to go with her? I dont undertstand your example how it supports cheating. I do believe that cheating can help in some ways but in other cases the person cheats and then stays with that person. It is not very likley that if you cheat on someone that you will go back to her after. Anyways so i guess cheating has its advantages and disadvantages.

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well there the couple that i base my dating off of sorta...cuz they were both great friends of mine and like i've always wanted to find a relationship liek the oen they had...anyways...what i was trying to say is that while they were together they were extremly happy and they didnt love eachother but they did care about eachother because he had gotten in fights to protect her and such...and i mean liek they were always there for eachother thats basically what a gf/bf is...someone that will be ther for u when ur down and stuff and that was what they were...and in teh end they broke up because she moved away and long distance relations ships usualyl never work and its easier to just end it then trying to force a relationship...but i mean like i said they still keep in touch...

 

 

and i dont mean to go cheating on girls like getting hookers and having sex every night with a different girl...i meant like going to strip clubs or something and every once in awhile just hooking up with a girl and such...and when u hook up with a girl hook up with one that doesnt go to your school and is unlikely that she has friends at ur school(harder to get caught) if u got a car u could try going to the next closets city (if it isnt to far)...

[ckuehner 0]

i personally dont think its bad to cheat on ur mate as long as u dont let he/she find out...because cheating on your mate might just be the thing that keeps you two together...and what he/she doesnt know wont hurt he/she ...i mean like for instance...a friend of mine went out for a girl for almost 2-3 years and they cheated on each other the whole time but never got caught and they had a great relationship...they ended up braking up in the end because she had to move away...but they still keep in touch and hook up every once in awhile lol...but if ur married then u should not cheat no way!...or if ur going out with someone u can picture spending ur life with u shouldnt cheat either...thats just my opinion...what do u guys think?

156902[/snapback]

I guess that it depends upon how your partner feels about the subject. If your partner feels that cheating is acceptable behavior... and so do you... then I guess there is no harm in it. However, if either party in the relationship would feel betrayed by having the other cheat on them.... then cheating is wrong.

 

The idea that the if the other person does'nt find out about the infidelity would make it OK as absolutely rediculous. Number one thing... if you are in a committed relationship... it doesn't matter if your partner knows or not.. you should never do anything that would hurt them (always act as if they knew everything that you do)

 

Also believing that the other person would never find out about it is also a rediculous idea. Sometime down the road... maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, or maybe next year... They will find out. Sooner or later, that kind of thing always comes out. Better to just be honest right up front. Having been on the receiving end of a cheating partner... I can tell you that even though it may hurt to know the truth... it is far better to know right away than to have been lied to for a long period of time.

[Joshua 0]

I guess that it depends upon how your partner feels about the subject. If your partner feels that cheating is acceptable behavior... and so do you... then I guess there is no harm in it. However, if either party in the relationship would feel betrayed by having the other cheat on them.... then cheating is wrong.

 

The idea that the if the other person does'nt find out about the infidelity would make it OK as absolutely rediculous. Number one thing... if you are in a committed relationship... it doesn't matter if your partner knows or not.. you should never do anything that would hurt them (always act as if they knew everything that you do)

 

Also believing that the other person would never find out about it is also a rediculous idea. Sometime down the road... maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, or maybe next year... They will find out. Sooner or later, that kind of thing always comes out. Better to just be honest right up front. Having been on the receiving end of a cheating partner... I can tell you that even though it may hurt to know the truth... it is far better to know right away than to have been lied to for a long period of time.

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Aside from the question of whether it is right or wrong, I agree with you CK, love itself is a guideline here. Love does not harm others, and how can someone say they love someone if they knowingly do that which they know within will hurt that person?

 

Do they really think that the other person won't mind a special bond or what bond could be there being broken by bringing others into it? And if you do act like that is there really any level of commitment or bond there to be broken anyway?

 

What I'm saying is, if the other person doesn't care how their partner acts with others, is there really any commitment or devotion there of which they can be jealous about? If they are nonchalant about the whole thing how much do you think they really care about you? Do you really think they find you irreplaceable or just an "item" which brings them pleasure just as some other "item" is nothing more then a pleasure-bringer as well?