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Losing A Best Friend And Not Understanding What The Heck Happened! Now I have to be in a mutaul friends wedding with her : (


iGuest

It all started when I got engaged 2 years ago. At first my best friend was happy for me, and then when it was getting closer to my engagement party, she flaked and would not speak to me for almost 3 months. I texted, called her, and finally had to write her an email pleading to her that I didn't know what was wrong. -he finally wrote me back explaining how I disappointed her by breaking plans with her alot (when really we are equally guilty of it especially when we are involved in relationships (she was single at the time which I think made her a little jealous)). But I told her that I always pictured us being there for eachother's weddings, and she did end up coming to my party. Things were fine for a while again until my bridal shower. She wouldn't return my messages, so I sent her a text saying, I'm not dealing with the silent treatment again. She then never responded, so I sent her a card explaining how I think she's a great friend. She ended up coming to my shower, but she was acting kind of funny. I feel like she turned bipolar after I got engaged or something! One minute she was happy for me, then the next she was mad at me. For being my Maid of Honor, she was causing me stress than anything. I had my wedding in Vegas and she ditched out half way throug my bacholorette party and didn't even say good bye or appologize to me the next day. I acted like everything was fine because I didn't want drama. Things got bad when we got home. She got mad at me for not being able to come to this candle party she was throwing. My husband and I were supposed to be cosing on our house and I told her that, but she was not understanding at all. I then decided I was done trying to be her friend. Friends are supposed to be understanding and love you for who you are and I was fed up with her. So we went 2 months not speaking and I noticed she wrote something horrible about me on facebook and earased me from her friends list. I was very upset that she never tried calling me to find out what was wrong (like I had done when she wasn't speaking to me). I wrote her a letter 3 months ago explaining how she hurt my feelings and how I feel she needs to appologize for what she wrote on face book. I haven't heard from her since, and now I have to be in a mutual friend's wedding with her and I'm nervous to see my ex-best friend. I love my friend who is getting married, and I had written in my letter to my ex friend that we are going to have to be civil with eachother because I am not going to steel my friend's (who's getting married) joy. I was raised to rise above these kind of situations, which I intend to do, but I'm still really nervous to my exfriend. Any advice how to deal with being in the same room with her would be great! Thank you! Sincerely, Awkward situations suck!


chini13

Your friend is acting weird and is jealous.She don't need to react the way she is doing.The story reveals that you both are really good friend but then may be out of jealously she is doing all that.I guess she is not happy with her situation being single and so she wants to run away from that.She is not able to accept the reality that you are getting married and is disturbed by the fact.I think you don't need to explain it to her again and again , just try to be normal ..may be she will after some time be normal and behave nicely.May be she is no longer interested in having a friendship with you.I think when she will have the same situation she will understand you.


magnafrost

It looks to me like you matter a LOT to her. One thing I've noticed both from me and other people is that we have the biggest fights with the people who we like the most. We just so blindly like them that we end up hating them! Its happened to me time and again and I'm frankly a little unsure about myself actually! But the point is, you yourself said that a friend is supposed to be understanding. She's the one in the bad place and you are the one in the good place. You only have your broken friendship to handle while she has to handle that and a lot more, whatever they are. So go ahead, be a good friend, talk to her, befriend her, shout at her, hit her, hug her, whatever it takes to get your friendship back on track. But be warned, never go groveling back for friendship or act like one of you is superior to the other. You aren't. You are equal and that's what made you good friends, so embrace it, and don't miss a good friend. Just my 2 cents.


web_designer

i can understand what you've been through, i can understand you fully. because i was in a similar situation before, and it really left me frustrated and feeling so sad. i don't know in the first place why all these things happen, but it does. so you should deal with it some how. in your situation, i suggest you to act very natural but avoid her as much as you can, and if she tried to talk to you, you should be aware enough to know if she is in her normal mood or acting weird. if you knew sh is acting weird then stay away from her or she will make a scandal there and ruin your other friend's wedding. if she was in her normal mood, then talk to her normally without bringing up anything happened between you two, to not give her a reason to turn to that weird person again.after that, either you spoke to her or not, you should stay away from her, don't talk to her, or email her, or call her. and if she admire your friendship, then eventually, she will know what she did, and come back to you asking for your forgiveness. if she doesn't then you should know that she doesn't want you in her life anymore, and you should do the same too.sometimes when leave that close person alone and stop arguing with him, that what will bring him back, not the discussion or trying to prove who is wrong and who is right.in my opinion, mostly the reasons behind such behaviors, either jealousy as chini said before or love ownership. sometimes when one of close friends get married and get busy in his life then his close friend would miss him a lot and get angry because his friend is not with him completely any more. but after a while this kind of problems between friends will be fixed themselves and everything return to normal but if the reason is jealousy then there will be nothing to be fixed and unfortunately everything will be ruined.hope you a good day and everything gonna be fine.


sheepdog

This is what I would do. Might not be recomended for the faint of heart. At the wedding, when you see her, act very happy to see her. Do it with the most sincerity you can muster. Tell her how you miss talking to her, visiting with her, etc, rattle on for several minutes and do everything possible to get across the idea that you are not mad at her, but don't even think about bringing up any past disgressions or problems the two of you had. Keep it all very upbeat. End your speech with with a question for her, something positve, and of interst to her, something she likes or is concerned about, for example, how's your grandma, new apartment, new job, just anything that might be going on in her life that is positive. Soemthing to give her a chance to take up the conversation.This will do one of two things. If she isn't pissed off at you, it gives her the oppertunity to start up in a positive and friendly way with you again, sort of just like nothing bad every happend. Or, if she is pissed at you, your concern for her and your friendly attitude will throw her off her game and she won't make some sort of stupid scene. Either way, it's a win win situation for you.


rpgsearcherz

I would be passive about the situation.In this, I mean don't push anything. Act like the person you are saying is your "ex-friend" is just another person there; someone you've never met.By doing this you are allowing a couple of things to happen:1) You are giving the other person control over what happens or doesn't happen regarding your communication with one another2) You are not making them think you are desperate (whether deliberately or not -- many times people will see that you're desperate even if you're not)You really want to just let things go how they should. If your friend happens to ask about them, just let them know there was a falling out in the past or something; but never put down your ex-friend when you speak. It will only cause problems.


anwiii

marie- just be yourself. if you don't like her, stay away from her. if you still like her and just nervous, just embrace her with a hug and tell her you missed her. just be honest with yourself and her, ok? there was no use writing her a letter though telling her she needs to be civil because you were raised that way and that's what you intend to do though. what was your point in it? that she WASN'T raised that way and you are better than she is?you know, if you ask me, you BOTH aren't understanding of eachother and you BOTH have been very childish. in support of your friend here. yea, she is jealous. that is obvious. most importantly though she is deeply hurt and it's really nobodys fault that she's hurt. she kept feeling she was losing you as a friend more and more the closure to the wedding date. she probably doesn't know where she would have fit in your life anymore being single and you being married. it's really a big change for everyone and everyone doesn't really handle it all too well sometimes and i think your friend was scared, hurt, and just couldn't handle the thoughts.these situations are unfortunate because friendships can tend to fade away like this. your situation is far from unique. instead inviting her to your wedding stuff or things that were important to you, maybe you should have made an effort to make her feel important too during this time. i think she understood about the house closing. i just think she wanted you to make her feel that she was still important to you. it's really nobody's fault. that's the kicker. but you two should have had more understanding for eachother and maybe found common ground where you two could spend time together where it wasn't her candle party or wasn't your bachlorette party, etc.....i think you both should have wisened up and tried to find a common ground where the occassion was important to both of you. like lunch and a movie or something or even just going to a bar and having a couple drinks. it's really hard when you replace someone who was your best friend with someone else. please understand that i think she was more hurt than jealous and i know it wasn't your fault.so like i said. be yourself at this wedding. if you don't like her anymore, don't be around her AT ALL. if you miss her, give her a hug and tell her that. if the situation presents itself where you make eye contact or are near eachother, do not ignore her. that would just be rude just like your letter was rude. there are some things you just don't have to say to someone....especially if those are the first words you have said to her in a long time. come on now! you both need to get your crap together, kiss, and make up and stop being so high and mighty, self righteous or childish. gosh! i hate hearing stories of friendships ending over these kinds of situations. i've seen it before and it can all be avoided with a little understanding and love!


ChristianJames

I've been in a similar position before with my best friend and things haven't been the same since because it can be quite hurtful. My best friend and I used to do everything together. Every day and all weekend, we even got part time jobs together. We worked, studied and socialised together (with other friends) and were so close people would say we were the same person. But then she started seeing a guy she'd met through church group. Now obviously I'm mature enough to understand that of course she would want to spend time with him because they were dating and that was fine, but it was the fact that our friendship went from everyday to once a month straight away. It's a shock. Suddenly you feel like you're yesterday's news and you wonder how you're going to fit into their lives anymore. I'm not a petty person or even immature, I knew we'd see each other less and I was fine with that because I want her to be happy, but it dropped ridiculously and immediately and that's what hurt.

 

The reason I'm telling you this is that you say as a friend she should have been understanding of your new situation and marriage, but you're also guilty of not being understanding also. The way she no doubt sees it is that you're gaining (a husband) but she's losing because there's now someone to share your time with. It sounds silly but it actually means a lot if you were ever truly friends. If you actually want to be friends with her again, you need to both accept you did wrong with regards to the friendship and both apologise. Whether you feel you've done anything wrong or not...which I get the feeling you don't from your post.

 

Hope things work out and the mutual friend's wedding is a happy day, Christian.


missy2205

I gues by now you should realise that she's not really a friend but someone who probably only wanted you as a friend when she was the leader or in the limelight. You some of these friends we have only enjoy being our friends when we are a step behind them in life. They always tell us of their achievements and expect us to marvel but seem to quickly move on from any subject which steals the lime light from them. I'd say sod this friend and whats more. You need to carry on with your life and stop nagging at why ypou cant make it to her list of friends this christmas. In your shoes I would write her one last email telling her that I think our friendship has taken as much beating as it will ever and that you are tired of trying to mend things always. Tell her that you want to let her know you are not mean and will not be eveil iof she wants to be friends again but let her know you will not be getting involved in her cat an mouse games anymore. Tell her you can findd other friends and that if she is not comfy with it then it s best you both say hi and move on at your frends wedding. At the wedding you should ignore her and stay away from her as much as possible and just have fun with your other friends. Make an effort to look happy and make her realise that your life aint stopped because she's acting like an idot otherwise if you do she wins cause right now shes hoping you are wishing things were the way they used to be and you are incomplete without her. So by showing her its not like that you are a survivor and her stoppiung talking to you was just one of those things you teach a lesson to her that she wasnt the leader or the limelight in your life but just a person you used to hang out with as a friend.


Harlot

I don't know if you have attended the wedding yet or not, but its all about reaction. Its not what she does, its how you react to it. When she began to not accept your calls, I believe that you could have stopped calling. You reaction of calling and pleading only accommodates her alleged behavior. You should have allowed her to cool down and let her call you back. If see never called back then ooo well, friendships come and go. If she calls back, talk like everything is normal and nothing happened. Sometimes you have to take the approach that you would take with children. Act as if you don't notice the behavior and don't give the issue the attention that it is demanding. To be honest, it seems like you're creating your own problems. Yes, it sounds like your friend is jealous. However, besides posting something nasty about you on facebook and removing you as a friend, she has not really done anything other than walked out of your life. The reasons for her walking out of your life may be wrong, but she has the right to do that and you should stop trying to walk back into her life. Don't send her anymore letters or have any contact with her unless she initiates the contact. I feel out with a dude that I considered at least a distant friend and he removed me on facebook and I was fine with that. I actually considered removing him after a dispute, but I decided that it would be rude and done out of hate rather than necessity. Eventually he removed me so it worked out fine. I have not contacted him or anything because I don't think its appropriate. I also had another friend who I suspected was extremely jealous of me. I cut off connections with him, and he attempted to reach me but I wouldn't accept his calls or his friendship again. I ran into him and we patched things up and we are good friends again. You can't force yourself on people and while it is reasonable to be jealous, you have to remember that jealousy can be dangerous. Most of us, including myself, have been jealous of something before, but if an individual can not recognize the fact that he or she is jealous, it is a train wreck waiting to happen. So my suggestion is to go to the wedding and simply not speak to her. If she speaks to you then that's fine. Most likely, if she reacts the same way to your other friend as she reacted to you, she will try to crash her wedding and ruin that friendship too.



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