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Abbott And Costello: Buying A Computer Joke

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You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and not too
old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm

Thinking about buying a computer.


COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.


COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at t he windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write

Proposals and track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?


COSTELLO: For my office?


COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say

I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.

What do I need?


COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with

Some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?


(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START".............

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I actually found that pretty funny. I haven't quite read one like that before.Did you think that up yourself? It go's well together and carries on nicely throughout, although the word in office in windows thing got me a little *huh* heh heh.

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Is this published and where can I find and give credit?  My son is in speech and debate and this would be a fun duo but can only be performed if it is published work and we can give credit to the author.  


-reply by carolkoegel


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Lou Costello Buys a Computer - The AuthorAbbott And Costello: Buying A Computer

Actually this piece is something I wrote back in 2004.  You can find an update of it also in my weblog archive in May of 2009 when I updated the software changes a little. It was plucked off a now-defunct Geo-cities page I used to maintain back then and went viral without my by-line sometime in 2005. I hadn't thought about the piece in years and then began finding it all over the Internet. It's actually very flattering.

You can get permission and/or the updated version by contacting me at twayneking@gmail.Com. I'm not interested in making money from the piece since that's pretty hopeless once something's gone viral, but I'd still like credit for having written it.

 All I ask is for the following tagline to be added when you print it or publish to the web:

 © 2004 by Tom King - Some Rights Reserved - Used by permission




-reply by Tom King

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Lou Costello Buys a Computer - Note from the AuthorAbbott And Costello: Buying A Computer

This version has been heavily edited during its travels by the way.  The most recent version can be found on my weblog at: http://forums.xisto.com/no_longer_exists/

Tom King (the author of this piece)


-reply by Tom KingKeywords:

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