Low Self-esteem sometimes i hate myself

[Shogi 0]

i usually don't talk about how i feel. in fact for the most part i just bury what emotions i have, but i need to alleviate a little pressure.well first off, im the youngest boy of 3 (one older brother one older sister), im ugly as sin, and i feel like crap. i guess its cuz i was the youngest that i feel like no one would care if i just dissapeared or died. i feel like i have so little impact on the lives of my friends and family. i feel like a burden. i spend a lot of time alone because i dont have many friends, and no real close friends, its been that way for most of my life. to a degree i liek being alone, but at the same time, it hurts to be alone, like no one wants me. oddly enough despite my affinity for being alone, i crave attention or some form of praise. i guess i kinda missed out on some being in my sibling's shadows.sometimes i kind of have to wonder why what friends i have stick around or even care about me or if they really do. some times i feel like im a leech that just wont let go. at some point i resigned myself to that fact that i'd always be alone even when around friends because i don't have anyone that i can really talk to. despite the numerous people i hang around with i always feel like im never truly wanted or accepted like im just that guy that showed up one day and never left. i don't know what they or anyone else sees in me.none of my friends actually know the real me. i put up a front when im around people that im happy, but really im very rarely truly happy, im also a wimp. and moments of happiness are usually very brief because i usually slip back into a feeling of depression. im full of conflicting emotions so its easier for me to bury them all and live out my lonley existance as best i can. i havent honestly cried in years, even though 3 peopel in my family have died in a relativley short period of time. only thing i really feel now is an ocassional pang in my heart wishing that i werent the way i am.don't get me wrong, im no where near killing myself, cuz to be quite honest, thats one hell of a wussy way out. plus i feel obligated to live long enough to experience waking up wasted in a pile of strange girls in a strange bed. , but i have resigned to being alone for my life. even though there is a girl i like, i bury those feelings too because i know i couldnt possibly attract or maintain any sort of functional relationship with her.i find myself angry at the world alot too, just wishing for someone to pick a fight with me so i can beat the crap out of them, and vent some rage. i can honestly say that 70% of all my daydreams involve me pounding someone. 20% is just being recognized for something, being respected. and the other 10% are just having someone special to me.i guess im just a damn mess. anyway it felt ok to get some of that out. thanks for reading through my pitiful sob story.

[rkage 0]

I know how you feel and it is really hard to try to say something to help you because I have been in that position and I wouldn't except anything anyone was telling me, I wanted to be in a bad mood. My advice is to stick in there and listen to your friends because for five years I had not had one friend at all. None, I went out one night a week and that was it. A pretty boring period of my life to think my childhood was wasted like that.But then it all changed when a really dead on guy started talking to me and we had loads in common, everything we done, know matter how embarassing was funny and overnight we were comfortable hanging with eachother like we had known each other for years. He introduced me to his friends and because me and him were friends, I didn't care what others thought about me, I really did act like myself and his friends seen my humour and my personality and liked me.Then, he got a girlfriend and his older mate moved back to the town and all of a sudden I was and still am pushed away. We seen eachother the other week and we didn't even say anything to eachother. So all of a sudden we went from people who went on weekend spontaneous holidays with eachoter and someone I thought I'd cry my eyes out for ever if I lost as a friend to people who couldn't speal to eachother. The flare had gone.But the friends he introduced me to still talked to me and although they aren't as friendly with me as they were with him, they felt rejected as well and so we still hang around but I know I am not the humourous, relaxed person I used to be. But when people are feeling down, they like to talk to the serious people, not the clowns.So why am I telling you this? Because at one point in your life, things will change for the better and your personality will bloom. There will be someone who you will feel comfortable with be it a boy or a girl, and you'll feel more relaxed. I lost the best friend I've ever had and I don't feel down because I realise because of him, I have a better life than what it used to be and I'd dread if i went back to being what I used to be.I hope I help you feel a little bit better. Just remember, the person you are looking for to make you happy, is also looking for you.

[rhodesian.dragon 0]

i guess its cuz i was the youngest that i feel like no one would care if i just dissapeared or died. i feel like i have so little impact on the lives of my friends and family. i feel like a burden. i spend a lot of time alone because i dont have many friends, and no real close friends, its been that way for most of my life. to a degree i liek being alone, but at the same time, it hurts to be alone, like no one wants me.

I know how that feels like... this kind of sounds like something that I would write but I guess you don't care...

don't get me wrong, im no where near killing myself, cuz to be quite honest, thats one hell of a wussy way out. plus i feel obligated to live long enough to experience waking up wasted in a pile of strange girls in a strange bed.    , but i have resigned to being alone for my life. even though there is a girl i like, i bury those feelings too because i know i couldnt possibly attract or maintain any sort of functional relationship with her.

Again sounds alot like me. Just know that no matter what happens always find a way to alleviate a little pressure. because if you let the pressure bild up too much there's not telling what you might do.

even though there is a girl i like, i bury those feelings too because i know i couldnt possibly attract or maintain any sort of functional relationship with her.

Even though I hate it when people tell me things about relationships, but you never will know until you try. But if you are like me, it sounds like you are, you will not try and that's ok. Just remember do not let anyone pressure you into anything. and it's true what rkage said:

Just remember, the person you are looking for to make you happy, is also looking for you.

[Dream1405241490 0]

Yea dude I know what you mean, I used to hang out with the "cool" crowd but one thing lead to another and we drifted apart, mostly cause I notice life like that is just crap, its drama, underage drinking, drug abuse, permiscous sex and really just empty and shallow crap.well anyways after I was cast away, I felt really down for a while but then I found new people to hang out with who are LIKE me, we think simailary we actually care about each other, even some people online that I have met (sound lame) are in fact really cool.So my advice is just find people that you like and start enjoying life <-god such a cliche

[Adwodon 0]

Well raising your general mood is a tricky thing to do.I remember when I was about 13-16 I was a real loser, yea I hung out with the cool people but I was the lil kid who got ripped most of the time.But I drifted apart from them, got a bit depressed, fell out with my current closest friends, went through some medical operations (as I have a dodgy leg). No girls would look twice at me and it was damn frustrating.Now if you look at me you wouldnt think I was that person, true im a small guy around 5' 6/7 but I walk around with my head high, people look down at me, and I have a scary following of girls at college. Complete opposite of before.To be happy you need to think highly of yourself. Everyone has a talent, find it, love it, know how good you are, no need to boast to other people, just know your good. It doesnt matter what it is, games, painting, music... anything.If your happy people notice! And respond in kind.Listen to happy music, music does affect your mood! Dont listen to Radiohead and depressing emo music! I dont know what music you like but say you like rock music, check out some bands which are happy, like The Hives, listening to people like them sweat their asses off on stage fills you with so much energy. Listen to some dance music to make you happy and get yourself in the mood. Relaxing music for those time where you want to sit back and unwind. Jazz is great stuff, listen to energy in the drums and feel happy!Sit back and think about things, slap on some relaxing music or a funny TV show and smile. Smiling makes you feel happy, you cant help it, just smile and think of all the great things in your life, your friends, anything which makes you happy. Think of ways to improve your life, getting a job, a girl who makes you smile, think of the perfect girl and what you want her to do to you :rolleyes:As for girls, looks seriously arent a must for hot laydees my friend, 100% no bs, they help yes! But they give you an ego and make you a **** with no real friends and then you'll be a loser in later life :)The way things work is just like when we were cavemen, men try and make as many babies as they can with as many women, the ones who would make the best children were the top choice. Women choose someone who they can raise the kids and someone who is socially accepted.If you act like your top dog in the social pecking order you WILL get the girls. Yea its hard to get there, and takes some practise. Just start by talking to an average girl, make friends, and do it alot. Make lots of friends, get a girl who is your friend but the sort of girl you'd go for to take you shopping for clothes, and dont be afraid to look different, I stand there wearing bright yellow hoody's, and a tee which shows my pants and belly and is blue with white and orange stripes from a 2nd hand store! (its the one in my pic) And the girls love it, because its different and edgy and 'f**cking hot'.Once you have good clothes act nice, but not too nice, im actually a bit of a bastard when it comes to gals, ill take the piss a bit, but in a jokey way, and once ive got them in a good frame of mind. Act like you have an ego and your a God but never say it, saying it people will just click and think bigheaded *bottom*. Also be nice, offer them little things and hug em, girls love hugs fact.Just get up your confidence, dont be afraid to speak out, aslong as you have something good to say it wont fail, and remember other people have nerves too! And dont be afraid if bad stuff happens, I was with a girl who I really like.. we were eating on some steps in town, and a bird landed one right on my head / arm. It was embaressing but hilarious. And she defended me and told me it was good luck and so I took her back to mine to change my top haha! So dont be afraid :)Also dont forget to be a well rounded person! Life rules because you never know whats gona happen next, and its damn fun thinking about what could, even if it doesnt haha.But girls arent everything I dont have a girlfriend and I dont 'play the field' im happy though, to be honest I prefer just flirting hehe, makes me feel good :)And its good to hear your not suicidal That would be bad!Life is a great thing, its all we have, as im not a religious person thats what I believe. You should experience as much as you can, and remember even if you end up living in squalar, you can still be happy, I would love it to be poor, say screw this, and life in a shack on a beach in barbados haha!Life only goes wrong if you let it Take control and be happy, after all it is your life, use it!In summary...all you need is confidence and an optimistic view and the ability to sit back, and know everything is all peachy.Sit back, think, and take action, its a lot easier than you'd think!I use too many smilies >.< apologies >.<

[Maybe Skate Team 0]

I can relate to the feeling of being alone and having low moral and self esteem. Ill try and make this as short as possible since I may get into it Well about 7 years ago my family moved to the US from Ukraine, a country in Europe. I didnt speak any English but I still had to go to school. You would imagine that kids would be nice at the fact that you dont speak English, but what if you couldnt understand a simple Hello? All you had during that day of school is yourself, you couldnt talk and even when I wanted to talk I didnt know what to say. When I did learn some basic English, I was self contious about how I would say it because of accent and the chance of kids making fun of me. I remember I was so shy that I would just ignore the kids talking and stare away from them. As time went on I thought about my situation, I asked myself why am I so low on self esteem? why am I embarrased to talk? I came up with really silly answers and I decided to battle my problem. I started to talk to everyone, that led to making a lot of new friends. I became proud of my heritage, I made jokes with which I entertained my friends, I became out going to a point where I was out every night till late! I soon belonged in the "cool" crowd where I met girls, girls, and even more girls. They dig security in a man, because most girls are insecure about their apperance and other things. Everything is inside of you, you have to find the source of the problem and solve it, find a answer! Believe in yourself, it doesnt matter if you think your "ugly" some people might think otherwise. Dont let your physical features slow you down in the social food chain, all I can say is believe in yourself and what you do, dont be afraid to show your talents. Most important of all you are not the only one having these mixed emotions, everybody has em in there life, trust me!Hope some of my rambling helped you!

[cmatcmextra1405241493 0]

There are (were) near duplicates of out there of me out there. Reading these posts has made me feel better. I'm just the guy whose there. Maybe I'll be something, maybe I'll have a decent social life. Some day.

 

I do have friends which I talk to and communicate with during lesson times and I know they do like me but they hang around with people I don't like, because they do boring things, so I hang around with other people who "like" me, so maybe someday I'll try to befriend those who "like" me and befriend those who hang around with my friends, but that's a dream. We only have 57 mins break time every day which is less than most schools 1.30h break time so that makes me happy, less boredom.

 

I need self-esteem and confidence which I have because rambling away here Why does it all go at school???

 

I pshycologic (si-co-log-ic) problem, I think, I know.

 

I've gone on enough now so see ya!

[warbird1405241485 0]

I had somewhat the same problem, I´m not the youngest, the oldest of two infact but I am ugly as ..... uhh, I don´t think the word for that is discovered yet , never had a girlfriend until my 14th and almost everyday I had troubles with my parents. That´s why I´m so much working on a computer, I making games, design websites and things like that. Maybe you should do something like that too, a hobby for you only, so you can be alone for a while when you have troubles and you can forget everything. Try to spend so much time with the friends you have and if you realy don´t have ANY kind of friend then you should try to make some friends, maybe on internet, they don´t care about how you look because they can´t see you. I know that it´s very difficult but focus on the things where you are good in. That you are on this forum means already that you are pretty interested in computer i think, maybe you are good in making websites???Anyway just be yourself and don't try to be more then that, I did that once and I will never try it again, I got some friends with it, but no realy friends they all moved away from me after sometime and the hate me even more now.I hope I helped you a bit, and remember: always keep smiling.

[@non 0]

this topic has really got me thinking... falling back into rather old memories..
not 6 months ago it could have been me writing something like that...of course i never would have posted it anywhere... very brave of you..

well just to say that alot has changed now... quite amazing what 6 months can do .. i mean i still have no friends but that doesnt matter.. there is only one person in the world that i care about... and they are my world... so nothing else matters..

so really just wait it out...and take these other peoples great advice .. and if things still don't work out.. travel..

I hope I help you feel a little bit better. Just remember, the person you are looking for to make you happy, is also looking for you.

very nice quote
on a different note: Maybe Skate Team

your ukrainian? thats awesome i lived there for 4.5 years ...left in 99 when the visa laws changed... loved it there... first lived in yalta then move to simferople
great place..

although i now have forgoten all my russian

[mimi_m 0]

Who ISN'T depressed during their teenage years? Seriously. Everyone is, and you may think that you're 'ugly' as hell, but I can assure you, a million other people are in the exact same frame of mind you are. 'ugly' is a state of mind, coz seriously, people will accept you no matter how you look. I hate to sound cliche, but have confidence in yourself. That's what makes all the difference... If you're this little cowering child in the corner of a room, hiding away from everyone else, of course no ones going to notice you! You cant rely on other people to come to you, coz they may be just as affraid as you are. You have to get out there and start chatting people up! MAKE the friends, don't avoid them. And I'm not saying this to sound harsh, but that's reality. You'll come to see most people are pretty cool, just make sure you're contributing in discussions! (but not in the whiny, attention-seeking way... be cool). Don't wait around for your friends to organise going out, YOU organise to go out!It may seem impossible, but I take it you're still in school? Trust me. You'll grow out of the fase. Atleast give it a go... you sound like you're not even trying. Dont be a victim of the world, coz then you WILL become one. So stop making excuses. I know it sounds unfair, but the world doesn't taylor for your specific needs. You have to MAKE it work for you. Then, you'll have mates to go get pissed with, and who knows? You might wake up one morning in a bed full of chicks (although, from a female's perspective, I should be repremanding you for that dirty thought) Hate to be outspoken, but I'm guessing you need to hear this.

[wutske 0]

I know this is an old topic, but I realy, realy recognize myself in Shogi's story.It's almost the same, I have practicaly no friends (ok, maybe those from my flagswingingteam, but they are 30-50 years and I'm 17 (I'm the youngest flagswinger and the others from the group where I flagswing is the same age and the youngsters are all female and between 6-13 years ).I do have another friend, but I found out that he has blocked me from new friends during the past 4,5 years (and yes, I do know it's also my own fault), even worse, I feel like he has been lying during those 4,5 years and we're starting to grow away from each other.At school I do feel like a leech too. There's this group I always get to, but I don't realy feel that they accept me, I just stand there, I can't actualy say a lot because they talk about things they did toghether and understand and 9/10 I haven't done anything interesting to tell.I'm not realy a happy person, but also not depressed. During those years I evolved in a 'I-don't-realy-care' type. I realy supress my feelings, even getting angry, then I realy want to start bashing on things, but I've already learnt that I can destroy things when I do that (broken my keyboard already on 2 places ) so I just get angry, pump a lot of blood to my head, count to ten and get on trying to fix what was wrong.I don't realy feel ugly, but I don't feel atractive. I'm a bit a skinny person and realy, I can eat, eat, but I hardly gain weigth (it's cool, candy all day). Other thing, I have fat lips, and I realy don't like them. I already learned to live with my Dracula tooth, but the downside is that I hardly smile (except on fora ).To keep it short from now: too much computers, too shy, no friends, bad sport condition (should start training something, but I'm too lazy), forgetfull (and not a little bit, I can forget thing that were said 5 sec. ago ) and a lack of initiative . Guess that was all of my perfetic live (no, it's even more, but I'm not going to bother you guys and gals with that, because it's already boring enough too read this) <- guess this is another problem that is starting to growgrtz, /meP.s.: I'm realy glad with all the reply's so far. Only one thing left to say. Did 2 schools with no friends, one year to go and I'm going to another school (and I don't even know yet what I'm going to study), a new start for me, a new chance to get new friends.

[iGuest 3]

dont worry, be happy!

Low Self-esteem

 

Just be yourself, let things go on, and you'll soon see that everything's going to turn up okay. Don't try to force yourself into becoming someone, just be yourself, and try to be relaxed at all times. Never show that you are nervous or afraid of something. Everyone will look at you in a different way, and that will give you a big boost in confidence. And, responding to some posts, girls really do boost up your self esteem!

 

In my case, I'm just a commun guy everywhere. I don't sit in one corner of the room alone, nor do I keep chatting with loads of friends, I simply found the group of friends that I had more in commun with, and got on with it. I�m simply normal, but I really feel that I need a girl! I'm not forcing myself to find one, I'll try to let everything go on normally, but I know that if I find a girl who I really like, my life will be so much better, and I would make that girl so happy... As for my self confidence, I think that I'm average, right at the middle. I don't hate myself, (I really like myself physically), but there are two things that really make me feel down; I just can't really talk to girls, cause I just suddenly change, and become nervous. This is where I'm getting it all wrong, and, I can't really look to some people directly in the eyes. I know I'm not shy, not at all, but I just hate eye-contact.. :'( The thing is, I know I'm alone in the world. (I have myself!), but still, I know that my friends are not real friends, but I just hang out with them cause I really have a lot in commum with them. I'm confused, cause I don't really know who's my real friends...

 

I suggest that you just start to know other people, have some sense of humor (which REALLY does help) and that's it. You'll soon find that you'are in a different social position. Other thing that I recommend, is to do sports. This will also give you a boost in confidence, and will make you much more interesting and still, you will always meet new people. I play squash, and I'm also used to work out in the gym. I started to do this, because I really liked that sport, and naturally, I just made up a big bunch of friends and now, I have something to do (other than playin COunter Strike)

 

I noticed that throught my childhood, I've been very cautios of what I really liked, enjoyed and maked me feel good. I worked on that naturally, and if you do the same, you'll see that you'll build an interesting charater, which is constantly changing, and improving itself. You know what? That character is you...

 

I'd also recommend to improve in what you like, and don't be afraid to show it. For example, I just love PC gaming, I can spend hours and hours by myself playing something, but still, I have a life, I'm not a nerd, and I'm not worried if I'll become one (I'm not!), but thats what I like to do, and I just don't care what other people think. Actually, my preference for sqyash, games, and computing just made me know more about myself, and now, I'm just happy to know who I am. Guess what?, my best friends are computer lovers (nowhere near nerds) and practice tennis or squash. I didn't even think about it. I just noticed that now, while I was writing this. I see a really big relation between what you like to do (your intrests), your friends and yourself.

 

JUST BE YOUSELF, but an improved version!

 

sry if this post is too long, but thats how it fells to be me! Might not seem so, but now, you all really know a lot about me A 15 year-old boy, who's looking for the perfect girl, and seeking to loose all those false friends, and to know who are the real ones...

 

 

Any thing you do, just make it better!

 

 

PS: I just remembered that I had a girl friend some months ago, but she left. I never liked her, she was just a girl for me and I don't think a lot about her. I know I just saw that relation with my brain, not with my heart. It was a false realtionship and actually, that didn't even change me, since I wasn't in love with her. For me, it was just a waste of time, and it's worth zero to me, just a moment in time where my hormones were jumping like hell... I just thought with my d*ck and didn't feel with my heart. (sry for the terms used)

 

 

WOW!, I just posted this 3 years later! I wonder how you changed from 2005 to the beginnig of 2008!

[wutske 0]

WOW!, I just posted this 3 years later! I wonder how you changed from 2005 to the beginnig of 2008!

I'm glad you bumped this post, it's interesting to read how I've felt 2 year ago and to find out what changed in the past 2 years. That friend I was talking about, it's actualy one of my best friends right now! I don't see him that often because he moved for his studies (he does come back in the weekends, but he doesn't have much time due to his studies).
I do think a lot different now about him too, I tought he blocked me from finding new friends ... but in fact it's not true! It was all my fault because the same thing is happening again at my new school. I still tend to block myself out a litlle bit, eg. during breaks I don't talk to many of my fellow students .

However, I did get to know some great people during the last year at my previous school. Maybe they aren't friends like real friends (those who you can tell everything, those who you see and talk to often, ...), but they do accept my the way I am (I guess ). However, I do however feel like FeedBacker does:

As for my self confidence, I think that I'm average, right at the middle. I don't hate myself, (I really like myself physically), but there are two things that really make me feel down; I just can't really talk to girls, cause I just suddenly change, and become nervous. This is where I'm getting it all wrong, and, I can't really look to some people directly in the eyes. I know I'm not shy, not at all, but I just hate eye-contact.. :'( The thing is, I know I'm alone in the world. (I have myself!), but still, I know that my friends are not real friends, but I just hang out with them cause I really have a lot in commum with them. I'm confused, cause I don't really know who's my real friends...

I do agree that finding a girl did boost my self-confidense a lot. I knew her for 3 years and we've been together for 6 months (untill 3 days ago when we broke up , this shows that girls work in both directions ... they can make you very happy, but they can also make you feel very depressed ). She made me change, I started doing more than just working (or gaming) on my computer, I started to get feelings, I got more emotional than before ... I matured. I hope that, even tough we aren't a couple anymore and that I'm still feeling a bit depressed now, my life will continue in the positive way as it did during the past 6 months .


I still have some mental problems tough. Wherever I go, whoever I meet, I still feel like being the lowest class of human being. I'll always step aside for someone to get past me, it's like I don't care about myself, but only about the others ... I'm not important enough . I'm still a bit shy tough and I still don't like to make contact with unknown people (I even hate making phonecalls).
My lack of initiative has improved a bit, tough it's hard since most of my initiative don't have a positive ending.
Edited January 2, 2008 by wutske (see edit history)

[iGuest 3]

dont worry, be happy

Low Self-esteem

 

WOW! big changes! I'm really happy that your life has changed a lot, for the positive side. Yes, I believe that that girl changed you a lot.

 

You seem to be so different. 'I still have some mental problems though. Wherever I go, whoever I meet, I still feel like being the lowest class of human being. I'll always step aside for someone to get past me, it's like I don't care about myself, but only about the others ...

 

I'm not important enough dry.Gif . I'm still a bit shy though and I still don't like to make contact with unknown people (I even hate making phonecalls).'

 

After what you have changed, those problems are just so small, you'll keep on changing, and in time, you won't remember that you wrote this

[iGuest 3]

Do you know about some self-esteem tests? I am just curios.Regards