Love Marriage am i right?

[tejas111 0]

hi friends..am tejas .am last year studenr of BE .(engineering)..i am in a relationship with a girl from last 5 years...we love each other a lot..this is not a u know just attraction ot like time pass..we r damn serious about our relationship..we both are educated..we both knew our limits..we are matured..she is just the best for me... but 2 days ago ..dont know what happened to us?we got caught by our parents..my family is big presige..my parents are god for me..just like for everyone...they dont think i shuld do this love marriage?in my whole family all are against love marriage..we are big ones of our town..also she is some what relative to em..but still its ok..she js having her family problems,personal problrms...even though she is with me,, she knows me..she said u leave me ..but i cant..and also she..we cant brakuup..is is possible to forget 5 yrs relation in just 1 day?i also respect my parens,..their thoughts..i cant fool them//i am having good future..they think i am spoiling my carrer..but i dnt..thet even cant think of my marriage with that girlshe is ok with this..because she cant go agianst her parents also..she loves me a lot .....i know..i am planning that i will talkk to my parents after 2 years..in these 2 years i will get settled..i will get my career upword..i will work hard and prove myself...we have decided this.....we both..let say this is our real exam of LOVE,...please suggets me help me ...thnks

[anwiii 17]

this is what i think. i think you're a coward. as you know, love is not a game and shouldn't be taken lightly. this girl fell in love with you thinking there is a high possibility that you two will be together. now you are just playing with her head. why? because of family pressure. you should have NEVER decided to be with a woman and allow her to love you if in the end, you were going to break up with her because of family pressure. because you are even considering this, i think you're a coward. you may love her, but the real question is if it was REAL love, or just selfish love on your part to pass the time until you were caught. so that's what i think. your girl is trusting in you. she knows the whole thing revolves around you and she has no say. at the same time, she wants the best for you. are you going to let her down after trusting in you and give in to family pressure and be a coward? or was your love true enough to where you aren't going to let her down and would do anything for her even if it means moving away?it's your choice. don't ask people to dictate your moral character for you.

[mandla 0]

oh my God. Have you ever read romeo and Juliet. Maybe you should. How can you even consider a breakup after 5 years over parents catching you and saying this needs to stop. if you said to your parents breakup cause dad isnt good for you what you think they will say.it wierd how you take your girls happiness and yours too for granted, how can you say after five years of being together. if you dont want the girl be a man and tell her you dont want her but dont use the lame excuse of saying my parents dont want this girl or my mom said this and that. be straight up with us and be honest with yourself. You probably have finished using her for your personal gratification now you want to use your folks as an excuse. My parents were strict and never let us do naughty things with girls and when they found you in a compromising situation they would go ape shyt about it all and threaten to disown you if you didnt break it off immediately and they would threaten to ship us off to boarding school and all that or to go tell the girl's parents they were probably worse than your parents in the way they would react. FOr year this worked and we would feel threatened enought to usually break off the relationship or at least cool it down to virtually nothing in fear of getting caught. This was ok because the realtionships were short lived eg 3 or months old and the severing of ties was hurtfull but not like when you been together for five years. I remeber how my brother got a serious girlfriend and they were together nearly a year and a half and they got caught making out on the couch after my parents returned a day early from a vacantion. They were morbid and yelled the house down accusing us of being irresponsible and probably having brought girls over while they were away. Being christian parents they actually raised a few valid points like while we do not condone that you were making out with the girl think of it like this if that girl makes out with you that means she also like you has no morals and is not God fearing. they would give you all these points that put her in a bad light and I started to see their sense but something happened that changed my life forever. My brother had really fallen for this girl and was serious about her and whilst my mom was calling her all the names under the son my brother said Im sorry mom but i dont appreciate you calling my girlfriend all those names. We are pretty serious bout each other and i will not have this. cause she will be your daughter in law one day and yet you are swearing at her for cuddling with me. Yes yell at us for making out in your house but not because I love her or she loves me. Now my parents were the strict type. You would never answer back when they were mad but my brother did. And something he said at that time made my parents freeze and slowly turn and face eah other then back at him. then they walked out the living room. It seemed like ages before my mom came back and asked to have a work with my brother in private. then shortly after that my brother came back and sat on the sofa next to his girlfrined. When mom came back she to the living room she greeted my brothers girl and introduced herself like a normal human being would. There was none of the aggro that they had displayed earlier . She explained to my brothers girlfriend that they were mad because they had caught them making out on the couch and not because they were in love. She told her that as young adults they should have been more responsible and taken their shannanigans to the bed room or somewhere more private because thats not examplary for me. lol as if i didnt do worse but not that they knew nor realised at that time.Anyway my point is that my parents respected that my brother would actually stand up and say I love this girl and i am serious about her. To them that made them realise that they were quite serious about each other. And I believe they realised that this was a serious thing not one of those games boys and girls play. When I asked my brother whay he stood up to my parents like that he said somethign tome that i carry to today. he said to me Shelly makes me so happy and I love her so much. I dont knw the future but I wanan be with her forever, i wanan have a family with her and i know we gonna be happy together. Im not saying we are going to be perfect Im saying we are gonna be right for each other but the most important part is that she makes me happy and I make her happy. I said but mom and dad dont approve thats fine, but that is not going to put me off a chance at being happy with the right person. I said but you know how mom is? dad may come around but mom nahhhhhh and he said. Well I have made it clear to her I told her respectfully and yet firmly that I knwo she may not like her and that was ok. But if it was achoice between making mom happy 365 days a year and being with the wrong person as chosen by my parents satisfaction which ends up in a bad marriage for me than i'd rather be happy with shelly 365days and not visit mom and dad. if push came to shove then when we visit with shelly it will be a quick visit not those lengthy all day visit sessions. And mom was like i didnt realise she was that serious nor you were and they calmed down. Needless to say they been married for last 12 years and have a beautiful daughter.So quit being a chicken or messing around a girl you been with for five years and asking us to validate oyur crazy idea of dumping her using your parents as an excuse because that is being a wuss.Either you man up and say i think this aint working out babes because I am a spinless little winge or stand up to you parents and tell them you understand their concern but you are asking them to respect your choice of a partner and whether they think thats wrong and she is not good enuff to respect you enuff to let youo make a decision as to what is right and wrong for your heart and future in terms of a partner. Tell them you are not being rude but just need them to respect your choices as they would expect people to respect their choices.

[tejas111 0]

oh my God. Have you ever read romeo and Juliet. Maybe you should. How can you even consider a breakup after 5 years over parents catching you and saying this needs to stop. if you said to your parents breakup cause dad isnt good for you what you think they will say.
it wierd how you take your girls happiness and yours too for granted, how can you say after five years of being together. if you dont want the girl be a man and tell her you dont want her but dont use the lame excuse of saying my parents dont want this girl or my mom said this and that. be straight up with us and be honest with yourself. You probably have finished using her for your personal gratification now you want to use your folks as an excuse.

My parents were strict and never let us do naughty things with girls and when they found you in a compromising situation they would go ape shyt about it all and threaten to disown you if you didnt break it off immediately and they would threaten to ship us off to boarding school and all that or to go tell the girl's parents they were probably worse than your parents in the way they would react. FOr year this worked and we would feel threatened enought to usually break off the relationship or at least cool it down to virtually nothing in fear of getting caught. This was ok because the realtionships were short lived eg 3 or months old and the severing of ties was hurtfull but not like when you been together for five years.

I remeber how my brother got a serious girlfriend and they were together nearly a year and a half and they got caught making out on the couch after my parents returned a day early from a vacantion. They were morbid and yelled the house down accusing us of being irresponsible and probably having brought girls over while they were away. Being christian parents they actually raised a few valid points like while we do not condone that you were making out with the girl think of it like this if that girl makes out with you that means she also like you has no morals and is not God fearing. they would give you all these points that put her in a bad light and I started to see their sense but something happened that changed my life forever.

My brother had really fallen for this girl and was serious about her and whilst my mom was calling her all the names under the son my brother said Im sorry mom but i dont appreciate you calling my girlfriend all those names. We are pretty serious bout each other and i will not have this. cause she will be your daughter in law one day and yet you are swearing at her for cuddling with me. Yes yell at us for making out in your house but not because I love her or she loves me. Now my parents were the strict type. You would never answer back when they were mad but my brother did. And something he said at that time made my parents freeze and slowly turn and face eah other then back at him. then they walked out the living room. It seemed like ages before my mom came back and asked to have a work with my brother in private. then shortly after that my brother came back and sat on the sofa next to his girlfrined. When mom came back she to the living room she greeted my brothers girl and introduced herself like a normal human being would. There was none of the aggro that they had displayed earlier . She explained to my brothers girlfriend that they were mad because they had caught them making out on the couch and not because they were in love. She told her that as young adults they should have been more responsible and taken their shannanigans to the bed room or somewhere more private because thats not examplary for me. lol as if i didnt do worse but not that they knew nor realised at that time.

Anyway my point is that my parents respected that my brother would actually stand up and say I love this girl and i am serious about her. To them that made them realise that they were quite serious about each other. And I believe they realised that this was a serious thing not one of those games boys and girls play. When I asked my brother whay he stood up to my parents like that he said somethign tome that i carry to today. he said to me Shelly makes me so happy and I love her so much. I dont knw the future but I wanan be with her forever, i wanan have a family with her and i know we gonna be happy together. Im not saying we are going to be perfect Im saying we are gonna be right for each other but the most important part is that she makes me happy and I make her happy. I said but mom and dad dont approve thats fine, but that is not going to put me off a chance at being happy with the right person. I said but you know how mom is? dad may come around but mom nahhhhhh and he said. Well I have made it clear to her I told her respectfully and yet firmly that I knwo she may not like her and that was ok. But if it was achoice between making mom happy 365 days a year and being with the wrong person as chosen by my parents satisfaction which ends up in a bad marriage for me than i'd rather be happy with shelly 365days and not visit mom and dad. if push came to shove then when we visit with shelly it will be a quick visit not those lengthy all day visit sessions. And mom was like i didnt realise she was that serious nor you were and they calmed down.

Needless to say they been married for last 12 years and have a beautiful daughter.

So quit being a chicken or messing around a girl you been with for five years and asking us to validate oyur crazy idea of dumping her using your parents as an excuse because that is being a wuss.

Either you man up and say i think this aint working out babes because I am a spinless little winge or stand up to you parents and tell them you understand their concern but you are asking them to respect your choice of a partner and whether they think thats wrong and she is not good enuff to respect you enuff to let youo make a decision as to what is right and wrong for your heart and future in terms of a partner. Tell them you are not being rude but just need them to respect your choices as they would expect people to respect their choices.

thnks for your seggestion..but am just 22..do u think its just right time to ask parents about us?

[MayukhDebnath 1]

oh my God. Have you ever read romeo and Juliet. Maybe you should. How can you even consider a breakup after 5 years over parents catching you and saying this needs to stop. if you said to your parents breakup cause dad isnt good for you what you think they will say.
it wierd how you take your girls happiness and yours too for granted, how can you say after five years of being together. if you dont want the girl be a man and tell her you dont want her but dont use the lame excuse of saying my parents dont want this girl or my mom said this and that. be straight up with us and be honest with yourself. You probably have finished using her for your personal gratification now you want to use your folks as an excuse.

My parents were strict and never let us do naughty things with girls and when they found you in a compromising situation they would go ape shyt about it all and threaten to disown you if you didnt break it off immediately and they would threaten to ship us off to boarding school and all that or to go tell the girl's parents they were probably worse than your parents in the way they would react. FOr year this worked and we would feel threatened enought to usually break off the relationship or at least cool it down to virtually nothing in fear of getting caught. This was ok because the realtionships were short lived eg 3 or months old and the severing of ties was hurtfull but not like when you been together for five years.

I remeber how my brother got a serious girlfriend and they were together nearly a year and a half and they got caught making out on the couch after my parents returned a day early from a vacantion. They were morbid and yelled the house down accusing us of being irresponsible and probably having brought girls over while they were away. Being christian parents they actually raised a few valid points like while we do not condone that you were making out with the girl think of it like this if that girl makes out with you that means she also like you has no morals and is not God fearing. they would give you all these points that put her in a bad light and I started to see their sense but something happened that changed my life forever.

My brother had really fallen for this girl and was serious about her and whilst my mom was calling her all the names under the son my brother said Im sorry mom but i dont appreciate you calling my girlfriend all those names. We are pretty serious bout each other and i will not have this. cause she will be your daughter in law one day and yet you are swearing at her for cuddling with me. Yes yell at us for making out in your house but not because I love her or she loves me. Now my parents were the strict type. You would never answer back when they were mad but my brother did. And something he said at that time made my parents freeze and slowly turn and face eah other then back at him. then they walked out the living room. It seemed like ages before my mom came back and asked to have a work with my brother in private. then shortly after that my brother came back and sat on the sofa next to his girlfrined. When mom came back she to the living room she greeted my brothers girl and introduced herself like a normal human being would. There was none of the aggro that they had displayed earlier . She explained to my brothers girlfriend that they were mad because they had caught them making out on the couch and not because they were in love. She told her that as young adults they should have been more responsible and taken their shannanigans to the bed room or somewhere more private because thats not examplary for me. lol as if i didnt do worse but not that they knew nor realised at that time.

Anyway my point is that my parents respected that my brother would actually stand up and say I love this girl and i am serious about her. To them that made them realise that they were quite serious about each other. And I believe they realised that this was a serious thing not one of those games boys and girls play. When I asked my brother whay he stood up to my parents like that he said somethign tome that i carry to today. he said to me Shelly makes me so happy and I love her so much. I dont knw the future but I wanan be with her forever, i wanan have a family with her and i know we gonna be happy together. Im not saying we are going to be perfect Im saying we are gonna be right for each other but the most important part is that she makes me happy and I make her happy. I said but mom and dad dont approve thats fine, but that is not going to put me off a chance at being happy with the right person. I said but you know how mom is? dad may come around but mom nahhhhhh and he said. Well I have made it clear to her I told her respectfully and yet firmly that I knwo she may not like her and that was ok. But if it was achoice between making mom happy 365 days a year and being with the wrong person as chosen by my parents satisfaction which ends up in a bad marriage for me than i'd rather be happy with shelly 365days and not visit mom and dad. if push came to shove then when we visit with shelly it will be a quick visit not those lengthy all day visit sessions. And mom was like i didnt realise she was that serious nor you were and they calmed down.

Needless to say they been married for last 12 years and have a beautiful daughter.

So quit being a chicken or messing around a girl you been with for five years and asking us to validate oyur crazy idea of dumping her using your parents as an excuse because that is being a wuss.

Either you man up and say i think this aint working out babes because I am a spinless little winge or stand up to you parents and tell them you understand their concern but you are asking them to respect your choice of a partner and whether they think thats wrong and she is not good enuff to respect you enuff to let youo make a decision as to what is right and wrong for your heart and future in terms of a partner. Tell them you are not being rude but just need them to respect your choices as they would expect people to respect their choices.

This is something that all responsible people do not realize the relationship of Love at 20+-5 and Marriage at 30+-5.

You need to love and need to be loved to have a healthy emotional balance in life. At the age of the teens, infatuation seems like love and the more you think of someone you tend to be more in love. Love from the movies and that of Romeo Juliet spoils our mind, makes them hypnotized. All I think of love is "chemical locha", that is a hormonal balance the we hallucinate of being happy and safe. How do you feel when your loved one leaves you alone and does not answer you? You feel left alone and feel to cry. Why? You feel insecure and feel that you are not given enough importance. Yes, its the importance that you are looking for. Do you blindly agree to what your love says?, you tend to accept anything and everything and name it love, oh! how much he cares, how much he understands, how much he listens to you, etc, etc.

And did you hear of the saying that "After marriage the first thing that flies out of the window is love". All the time that you spent together in the park, in the car, in the couch, in the shopping mall before marriage was so much happy time. He did all that you asked. And after marriage he does not even look at you properly let alone give some time. No personal time, all profession and work, too busy to talk. This is what happens at 20 and at 30. At 20 you are hallucinated and at 30 you are exhausted.

During my last five years I have seen many pairs in college swearing by all names that they cannot live a single day without each other and even after college, are so much love bitten that they find all the time to meet almost daily. Soon some one finds them out from the family and/or a marriage is arranged for one, that hell strikes and all the fuss begins. Oh my parents' reputation, their status not matching his, his family is not standard, oh! he is so short, he does not earn enough, he is not social, he drinks too much, etc. etc. And 1 out of 10 does the wrong of marrying the girl of his choice against the will of the parents and after their child's first birthday, sleep in bed facing opposite of each other.

Some may argue that why marry? Why Love-marriage? You can live-together and be in love, he takes the responsibility, bears and nurtures the child, earns for you all, shares his flat, blah blah. Do you really need to marry after all? In most cultures you do need to marry, and why actually do you need to marry?

As said "marriage is an institution" and love plays an important part in it, but this love is not infatuation, neither s*x in the couch, it cannot be lust either as most of the so called love affairs these days are. And whoever calls an act of leaving a girl after being with her for sometime as a coward, needs to rethink, do we really need someone to love and have s*x with, or we need someone who takes the responsibilities to do all that is important. And marriage is not just letting two persons live together and produce children, its the mingling of families and relations and creating the thickness in the blood-relations. Marriage is to bring happiness and joy and not bring hatred and shame.

This boy Tejas, at 22 thinks that he cannot break a 5 year old relation in one day and can break a 22 year old relation with his parents. Oh GOD, what a coward he is. Really? You love your parents so much that any one can take their place, they can be replaced by someone you have s*x on the couch. Absolutely acceptable if your parents could not teach you the morals of life and what every religion teaches us. Even in Bible and Quran its said that your parents are greater than the almighty, so how can one leave his parents for a girl. I am in support of the boy, and feel sorry for the girl, that its a better decision to accept what his parents said and wait for some time, as said by him for two years, until he is independent and or can convince his parents that the girl in question and the family she belongs to is at par with his own. He must think with the head and not his heart, as life is all about how you think and not how you dream.

Saying all this its not that all love stories and all love-marriages fail, its that these marriages that are completed without the consent of the parents and relatives leaves their children in the world with very few people to back on to. The couple lives in exile with all the sorrows and failures with themselves.

I keep all this as my personal opinion and do not wish to hurt anyone, my apologies if anyone thinks otherwise.

[tejas111 0]

This is something that all responsible people do not realize the relationship of Love at 20+-5 and Marriage at 30+-5.
You need to love and need to be loved to have a healthy emotional balance in life. At the age of the teens, infatuation seems like love and the more you think of someone you tend to be more in love. Love from the movies and that of Romeo Juliet spoils our mind, makes them hypnotized. All I think of love is "chemical locha", that is a hormonal balance the we hallucinate of being happy and safe. How do you feel when your loved one leaves you alone and does not answer you? You feel left alone and feel to cry. Why? You feel insecure and feel that you are not given enough importance. Yes, its the importance that you are looking for. Do you blindly agree to what your love says?, you tend to accept anything and everything and name it love, oh! how much he cares, how much he understands, how much he listens to you, etc, etc.

And did you hear of the saying that "After marriage the first thing that flies out of the window is love". All the time that you spent together in the park, in the car, in the couch, in the shopping mall before marriage was so much happy time. He did all that you asked. And after marriage he does not even look at you properly let alone give some time. No personal time, all profession and work, too busy to talk. This is what happens at 20 and at 30. At 20 you are hallucinated and at 30 you are exhausted.

During my last five years I have seen many pairs in college swearing by all names that they cannot live a single day without each other and even after college, are so much love bitten that they find all the time to meet almost daily. Soon some one finds them out from the family and/or a marriage is arranged for one, that hell strikes and all the fuss begins. Oh my parents' reputation, their status not matching his, his family is not standard, oh! he is so short, he does not earn enough, he is not social, he drinks too much, etc. etc. And 1 out of 10 does the wrong of marrying the girl of his choice against the will of the parents and after their child's first birthday, sleep in bed facing opposite of each other.

Some may argue that why marry? Why Love-marriage? You can live-together and be in love, he takes the responsibility, bears and nurtures the child, earns for you all, shares his flat, blah blah. Do you really need to marry after all? In most cultures you do need to marry, and why actually do you need to marry?

As said "marriage is an institution" and love plays an important part in it, but this love is not infatuation, neither s*x in the couch, it cannot be lust either as most of the so called love affairs these days are. And whoever calls an act of leaving a girl after being with her for sometime as a coward, needs to rethink, do we really need someone to love and have s*x with, or we need someone who takes the responsibilities to do all that is important. And marriage is not just letting two persons live together and produce children, its the mingling of families and relations and creating the thickness in the blood-relations. Marriage is to bring happiness and joy and not bring hatred and shame.

This boy Tejas, at 22 thinks that he cannot break a 5 year old relation in one day and can break a 22 year old relation with his parents. Oh GOD, what a coward he is. Really? You love your parents so much that any one can take their place, they can be replaced by someone you have s*x on the couch. Absolutely acceptable if your parents could not teach you the morals of life and what every religion teaches us. Even in Bible and Quran its said that your parents are greater than the almighty, so how can one leave his parents for a girl. I am in support of the boy, and feel sorry for the girl, that its a better decision to accept what his parents said and wait for some time, as said by him for two years, until he is independent and or can convince his parents that the girl in question and the family she belongs to is at par with his own. He must think with the head and not his heart, as life is all about how you think and not how you dream.

Saying all this its not that all love stories and all love-marriages fail, its that these marriages that are completed without the consent of the parents and relatives leaves their children in the world with very few people to back on to. The couple lives in exile with all the sorrows and failures with themselves.

I keep all this as my personal opinion and do not wish to hurt anyone, my apologies if anyone thinks otherwise.

thank you..but do u think when i will open this subject suppose after 2 or 3 years,my parents will support me?dont they get dissappointed as i am still not able to forget that girl?because i am not gonna open this subject for 2 years right?or should i open?please reply...

[Indego_Media 1]

Hey Tejas,there are a few things that i suppose we all need clarification on? firstly are you parents saying no because you are supposed to be entering into an arranged marrage? Secondly do you love this girl really?if the arranged marrage is part of the situation, then you will need to approach the situation with care as your family will have sent much time and resources in securing your social standing with another family and both families will have alot to loose if you were to go against social protocols.....I'm one who knows all about social protocols... and going against them. Second part. if you truely love this girl and she truely loves you then it will make no difference to wait 1 day or 3 years. especially if you have left your family believing that you are parting ways with this girl. they will not only still be thinking that it is ok for the arranged marrage to go ahead but also that you have betraided their trust by deceiving them and still having a relationship with this current girl. you will need to man up and make a decision that you beleive in. once you have committed to this decision you will then have the strength and solitude to aproach your family and address the issue of your relationship with this girl, You will know in your heart of hearts that you are 100% committed to her and to the relationship that you have. Once you are committed then your love for her and your need to protect her will be evident to your family and to everyone else. and if you are passionate enough about this relationship your family will see that and they will not want to hurt you and work a way arround the arranged marrage that they have in place for you.But if you kid yourself and let 2 or 3 years pass by, beleiving this will soften your families decision it will not, they will grow very angry with your decite and betrail. You need to make sure that no matter what no one else is miss lead by your love for your girlfriend. and that no matter what happens you make sure she is safe and secure in the knoweledge that you will protect her.If you stand by her then nothing else will matter in the long run.......Over time people will come to see that you are a good man, that you have provided for your lover, and that you are capable of providing for your future family.... Your family and your community will eventually see that you are an honorable man and respect you for that, even though in the begininng of this persuit it will be hard, people will grow to trust and respect you.Trust and Respect are things that are earned. You need to have foritude and honor to earn them. Make sure that at the end of each day you have proven beyond a doubt that you are the kind of man that this girls family would have choosen for her, and that this girl is the kind of girl that your family would have choosen for your regardless of social status and financial backing. When it comes to matters of the heart and love your mother will understand even though she will not say it, and Your father who i'm assuming is a man of respect and honor will think more of your for choosing the honorable path and facing this immeadiate hardship with dignity and solace. If on the other hand as some of the others have pointed out, if this girl is just a distraction while you pass time. then again be honorable and end it now do not keep her waiting in the hope that in 2 or 3 years she has the chance of being happy with you. that is not fair to her or honorable to your family and your future wife.Hope my views help.Regards and best wishes

[anwiii 17]

VERY well spoken words. the way he addressed this issue was that he was just passing time with this girl and wasting hers.some people need a kick in the *bottom* though. that is why i was so blunt. he's feeling pressure because not only is it a cultural issue, but also a family one since everyone knows his family in the area that they live and if he were to have relations with this girl, other people would look down on their family to accept their relations. it's not just about an arranged marriage.my whole point was that this guy didn't even know his choices before he made them. that is unacceptable when he is affecting other people by his choices right now.so yea, if he feels he wants to give in to his family, he should end things now because he is being VERY unfair to the woman he supposedly loves. if he wants to be with her, then they need to find a way to be together where it causes the least disruption in their life and their families lives until people are more comfortable with the relationship and able to accept it.i called him a coward because he has no stance. he ran away from his families belief to be with this girl in secret, now he's willing to run away from this girl just to satisfy his families belief. either way he is a coward and running away. he's not taking a firm stand in anything. that's what brought him here.....because he's a coward. now....it doesn't matter what his family thinks or what his lover thinks, but what complete strangers think. he's running again.it's really sad when i see people like this because they don't realize what the struggles in their life can bring them so they run and give in to the place that offers them the least struggle.you, indego, know all about struggle. i know you do even though you don't mention it and you have a lot to say about this subject and the pressures people can feel in life from other people.....and at the same time how those struggles can be rewwarding in the end if people make a choice to face them.....

[Indego_Media 1]

it's really sad when i see people like this because they don't realize what the struggles in their life can bring them so they run and give in to the place that offers them the least struggle.

you, indego, know all about struggle. i know you do even though you don't mention it and you have a lot to say about this subject and the pressures people can feel in life from other people.....and at the same time how those struggles can be rewwarding in the end if people make a choice to face them.....

Anwiii you are correct I know what life is like and how people's issues can affect how you live. I also know how had it can be to go against your family. I lost mine so i could be with my life partner, its been 10 years monday week since we entered into our life together.... So I know exactily how hard the decision between family and lover can be, You are correct about the cowardly act of running its never a good thing when you run scared from a situation. The worst part about running is that eventually life catches up with you. if he walks away from this girl and he is indeed in love with her. then in time no matter who he marries this love that he has for the current girl will create a darkness that will eventually shaddow his commitment to any other relationship that he may have. in its worst form it may even lead to resentment and hatered for his family.


Tejas, you really need some space and solitude, a few minutes, days or what ever it takes, But you need to be clear on what you want. Either way you need to make the decision, anything we say here can give you guidance but at the end of the day when your alone, sitting quietly with your thoughts, You and YOU alone will be the the one who knows how you feel, and what you're going to do...... I can only hope that it is the honorable thing and that you make the decision sooner rather than later. as the longer you leave this situation the darker that resentment could become for all parties involved.

Best of luck with your search and may your honor shine through.

best wishes
Jase
Edited May 6, 2011 by Indego_Media (see edit history)

[anwiii 17]

well i hope he listens to you because i really do think you are saying it best and a lot of truth in your words....

[iGuest 3]

Dear Friend,I was looking to post my story in dis site, but gud to hear from u d same story, but in my case, its the religion problem,As i am from a muslim family from assam, but ma beloved is a hindu gal from Jharkhand, after a lot of controversies my parents agreed to dis marriage, but her parents are totally against itcoz of the hindu muslim thing between us, n she too loves me a lot, but coz her parents she cant take any step against it. Even we know dat we love each other. We both are settledin our lives too, the only part is getting maaried n live our life peacefully, this kinda *BLEEP* is just happening coz of the society, she is nt talking any steps coz her parents will get a bad name in d society as i told u she is from jharkhand, so its kinda complicated story, I dun know what steps shud i take,n what steps i shudnt. Somtimes i feel like dying n i cry in d washroom wen frds are nt around,i m totally helpless n i cant force her to go against her parents. I dunt know what steps shuld i take. Why dont the indian society let people live peafully, whom shud i blame, my religion?? her religion? her parents? her sister? her society?? Even i tried to convince her parents too but the result is totally negative n they snached her from me from delhi n they took her away. Shud I just suicide n write a note on blaming blaming the indian society. So that it wid the rememberable to all oda lovers in the indian damn ****ing society.

Edited April 17, 2012 by moderator (see edit history)

[missy2205 0]

Why would you wana loose a chance to make some decent girl happy just because youa re a coward and cant stand firm on what you believe. Thats totally selfish. Whay dont you just break it all off instead of wasting hers and your time cause the longer it lasts the more things will hurt when you have to break it off. I say you should be a man about it and make the right move or as my moms says DO the right thing. Read most of the responses on here they make a lot of sense and you asked for our advice so at least listen to it

[iAssistant 1]

I think they are just afraid because you are too young. Explain to them that you will not get married soon and you will nourish your career first but you will not leave her and you will continue on your relationship with her. Tell them that your decision is final and there is nothing they can do about it. If they see that you are really decided, they will respect you but if they see that you are hesitating, they will pressure you more.

[Dipika 0]

Anwiii you are correct I know what life is like and how people's issues can affect how you live. I also know how had it can be to go against your family. I lost mine so i could be with my life partner, its been 10 years monday week since we entered into our life together.... So I know exactily how hard the decision between family and lover can be, You are correct about the cowardly act of running its never a good thing when you run scared from a situation. The worst part about running is that eventually life catches up with you. if he walks away from this girl and he is indeed in love with her. then in time no matter who he marries this love that he has for the current girl will create a darkness that will eventually shaddow his commitment to any other relationship that he may have. in its worst form it may even lead to resentment and hatered for his family.

Tejas, you really need some space and solitude, a few minutes, days or what ever it takes, But you need to be clear on what you want. Either way you need to make the decision, anything we say here can give you guidance but at the end of the day when your alone, sitting quietly with your thoughts, You and YOU alone will be the the one who knows how you feel, and what you're going to do...... I can only hope that it is the honorable thing and that you make the decision sooner rather than later. as the longer you leave this situation the darker that resentment could become for all parties involved.

Best of luck with your search and may your honor shine through.

best wishes
Jase

Love Marriage and Arrange Marriage

The best according to me is Love marriage converting into Arrange Marriage. Both of them are equally successful. The success ratio in both love and arrange marriages is the same. However in a Love Marriage you have a good opportunity to understand your life partner before marriage his nature, his likes, his temperament, his surrounding and family members. But in an Arrange Marriages many facts are hidden and innocent girls and her parents are cheated. Marrying a person whom you love who loves you and understands you nicely is the best and leads to a more Harmonious and Successful Marriage.

[k_nitin_r 8]

If someone can get into an arranged marriage and try all that they may to make it work, why can't they take the same effort to work toward something that they already have and make a love marriage work for them? It does hurt a lot more to get into an arranged marriage and realise that it wasn't for you than to get into a love marriage and work against all odds to make it work for you.Think of it this way... would you pick a cellular network provider who has been providing services for a couple of years and has been known for good service, or would you take your chances by getting plan that costs the same from a cellular network provider that has been barely in business for a month and can easily decide to give you a service with phone calls that disconnect every three minutes, dropping cell phone signals, and limited coverage area? Stick to what you have and know that works for you rather than going in for something that you have no idea of.