Family Betrayal At The Job Brother/boss not standing up for me

[foh4k 0]

I am new here and hope that i can gain some insight with my problem.I have spent 54 years trying to be best friend, confidant, working partner with my brother. I have worked for his company off and on for 20+ years the latest stint being 8 years straight.I really enjoyed my job and did a very good job. I was the top salesman in my office and moved across the country to be his eyes and ears for him in the new office.He has a GM in front of me. I have been passed over for promotion 5 times. I have taken 3 voluntary layoffs when the business was slow so others could work. I was told by my boss in October of 2010 that I should go ahead with a home purchase I was considering because I had established myself here and my place was here. In Jan of this year he came to me and told me I was being laid off indefinitely.My brother who is president of the company agreed that i was doing a great job, and that my boss told him it was performance related even though I was the top salesman in a down year. My brother would not over rule his GM's decision to make me stay. My counterpart in the office rarely even comes into work and never does the complete job that i do and really doesn't even like his job nor care about it much but he's friends with the GM.I have been sacrificed again and my level of dedication to the company and the family business is not in question. Yet i am still out right after I bought a home. My brother takes a hands off stance saying he cannot over rule his GM because it would undermine his authority. My brother has always kept me at arms length, has passed me over for promotion many times and has tried to convince me to change careers entirely even though I have a great passion for the business.I am seriously hurt, heart broken and every time I try and get him to understand my contribution he says its a business decision. I was told by the GM that he cant keep the budget under control and he needs to cut it by coincidentally my salary and benefit package. They just hired a new person to come in at 75K a year. Hired her and then let me go one week later.Something doesn't smell right and the ripples are being felt throughout the whole company. No one understands this decision.I have been offered another job at his direct competitor. My brother has worked hard to convince me that I shouldn't burn any bridges and try to go after his business. he says its temporary lay off but can give no time frame of my return. And the GM has intimated it could be a year. The new company wants me to chase the business I had been doing with clients from my brothers company. My heart and soul are with my brothers company but i feel I have been manipulated, used, and thrown out like a used kleenex and really have a hard time wanting to keep a good relationship with my brother. he has hurt me time and time again, and will not stand up for me even though he knows I do a great job.I just am struggling very much with my loyalty to him and his company but my new position will be in direct competition with him. Should I shut the door on my relationship with him and move on? Should I keep that door open that could slam in my face again during hard times. I believe that if the company is not making its nut the GM should be looked at as bad management. he has given away 1/2 of my salary in free stuff to clients over the last year which my brother knew nothing about until i told him. But he is willing to lose his eyes and ears in his satellite office rather than look at perhaps the GM's management of the office.I am in such a quandry and feel like my brother manipulates me at every chance he gets to make the situation work out for him. he is viewed by the rest of my family as cold and heartless and I have to agree at this time.What would you do?I need help navigating this situation.

[sheepdog 10]

My heart and soul are with my brothers company but i feel I have been manipulated, used, and thrown out like a used kleenex and really have a hard time wanting to keep a good relationship with my brother. he has hurt me time and time again, and will not stand up for me even though he knows I do a great job.

That sounds like exactly what your brother is doing to you, tossing you out like a dirty tissue. And it sounds to me like that has been going on for quite some time.

Look, your the one with a morgage to pay. Apparently your brother doesn't give a hoot about that. Take the other job. Do you really think he will care? If he does, it would serve him right. I do have to wonder why he has sugested you makeing a career change though. Maybe he want's to keep your talents away from his competitors? It's like, well, he doesn't want you but he doesn't want anybody else to have you either. The excuse that he would be undermining the authority of the GM is bogus. He's the boss, he can do whatever he wants, that sounds to me like he just doesn't want to take the blame for laying you off.

So, I'll say it again, take the other job. Try to be friendly with your brother but don't let him put you in a bad position like he has in the past. Stand up to him and for yourself. If he doesn't like it that's just tough *BLEEP*. He isn't the one that has to pay your bills. Does he really expect you to sit on your hands and starve until he can call you back? And why did they hire someone completely new and let you go? I don't think you owe your brother any loyality at all.

[anwiii 17]

you're pretty screwed here. i don't know what to say really. this is a very delicate and complicated situation. you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. i too am very loyal to family and friends and i am just going to come right out and say this. screw you're brothers company. they don't offer the same loyalty as you have been offering them. normally, i would have said leave the company, don't look back, and don't accept this other job that competes with your brother. but since your brother insists this is business, take the other job, go after the accounts, and tell him it's like he said. just business.if you do this though, he may eat his words and whine about how what he did was business and what you did was personal. you may lose your relationship with your brother so think long and hard before you decide if it's worth the risk or not. either way, i would leave your brothers company for good by your own choice. not theirs. if they need you again, tell them NO.if it was me and my brother told me straight up he didn't want me to take the job after letting me go after all my dedication, i would offer him an option. pay me a portion of the money you'd lose if i take the job with the competitor, or take the job with the competitor. it's really that simple. give HIM the choice so that you can't be blamed for being unloyal.there is obviously two other options here. find work in another industry if that is possible, or start your own division. work for yourself.your brother is semi right though. it IS business and going against the gm would undermine his authority. why hire a gm if a gm isn't allowed to do his job? on the other hand, your brother doesn't sound like he has the family loyalty you do or the business sense to undermine a gm when a gm is making wrong decisions. something DOES smell fishy to me. i really don't know your specific business relationship to comment on it but i am sure there is more to this than meets the eye. i also feel you left out some details.also, there are some moral and ethics issues related to this situation besides loyalty issues. since your brother is president, can i assume this is a corporation? if so, is it publically traded? were you ever on the board? usually when one works for a company, there is an unwritten rule of confidentiality even if no confidentiality agreements were signed which means what you learned from the company and how it does it's business stays within the business.i really don't know how this will play out. you have a tough decision. in any case, i know 1 thing. DON'T work for your brother again. be brothers. don't work together. if worse comes to worse though, look after yourself. you've earned that much.

[iGuest 3]

you're pretty screwed here. i don't know what to say really. this is a very delicate and complicated situation. you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.
i too am very loyal to family and friends and i am just going to come right out and say this. screw you're brothers company. they don't offer the same loyalty as you have been offering them. normally, i would have said leave the company, don't look back, and don't accept this other job that competes with your brother. but since your brother insists this is business, take the other job, go after the accounts, and tell him it's like he said. just business.

if you do this though, he may eat his words and whine about how what he did was business and what you did was personal. you may lose your relationship with your brother so think long and hard before you decide if it's worth the risk or not. either way, i would leave your brothers company for good by your own choice. not theirs. if they need you again, tell them NO.

if it was me and my brother told me straight up he didn't want me to take the job after letting me go after all my dedication, i would offer him an option. pay me a portion of the money you'd lose if i take the job with the competitor, or take the job with the competitor. it's really that simple. give HIM the choice so that you can't be blamed for being unloyal.

there is obviously two other options here. find work in another industry if that is possible, or start your own division. work for yourself.

your brother is semi right though. it IS business and going against the gm would undermine his authority. why hire a gm if a gm isn't allowed to do his job? on the other hand, your brother doesn't sound like he has the family loyalty you do or the business sense to undermine a gm when a gm is making wrong decisions. something DOES smell fishy to me. i really don't know your specific business relationship to comment on it but i am sure there is more to this than meets the eye. i also feel you left out some details.

also, there are some moral and ethics issues related to this situation besides loyalty issues. since your brother is president, can i assume this is a corporation? if so, is it publically traded? were you ever on the board? usually when one works for a company, there is an unwritten rule of confidentiality even if no confidentiality agreements were signed which means what you learned from the company and how it does it's business stays within the business.

i really don't know how this will play out. you have a tough decision. in any case, i know 1 thing. DON'T work for your brother again. be brothers. don't work together. if worse comes to worse though, look after yourself. you've earned that much.

I don't think I left anything out other than i went through a small personal crisis at the end of 201. However it was nothing that I lost any business over, and nothing that precluded me from doing my job properly.

They did bring on a new person at the same time and I have to this day, offered solutions to the reasons they gave for my dismissal. I offered up a performance solution, and a financial solution which they didn't even respond too.

I took the other job. After a week of culture shock this week i hit the ground running. I have talked to a few clients with more meetings coming this week and am finding that the reputation that is being burned is theirs not mine. Most in the industry find it completely shocking. The new company has had two trade rag articles written announcing my arrival as VP Entertainment Division. They come to print in April and will be even more shock to the industry outside the confines of our local city. This is a business with networks that reach nationwide.

I do believe I have not gotten the truth since I offered up the solutions to allay the problems they indicate brought on my "lay off." But they didn't respond. I think there's something deeper and I am being kept from the truth. However I am now outside the sphere of that company and now people are starting to come forward with a more openness about their dealings with the former company and I am finding that their reputation is being tarnished not mine. I was worried that my clients would be saying what's the matter with you your own brothers company let you go. But i am finding it much different with people wondering what's the matter with them. After all I WAS the face of the company.

In one day I have four clients who have given me opportunities to bid their work so I feel perhaps this may be the best thing that ever happened to me. I think my brother is dishonest and egotistical. But the one cool thing is he called me to rent some gear from me for a show he has coming up and I was happy to quote him but also tell him that he needs to catch up on the 17K of paper that is over 90 days with our company. That gave me a little thrill. I look forward to his response today I am sure it bruised his ego some.

[foh4k 0]

UPDATE:Well today I learned that after all the "don't burn any bridges," "keep the faith." "there are opportunities opening up down the road," "everyone loves you and wants you back," "your devotion and loyalty is not in question," "Keep an open dialog," "try not to go after our business so that there are no bridges burnt," I have been informed that they hired a new person to take my spot today.I am completely done with that relationship. I shouldn't have ever trusted him at all over the last ten years. Should have seen the disrespect and dishonesty long ago. I'm such an idiot I believed him and trusted him AGAIN.

[sheepdog 10]

Thanks for the update. I am sorry to hear your brother is such an *bottom*, but at least now you know that you made the right decision in leaving, and I am glad to hear that things sound like they are working out very well for you in your new job. The best thing for you to do now is to do well and prove to your brother what a dummy he was for taking advantage of you. Good luck!

[ritu 1]

Its a clear case, go join his competitor, when you know you have been manipulated, used and then betrayed, what is the procrastination for? If you are really good at your job, then you will establish yourself in any concern.There is no point maintaining loyalty with a company that can't value your contributions and your brother is no better. Give them a life's lesson and concentrate on rebuilding your career.