A New Priest At His First Mass

[anwiii 17]

i don't know if this joke will hold up, but it sure is funny! my mom sent it to me in the mail and had to google it to share it. it's a religious joke....

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his *bottom*.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the crap out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his *bottom*.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say 'Eat me'.
12)The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's

[rpgsearcherz 5]

Lol, that was pretty entertaining -- never heard it before.Don't forget to use quote tags though, considering it was quoted.

[deadmad7 4]

I have actually heard this one a long time ago But i have heard it in a while... so thanks for 'refreshing my joke memory'. I remember that the one i heard was different, this is a different version with more laughs.

Lol, that was pretty entertaining -- never heard it before.
Don't forget to use quote tags though, considering it was quoted.

Well, in the joke section everything is quoted... so does it really matter? Jokes really don't look that good in quotes, besides no mycents here anyways.

[rpgsearcherz 5]

I have actually heard this one a long time ago But i have heard it in a while... so thanks for 'refreshing my joke memory'. I remember that the one i heard was different, this is a different version with more laughs.

Well, in the joke section everything is quoted... so does it really matter? Jokes really don't look that good in quotes, besides no mycents here anyways.

The point has nothing to do with MyCents.

As a writer, I am highly against plagiarism; posting or writing other peoples' work without quoting them is exactly that: plagiarism.

Whether or not it looks better un-quoted or not is irrelevant.

[deadmad7 4]

The point has nothing to do with MyCents.
As a writer, I am highly against plagiarism; posting or writing other peoples' work without quoting them is exactly that: plagiarism.

Whether or not it looks better un-quoted or not is irrelevant.

This is the Internet, it exactly isn't a novel where plagiarism is that big of a deal... he didn't even take credit for it. He says that it was a email from his mother, which already means that it isn't his. Plagiarism is when you DON'T give credit to someone. In this case he tells us it isn't his, but you don't need to put a quote on it because (a) it is in the joke section ( B ) it could have originated from anyone and any language.
Edited July 10, 2010 by deadmad7 (see edit history)

[web_designer 7]

good one anwiii, i never heard it before. thanks for sharing

[anwiii 17]

i understand rpg. that's why i reported my own post 2 seconds after i posted it and found out i couldn't edit the post. it wouldn't allow me to. opaque has been online and has not seen the report i guess but this is highly off topic. in the future, if you personally have a problem with a post, you need to use the report button and not complain about it in public or send the user you are having a problem with, a pm. i only state this publicly because there is other people out there trying to moderate the forums by posting irrelevant information in a thread and i have seen 3-4 posts in a row before on a thread talking about something that had nothing to do with the topic. the report button serves it's purpose. let the moderators and admins moderate. that's their job. also, until we can edit our posts, there will be mistakes made that cannot be altered so please keep that in mind before judging people with your high authority on plagiarism. deadmad- i share the same opinion as rpg. anything copied should be quoted or you are misrepresenting yourself as the unique writer of whatever was copied. the place i see this the most is in status messages. sometimes i get irritated but since buffalohelp(the admin) can copy things without quoting i guess it's not against the rules here but i still get irritated sometimes :)i am sorta anal that way.wd- if you plan on building your post counts by "thanks for sharing comments" our bet is off

[rpgsearcherz 5]

i understand rpg. that's why i reported my own post 2 seconds after i posted it and found out i couldn't edit the post. it wouldn't allow me to. opaque has been online and has not seen the report i guess but this is highly off topic. in the future, if you personally have a problem with a post, you need to use the report button and not complain about it in public or send the user you are having a problem with, a pm. i only state this publicly because there is other people out there trying to moderate the forums by posting irrelevant information in a thread and i have seen 3-4 posts in a row before on a thread talking about something that had nothing to do with the topic. the report button serves it's purpose. let the moderators and admins moderate. that's their job. also, until we can edit our posts, there will be mistakes made that cannot be altered so please keep that in mind before judging people with your high authority on plagiarism.
deadmad- i share the same opinion as rpg. anything copied should be quoted or you are misrepresenting yourself as the unique writer of whatever was copied. the place i see this the most is in status messages. sometimes i get irritated but since buffalohelp(the admin) can copy things without quoting i guess it's not against the rules here but i still get irritated sometimes :)i am sorta anal that way.

wd- if you plan on building your post counts by "thanks for sharing comments" our bet is off

Thanks for the support and I'll definitely do that next time instead. Also, I did not know we can't edit our posts now (we were able to the day before yesterday still).

Back on topic, I have a couple priest jokes but I'm not sure if I should post them (they can be *very* offensive to people).