Why All Of A Sudden? Need to know why this girl i like doesnt talk to as much to me an

[rfv123 0]

Hi all

 

I'm a 21 year old man, I have a few issues/problems with this girl I like that I need your advise/tips on.

 

 

Well I meet this girl about 9 months ago we hooked up at a club the evening I meet her.. after that we went on 3 dates before she went to Australia for her course, while she was there we kept in touch.. Then she returned 3 months later and the day she got back we went out for some drinks and hooked up again. (By hooking up I mean making out) she then had to go up north for 2 months like 4 hours away, again for her course. So she came and stayed and mine one weekend and I stayed at hers the following weekend. I felt like I really liked her but she explained that we cant be going out because she is in her last year of university, I understood and we decided just to be friends.. So we carried on texting each other everyday and ringing every other day like we always did since she got back from oz. Then I went to Paris for a weekend and didn't have my phone, but when I got back she didn't really text me and I wanted to ring her to tell her about Paris she said she was tired and in bed and then the texts got less and no phone calls. I didn't ask her why, I just gave her space and then she texted me saying that she hopes im not cross with her, so I rang her up to tell her I could never be cross with her, which is true.. but she said that she doesn't think friends should text and talk on the phone so much.. Inside I was crushed but I didn't let her know and I just told that's fine and that she is right. Its been two weeks since then and we only texted each other a few times but just small talk really.

 

 

I was reading all my old text messages from her and that person seems like a totally opposite person.

 

 

I just cant understand why she just stopped talking to me, I don't want to ask her why because I don't want to ruin what we have(if you can even call a few texts a week something), I don't want her to just stop talking to me all together, I don't care if she only texts me once a week.. I feel its better then nothing? But part of me feels that I should take everyone else's advise and move one, but the only way for me to do so I to get her never to text me again.. because I don't have the will power not to text her.

 

 

I feel like a bit silly for thinking there's a chance that one day her situation will favour mine and that there might be a chance for us to be together in the future as slim as it seems.

 

 

Any advise or any criticism will be greatly accepted!

 

 

And if you think I should move on, any tips on that too please.

 

 

P.S. She gets back here where i live this weekend, and will be here for the next month and goes back to university which is only a hour away and im supposed to be staying there for the weekend when i go up there for a hockey game.. as far as i know im still going to stay at hers but you never know.

Thank you

 

P.S.S. Hi all, i thought i might just add a few more details.. if it helps you.

Right.. so im from South Africa and i moved over to england to play cricket. All of my best friends live in SA so when i came to England i didn't know any body and i got on with my cricket mates and all that but because they all older than i am i could only go out drinking with them and that sort of thing.. but then i met this girl and suddenly i had someone i could go to the movies with go for luch ect.. and i had i could hear how her day was and talk to her about thinks i would tell my normal friends.. dont get me wrong i do have friends and i do ask them advise like i ask you but she was like the best friend, she filled the void.

 

I have made plans to see her on monday for lunch(she was the one that asked me), and i got her a amazing gift(which i got before she told me that we can only be friends but im a nice guy, i like to think, so still going to give it to her) but im not sure how to act, i haven't seen her since she said we should just be friends, i want to be charming and her to want me, but its not fair on her or me.. but if shes charming towards me i wouldn't see it to be unfair, i know i would be able to resist her charm and if we hook up i will lose all the progress i have made which is abit.. as i said i use to text her everyday but after she told me friends shouldn't text everyday.. i used to check my phone every 10 mins to see if she texted me and always had to text her.. but at least now i can go the day without texting her.. but one day is the longest i can last.

 

THANKS for all the replies so far! Really helpfull!

Edited December 19, 2009 by rfv123 (see edit history)

[akira550 0]

men don't just think about it make a move and let it happen ok? if you want something then make something a way that can make your thoughts come true.. well it's not that easy and it's too risky but atleast you tried and always give your best even if you failed you will get some lesson

[FouGilang 0]

If you really are wondering why she turned to the very opposite person, why don't you ask her?You can say it's risky (i know it is) and afraid to lost everything, but hey wake up, everything have their own risks. Even if you don't ask her, you might end up doing something that she doesn't wanted (or worse, hated) and something that you, and her, don't want to be happened will happen. If you do ask her, you might be able to find the best solution for your problem. As far as i'm concerned, Good communication is still the best way to find the best answer. Try that And be prepared for the worst answer from her. Since you haven't know what is going on, it's best for you to be prepared for anything she will say. There are many possibilities of why she changed, it can be herself, you, her parents, her studies, your friends, put-whatever-in-your-mind-here. So be prepared, and be a good gentleman. Or if you choose to leave her and let her be, then let her be. Think as if you haven't met her, forget about her. It won't be good to both of you if you didn't have the same road to move. You might think it is hard, but meh it is not, and will be far more easy if you have other friends with you

[anwiii 17]

it's obvious her attitude changed when you went to paris. why did you go to paris? what did you do there? why wouldn't you call her while there to see what was up and tell her how you were doing?maybe she likes ya and wants to take things to the next level but doesn't know how to communicate that. going to paris could have put a bunch of thoughts in her head of hooking up with someone else while there. you two are used to communicating alot by phone. then it stopped when you went to paris. i guess she feels your life can easily replace her.i dunno. try thinking like a woman and see if you come up with any answers....or for gosh sakes....just ask her!

[knoppixusr 0]

I felt like I really liked her but she explained that we cant be going out because she is in her last year of university,

That right there is the lamest, most selfish excuse ever! To me it sounds like she is leading you on for a quick bit of fun but she really feels nothing for you, you are replaceable / have already by the next jock she meets at the next nightclub. If you really love someone you will make time for them even in your last year of university. Life is busy but it's too short for you to put up with someone who doesn't really care about you.

Wish you all the best with that!

[rfv123 0]

it's obvious her attitude changed when you went to paris. why did you go to paris? what did you do there? why wouldn't you call her while there to see what was up and tell her how you were doing?
maybe she likes ya and wants to take things to the next level but doesn't know how to communicate that. going to paris could have put a bunch of thoughts in her head of hooking up with someone else while there. you two are used to communicating alot by phone. then it stopped when you went to paris. i guess she feels your life can easily replace her.

i dunno. try thinking like a woman and see if you come up with any answers....or for gosh sakes....just ask her!

Hey mate

thanks for your comment

I was in paris for all the sight seeing, i only went saturday early morning and got back sunday evening.. i was with the family i live with which are two parents over 50 and a 14 year old boy.. so there would be no chance of me hooking up.. and im sure she knew that.. i wouldn't do that.

i have not yet asked her.. but im seeing her on monday lunch so i think i will do it then..

xx

[anwiii 17]

you can assume all you want. the fact is, you wondered why her attitude changed so i am assuming her attitude DID change and it seems as though it had to do with your trip to paris. do you have any better reasoning? i would like to hear it. why wouldn't you do that anyway? and why would she think you wouldn't do that? you haven't made any sort of commitment to her. what's her past like? has she gotten hurt before? sometimes women will pull away thinking they might get hurt before they actually do. like i said...try to think like a female...which means....whatever you or i think....it will be the complete opposite of that hahaha

she obviously likes you when you talk about you and her communicating all the time. when it stopped after paris, i am assuming she got hurt. maybe she's sensitive and using college as an excuse. some women like to know that they are important so when she gives a lame excuse like college, you need to pursue her that much more(knowing she still likes through your conversations).

do me a favor though. next time you go on a trip, give her a call or two. that's really important. she has to know you are thinking about her. you didn't give her that perception....so i think she got hurt because of it. let's put it this way since she is using college as an excuse. how would you feel if she made the choice to go through her last year of college without talking to you? would you be sad or hurt?

i have not yet asked her.. but im seeing her on monday lunch so i think i will do it then..
xx

[rfv123 0]

you can assume all you want. the fact is, you wondered why her attitude changed so i am assuming her attitude DID change and it seems as though it had to do with your trip to paris. do you have any better reasoning? i would like to hear it. why wouldn't you do that anyway? and why would she think you wouldn't do that? you haven't made any sort of commitment to her. what's her past like? has she gotten hurt before? sometimes women will pull away thinking they might get hurt before they actually do. like i said...try to think like a female...which means....whatever you or i think....it will be the complete opposite of that hahaha
she obviously likes you when you talk about you and her communicating all the time. when it stopped after paris, i am assuming she got hurt. maybe she's sensitive and using college as an excuse. some women like to know that they are important so when she gives a lame excuse like college, you need to pursue her that much more(knowing she still likes through your conversations).

do me a favor though. next time you go on a trip, give her a call or two. that's really important. she has to know you are thinking about her. you didn't give her that perception....so i think she got hurt because of it. let's put it this way since she is using college as an excuse. how would you feel if she made the choice to go through her last year of college without talking to you? would you be sad or hurt?

im sure she hasn't got hurt.. she hasn't had a boyfriend for four years and the last time she was was someone before me was like 2 years ago.. she does study hard as she is doing pre-med. I would of rang her if i had a chance but i didn't have roaming for my phone so i couldn't.. otherwise i would of.. i know i hadn't made any commitment to her.. that because she said she only wanted to be friends.. as for hooking up with someone your right in what you say.. for all i know she hooked up with someone else.. but she knows im a gent and she always says im too nice to her so hopefully that is enough reasoning to why i WOULDN'T hook up with someone in paris. Just on your last bit.. i know you helping out and i hope this does sound disrespectful, but she knew way in advance i was going to paris and she knew i wouldn't be able to keep in touch with her.. i was thinking of her.. in fact the x mas gift i got her is from paris so if she didnt know she will.

thanks again for your advise, i really appreciate it!!

If you really are wondering why she turned to the very opposite person, why don't you ask her?You can say it's risky (i know it is) and afraid to lost everything, but hey wake up, everything have their own risks. Even if you don't ask her, you might end up doing something that she doesn't wanted (or worse, hated) and something that you, and her, don't want to be happened will happen. If you do ask her, you might be able to find the best solution for your problem. As far as i'm concerned, Good communication is still the best way to find the best answer. Try that

And be prepared for the worst answer from her. Since you haven't know what is going on, it's best for you to be prepared for anything she will say. There are many possibilities of why she changed, it can be herself, you, her parents, her studies, your friends, put-whatever-in-your-mind-here. So be prepared, and be a good gentleman.

Or if you choose to leave her and let her be, then let her be. Think as if you haven't met her, forget about her. It won't be good to both of you if you didn't have the same road to move. You might think it is hard, but meh it is not, and will be far more easy if you have other friends with you

HEY.. Thanks for your reply..

I have added a few more details and have had a good chat with anwii..
so if you want you could read the updates and add any more posts if you like

thanks again
Edited December 19, 2009 by rfv123 (see edit history)

[Spyda 0]

Well I meet this girl about 9 months ago we hooked up at a club the evening I meet her.. after that we went on 3 dates before she went to Australia for her course, while she was there we kept in touch.. Then she returned 3 months later and the day she got back we went out for some drinks and hooked up again. (By hooking up I mean making out) she then had to go up north for 2 months like 4 hours away, again for her course. So she came and stayed and mine one weekend and I stayed at hers the following weekend. I felt like I really liked her but she explained that we cant be going out because she is in her last year of university, I understood and we decided just to be friends.. So we carried on texting each other everyday and ringing every other day like we always did since she got back from oz. Then I went to Paris for a weekend and didn't have my phone, but when I got back she didn't really text me and I wanted to ring her to tell her about Paris she said she was tired and in bed and then the texts got less and no phone calls. I didn't ask her why, I just gave her space and then she texted me saying that she hopes im not cross with her, so I rang her up to tell her I could never be cross with her, which is true.. but she said that she doesn't think friends should text and talk on the phone so much.. Inside I was crushed but I didn't let her know and I just told that's fine and that she is right. Its been two weeks since then and we only texted each other a few times but just small talk really.

I was reading all my old text messages from her and that person seems like a totally opposite person.

I just cant understand why she just stopped talking to me, I don't want to ask her why because I don't want to ruin what we have(if you can even call a few texts a week something), I don't want her to just stop talking to me all together, I don't care if she only texts me once a week.. I feel its better then nothing But part of me feels that I should take everyone else's advise and move one, but the only way for me to do so I to get her never to text me again.. because I don't have the will power not to text her.


I feel like a bit silly for thinking there's a chance that one day her situation will favour mine and that there might be a chance for us to be together in the future as slim as it seems.


Any advise or any criticism will be greatly accepted!

Ok, I'm going to be brutally honest here. You NEED to move on with your life. This girl doesn't see you the way that you see her and it's quite obvious. In all your posts you say "I'm the one who has text her and I'm the one who has to ring her." I've been there, done that. The girls who were interested in me were the ones initiating contact with me, not the other way around.

Right.. so im from South Africa and i moved over to england to play cricket. All of my best friends live in SA so when i came to England i didn't know any body and i got on with my cricket mates and all that but because they all older than i am i could only go out drinking with them and that sort of thing.. but then i met this girl and suddenly i had someone i could go to the movies with go for luch ect.. and i had i could hear how her day was and talk to her about thinks i would tell my normal friends.. dont get me wrong i do have friends and i do ask them advise like i ask you but she was like the best friend, she filled the void.
I have made plans to see her on monday for lunch(she was the one that asked me), and i got her a amazing gift(which i got before she told me that we can only be friends but im a nice guy, i like to think, so still going to give it to her) but im not sure how to act, i haven't seen her since she said we should just be friends, i want to be charming and her to want me, but its not fair on her or me.. but if shes charming towards me i wouldn't see it to be unfair, i know i would be able to resist her charm and if we hook up i will lose all the progress i have made which is abit.. as i said i use to text her everyday but after she told me friends shouldn't text everyday.. i used to check my phone every 10 mins to see if she texted me and always had to text her.. but at least now i can go the day without texting her.. but one day is the longest i can last.

THANKS for all the replies so far! Really helpfull!

WHAT? Dude this is kind of pathetic. You look at your phone every 10 mns to see if she has called or texted you? Dude, come on. I know you really like her, but you're being NEEDY. You need her in your life to be happy, and that is UNHEALTHY. If you can't go a day without texting somebody, then you really have some issues you need to sort out. I would say forget about this girl. She only wants to be friends with you, which is something you don't want. You want to be more then friends and it's hurting you inside. If I was you, I would cut of all contact with her. Move on with your life and stop idolizing this one girl.

[rfv123 0]

Ok, I'm going to be brutally honest here. You NEED to move on with your life. This girl doesn't see you the way that you see her and it's quite obvious. In all your posts you say "I'm the one who has text her and I'm the one who has to ring her." I've been there, done that. The girls who were interested in me were the ones initiating contact with me, not the other way around.


WHAT? Dude this is kind of pathetic. You look at your phone every 10 mns to see if she has called or texted you? Dude, come on. I know you really like her, but you're being NEEDY. You need her in your life to be happy, and that is UNHEALTHY. If you can't go a day without texting somebody, then you really have some issues you need to sort out. I would say forget about this girl. She only wants to be friends with you, which is something you don't want. You want to be more then friends and it's hurting you inside. If I was you, I would cut of all contact with her. Move on with your life and stop idolizing this one girl.

You are right.. it is pathetic.. i guess i needed someone just to tell me that.
I will try cut off all contact..
Thanks

[Spyda 0]

You are right.. it is pathetic.. i guess i needed someone just to tell me that.I will try cut off all contact..
Thanks

Good for you. Dude, all guys have been there. We find a girl and then we go gaga over them. You just have to remember, there's a BIG difference between liking a girl and OBSESSING over her. Liking a girl is perfectly fine, but obsessing over a girl is not. It's actually a huge turnoff to the girl if she is the biggest thing in your life. That stresses that you are of low value and that you really don't have much going for you.

Hope that helps!

[rfv123 0]

Good for you. Dude, all guys have been there. We find a girl and then we go gaga over them. You just have to remember, there's a BIG difference between liking a girl and OBSESSING over her. Liking a girl is perfectly fine, but obsessing over a girl is not. It's actually a huge turnoff to the girl if she is the biggest thing in your life. That stresses that you are of low value and that you really don't have much going for you.
Hope that helps!

Thanks.. that makes a load of sense.. and thanks to everyone that has replied.. my situation with her has been resolved and the outcome is that we will just be friends.. so basically shes going her way and im going mine.. i was disappointed at first but after thinking about it.. its the best thing for me and im happy its ended.
thanks again everyone!! x x