Poem I Have Written. comments welcomed

[Trystim 0]

Flash Of A MinuteIt's creeping hand clenching my heart,The grip getting ever tighter.As I embrace the pain darkness envelopes me.Illusions and visions flicker in my mind.Reliving my life in the blink of an eye.I see the end coming, knowing I can stop it,I chose not to.The pull of the trigger, the snap of thehammer, the bang of the bullets excitedrelease.I hear it all so clearly now.Living my worst fear,Watching repeatedly of how I disappear.*I wrote this poem during a lower point in my life after my grandmother had passed away. Just to give you some insight to the poem*

[biscuitrat 0]

Flash Of A Minute

 

It's creeping hand clenching my heart,

The grip getting ever tighter.

As I embrace the pain darkness envelopes me.

Illusions and visions flicker in my mind.

Reliving my life in the blink of an eye.

I see the end coming, knowing I can stop it,

I chose not to.

The pull of the trigger, the snap of the

hammer, the bang of the bullets excited

release.

I hear it all so clearly now.

Living my worst fear,

Watching repeatedly of how I disappear.

*I wrote this poem during a lower point in my life after my grandmother had passed away.  Just to give you some insight to the poem*

46057[/snapback]

Very nice. Make sure you have commas every now and then. You might want to take out the "of" in the last line. It is a bit gloomy though

[Sinister 0]

Flash Of A Minute
It's creeping hand clenching my heart,
The grip getting ever tighter.
As I embrace the pain darkness envelopes me.
Illusions and visions flicker in my mind.
Reliving my life in the blink of an eye.
I see the end coming, knowing I can stop it,
I chose not to.
The pull of the trigger, the snap of the
hammer, the bang of the bullets excited
release.
I hear it all so clearly now.
Living my worst fear,
Watching repeatedly of how I disappear.
*I wrote this poem during a lower point in my life after my grandmother had passed away.  Just to give you some insight to the poem*






Very nice. Make sure you have commas every now and then. You might want to take out the "of" in the last line. It is a bit gloomy though 

I agree its very said but nice i had to write some poems to fore my high school graduation ill type them out and post them see if you like them.

[guangdian 0]

Flash Of A MinuteIt's creeping hand clenching my heart,The grip getting ever tighter.As I embrace the pain darkness envelopes me.Illusions and visions flicker in my mind.Reliving my life in the blink of an eye.I see the end coming, knowing I can stop it,I chose not to.The pull of the trigger, the snap of thehammer, the bang of the bullets excitedrelease.I hear it all so clearly now.Living my worst fear,Watching repeatedly of how I disappear.

I like it very much wishing you gotta new poems post here good luck

[nancmu 0]

I really like the title "Flash Of A Minute".I feel something about this word and can not describe it "Flash Of A Minute"

[Waiting 0]

Thats really good , i suck at writing peoms i have an urge to make them rhyme but i see in yours that they dont have to rhyme to be good

[AbstracT 0]

Illusions and visions flicker in my mind.Reliving my life in the blink of an eye.I see the end coming, knowing I can stop it,I chose not to.^^This part was my favorite. I like how each lined built up to the next one. I didn't think the lack of punctuation mattered...it was like a stream of conscience. I hope to see more from you.-1-

[guangdian 0]

Flash Of A MinuteIt's creeping hand clenching my heart,The grip getting ever tighter.As I embrace the pain darkness envelopes me.Illusions and visions flicker in my mind.Reliving my life in the blink of an eye.I see the end coming, knowing I can stop it,I chose not to.The pull of the trigger, the snap of thehammer, the bang of the bullets excitedrelease.I hear it all so clearly now.Living my worst fear,Watching repeatedly of how I disappear.

pretty poems i ve ever sawed.roger that just do it again.

[SuburbanalCuts 0]

Flash Of A Minute

 

It's creeping hand clenching my heart,

The grip getting ever tighter.

As I embrace the pain darkness envelopes me.

Illusions and visions flicker in my mind.

Reliving my life in the blink of an eye.

I see the end coming, knowing I can stop it,

I chose not to.

The pull of the trigger, the snap of the

hammer, the bang of the bullets excited

release.

I hear it all so clearly now.

Living my worst fear,

Watching repeatedly of how I disappear.

*I wrote this poem during a lower point in my life after my grandmother had passed away.  Just to give you some insight to the poem*

46057[/snapback]

pretty sad. i likes it, though.

[clergyq 0]

Such a fool I am, dangerously dancing on the edge of a cliff... I know the dangers Im well aware of the impossiblities, but the music is to intoxicating to resist. The pictures painted hold me bound to there beauty. Its the devil himself that has me in his grasp with a collar buckled tightly around my neck and leash firm in his hand. Enslavement is bliss, this debauchery and decadent surrender ignites my passion beyond understanding, beyond reason. I am yours my sweet devil use me as you wish.

[clergyq 0]

I watch as a spider weaves her web. A web made of lies and deceit. So many, too many have walked willingly and lay entranced as there wrapped and bound. Slowly there will seeps away leaving behind an empty shriveled husk of obsession and jealousy. One oblivious to the other some old some new, but all hopeless all stuck. They call out with faint whispers there pathetic pleas claiming there the one in within the spiders grace, pledging there soul and everlasting loyalty. I listen unable to tell them the truth a truth that they would refuse to see a truth they would despise me for. so i sit and watch in horror, watch the inevitable destruction of one heart after another one will after another it sickens me to end all i can do is pray pray that a divine light will find its way to this web shrouded in lies, strip it expose it and fry it in the sun.