I am Lost And Need Help Moving On Can't Get Over My Ex

[iGuest 3]

I am Lost And Need Help Moving OnCan't Get Over My Ex

hey everybody. I guess if your reading this, you're in the same situation I am, because you typed "I can't get over my ex" into your search engine like I did. However, I doubt your situation is quite as extreme as mine. I broke up with my ex-fiance in December of 2001, and I hate myself for it. I was young (only 24) and I thought that because we were having a hard time we weren't meant to be together. I thought that when people are in love, it should be easy. We started dating when I was only 19, and I had never been exposed to awful boyfriends. But since then, none of the guys I have dated have been anywhere near as great as he was. I thought it would be easy to find some one else, and I have dated other guys, but they were nothing compared to him.

After he and I broke up, I kept myself busy by going out with my best friend, drinking, doing drugs, and partying. All of those bad things caught up with me a few years later when I lost my job because of my drinking and got a DUI a month later. After I lost my job and got the DUI,ALL of my friends ditched me, and I was alone. I had to stop drinking, so I my mind finally cleared up. I realized that I had made a mistake and was drinking to drown the pain and guilt that I felt for breaking up with him. Once I realized that I had been wrong, I called him. He had gotten married in '03 after asking for my permission to marry her, and they were still married. After calling him, we met for lunch (this was in '06), and talked about everything. I apologized for my stupidity and told him how much I regretted breaking up with him. He said that he still had feelings for me and said that we would keep in touch. He drove me home, and about a block from my house, he pulled over and said he didn't want our time together to end. He said that he missed me and he wished things had turned out differently. He said he still loved me. When we got to my house, he said he would call. He didn't. I called him a few weeks later, we talked for a while and he said we would keep in touch, but he didn't. After that, I called him twice and he didn't answer or call me back, so I left him alone. I found out later that when he met me for lunch, his wife was pregnant.

Since then, I've left him alone, but I can't stop thinking about him and the mistake I made. I haven't spoken to him in 3 years, but I check his facebook every day. I see pictures of he and his wife and their beautiful daughter, and I beat myself up.

I stopped dating in 2006. I'm done. I know that no one will be better to me than he was. The reason I check his facebook is to see if he mentions that he might be getting a divorce. He told me (when we went to lunch) that if he weren't married, we could get back together. So I wait, and hope. I know it's evil, but I want him to get a divorce and come home.

Most days I can stay busy, and not think about it. But some days are worse than others. Like today. On his face book today, he mentions his 7 year anniversary with his wife. Their first date was seven years ago today. That's only 2 months after we broke up. How fast do men move on? Jesus Christ!! 

I don't want you all to think that he was perfect and that I was an a**hole. He did make his mistakes. He was not completely faithful. He never "cheated", but he did...How do you say... Expose himself to other women. I thought he was crazy because of that.

I just need advice about how to move on. I don't even look at men now. If I think they are attractive, I avoid them completely. I will never find some one else at this rate. Right now I don't want to, but in the future I should. Other than the dating department, I've gotten my life together. I have a great job that I love, I'm in school getting my MFA, I don't drink anymore. Everything is fantastic. Except for this. But I can't let him go. Does anyone have advice? Please help!

Maxine

[chaos3932 0]

I am only 20 so I do not speak from infinite wisdom and knowlege. However I suggest you simply take your mind off of relationships for a while. Spend time with your friends and family. Find something to do even! Join a club or organization. Get a new hobby or skill. Do something to occupy yourself so you will not think constantly of depressing matters. Eventually you will be able to look at other men again and be capable of searching again for someone who wont treat you badly. Hey at least your not in highschool anymore and having to deal with people who have no sense at all as to how to treat people. When it comes to relationships. Just choose wisely and be patient. Relax and pamper yourself a little, try to enjoy life! There is more to life than just relationships.

Edited March 20, 2009 by chaos3932 (see edit history)

[frozen.fish 0]

I am no expert either.. But There is always a lot more to life than girls.. :)Chill!

[YassoHalfMoon 0]

Not an expert but got an advice*when u go out with a new guy try not to think of this : how he is different from ur ex? what is better in ur ex than him? etc..what im trying to say when you are going out with somebody dont look for ur ex in him, because you are not lookin for somebody that is like ur ex because he was so good u r lookin for someone that can be better at somethings because ur ex wasnt good enough otherwise u wouldnt left him and life is full of experience and u must learn, dont fail at something and let ur self down for nothing u should always stand up again from the ground and do what u gotta do....again im only 15 so dont take me as wisdome girl or something

[D. Benitez 0]

I am Lost And Need Help Moving On

Can't Get Over My Ex

 

hey everybody. I guess if your reading this, you're in the same situation I am, because you typed "I can't get over my ex" into your search engine like I did. However, I doubt your situation is quite as extreme as mine. I broke up with my ex-fiance in December of 2001, and I hate myself for it. I was young (only 24) and I thought that because we were having a hard time we weren't meant to be together. I thought that when people are in love, it should be easy. We started dating when I was only 19, and I had never been exposed to awful boyfriends. But since then, none of the guys I have dated have been anywhere near as great as he was. I thought it would be easy to find some one else, and I have dated other guys, but they were nothing compared to him.

 

After he and I broke up, I kept myself busy by going out with my best friend, drinking, doing drugs, and partying. All of those bad things caught up with me a few years later when I lost my job because of my drinking and got a DUI a month later. After I lost my job and got the DUI, ALL of my friends ditched me, and I was alone. I had to stop drinking, so I my mind finally cleared up. I realized that I had made a mistake and was drinking to drown the pain and guilt that I felt for breaking up with him. Once I realized that I had been wrong, I called him. He had gotten married in '03 after asking for my permission to marry her, and they were still married. After calling him, we met for lunch (this was in '06), and talked about everything. I apologized for my stupidity and told him how much I regretted breaking up with him. He said that he still had feelings for me and said that we would keep in touch. He drove me home, and about a block from my house, he pulled over and said he didn't want our time together to end. He said that he missed me and he wished things had turned out differently. He said he still loved me. When we got to my house, he said he would call. He didn't. I called him a few weeks later, we talked for a while and he said we would keep in touch, but he didn't. After that, I called him twice and he didn't answer or call me back, so I left him alone. I found out later that when he met me for lunch, his wife was pregnant.

 

Since then, I've left him alone, but I can't stop thinking about him and the mistake I made. I haven't spoken to him in 3 years, but I check his facebook every day. I see pictures of he and his wife and their beautiful daughter, and I beat myself up.

 

I stopped dating in 2006. I'm done. I know that no one will be better to me than he was. The reason I check his facebook is to see if he mentions that he might be getting a divorce. He told me (when we went to lunch) that if he weren't married, we could get back together. So I wait, and hope. I know it's evil, but I want him to get a divorce and come home.

 

Most days I can stay busy, and not think about it. But some days are worse than others. Like today. On his face book today, he mentions his 7 year anniversary with his wife. Their first date was seven years ago today. That's only 2 months after we broke up. How fast do men move on? Jesus Christ!!

 

I don't want you all to think that he was perfect and that I was an a**hole. He did make his mistakes. He was not completely faithful. He never "cheated", but he did...How do you say... Expose himself to other women. I thought he was crazy because of that.

 

I just need advice about how to move on. I don't even look at men now. If I think they are attractive, I avoid them completely. I will never find some one else at this rate. Right now I don't want to, but in the future I should. Other than the dating department, I've gotten my life together. I have a great job that I love, I'm in school getting my MFA, I don't drink anymore. Everything is fantastic. Except for this. But I can't let him go. Does anyone have advice? Please help!

 

Maxine

[D. Benitez 0]

Hi Maxine,I am new to this site and I saw your post and thought I'd give you some more advise on getting over your ex. I read the other posts of advise so here's one more.I know it can be hard getting over someone especially if you were engaged to that person. First, let me say that if he had been the one for you then somewhere you two would have got back together. I don't believe he was the one that God chose for you. First of all, he is married now and has a child. You said he was a great guy and the best guy you had ever been with and treated you good. Well guess what? There is someone out there better than him, but first you need to seek God to help you get over this guy. The Bible says "What God has joined together, let no man (or woman) separate. Matthew 19:6. He no longer is available to you or anyone else. If you are still hoping for him to divorse, you need to wish the best for him. If he were to divorse and get back with you, I can guarantee you it wont last with you either because it would not be of God for him to divorse and if he does then the best thing for him is to get his life right with God and reconsile with his wife.For one thing, he does not sound like a guy I would consider wanting in my life because while he was married and expecting a baby, he met with you for lunch and told you how he still had feelings for you. What if you were married to him and he was meeting another woman for lunch. He does not sound like that great of a guy. Plus you said he exposed himself to women. (what's that) .what you need to do first is stop looking him up in facebook. All you are doing is keeping yourself in bondage to a memory of something that should never be. Second, establish a relationship with God. He knows who is best for you. The only way you will be able to get past this is to seek God. Matthew 6:33 Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you. You will find that good, and godly man who will truly love you and will be good to you if you do these things. But most importantly, seek God and dont worry about finding someone. Let God bring him to you. When you are not looking and just getting close to God you will turn around and that perfect man God made just for you will be there.I hope I was of some help to you. I will be praying for you.D. Benitez

[HamoAstor 0]

hey everybody. I guess if your reading this, you're in the same situation I am, because you typed "I can't get over my ex" into your search engine like I did. However, I doubt your situation is quite as extreme as mine. I broke up with my ex-fiance in December of 2001, and I hate myself for it. I was young (only 24) and I thought that because we were having a hard time we weren't meant to be together. I thought that when people are in love, it should be easy. We started dating when I was only 19, and I had never been exposed to awful boyfriends. But since then, none of the guys I have dated have been anywhere near as great as he was. I thought it would be easy to find some one else, and I have dated other guys, but they were nothing compared to him.

[myke 0]

I am Lost And Need Help Moving On

Can't Get Over My Ex

 

hey everybody. I guess if your reading this, you're in the same situation I am, because you typed "I can't get over my ex" into your search engine like I did. However, I doubt your situation is quite as extreme as mine. I broke up with my ex-fiance in December of 2001, and I hate myself for it. I was young (only 24) and I thought that because we were having a hard time we weren't meant to be together. I thought that when people are in love, it should be easy. We started dating when I was only 19, and I had never been exposed to awful boyfriends. But since then, none of the guys I have dated have been anywhere near as great as he was. I thought it would be easy to find some one else, and I have dated other guys, but they were nothing compared to him.

 

After he and I broke up, I kept myself busy by going out with my best friend, drinking, doing drugs, and partying. All of those bad things caught up with me a few years later when I lost my job because of my drinking and got a DUI a month later. After I lost my job and got the DUI, ALL of my friends ditched me, and I was alone. I had to stop drinking, so I my mind finally cleared up. I realized that I had made a mistake and was drinking to drown the pain and guilt that I felt for breaking up with him. Once I realized that I had been wrong, I called him. He had gotten married in '03 after asking for my permission to marry her, and they were still married. After calling him, we met for lunch (this was in '06), and talked about everything. I apologized for my stupidity and told him how much I regretted breaking up with him. He said that he still had feelings for me and said that we would keep in touch. He drove me home, and about a block from my house, he pulled over and said he didn't want our time together to end. He said that he missed me and he wished things had turned out differently. He said he still loved me. When we got to my house, he said he would call. He didn't. I called him a few weeks later, we talked for a while and he said we would keep in touch, but he didn't. After that, I called him twice and he didn't answer or call me back, so I left him alone. I found out later that when he met me for lunch, his wife was pregnant.

 

Since then, I've left him alone, but I can't stop thinking about him and the mistake I made. I haven't spoken to him in 3 years, but I check his facebook every day. I see pictures of he and his wife and their beautiful daughter, and I beat myself up.

 

I stopped dating in 2006. I'm done. I know that no one will be better to me than he was. The reason I check his facebook is to see if he mentions that he might be getting a divorce. He told me (when we went to lunch) that if he weren't married, we could get back together. So I wait, and hope. I know it's evil, but I want him to get a divorce and come home.

 

Most days I can stay busy, and not think about it. But some days are worse than others. Like today. On his face book today, he mentions his 7 year anniversary with his wife. Their first date was seven years ago today. That's only 2 months after we broke up. How fast do men move on? Jesus Christ!!

 

I don't want you all to think that he was perfect and that I was an a**hole. He did make his mistakes. He was not completely faithful. He never "cheated", but he did...How do you say... Expose himself to other women. I thought he was crazy because of that.

 

I just need advice about how to move on. I don't even look at men now. If I think they are attractive, I avoid them completely. I will never find some one else at this rate. Right now I don't want to, but in the future I should. Other than the dating department, I've gotten my life together. I have a great job that I love, I'm in school getting my MFA, I don't drink anymore. Everything is fantastic. Except for this. But I can't let him go. Does anyone have advice? Please help!

 

Maxine

its easy to get over dude!

make your self busy, out of the country many things you can do! dont stick your life in a one people if he/her not like you,

get moving

[SpiderVV 0]

Think on other stuff. As myke said, you can go on vacations, have a nice sunny beach visit, play some computer games that help you forget it, etc. You will see that you will forget her; of course it takes a long time as I believe it's difficult because such thing never happened to me (Still with my GF ).

[fermin25 3]

Hi Maxime I see that you are so lost now. Maybe you have a deep obsession with your ex-boyfriend that doesn?t let you to met other men properly. I am a man. I know that I am not the best to advice you but maybe some of my words will help you.Your life is the most important thing to you and you came to the earth to be happy, and you don?t deserve to be worry for a man that is not yours anymore. You have to understand that he is married now, unavailable. And Understand that you will never be with him without hurt to a family: his wife and his daugther. Please let him in the past, forget him now because your life is being consumed for a passion that isn?t exist anymore.Take the riskies metting with other men, try to met them better and you will see that there are some men better than your ex-boyfriend, valuable, crazy for you and make you happy. But if you live with that idea in your mind: "My ex-boyfriend is the best man in the world" metting with another guys will be extremely difficult.I like to read that you let the drugs and that evil things that only bring you troubles. Your life is a gift from God and you don?t have to waste it obsessionate with a man that doesn?t love you anymore or taking drugs and all these things that only make you more unhappy.You need to start love and forget the past. Go to clubs, meet interesting men, start to enjoy the life again...And you will find to a man that will love you for all your life until the death. Everything is taking the properly riskies and you will found your awesome reward at the end of the road.I hope that my words help you with your problems. You are a great person and woman. You don?t deserve to be unhappy. You deserve to be happy!Good luck and Regards!

[sheepdog 10]

Wow, you have been carrying a torch for a very long time. It's time to douse it. You've gotten tons of good advice here allready, take it to heart. He is married. Has a family. Children that need him as a father and role model in their lives. Did you make a mistake? Maybe. If you did, it's time to face facts, and learn to deal with it. However, there is the possibility that you did not make a mistake. Maybe he is NOT the one for you. While it may be hard to believe, there might be a better one right down the road just waiting to meet you. But you will never find them if you keep avoiding the situation, or if you write off every one you meet when they do not immediatly stand up to the one you let get away. I have learned one thing for all my years on this planet. I believe that we go threw a lot of bad relations simply so when we find a good one, we appreciate him! Good luck, I hope you find someone that will make you happy. I'm betting that you do! We all do sooner or later.

[iGuest 3]

moving onI am Lost And Need Help Moving OnWow..This sounds alot like me but different in some ways! I started dating this guy when I was in high school we were together for quite some time and we got engaged..Things were great. We started having our arguments and I felt like maybe we werent meant to b ..We decided to take some time apart and during that time he started using drugs. I went to a party one night with my friends and met a guy..He was older and he was a typical "bad boy" something I thought I wanted. Anyways the guy I was dating found out I had been talking to another person and begged for me back told me he would change and everything would b alright. Well the last time I seen him I left and never returned. Eventually getting married to the guy I met at the party and now 7 years later..I still think of this boyfriend and miss him everyday. Just recently he found me on facebook and he is now married with kids. I sit and I wonder what could I do to go back and change it all. If there was one mistake I ever made in my life it was leaving him because I know in my heart he was my one and only..We were meant to b together. I will never have feelings for my husband like I did him and sometimes I wonder what it would b like if I hadnt left. It kills me everday..And I look at his facebook quite frequently to c if he had b on. We have wrote messages back and forth for a few days til his wife found out and put a stop to it. But I think it hurts even more now than it did in the past 7 years not knowing where he was or if he was married. So I def. Feel your pain.. It sucks having the best thing in the world and never knowing it until its 2 late..=(