Dagoth Nereviar 0 Report post Posted June 7, 2008 Well basically I know this guy and I'm kinda friends with him but not that much like we aren't the best of friends, but we get along OK.He's been going out with a girl since christmas and they have recently been going through a rough patch, through lots of encouragement from the outside it has been ended. Now I am pretty interested in the girl, and I reckon she kind of is me as well. There's no real doubt that we won't hook up. It's pretty obvious. Herein lies my question. How long should I have to wait. We did joke about her "having an affair" with me when they went out and it was reasonably obvious I liked her, after all I did help her dump him. (Before you get all testy I did that as a friend it was definately for the best.) So I reckon that would make me need to wait longer.He wasn't really a close friend of mine so that isn't really that much of a deal but it'd sound pretty bad for the girl seen as she just got out of a relationship.What to do Xisto, what to do... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Saint_Michael 3 Report post Posted June 7, 2008 Don't, because once you start dating her that friend will become a worse nightmare, especially after the fact that you help her to dump him so you could date her. That is what is line of thinking of it will be and regardless if he thinks that he is cool with it and stuff like that, he's lying to you. Basically she is forbidden territory to you and being sneaky about it will make it a whole lot worse, because then he will really think that you did it on purpose just so you can get some of her.I say stay friends with the girl and nothing more, unless the guy finds another girl and stuff then maybe you could date her, but that is mine opinion and it is totally up to you what you want to do. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jjaenagle 0 Report post Posted June 8, 2008 lol yea, i agree with saint michael...anyways, can you really see her as your friend forever?can she see that for you?its not even worth it if the answer is no for either one. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mikeyboy63 0 Report post Posted June 8, 2008 (edited) Just keep it cool for a couple of months. If you can encourage him either directly or indirectly to hook up with a different girl, then you should be ok. Edited June 8, 2008 by mikeyboy63 (see edit history) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aethix 0 Report post Posted June 8, 2008 You'll just know when time comes. Before you get into a relationship with her, ask your self is the friend worth loosing? If so then it doesn't matter how long you wait. They obviously didn't work out and if she is ready then so are you. If however the friendship is something that you would rather not loose and if that means not dating this girl then you should just talk to the guy. Tell him that your thinking about getting with her. He'll either be extremly pissed and try to kick your *bottom*, in which case more power to you for seeing his ex , or he'll be upset about it but understand there is nothing he can do. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Csshih 0 Report post Posted June 8, 2008 I agree mostly with the others. Especially since this person wasn't a close friend of yours, he'll see all you've done so far as self-interest. He will despise you and may even make life difficult. Not only that, others will view you as a scumbag because that's exactly how you appear. No matter how much you try to explain yourself, it will show up negatively in other people's eyes. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
arnz 0 Report post Posted June 8, 2008 (edited) Have to agree with most of the other posters. I would go with the others suggestion of at least being friends with the girl for a couple of months. If the guy she was with does hook up with someone else in a few months, then ask yourself then whether if she's the girl for you or not. If its no, then it's no and would strongly suggest moving on if not staying friends by then. Edited June 8, 2008 by arnz (see edit history) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
heavensounds 0 Report post Posted June 9, 2008 As I am listening to you, I have the feeling that you will certainly be with her and it doesn't matter what we say here! Because things with girls are just going this way - if there is something going on, you too will be together for sure and all this talking here is just so that you could feel better! Well, I think that you have the right to open girls eyes if her boyfriend is an *bottom* and abuses here or their relationship in any way, BUT if the only problem between them was in the fact that they weren't in love any more or something not wrong from the guy's point of view, then you should not have helped in their break-up! So, I don't know your situation and if her boyfriend was good or bad...this is up to you to live with your actions..About the fact that you want to be with her so soon, I'll repeat myself - wheter you like it or not, things will just develop as they will - in love there is very little manouvering space in this sence, BUT you are the one who makes decisions all the time and if you think that you are doing the right thing, being with her, then do it and don't care for anything as you have done a good thing, but if your heart or common sense or inner sight tells you that what you did with that break-up was wrong, then you should quit with that girl, because the sole beginning of your relationship with her will be marked by a bad thing of you helping her break-up with a guy that did nothing wrong...It is up to you to judge the situation and look deep inside you... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kobra500 1 Report post Posted June 9, 2008 (edited) aah this is a toughie, i've had the same problem as you and so have my friends, the trouble is if you wait too long someone else will pick her up, if you don't wait long enough (especially if their relationship was a long one) then the friend will end up hating you (which happened at my birthday party with 3 of my friends (the couple and the ex-boyfriend) this is were he discovered they were going out (though those too wern't okay friends they were best friends))There really isn't an answer or a right time, talk to your friend is all I can say, tell him how you feel because otherwise you will end up depressed for a couple of days like I was which isn't fun.It also depends on the friend, I myself well wouldn't be happy if you did it to me however, as a rationalist I would say oh well, it was bound to happen, not with you nessiccarily but someone, and accept that things move on. What ever your desicion I wish you the best of luck and hope you have better luck than me! Edited June 9, 2008 by kobra500 (see edit history) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nstay 0 Report post Posted June 9, 2008 (edited) Personaly i would just wait as from my point of view it dosent really matter about the guy but more on the girl.She is the main piority and might not be ready for another relatonship after the breakup.Moreover,its you who helped her to break-up with the guy right? if its me, i'll just wait for her to be ready.good luck in your lovelife. Edited June 9, 2008 by nstay (see edit history) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
