Why Do Kids Skip School? Please does anyone have any advice for me..

[terminal2k 0]

I did the same thing when I was younger, I went to school less than fifty percent of the time I was supposed to. I used to sit at home and watch tv, or play video games, or when my friends were also skipping school, we'd meet up and hang out. Like everyone else I wish I could go back in time and change what I did. Perhaps this is the tack you should take with your kids. Are there any friends or relatives that you have that the kids look up to or are good friends with? someone who can have a talk about how they regret not finishing school? It could help motivate them to keep going to school.

[arnz 0]

I dont know about overseas countries, but in Australia, high schools and primary schools track student absences, and generally a good reason has to be displayed why the student has been absent from school, considering primary school and "most" of the high school classes are compulsory according to law. Although, of course some students have been getting around it, some may have had lame attempts (eg forging parents signatures) or in some extreme cases some parents may not care for their kids at high school as much. The later is a shame, but personally the parents in the later should really be whacked in the head IMO. Considering, high school is fairly important for a kid's development and training into the work force/real life/etc.

[vijeth 0]

This is because a child gets so much touched by the parents it doest want her or him to be sent far. so the child get restless all throughout.. they just hesitate to move to school. It would be better if the parents could take some time for their kids and sit with their kids in the kinner garden till they get used with the new surroundings.

[iGuest 3]

From my experience

Why Do Kids Skip School?

 

Ok, I have no kids, but this is what my mom did with me and it worked for me.

 

First of all, I would suggest taking her to a counselor or a peer group - not because I think she's crazy, but because she's not being honest with you and I think she obviously has some frustrations that make her want to avoid healthy relationships with you, her dad, or responsibilities. This is what I had to do for myself when I was 25 years old. There were a lot of things that happened to me that my parents didn't know about and a lot of resentment that I had towards my parents because of their marriage before and after the divorce. I was functional on the outside so no one knew that I needed this help. Your daughter is showing signs of something not being right, more so with handling something internally rather than something you're doing. You're not a bad parent! This is just the time that you have to rise to the occassion and be the best parent on the planet.

 

As for what my parents did:

 

My mother's mistake was telling me that she didn't care if I failed. That broke my hear. I needed her to care. What she got right was an old school tactic.

 

MY MOM THREATENED TO GO TO SCHOOL WITH ME AND SIT IN EVERYONE ONE OF MY CLASSES.

 

Oh that worked! Plus I knew she'd be pissed about missing work. I knew I had to have my homework done. Try that one. You also need to drive her to school.

 

Have the call the school you everytime she's absent. Then you call the police everytime. Let her get arrested for truancy and see if that'll change her. LOL when she's expects you to pick her up from the police station, show up late and ask, "Oh, did you expect me to be here? Well I expected you to be in school. It makes NO sense for you to be here, when all you have to do is go to school. Do not get acquainted with this place." Then explain to her that she will be paying you back, from her part-time job.

 

Other thing you NEED to consider. WHERE IS YOUR DAUGHTER SPENDING HER TIME? Check with the school (and the school she went to when she lived with dad) to see if anyone else is absent like she is. If so, you've found her bad friends. If not, she's hanging with older kids/ adults.

 

I hate to say this - it's voilating, but 3 things you need to remember, 1. She's blown the trust. Every adult has to live w/ that. And she wants to act grown, she has to live with grown consquences 2. You are legally respsonsible for her and you have to do the responsible thing so you're not held accountable by law. 3. She has to see how much she's hurting you.

 

Here's the violating thing you need to do: YOU HAVE TO DRUG TEST HER and you have to TAKE HER TO THE OB to see if she's been sexually active or abused and make certain she's examined for STDs ...And if you want, give her birth control, but explain your expectations of her.

 

Either you're going to do this or she'll experience it in Juvenile Detention - and they don't care about her, and the other kids there might influence her negatively.

 

I say all of this because when I wasn't in class, at lunch or where I was supposed to be, an older neighborhood boy who also went to school with me was sexually abusing me 6- 7 days a week (in school, in our house, in his house, in our van when we car pooled, in the church, at the park, everywhere) Sometimes he made it seem like it was a relationship, other times, he mad it clear that he just wanted what he wanted to point of choking me. He also tried to pimp me out to his friends, literally. Because I had so many attitude issues, he made it clear that no one would believe me. Now, my other friends were into sex, drugs, drinking, gangs, witchcraft, one had a pimp we were just 13 - 14! I know that a couple of them had been rapped too, and one's mother had mad it clear that she didn't care what she did, she was busy trying to be her friend and her mother only when the school called and if it was ok with her daughter. Her daughter knew she was weak. -- None of us had had counseling. We were all a mess. In our 13 year old minds, rape happened when some creepy dude you didn't know forced you to do something, not some 15 or 16 year old boy that you liked, but couldn't fight off. Oh, did I mention that we also planned the deaths of these guys. Thankfully we didn't do it, but we felt alone and unprotected by our parents. You don't know what your teenagers is doing... Or planning... Or why. You don't even know if she's eating each day.

 

Oh, and we used to plan wild partys that I didn't go to, but I funded and got paid. My 13 year old's 19 year old boyfriend rented hotel rooms, I put them in contact with 14 year guy at my church to supply the weed, my 14 year old's 25 year old boyfriend brought the alcohol... One 15 year guy from our school got drunk he ran into the back of a police car. Another 15 friend of ours almost died of alcohol posioning at school. I watched him being wheeled out in front of me. Again I never actually went to these parties, I just funded them. It's amazing how much money you can save up when you don't go to the things you're supposed to go to. My other friends traded sexual favors for money, or their grown boyfriends gave it to them or both.

 

Of those friends, I was the only black girl, but I wasn't into those things. My thing was fighting. (If you saw me today you wouldn't believe it - I'm super sweet.) My mother got called down to the school once because I was being suspended (after she said she didn't care) and she asked me what was going on with me. Finally, I told her - I was tired of being called the and word and being pushed in mud, etc. (I was the only black girl in my school at the time) And she told the principal to suspend me; then she took me out for pizza and a movie. She told me that I obviously need a break from school. We talked for the first time and I knew I could trust her and that she would trust me. So, a couple of weeks later I exploded in our car pool. My neighbor tried to get me to be quite, I refused and when I got home I told my mom everything he had been doing. She was angry, she blamed me (which she apologized for later) BUT she believed me and she saved me.

 

I didn't tell her before because I thought she thought the worst of me. But she believed me... My dad believed me. No one else did, but they did and I was able to move on from there. My grades went from a 37% in science to a B in one semester. The teachers who I thought hated me, were pulling for me. I left that school and went to another school the next year - one of the top schools in our city (from at 37%!). I graduated the top 25% of my class, I scored so well on my ACT and P-SAT that I got scholarships to college and was accepted everywhere I applied.

 

My mom is my best friend now. What is going on in your daughter's life may be completely different, but she's keeping it a secret. She doesn't trust you or anyone else with this secret and it's destroying her and her future. I PRAYED that my mom would find out what was going on with me and that she would care. I didn't know how much she actually did care.

 

When your daughter is out doing God knows what during the day, and finds herself in a situation that she wishes she wasn't in, she could be praying the same thing - if she has enough sense. She might be drugged up and not even aware of the danger she's in. You don't know, because you don't know where she is.

 

She might not be into anything like sex, drinking, and drugs, but whatever it is, it's not responsible, can't be constructive, is keeping her from moving foward in life, is jeopoardizing her trust with adults and if she's caught outside of school during school hours, she could be arrested for truancy. If it were just here and there - like skipping a test, there would be no reason to assume the worst. BUT she's never there and HAS to be doing something with her time! Shoot that was the 90's before home drugs, prescription sharing, abotions you don't have to tell your parents about...

 

Worse comes to worse there's a house arrest braclet.

 

Pray for your daughter, because when you don't know where she is, God does; and when you can't protect her, He can; and while you don't know the conflicts going on inside of her, he knows every one and knows how to solve each of them. God can still have a big plan for her life. She can be like me one day, productive, successful and telling someone else how God rescued her from her wild, self-destructive youth. That was just 14 years ago. Doesn't hurt to ask him does it?

 

-reply by MsJM

[Saint_Michael 3]

Although it seems some progress has been made since joining that program, and I know you wouldn't want to do this but I would have followed her just to see where is going. It is obvious that she is not going to tell you the truth just because the obvious reaction would you being getting mad at her and what not. Some of the suggestions that hte previous poster mention seem like something you should consider like getting together with the principal, school councilor, and of course you two and have a heart to heart talk, because with the amount of absences she has, your daughter could be repeating whatever grade she is in before she can graduate. From the looks of it she could already be doing that if she hasn't taken the state test to graduate.Of course I agree with the councilor, that you getting angry abotu the situation and of course grounded her isn't working, but I think you two need to spend some alone time for a week just to sort everything out, because it seems your daughter has a problem but she doesn't want to talk to you about just because of how angry your getting about the situation. Yes you have the right to be upset, but you need to be understanding as well and maybe seeing an outside councilor as well because there might be even more problems, and it could stem from the fact that she might have not forgiven you and her dad about splitting up. Most kids will not talk about it, and most of the time they are saying she is fine about it but her actions could being something else, and so you might want to get her father involved with this as well. Being a teen is very hard these days, but your way of supporting her is not helping, and getting her boyfriend might help somewhat, but you need ot be there for her more.Basically you have to relearn who yur daughter is because what you see now is her anger is coming from you the most, and so basically you have to relearn how to be a mother and more important someone she can trust.

[arnz 0]

Other thing you NEED to consider. WHERE IS YOUR DAUGHTER SPENDING HER TIME? Check with the school (and the school she went to when she lived with dad) to see if anyone else is absent like she is. If so, you've found her bad friends. If not, she's hanging with older kids/ adults.

Good point. If she is piking/wagging from school for whatever reason, it's best to have a talk with the child/kid/teen involved about what they are doing and so forth, in private and not in a confrontational situation to make it easier and/or reduce chances of the teen "rebelling" against the parent. That way it makes it easier on the kid involved to let it out if there are problems surrounding them.

[gaspe86 0]

That question varies from student to student... the one and only answer to this question can only be given by your daughter herself. I can only speculate based on what I have seen in my own family. Since she is second child, she could have probably grown feeling over-shadowed by the older child. As if she felt the older one was smarter. Meaning the older one was the athletic, the one with good grades, the "better" student and she was make the assumption that the older one was or is the "better" child. This happened in my own family, with my younger sister, she always felt opaqued by my older sister and I. Since we where always the ones bringing the excellent grades home... she felt dumb... she felt that our parents appreciated us more for it. Instead of trying to achieve academically and make her way up a pretty steep latter of academic excellence, she went the other way. She caught our parents attention alright... but it was due to her poor attendance to school, very low grades, etc. The only suggestion I have... is a work program... make her feel how a low paying job feels like.

[iGuest 3]

Replying to krazygoddessYea ok well I have a sister that skips too,but it's because people at school are calling her "things." I don't really know she won't open up to anyone,but all I know is that she hates the enviorment(the school),so check if your daughter even likes the school.

[iGuest 3]

as to why they skip school

Why Do Kids Skip School?

 

Hey I'm 16 and I skipped school I thinmk 3 times in my life I'm a guy and I did it because I was getting picked on and because I didnt truly see the importance in school but if its ok with you I might suggest something like otp the outdoor therapudic program which is kinda like a 5 month counseling daily kinda thing where you live there and go to school there are no fences or anything its just a home you live in and you visit your family a week a month and get fed great I know this because I went there and it really works I hope I helped some...

 

-reply by bobby jax

[undftdx 0]

I'm currently in high school and experience these circumstances daily. Kids skip school for a number of reasons but I believe there are some circumstances where it should be acceptable to "skip" school. I refer to the term in meaning that you come to school then after a certain class you just leave and miss the rest of the day. Kids that engage in skipping school for its entirety daily definitely need some guidance. However, a decent student may see no need in attending certain classes on a given day. For example, after AP Testing at my school, many smart students just leave after the test despite having class the rest of the day. They are overwhelmed with the work and just need a break. Most teachers understand and don't penalize these students for unexcused absences on certain days. There are also circumstances where kids want to get out and get some fast food during the lunch period. It is technically skipping school because they are leaving school grounds and are given Saturday school if they are caught. Overall, I feel that students need to be motivated to get good grades and eventually try to get into college. Also, recently with school coming to a close for summer, some students have parties during the school day when their parents are at work which leads to other kids to skip school to attend their parties.

[bishoujo 0]

From personal experience, there was one point of time when I skipped school because I was having friendship problems. High school is very stressful academic-wise, and having problems with friends makes school a lot worst because there were no peers to support me when I was going through difficult times. I was 17 then, so this doesn't just happen to young children. What you should do is talk to her and show her that you are there for her. Watching her is not really going to help, because you may interpret her behavior wrongly and that is not going to help matters. Like so what if you notice that she didn't hand in her homework or was late for school? You wouldn't understand why, and you probably already know this anyway. Also, grounding is a bad solution. If I was grounded by my parents, I would dislike them and all the more wish to do opposite of whatever they want of me. This is how the mind of a teenager works, and that's why it's the rebellious stage. Now that I'm a little older, I think that some of my thinking was quite juvenile, but nevertheless, it was an unavoidable stage and there is no point trying to knock sense into your kids by treating them like kids. Do treat her like an adult and talk to her, and she will be more willing to share her problems with you.

[chappill 0]

Im a child of 14 and the only few reasons I can think of her skipping school is:Older boyfriend, do you know about her 'relationship status'?Being bullied, often puts people off school.Not liking the teachers or she got told off for something she didn't do and shes not happy?Sit her on here bed and talk to her, I would if I had kids, don't let her go until she gives you a reason why, and good luck, hope you get to the bottom of it, it might be something silly though.

Edited June 2, 2008 by chappill (see edit history)

[iGuest 3]

Why I skipped school.

Why Do Kids Skip School?

 

Replying to krazygoddess

As a kid I always played sick to stay home from school. When I got to middle and then H.S. My parents were not around much so I skipped constantly. My reasons for not going to school were because I was literally bored out of my mind. I don't know if your daughter has been tested to see where she is academically but perhaps that needs to be done and her curriculum fixed to accomodate her and not the average child. I don't know how difficult this would be to do but I know that on tests I was made to take in 5th grade my lowest grade level score was 9th grade level and the majority of my scores were PHS(post h.S.). Even with these tests nothing was ever done to help me and keep my attention. My senior year in H.S. They threatened to fail me for truancy in my first 2 classes of the day. I was making a 99 in one and 100 in the other. I went to my 3rd class because it was Physics and was an interesting class. The problem with schools today might be that they care more about the money they get per child and don't care about the fact that the child keeps skipping because they are bored and need to be worked with on a higher level. This is just a thought on what your daughters problem, might be.

 

-reply by Phyllis

[iGuest 3]

A Small bit of advice.

Why Do Kids Skip School?

 

Well, its been a while, and if everything is good again thats cool

 

But I diden't see anyone who suggested the possibility of deeper emotions..

-- Do not get angry, chances are she will find it harder to tell you her true emotions if you get angry at her.

- calmly as her if she is depressed, her first reaction will be no?

 

Now you really need to connect with your daughter for this and actually be able to gain her trust.

- talk about depression and related topics, and make sure you do your homework as well, know about it, know statistics, the more you know the more she can relate to what your saying, and hopefully she will start seeing a pattern in what your saying and be able to relate and possibly get her to tell you if there is really something deep down bugging her.

*if they have a guilts conscious, they will not tell you everything, but may slowly come out over time, and let them know that, say if there is anything else bugging you don't worry we can sort this out*

 

Many children do not want to confess to this because they are misinformed about anti-depressants, they somehow think they are drugs.

 

Now if she does come lose and start crying you have to comfort her and chances are she is telling 100% truth, and you'll also have to assume that.

- its also in your best interest to make sure that you seek help when she is ready, as many modern day anti-depressants do not have side effects, many producers and actors take anti-depressants/overdose on pain killers.

 

The number one reason she is most likely ditching school is because she is evading the inevitable impending punishments and digging herself a whole that she cant not get back out of, and it seems like skipping school is the only way out?

 

So please check this, because you may think you do, but you don't know she could be having suicidal thoughts at the worst so please, help her before she does anything stupid.

 

My source -

 

It happened to me.

 

-reply by Chris

[iGuest 3]

why we do it

Why Do Kids Skip School?

 

I'm a high school student, currently 16.

I've had a problem with missing out on school alot and I think it all started with family problems , there was always screaming and shouting in my house and I became severely depressed because of it.I even had my own pshyciatrist. Anyway thats one reason, another reason comes from watching my older brother miss out on school. He did it, so I thought to myself 'why not?'.

Now mind you, I am known to be a goody two shoes in my year and I'm also in one of the top classes.

Another reason comes from just waking up late and feeling too scared and guilty to show up late . It NEVER gets planned I don't sit around planning when I should or shouldnt go to school , it just happens .

 

I wish I had a way to stop myself from doing this. But I don't know, its like an addiction I have. I CANT stop! but I want too. Maybe its the satisfactioon I get from skipping school? I'm not sure.

 

-reply by anonymous x