I Lost 'er Foreva! Yeaha, so sad now

[matak 2]

EDIT: Listen to this song while reading!

I was in luv. Really, but didn't know that much as i know it now. Few months ago, i broke up with my girlfriend. I wasn't messed up, i wasn't that sad, it was bound to happen. The romance and luv was gone, and the feeling just wasn't the same. My life back then was messed up pretty much. My tendency to do stupid things was huge, and i continued and continued venturing in to life of hollowness. I was so empty inside, hoping that i can achieve things that just weren't there. My love, my girlfriend was beside me, supporting me as much as she could, but i didn't see that. I was stupid and blinded by some meanings of life, that are so common to 23 year old guys and girls. Not knowing my place in world, i certainly couldn't know her place besides me!

When we broke up, i felt relived, as i knew i could continue. My quest for knowing the unknown could end now, when i was alone. Venture was easier, and quest much clearer. The quest for eternal stupidity as i realize now, when i finaly figured out what was wrong with me.

It was valentines day few days ago, and i sent her SMS. I even called her, and we had a nice conversation. But as i started talking about us i realized in tone of her voice, in the way she was talking about it, that it is over. Over forever. The part of me that still kept hope in heart just hurts now, it was alive again, the feelings that i had the first time i met her were alive, but her feelings have just changed. She found new stuff in life, and told me that she is feeling better then ever. That finaly after we broke up, she is free. Free of me!

Oh, man. I realize that now. I realize my mistakes and the greed that i had when i was with her. But i did luv her. I still do! But it's over. No song, no word, action or apollogie can change the way she feels about me. It's not that that she hates me or something. Just the love she felt is gone, it's distant to her as Neptune to our sun! The coldness i felt hurts me, and i understand. It's the same coldness that i was giving her few months before we broke up.

Now i feel that i have to go on. That i have to forget her, and that is the feeling i didn't count on when we broke up. When that happend i felt like she feels now, relived of her, of a huge berdan of relation with somebody. Of beeing with same person every day. Talking about the same stuff, doing alomst the same things all the time. Now i miss those things. I see that power she had over me, and i see what she was giving me - love -- pure love! Like love from songs just real, true and honest. Also i am wondering now, these days, first time ever after her raction to my apollogie, and to my hope that maybe we could end up togeather again, was that feeling real! Or was it only something i imagined.

She is person totaly carefull and distant when it comes to sharing emotions, but i'm not. I'm oposite, and maybe too much naive. Now i'm stuck in that belife - Was that love, or imagination. And i can't see her, talk to her or ask her couse i know she will never gonna give me the answer, i will need to find that answer by time. And that time needs to pass, but it hurts, as it should. As maybe she was hurt, but now i don't know. Part of me feels that i betrayed luv, and part of me feels that i was just her puppet. A puppet of her emotions and desires, and i see her as a monster called sucubus, and my self as a victim. How to find the reall answer? How to be sure of that what was real, and what was imagination. Or is it the act of love, that i maybe played off, and now love is paying back by hurting so much! Dunno, but i know i miss her now, i know she blew me off for good, and i hope that one day i'll see her. Then look at her eyes and know the answer. Until then i'm doomed to this feeling, trapped between love and imagination, lonelynes and desire, and dissapointment in my own actions, couse i feel whatever i do from now on, i'm doing it wrong. And that kinda suks!

EDIT: Listen to this song while reading!

Edited February 16, 2007 by matak (see edit history)

[Fealty 0]

Im terribly sorry to hear all this. Sounds to me that you have really reflected deaply about this relationship and what happened. Although you know you wont get any answers out of her, there one thing that always cheers me up. You should right a letter. Not just an apology but something similar to the above, tell her how it hurts, how you realize what you were doing and how you felt when she left. Right the letter and dont expect an answer. But if she truely loved you, she will realize that you may be o so different but she is your other half (by the sound of things) and without her your not whole. if she loves you she will respond. Give it time. Keep you friendship open. and maybe fate & destiny will reward ya back.Good Luck PeaceFealty

[Full.Clip 0]

Sad story man, I know how you feel. It haunts up on you then kills your every move or any other couple you see that's happy and understands each other. You described your love for that girl down to make me believe you are sincere and now know what you should have known before.When two people love each other or if one person loves another but the other just doesn't know it yet, in your case - The love never goes away but in the back of everything else they feel to keep them from hurting as you are hurting. Your actions may have forced her to give up and right now she feels happy but if you could just show her you've changed and that it was meant to be than your chances of reuniting are high.I can say that I fell in love with only 2 girls out of many I've been with throughout my entire 20yrs of living. And a guy like me despises love because love doesn't love nobody (remember that song?). Sometimes trying to convince them won't work. Minds are made up so it maybe time for you to just let her go but remain friends at least. Sometimes when couples who break up remain friends afterwards they learn more about the other through their own experiences. But don't let the that hurt feeling control your life, it will take time to go back to your normal state. Take it easy man

[tuddy 0]

Your love will always be there thats not going any place fast. However there is no use crying over spilt milk, just have 'outburst' (very important as done above' maybe write her a letter then get on with life as you say. Life as they say it is, a journey, no point on getting on the tourist bus and being left behind to hit 50 and still be standing in the same spot. Could have been much worse, she could have gone and broken the friendship as well, but it seems you all still have that intact. Friendship is a beautiful thing, don't make that all about you and you'll be just fine.

[thejestergl 0]

I was in luv. Really, but didn't know that much as i know it now. Few months ago, i broke up with my girlfriend. I wasn't messed up, i wasn't that sad, it was bound to happen. The romance and luv was gone, and the feeling just wasn't the same. My life back then was messed up pretty much. My tendency to do stupid things was huge, and i continued and continued venturing in to life of hollowness. I was so empty inside, hoping that i can achieve things that just weren't there. My love, my girlfriend was beside me, supporting me as much as she could, but i didn't see that. I was stupid and blinded by some meanings of life, that are so common to 23 year old guys and girls. Not knowing my place in world, i certainly couldn't know her place besides me!
When we broke up, i felt relived, as i knew i could continue. My quest for knowing the unknown could end now, when i was alone. Venture was easier, and quest much clearer. The quest for eternal stupidity as i realize now, when i finaly figured out what was wrong with me.

Hey sorry to hear about what happened. It sounds like even though the romance was 'gone' it still took a big toll. I hope that you do bounce up from it, and I'm sure you will. You should take it easy though before you regret doing something you know you shouldnt' have. "Time heals all wounds". I don't know if this is true, but I hope it is. Hang in there man and good luck in life.

-Jester

[tuddy 0]

Hey sorry to hear about what happened. It sounds like even though the romance was 'gone' it still took a big toll. I hope that you do bounce up from it, and I'm sure you will. You should take it easy though before you regret doing something you know you shouldnt' have. "Time heals all wounds". I don't know if this is true, but I hope it is. Hang in there man and good luck in life.
-Jester

Quite true. However, how much time? I agree with the taking it easy before doing something he'll regret, but that's half the fun, only kidding. Take it easy, but don't do nothing. On the off chance she could be yours again simply because you went after her. It would show how in love you were with her. Anyway, please keep visiting and let us know what happens.

[matak 2]

The fact is that i realized that she's off me. I needed to move on. And did that. Finaly I started living and breathing again. Was that love, i don't know. Nobody knows what love is. At this time I discovered strange new feelings about love! Yeah, feeling about love. Can you imagine that. Love itself is a feeling, but I never know that you can have feelings about love. You can hate love, you can love it, despise it. Basicly whole life is based on your feelings for love. Maybe now i even don't belive in it the way i did before.Growing up has much to do with it. Even the way i was rased, way that i looked at other people, married people, strange people, drunk people, people who are lost, who found themselves and that. How to think of that girl now? Maybe you can say i didn't try hard enough. And that is true. I didn't. It is one of those situations you just can't. You could but you can't. Life isn't movie. It's not some kind of novel, where you have one story with few more asside. In life there are 5-10-infinite number of situations, solutions, and oportunities. There is no way that now i'll feel like i abandoned her, or love. I know the words she told me, i saw her eyes last time when i saw here. It was the truth.Looking at the pictures we had togeather feels me sad, but happy at the same time. Time we had has passed, now it's time for something new. My feelings are chiseled in new way about relationship, and i feel that is the way i should go in life. Is it smart to be afraid? Yes. Am i afraid? No. Never, ever i'm gonna be afraid of a decision. You just have to make one, forget, and move on. "The night is young!" is the last fraze she told me. Now i understand it, and wish her the best in life. It is over, forever.

[FLaKes 0]

I was reading the first three paragraphs and it was me about a month ago.... Well that was when we broke up, almost 2 weeks after valentines day. We had been together for 3 years and 9 months and just like in your relationship the romance and love was gone. So we decided to break up so that we would not end up fighting or messing up our relationship. We are still friends and talk to each other from time to time, but I dont know If we will ever be together again.

[matak 2]

Yes, i understand that. It's just that it happens. And, bum, everything is different. It's just i had my hopes up high (really high), so that is why i posted this. That situation was just first time that happened to me, and i just snapped. What can you do.