Possible Troubles With Gf what do you guys think of this / what would you guys do about it

[sniperkiller 0]

Hi,This is how it all happened:I've met this girl on the meeting site Lnm.eu and she's good looking. Actually I don't look for the outside of the girls, I find the inner part more special. A good look can be extremely nice, but particulary i like more the inner part Now to continue the story:We started chatting on lnm client first and got to know much about each other. Every time i heard of her, it was like my life cleared up and the sun started shining. On a day we started to continue chatting on msn, getting to know each other even more and more, untill the day we decided to meet each other. We decided to meet each other by going to the movies. Everything went well and we got to know even more about each other after the movie. The following weeks after the first (date if i can call it that already) (meeting) we met each other even more.It even happened that we saw each other 2 a 3 times a week. My impression of her was that she liked me a lot, since not one single girl i ever knew wanted to see me so much times a week. The 3rd week after we first met, my exams started and her school also.The time we saw each other on msn decreased heavily, but we kept contact through email. She wrote many times that she felt alone but i couldn't do anything like bringing her a visit, since my exams were at noon and always took 4 hours.We still saw each other at saturday, but i witnessed some differences in her behavior each time we saw each other.We mostly met in my car, on a location where her parent wouldn't notice it that she was with me (what i find really strange, not that her parents don't like me). She didn't want that her parents would keep on asking about me, what they did afterall. When i wanted to walk her home after each meeting, she mostly refused and ran of quickly with a big smile on her cute face. ^^When we would go out for a walk (mostly long ones) i mostly tried to hold her hand, but i never really succeeded. Last time i had the chance and she again seemed a lot more alive, but suddenly she let my hand go and didn't wanted to hold it anymore. I did some more attemps to get a hold again, but no success. That evening she told me that she started to have doubts and that's why she refused me to hold her hand. I guess those doubts made her react strange in my eyes.To make sure she wouldn't feel so alone anymore, i always gave her a big hug and lately a kiss ^^ (not on her mouth).She always looked a lot more alive after i gave her a kiss, just like she enjoyed it much.I don't like to say it but i got some strong feelings for her, i love her and she noticed it lately.Suddenly i received an email from her telling that she finds it terribly that she doesn't have more feelings for me and she sees me as her best friend. She also mentioned that she wouldn't want to hurt me with this message, but the sentence that she doesn't want me to love her actually had a great influence on me. I suddenly lost a lot of feelings for her what i regret. She trusts me really hard and tells me her closest feelings and thoughts.I told her if she would have anything on her heart and needs a person to tell her feelings to, that she could always rely on me.It seems that is prolly the reason why she keeps on responding.Now i wonder what i should do. I guess she lost interest in me after all. Can anyone help me with this? What you guys think about her behavior? Does i have to do something with it?Im out of answers on those questions, so im pointing them to you.

[TypoMage 0]

Cmon! Isn't it obvious? She just wants to be friends. Well best friends. When she refused to hold your hand.... She though it would not be the friend thing to do.You know? But do not feel bad now you have a great friend! I guess it would be better if she was more then that.

[Autumn 0]

I strongly suggest that you read my post in this topic:

http://forums.xisto.com/topic/44926-growing-friendship-or-jealousy-please-help/

Go over the topic if you have to, but it pretty much nails the problem with "Best friends" dating. I've been there, so I'm sharing my view on it.

Trust me, read my post and decide for yourself what you should do... But, look at the consequences I mention.

[truefusion 3]

I would not try to force anything beyond what she has already accepted. Be content with what you can do and what you can't do. It is good that she still likes talking to you about almost everything! I'd suggest to just be there for her like you've been doing so far. Like you said, she still trusts you, don't do things that'll ruin that trust. Listen to her like you've been doing, don't let your emotions get the best of you if she wants something different. Better best friends than no friends at all. She may be trying to work something out on her own, while at the same time doesn't want you to interfere much or put too much pressure on.

[Autumn 0]

I would not try to force anything beyond what she has already accepted. Be content with what you can do and what you can't do. It is good that she still likes talking to you about almost everything! I'd suggest to just be there for her like you've been doing so far. Like you said, she still trusts you, don't do things that'll ruin that trust. Listen to her like you've been doing, don't let your emotions get the best of you if she wants something different. Better best friends than no friends at all. She may be trying to work something out on her own, while at the same time doesn't want you to interfere much or put too much pressure on.

That's right, pretty much down the point of it all. Better bestfriends than not friends at all.

[Dagoth Nereviar 0]

I had a similar situation with my current girlfriend, even though we went to the same highschool, we talked on MSN and hardly in person. When we did begin to meet each other (it was the 6 week holidays after I'd left, and I was moving onto college and she was staying on) I realised more and more that I loved her, but (around) a year previously we were good mates (not as good as before we went out, but still good) and I had hurt her very much (and I will never forgive myself for doing it) by thinking I "fell out of love with her" (I'll admit that when I look back, the feelings wern't as strong, but I loved her) I never thought she would like me as more than a friend, and for several months we stayed best friends, and our friendship grew and grew. Finally, I found out that she loved me as much (if not more ) as I love her, and we now go out.So, my advice to you, after the pointless backstory is this:1) Don't ever think you've stopped loving her, and for the love of God, never tell her that, because you will later realise you do and may have ruined it2) One of the reasons why her feelings might not be too strong is that you live far away (I'm not sure if this is true?) or that you don't see each other enough3) Keep best/good friends with her, and in time you will both hopefully realise how much you love each otherIf you keep by these, then it will hopefully end up well for you ;)Not the best, but it's all I have

[sniperkiller 0]

first of all lemme tell you guys a bit more about meh

i'm a very shy guy which would surely not do anything before thinking about it
and i'm surely not that type of guys that force people to do stuff ^^

i've always had a weak spot for girls that are looking sad or are crying, i always want to make them feel better
but i guess not much of the guys have that weakness, don't think strange about me now
one thing about the girl is that i've always wanted to hold her once in my arms to give her the feeling that she is safe
but lately i'm reconsidering if i would do it anyway, probably not ...

perhaps i should ask her out to a movie on valentine's day, what she propaly wont accept since it falls on a wednesday
or give her a little gift to keep her company in lonely times, i got a nice teddy here ^^ i hope she will like it


@dagoth

1) Don't ever think you've stopped loving her, and for the love of God, never tell her that, because you will later realise you do and may have ruined it

i surely won't tell her anything about that, i don't want he to hate me yet ^^

2) One of the reasons why her feelings might not be too strong is that you live far away (I'm not sure if this is true?) or that you don't see each other enough

well ur correct, i do live far away from her, i gotta take the train or the car to travel to her housei now think that we saw each other too much in the christmas holidays, and that she's thinking back at that
from 2 a 3 times a week (in holidays) to maximum one time in a week (school period)
i also liked it more when we saw each other more then once a week ^^ i really miss her a lot while the week

3) Keep best/good friends with her, and in time you will both hopefully realise how much you love each other

well i kinda hope for that to happen ^^ since she stays my best friend forever, no one had ever been so close to meh

[thejestergl 0]

Yeah seems like everyone else pretty much nailed it on the head on what to do. I guess I'm posting to kind of back up what they said. You should just try to stay friends for now, hopfully later you will get into something more than that. I really hope you do. It is a great thing to find someone that is really close to you . Just always remember how much you love her. Because hey sometimes its better to love and loss than to never love at all. Luckily in this case you aren't really losing right? Good luck man, hope things work out for you.Cheers

[Dagoth Nereviar 0]

first of all lemme tell you guys a bit more about meh
i'm a very shy guy which would surely not do anything before thinking about it
and i'm surely not that type of guys that force people to do stuff ^^

i've always had a weak spot for girls that are looking sad or are crying, i always want to make them feel better
but i guess not much of the guys have that weakness, don't think strange about me now
one thing about the girl is that i've always wanted to hold her once in my arms to give her the feeling that she is safe
but lately i'm reconsidering if i would do it anyway, probably not ...

perhaps i should ask her out to a movie on valentine's day, what she propaly wont accept since it falls on a wednesday
or give her a little gift to keep her company in lonely times, i got a nice teddy here ^^ i hope she will like it

Hehe, awwwww, you remind me of me so much :D I can remember I got my girlfriend a teddy for her birthday (while we were still friends) and she still has it now, and "treasures" it (I hope !) so to say. I was very shy aswell, and I'm not sure how I managed to pluck up the courage to ask her out! But hopefully, you'll get it from somewhere Me and my girlfriend do live kinda far (A car or two busses) but we manage to see each other quite alot still, even more-so since we're going out. And I think one of the main reasons (other than I love her ) why I asked her out is because I felt she needed someone to do what you said, to hold her and make her feel safe.

Like I've said before, all you can do is keep at it, and try your best not to screw it up ! Good luck!

[sniperkiller 0]

already for a few days i've been noticing a different pattern in her behaviorit seems she's totally changed than what i thought well perhaps this should be posted in stories ^^ but heh it's related to my old topicand it was the best time i ever had in my entire lifeyesterday (sunday) my parents & I we're throwing a party with some friendssince i would be the only youngster on that party, i invited her to itshe accepted the invitation really fast and her parents even let her stay at my place for the whole daywell normally we (the whole gang) would go out at noon for having dinner at a restaurantnow comes a part that opened my eyes :Dinstead of going with the whole gang to a restaurant she wanted to stay with me at my place aloneand have dinner there, which made me get really surpriseda few weeks ago she only wanted me as a friend but now she wanted to stay totally alone with me at my placei was so happy (for some reason ^^) that i even cooked for her at noon, which she liked a lotshe even surprised me by bringing self made desserts, which tasted very good ^^poorly we only had 2 hours that we could be alone at that moment, so nothing much happened after thatexcept some really good hugs and some close attempts...when the gang returned she kinda looked bit sad, prolly she wanted to spend more time with me aloneso i took her to one place where nobody could disturb us, my room ^^don't get funny thoughts guys i know what you are thinking nothing worse happenedif she would be the sun, it was like she started to shine :Dwell then came the moment she told me that she loved me, that moment i heard that my hart shattered into a million piecesi nearly couldn't hold back the little tear i felt in my eye :Di guess she noticed it but hehwhat happened next was our first real kiss and a lot of hugging for the rest of the time we had leftwhen i brought her back home, she started to fall asleep in the car, i wish i could have hold her in my arms like she liked itbut i had to drive rest of story is private :(i hope our relationship now doesn't break, i'll be putting a lot of effort in it so it wouldn't

[Autumn 0]

Congrats dude.One thing me and my bestfriend (it's complicated) do is sit in the parking lot at my apartment and leave the car on. We go into the back seat and just cuddle. The backend of the parking lot of always deserted, so it's nice and quiet. That's when people are home. When you're driving, hold her hand, even if you drive standard, let her help you shift.Whenever you two are alone, let her know you love her. Don't kiss her lips, kiss her forehead and play with her hair. Rub her shoulder. Make her feel as close to you as possible.However, don't get possessive of her. Let her have her space when she wants it. If you don't want to lose what you have right now, trust me on this.

[Matrixdudej 0]

nevermind sorry i didnt look at your 3rd post only first anyway congratz well anyway gl

Edited February 27, 2007 by Matrixdudej (see edit history)

[sniperkiller 0]

Congrats dude.
One thing me and my bestfriend (it's complicated) do is sit in the parking lot at my apartment and leave the car on. We go into the back seat and just cuddle. The backend of the parking lot of always deserted, so it's nice and quiet. That's when people are home. When you're driving, hold her hand, even if you drive standard, let her help you shift.

Whenever you two are alone, let her know you love her. Don't kiss her lips, kiss her forehead and play with her hair. Rub her shoulder. Make her feel as close to you as possible.

However, don't get possessive of her. Let her have her space when she wants it. If you don't want to lose what you have right now, trust me on this.

thanks for the advice i'll keep it in mind

i heard she likes to give massages, but never got one back herself
i'll take the opportunity for that and surprise her with one

can anyone spare some advice on how i perform a good massage ?
Edited March 1, 2007 by sniperkiller (see edit history)

[moblati461 0]

Seems like the majority of us have been put in the "Friend Zone" before, When you really like a girl and she labels you as just a friend nothing is worse. Its sucks cause you still see her and like her but know nothing will become of it. But yea its obvious she just wants to be friends, There is nothing you can do.

[sniperkiller 0]

erm pall, i wonder how far you read the topic till the endthis is a perfect example of a worthless post made by people that don't bother to read the last post :Pi just wrote that everything is going allright between us and that we are now closer then beforeso erm why making that post anyway ?