Did I Find Her? So many problems, but yet still together

[BooZker 0]

Let me first say this is actually an updated topic of my other topic about how i was in love with one girl, but she didnt like me anymore, but this other girl was my back up girl.

Anyways onto the post. Girl X = Girl i loved, Girl Y = Girlfriend i didnt like, but was with to make the other jealous.

I have grown so attached to girl Y. In the past week I have lost all interest in girl X. She is immature, and doesnt know what she wants in a boyfriend. Girl Y though, oh my, she makes me feel so awesome. She cares and loves me and really does. I used to ignore her, and be an *bottom* and let others be an *bottom* to her, but then something happened. She made out with another guy and i found out about it and she told me about how i was doing those things. But do you know how long i was with her before she did that? 4 months. In those 4 months i was the biggest *BLEEP* boyfriend ever. Not the *BLEEP* guy who chicks dig, but the *BLEEP* who makes you cry.

I am very, VERY ashamed of what i did. Now however, it's something totally different. I stopped talking to my friends, and she stopped talking to her friends. I love her. Girl X emailed me and said i email you and IM you and you just ignore me, and before i would be like im sorry, im sorry, lets hang out. Now it's like i just want to spend time with Girl X. There is a problem though.

What if.

What if she isn't the girl i thought she is after we have been dating even longer? So here is the main things i love about her, but are these thing you think will change soon or drastically?

1. She is low maintence. She never asks for anything. She asked for a $145 purse, but thats the only she has ever asked for in 5 months. Do you think after marriage or whatever she would be a lot more needy? How would i know if she is someone who just wants lots of things? Because she comes from a not so wealthy family and i come from a family that makes almost 90,000 a year. There is nothing wrong with that at all, but after a year or so do you think she would become more needy?

2. She is very caring and loving towards me. She worries and i love the fact she just really truely cares about my bad day at school, or when i had to get a shot under my knee cap she was honestly worried.

3. Me and her have the same morals on children. No hitting them , no daycare and having them sleep in our bed is fine. I havent found another girl with all those things and is just good with kids. She was letting my baby sister put makeup and put lotion all over her and she was just laughing. She was laying down and My baby sister would go through her purse and she didnt care. She seems like she would be a great mother and it's a turn on for me to find a girl who is great with kids because i have 2 baby brothers and 1 baby sister. But do you think she would be a good mother or is she just saying what i want to hear and acting like that around kids that are not hers.

4. Last but not least worry is she stuck through my *BLEEP* because she said she knew i was the one. She said she honestly couldnt see her self with anyone else. Is she just saying that, because if she is she does a damn good job of it not doing anything but being there and nice when i was being a *BLEEP*. But do you think she would be like that in a year if i screw something small up. I would never ever do something as mean as before, but lets say we get in a big argument, do you see her leaving?

The main reason i want your opinions is because i am making big changes in my life to accomadate our relationship because i believe it WILL work out, but with a 51% divorce rate and the fact i have lost all, but one of my good friends because i spend hours and hours with her i feel scared that she will leave or something will happen and everything will be gone and that was all a waste.

Maybe i'm just weird!

So should i break it off even though i truly think i am in love with her, but the whole reason i went out with her was to make girl X jealous? I feel bad thats why i met her, but i wouldnt ever want to lose her, but on the other hand i was so cruel to her.

So my problems?

Thanks to whoever actually reads this and replies. If there is something you dont understand it might have been explained in the other topic:

http://forums.xisto.com/topic/42981-i-need-some-advice-badly-something-i-think-about-every-single-day/?t=42981

and if not reply with the question.

[master_bacarra 0]

well, i'll try my best to give you the most sound advice i can think of. i'm not sure if i correctly understood your post, but correct me as i go on. i'm assuming that the girl you were describing in the ordered list is girl y, am i correct?

anyway...

1. She is low maintence. She never asks for anything. She asked for a $145 purse, but thats the only she has ever asked for in 5 months. Do you think after marriage or whatever she would be a lot more needy? How would i know if she is someone who just wants lots of things? Because she comes from a not so wealthy family and i come from a family that makes almost 90,000 a year. There is nothing wrong with that at all, but after a year or so do you think she would become more needy?

why do you assume that money is the basis of a relationship? sure, people do have needs, financial, material or otherwise, but that's just natural. if you always look at it that way, then your relationship will just fall apart even before it has taken off. by assuming that "she'll be needy when we get married", you're just not showing any trust at all, that you're taking chances because you think she'll probably ask a lot when you're already together. a relationship doesn't work that way.

2. She is very caring and loving towards me. She worries and i love the fact she just really truely cares about my bad day at school, or when i had to get a shot under my knee cap she was honestly worried.

it's a good sign that she cares for you A LOT. it shows how much she really loves you. at some level, she's waiting for you to reciprocate that same feeling, not necessarily the same amount of love she gives to you, but at least to show that you appreciate what she's doing to you. that would mean a lot to her.

3. Me and her have the same morals on children. No hitting them , no daycare and having them sleep in our bed is fine. I havent found another girl with all those things and is just good with kids. She was letting my baby sister put makeup and put lotion all over her and she was just laughing. She was laying down and My baby sister would go through her purse and she didnt care. She seems like she would be a great mother and it's a turn on for me to find a girl who is great with kids because i have 2 baby brothers and 1 baby sister. But do you think she would be a good mother or is she just saying what i want to hear and acting like that around kids that are not hers.

women are the "nurturer". now that wasn't me being sexist, but women have all the necessary requirements for them to become mothers. it's natural for her to be caring... but of course, that's probably the way she was raised, which would make a lot of sense. not all women are like her nowadays, and for her to be such, shows how mature she is, although i'm not saying that she's ready to become a mother or would be a great mother to your kids. we'll get to that later.

4. Last but not least worry is she stuck through my *BLEEP* because she said she knew i was the one. She said she honestly couldnt see her self with anyone else. Is she just saying that, because if she is she does a damn good job of it not doing anything but being there and nice when i was being a *BLEEP*. But do you think she would be like that in a year if i screw something small up. I would never ever do something as mean as before, but lets say we get in a big argument, do you see her leaving?

so you already don't trust her, and you're not even starting your "married" life. you already said it yourself that the girl really loves you, if that's the case then she's probably telling the truth, and not because she's good at telling you that she can't see herself with any other guy. despite you not treating her properly, she still stuck through... it shows a lot how she feels, it's just you who doesn't notice.

where should i start? this will be a bit long, so i hope you have time to read this. hmm...

from your post, i sense a lot of hesitation. it's a problem that has to be resolved early on if you want to start a relationship with someone. from where i stand, all the signs are clear, yet you're so confused that you don't know what you're talking about.

first of all, marriage is not as simple as A-B-C. just because you saw some signs of her being a "good mother", doesn't mean that it's gonna go to that direction. now, if you really think that it's going to end up with marriage, look back at what you've done in the past and assess yourself and your relationship with her. did you have a stable relationship? from what you've described, it doesn't really go that way. you have to think that in a relationship, there are a lot of factors to consider. one of which is TRUST. every single bit of your post shows how you don't have a single trust on her, yet you've already described how she stayed true to you despite all the things you've done to her. sure she made that one mistake by making out with another guy, but that was probably because she was hurting. it's natural for someone to long for her partner to return at least an appreciation to what she's doing. a relationship is not a relationship if it's just one-way.

second of all, don't go talking about marriage, if you're still confused about this girl x and your feelings for her. just because she IM'ed you, doesn't mean she's already back to you. oh please! apparently, you're guilty of leaving girl y because girl x is coming back to your life. i pity girl y, you know. she clearly comes short of the receiving end. please be true to your feelings. straighten things out. try to know and understand how you really feel for this girl x.

lastly, COMMUNICATION. talk to girl y. be more appreciative of her efforts. a relationship wouldn't work if you don't talk. in fact, it wouldn't be a relationship if you just assumed anything. you don't have to look at the future and what it's going to be like when you're already together. you haven't even doing anything straight in the present and you're already thinking of the future. you're already thinking of divorce rate, yet you're not married, and your thinking about marriage, yet you don't have a stable relationship!

well, that's it for now. i've pretty much squeezed out some of my brain juice for this advice. i still have some things to do, hope this helps.

[panicsafe 0]

BooZker, for me it sounds like you have fallen in love with girl y?You are asking for advice? Don't think too complicated. There are always many "what if's" in a relationship. You might marry her, maybe after 7 years you get divorced. Who knows? If you don't try you'll never know. Right now you feel great about girl y, so stick to her and make her feel good, too. Your uncertainty seems to be your biggest problem so try to find out about what you truly want... my guess is you already did without knowing

[communitykat 0]

Let me first say this is actually an updated topic of my other topic about how i was in love with one girl, but she didnt like me anymore, but this other girl was my back up girl.
Anyways onto the post. Girl X = Girl i loved, Girl Y = Girlfriend i didnt like, but was with to make the other jealous.

I have grown so attached to girl Y. In the past week I have lost all interest in girl X. She is immature, and doesnt know what she wants in a boyfriend. Girl Y though, oh my, she makes me feel so awesome. She cares and loves me and really does. I used to ignore her, and be an *bottom* and let others be an *bottom* to her, but then something happened. She made out with another guy and i found out about it and she told me about how i was doing those things. But do you know how long i was with her before she did that? 4 months. In those 4 months i was the biggest *BLEEP* boyfriend ever. Not the *BLEEP* guy who chicks dig, but the *BLEEP* who makes you cry.

I am very, VERY ashamed of what i did. Now however, it's something totally different. I stopped talking to my friends, and she stopped talking to her friends. I love her. Girl X emailed me and said i email you and IM you and you just ignore me, and before i would be like im sorry, im sorry, lets hang out. Now it's like i just want to spend time with Girl X. There is a problem though.


What if.

What if she isn't the girl i thought she is after we have been dating even longer? So here is the main things i love about her, but are these thing you think will change soon or drastically?

1. She is low maintence. She never asks for anything. She asked for a $145 purse, but thats the only she has ever asked for in 5 months. Do you think after marriage or whatever she would be a lot more needy? How would i know if she is someone who just wants lots of things? Because she comes from a not so wealthy family and i come from a family that makes almost 90,000 a year. There is nothing wrong with that at all, but after a year or so do you think she would become more needy?

2. She is very caring and loving towards me. She worries and i love the fact she just really truely cares about my bad day at school, or when i had to get a shot under my knee cap she was honestly worried.

3. Me and her have the same morals on children. No hitting them , no daycare and having them sleep in our bed is fine. I havent found another girl with all those things and is just good with kids. She was letting my baby sister put makeup and put lotion all over her and she was just laughing. She was laying down and My baby sister would go through her purse and she didnt care. She seems like she would be a great mother and it's a turn on for me to find a girl who is great with kids because i have 2 baby brothers and 1 baby sister. But do you think she would be a good mother or is she just saying what i want to hear and acting like that around kids that are not hers.

4. Last but not least worry is she stuck through my *BLEEP* because she said she knew i was the one. She said she honestly couldnt see her self with anyone else. Is she just saying that, because if she is she does a damn good job of it not doing anything but being there and nice when i was being a *BLEEP*. But do you think she would be like that in a year if i screw something small up. I would never ever do something as mean as before, but lets say we get in a big argument, do you see her leaving?

The main reason i want your opinions is because i am making big changes in my life to accomadate our relationship because i believe it WILL work out, but with a 51% divorce rate and the fact i have lost all, but one of my good friends because i spend hours and hours with her i feel scared that she will leave or something will happen and everything will be gone and that was all a waste.

Maybe i'm just weird!

So should i break it off even though i truly think i am in love with her, but the whole reason i went out with her was to make girl X jealous? I feel bad thats why i met her, but i wouldnt ever want to lose her, but on the other hand i was so cruel to her.

So my problems?

Thanks to whoever actually reads this and replies. If there is something you dont understand it might have been explained in the other topic:

http://forums.xisto.com/topic/42981-i-need-some-advice-badly-something-i-think-about-every-single-day/?t=42981

and if not reply with the question.

I think you are taking things too seriously and quickly. You are obviously not ready for a long term relationship. Have you ever been in a long term relationship before? It gets pretty messy no matter who you are with...even if you are with your soulmate. The question is are you ready to be considering marriage? If you are bouncing between these two girls, probably not. If you are not sure which one you like, maybe you should cut it off with both of them and look at things from a more objective angle. Maybe you will see a totally different girl you have not had the eyes to notice on account of playing game with x and y. Don't forget your life is manageable by YOU and YOU control what you let in your life and what you stay connected with. Make sure the choices you make in life are of YOUR choosing and not at the whims of someone elses emotions. Life is much more free when you are not in a relationship, and that can be empowering and fun. Managing romanitic life on a non-committed scale is a historic passtime, don't let it slip you by by buckling down into marriage too quickly. A girlfriend on the side to spend time with and make-out with is quite a complement, but marriage....not so much...more of a life commitment like starting a business, especially if your love is not the through and through, no questions asked, you are so in love this person is definitely YOUR soulmate type. I know it is a girls book, but if you can read The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath, it is very inspiring for relationship management and life-mate seeking. Of course her husband did not end up loving her as much as she loved him...just goes to show how tricky it can be. http://forums.xisto.com/no_longer_exists/
http://forums.xisto.com/no_longer_exists/

[tuddy 0]

Mate, take in a deep breathe and listen to me very carefully. You are OVER (small understatment) analising the sitiaution here. So you went out with her to make X jealous?, what if you didn't? You'd be 'loveless'. She is great with kids, if you want kids, and you like what you see from her with your family, then why stress about wether she is acting or not. Money isn't everything, if you give her what she wants, and learn to spoil her nicely she wont be spending major amounts of your money bacause she will feel loved and cared for.The way i see it, if you want to over analiyse then think about it in context of Girl X, if you went out with her, got married to her, you might have ended up a single father trying to make the best for your children because she stuffed you around.I say shut your gob, get off this asking advice thread over those silly little things you said and go enjoy her company, god forbid there are so many people out there that ain't fortunate enough like you. PS. Don't cheat on her either. Ever seen Dr. Phil Mad