Need Advice On Current Situation

[dmaldonado 0]

Hi I registered for this site after reading some posts in this forum and finding there were some real people on here. Here's my situation, I've been with my girlfriend for almost two years, she has two children from previous relationships. I was with her for most of her pregnancy and birth of her second child. I've come to see the children as mines as well and have helped her with them the best I can, for a long time I was the only one working to support us while she stayed home with the kids. Being 23 years old and formerly living with my parents you can imagine the huge adjustment this was lol. We were very close and had a loving relationship until gradually we got into this daily grind and kinda grew apart (this was maybe 6 months ago) I started playing World of Warcraft everynight and she started going out w/o me more often. I accept the fact that it was my lack of attention to her that caused the whole shift downwards in the first place. We kept getting into reoccuring fights over chores and other petty things, i realize now that really she wasn't feeling loved and that I was ignoring her. In my mind I was dealing with her going out all the time and not being here by being on the computer more so you can imagine the vicious cycle that created. It all culminated about two weeks ago when we got into a huge argument about her not wanting to go out with me to a friends halloween party and she kicked me out a few days later. Two days after I left I got a call from her, She was upset saying she was confused and that the older kid (she's 4) missed me. The time away gave me a chance to think about what I'd been doing and what i would need to change in order to please her. I explained that i realized that i had not been playing enuff attention to her and that I wanted to come back to make it right. That night she cried and said it was all going to work out etc, the very next morning she flipped 180 degrees and ever since then she's been cold and businesslike with me. She says it's too little too late and just wants to be friends, that she dosn't have romantic feelings anymore, I've given up my computer games and she continues to go out to the late hours of the morning, I've tried to keep our house in tip top shape for her and now it's not doing me any good.She says she's not angry or resentful and that she just wants to be my friend b/c she donsn't have the same feelings for me anymore, meanwhile Im still helping her take care of the kids and helping w/ the bills....any advice would be appreciated

[Bkag 0]

My advice would be to go along with being "friends" and after a few weeks try and build your relationship back up, say that over the past few weeks you have been looking back on what and how you where behaving and that you are sorry for the way you have acted (don't bring up what she has done ) and that you want it to be the way it used to be, and that you are a changed man

[Mich 0]

I agree with what Bkag has said. However, if things don't get back to 'the way it was' after a reasonable length of time, you should move on. If you don't you will only be being USED for babysitting and helping with the bills. If she really only wants to be friends, then you can be friends from another residence. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I'll bet she missed the absence of her babysitter and the money help. With you gone her night life was interupted. I wish you Good Luck! and hope things do work out for you.

 

Whatever happens, keep in touch with the kids if possible.

[dmaldonado 0]

after some thought i've been thinking the same thing, thx for confirmation that I'm doing the right thing

[loedsabre 0]

yeah. i agree with them all. but you should move on soon, and find another girl who suits you. and yeah, don't lose the kids

[anwiii 17]

after some thought i've been thinking the same thing, thx for confirmation that I'm doing the right thing

hey, i just wanted to let you know that you seem like a great person that realized his own mistakes. i have made those same mistake with my woman. that's why i am on Xisto rather in bed with my wife right now anyway, it's not all you either though and the results of actions can get worse over time. you have seen your own errors, but i think she has her own errors she hasn't yet been able to make up for.

she wants to be friends she says? i don't think so. i think there is more to this story. her kids definately will miss you and kids are #1 in my book and when you made the decision to support her and her kids at such a young age, YUP! what a transition that was and you did GREAT! you must really love her and her kids. she knows this.

your distance created her distance though. this is the problem. her distace created something that she's hiding. i would try to get her to be open with you rather than accept just a friendship. women are strange sometimes. a lot of them are very insecure....especially if they have already come from bad relationships that didn't work out. when you didn't give the attention she needed and fullfilling her need to be loved, she searched for it somewhere else thinking it could fullfill her. it didn't. this is a possibility in your case. so what women sometimes do, is even though they are still in love with ya, they will dump ya before you have a chance in dumping them. why would she think you will dump her? maybe if you ever find out what she's hiding

don't accept the firendship copout. be loving and try to get the truth out of her by being understanding.

know this. people make mistakes but mistakes don't define us. what defines us is what we learn from the mistakes and our choices and decisions based on what we learn in life. you both seem like good people. work it out and find your answers with understanding and love and support. she needs it. so do you.....from HER.

if you feel she isn't opening up, show her my post and watch her read it. don't take your eyes off her whil she reads it. you may find some answers in her subtle reaction and she if she wasn't open before, she might be open after she reads this unless she wants to base your friendship on lies. you need answers and closure to your relationship. i don't think she realizes how hurtfull it is to you without talking about what went wrong.

i wish you and her the best and hope you both can work out your problems. also, now that you know the errors of your ways and she still just wants to be friends, any woman would be glad to have ya because just wanting to feel loved is VERY important to women. you give them that and they will never be able to live without you so don't be stupid anymore when you're in a relationship. leave the 3 hour game playing when your not in a relationship or just limit it to 1/2 hour- 1 hour a day. compromise bud but you already know that so i'm proud of ya! your 23 and know more about relationships than most people who are over 30. you're on the right track!

[tuddy 0]

She has most likily found someone else already and was just looking for a way out of your relationship with her and is now just keepiung you for the bbysitting and money. I don't think she is your main concern here, I'd be more worried about the kids, as to them you are practically thier father more so if they haven't even meet thier father.Maybe friendship with her isn't such a bad thing, but you need to say "you'll have to find yourself a job and a babysitter, cause I need my own life back to meet someone to replace you..." otherwise your going to be 35 living with your ex-girlfriend caring for two kids while she is out partying her *bottom* of her with a social life.

[verdant 0]

She has most likily found someone else already and was just looking for a way out of your relationship with her and is now just keepiung you for the bbysitting and money. I don't think she is your main concern here, I'd be more worried about the kids, as to them you are practically thier father more so if they haven't even meet thier father.
Maybe friendship with her isn't such a bad thing, but you need to say "you'll have to find yourself a job and a babysitter, cause I need my own life back to meet someone to replace you..." otherwise your going to be 35 living with your ex-girlfriend caring for two kids while she is out partying her *bottom* of her with a social life.

yeah, i'd agree here. the girls got a plan. but do you? honestly what if she meets 'ron' tommarow and decides she wants you out the house. now i forgot if any of the kids are yours, but if their not... forgive me for being a *BLEEP* here but i think its neccessary... if their not your kids, what the *BLEEP* are you doing? their kids their young they'll adapt. now i dont think you evr said how old she is, but if shes going out and partying a bunch that means one thing. shes still got a bit of kid in her so i'll give you 2 parts of advice.

part one: if you want to save this relationship some how.

this is hard... mostaly cause i havent had to deal with this one directly in my life personaly, yet. and from the high amount of guys i hear about going through issues with girls. i just plain expect to go through this at somepoint. and if i wanted to save the relationship this is what i would do.

first, i'd say, *BLEEP* all this i dont have the same feeling for you *BLEEP* cause thats complete bs. if you had a million dollars she'd feel a great amount for you. but you you dont so you're going to have to work harder. first thing i'd try is takeing her out on a date, my hunch is the fire in your relationship need a bit of work from the bellows. what i mean by this is you spen som time time far apart and you spend some time very close together. in the space in between, much like a bellows her mind will start to change a bit, the goal here is to get her thinking that you can be fun and enjoyable. bu beware she may hav already firmly decided that you just arnt the one. cause honestly it sounds like you're below the sad sounding 'just a friend' status. you at that 'baby's daddy status' where she doesnt care what hapens as long as bills and children are being taken care of.

no if i were you i'd make a base check. a base check is making an observation of all the basics in the relationship. from the smallest thing to the biggest. things like, do i smell bad, hows my breath, do i speak to her in a carring way, does it really show that i care, is my penis big enough, am i gay, does she know 100% that im not gay? all that sort of obvious *BLEEP*. and if you have any questions ask her. get clarification. make it seem like you're going for another woman if need be. but all in all you need to make sure that she has no reason to discard you at face value.

once thats out of the way i would try to do the whole dating thing al over again. take her to the movies, out to the theater/balllet, out to eat, or out for fun. cause all in all shes going out because shes getting something out there that you're not giving her. if you can get her to notice that thing in you then you've taken a huge step forward.

if nothing else realize this, that her previous experience with you is litteraly like baggage. you have to give her a reason to put that baggage down and never reach back for it.





now im putting this part here because if it were me i would have been long gone a long time ago.

part 2: if you dont want to save this relationship you should seriously just go. just leave. if thats not a good plan for you then make one. its called an guys escape plan. its for when *BLEEP* goes sour you need to be able to survive without that woman. but dont do this *BLEEP* if you 'love' that girl, cause then you'll just be a *BLEEP* who cant get over a girl.

so get all your money and belongings together and bounce. get you're own place, say *BLEEP* the kids if their not yours and dont get a hard on everytime she calls you up crying about some dumb *BLEEP*. you said you're what 24? yeah *BLEEP* that *BLEEP* dude. you got too much time for better *BLEEP* to just be waisting your time on some *BLEEP* thats probably cheating on you right now. some guys *BLEEP* is probably --- wait... i have a hosted website to think about here... dont want to get banned.

but you know what i mean dude. you got a decision to make. dont sit and think, just do it.

[iGuest 3]

Life sucks but rocks.. I dunno if it is a breakupNeed Advice On Current SituationI too am going thru some similar trauma. An amazing girl, unique and one of the kind..We became good friends arpund 2 yrs bk and started commuting together to work... We slowly developed bonding that grew stronger and so did our friendship.. Soon I realized that I care for her more than just a friend. I asked her if she has sum1 and ahe said she is not sure as things aren't working out..We don't talk.We don't meet.We don't see each other anymoreFor me this was a positive sign and probably a mistake.. And morever she was always positive to my flirting and advancemnts and responded well.. We came closer and closer and one fine day we got intimate on our way to work.. And after that every morning and every evening our car wud witness a steamy, shock absorber rattling session.. Finally I was getting convinced that now we are couple and wanted to pop that question..I made grand plans.. Booked a table in d finest restaurant, flowers' music gift and a movie for her... And waited eagerly for next week when I wud ask her to marry me...Lol 3 days before that in the evening she looked serious.. When I asked, she told me that the other guy called and he wud like to meetup wid her to see if things can work again...And she wanted to meet him...That very moment I knew sumthing ws not right.. But since it was her wish I didnt stop her.. When she was scared of him finding out about us.. I just asked her to be honest to herself and him as well..She went...And that evening she called to say its over.. And that I shudnt call her anymore.. That she is sorry for leading me on and that she thinks she has not been faithful to other guy and that she has hurt him and now she wants to do anything and everything to get the other guy bk...I tried to reason but I knew no logic reasoning works in such cases... After a few brief meetings with her.. And few fone calls.. I realize that she is feeling guilty of having a relationship wid me.. And now wants to do anything to get the trust of other guy bk...Sounds strange And funny... Even thou I am mataining a calm and composed posture, inside I am broke cuz she was the biggest part of my life...Any advice...-question by Yoohoo

[room2593 0]

This thread is two years old, man.Um . . .If anybody wants to continue posting on this topic, you should probably make a new thread.So basically, to sum up so that no one wants to post any more:Make a decision. Write down pros and cons. Think back to the good and the bad. Then say "Yes, I will pursue this" or "No, this is over." Then follow through. No matter what. It's your life, now live it.So, let this thread die.