Cheating, Is It A Game? what should you do if you cheated on

[Chatz 0]

CHEATING

 

Why do people cheat? Why would you want to hurt someone that loves you so much? Is cheating a game? The truth is people usally try to find the quickest way to confort themselfs when a relationship isn't working out and most of the cases you find your partner cheating on u.But is that the proper way of dealing with it?Hurting your partner like that?And it's funny how some times the victim does the same thing just to get back at that person..like they say two wrong's don't make a right.If your relationship isn't working out rather sit down and discuss it with your partner..mabe it's something that both of you can change to make it work..in relationships every one's got to make sacrifices for the better of the relationship.Cheating on your partner will be making things worse and you mite not know but you could be hirting someone.Dn't cheat.work it out.

[husker 0]

I guess you could say cheating is a game, because when you do it, you win. When you cheat, it justs make you feel better, but the person that was cheated on feels terrible and is probably mad at you. So if you cheat, you win, but in a bad way. It's like a game you don't want to win.BTW- You put "chatting" instead of "cheating"

Edited July 16, 2006 by husker (see edit history)

[Panzer 0]

I dont think cheating works. You see it all in the movies and CSI, people will hire mobsters to hit their partner for revenge when they find out theyve been cheated on. If you were cheated on you should just tell your partner that your leaving.

[brainless 0]

Question: Is it cheating when someone does not hide or try to hide that he's going out with someone else? After all my experience, the usual "boyfriend-girlfriend-stuff" does not work for me and I have stopped looking for "the one" and the people I go out with know this. I don't have one partner whom I support but, as far as I can spontaneously tell, about four (don't worry, they know about each other, some of them even know each other and they support me as well...)

[tuddy 0]

Why do people drink underage?, Why do people smoke underage?, Why do people drive underage and the answer is as simple as the this, for 'The Thrill', not the thrill of cheating on your partner (Unless specifically doing it), but for the thrill you get out of this 'Cheating Relationship' that you may not get within your current relationship.Some people can say that they still love there girlfriend/wife, yet go cheat on her. I don't see how this works, when you love someone, you love them for them, accept them for them, so if they don't want sex til marriage, you accept that, and abide by it cause you love her, not go and find a cheap shag with someone else.Humans are an evolved speicies and yet, we still can't be honest?, and they say guys cheat more then the girls, thats a load of bulldust, how many chicks do you know that could be so easily 'changed' by a guy with money and an a 6 pack? (The Dream Worthy Guy) lol. Puke! Of course how many guys do you know that could be tempted by a blonde with long legs and plastic surgery done! Typical 21st Socieity

Edited July 17, 2006 by tuddy (see edit history)

[Chatz 0]

Why do people drink underage?, Why do people smoke underage?, Why do people drive underage and the answer is as simple as the this, for 'The Thrill', not the thrill of cheating on your partner (Unless specifically doing it), but for the thrill you get out of this 'Cheating Relationship' that you may not get within your current relationship.
Some people can say that they still love there girlfriend/wife, yet go cheat on her. I don't see how this works, when you love someone, you love them for them, accept them for them, so if they don't want sex til marriage, you accept that, and abide by it cause you love her, not go and find a cheap shag with someone else.

Humans are an evolved speicies and yet, we still can't be honest?, and they say guys cheat more then the girls, thats a load of bulldust, how many chicks do you know that could be so easily 'changed' by a guy with money and an a 6 pack? (The Dream Worthy Guy) lol. Puke! Of course how many guys do you know that could be tempted by a blonde with long legs and plastic surgery done! Typical 21st Socieity

You right about all of that,but now i want to ask,how do you expact guys to stop cheating when you the girls are doing the same exact thing? Like i said before two wrongs dont make a right.

[Chatz 0]

Cheating is happing more and more everyday and people are hurting their partners.Its not right to hurt someone like that even more if they are inlove with you.People go on saying they love their partner but yet they find themselfs cheating on them..how can one say they love their partner and cheat on them..hurt them like that..when you love someone you intend to do anything for that person just to see them smile,to see them laugh..make them happy..thats true love..and not going out and cheating on them..no that isnt love.

[Johnny 1]

Cheating is bad, and it should not be allowed in any relationship. I don't know why it's so common in modern days, but it needs to stop. Nuff said.

[Chatz 0]

Cheating is bad, and it should not be allowed in any relationship. I don't know why it's so common in modern days, but it needs to stop. Nuff said.

People who cheat are bored with their life.They cheat but when they cheated on all they can do is sit and fell like they the vitim.But like johhny said cheating has to STOP..cause at the end you are also hurting yourself

[tuddy 0]

Just so we are clear! I'm a GUY!!!!!!!! I just speak from mutrual point of view. Guys do it, Chicks do it. Its not about the cheating, its about the fact that no one can ever be happy with what they already have ahold of.You have million and you risk it for a billion, some can come away with heaps money in ther pocket, other just blow it all, left with nothing. Its a good pick line, How did you lose your last wife?, I cheated on her, Oh lets go get married! Good Luck!Everyone wants to be like someone else as well, you see all these movies where they get away with it, and then you see people trying to do the same thing, just doesnt happen.

[Chatz 0]

How can one keep their relationship out of the cheating issu?

I too believe in monogamous relationships, and yes - they are very difficult. Here's why:

 

1: Nature's plan for us humans (men are NOT monogamous!)

2: People grow at different rates, and thus you can't expect two people to be the same 10 years after getting together

3: There are tons of images of others (whether true or not) that show the grass is greener somewhere (and with someone) else

4:The motivation to find less stress with someone else

5:Human drama in all its forms

 

Of course there are many of other reasons as well.

So, to your question in mind: how do you insure that your partner won't stray/cheat on you? Answer: you can't.

you CAN greatly increase the probability that your partner (or you!) won't cheat. Here's how:

 

1) Get married later in life, (after you're 30 or later), and have a bunch of relationships before that.

 

This way, you're more mature and can handle the bumps in the road better. I believe that before 30, no matter how mature you are for your age, you still don't have the experience. This just takes years - and many relationships to obtain.

 

2) Be compatible, and have the same interests and goals

 

Many people find someone and happen to have a number of things they both enjoy; but then they also have things they like to do that the other doesn't. This is healthy, but it doesn't necessarily make for long-term happiness. Can you learn to enjoy activities that the other does? Yes, but it is an effort rather than a natural progression. This causes small tensions in the relationship.

 

However, this isn't to say that people from different cultures should avoid each other. On the other hand, I believe that these different cultural points can make for a very good relationship - if both learn to appreciate and respect the other's culture.

 

3) Be comfortable with "away time"

 

Don't think that you can "own" someone else by marrying them. It doesn't work that way. You can never own someone else. They have to choose to give themselves to you, and you to them.

 

When people feel like they have no time to themselves they begin to feel strangled by the relationship. That isn't healthy. You need time away to recharge your batteries and to grow. Even in a marriage or committed relationship - you are two different people, not one as the romantics of the world would have you believe.

 

4) Fall in love

 

I keep saying that there aren't too many divorces - there are too many marriages! Many people get married for all the wrong reasons. Here are the only two I believe are:

 

a) You want children

 

You’ve found the only person that will ever match you in every way possible

 

That "b" is a killer! How do you know that this is true with someone? That's the point - you don't! But, you'd better be pretty damn sure, because everything else is working against you.This as happen to me even.

 

A lot of people don't really know what love is, probably because they have never experienced it. Believe me, you KNOW when you're in love with someone. If you aren't absolutely sure, you aren't in love.

 

So, these same people start feeling pressure to get married so that they CAN fall in love. That's not the way it works. You've got to work on yourself and get your self-image up to a healthy level before you can love someone else. But, when you do, it is perfect - for you. The other person ALSO has to love YOU! That's a tall order. So, don't make any moves until you're sure that you're in love.

 

How do you know? Musicians, singers, poets, etc., have been trying to explain what love is for the whole of human history. It's a very, very difficult thing to explain. Here's my definition:

 

"You are vastly more concerned with the happiness and safety of the person you love than you are with yourself."

 

That's an interesting way to think. Go back over that statement a few times until it really sinks in. When you find that feeling with someone, you'll know that you're in love.

 

5) Be realistic

 

Don't do as so many women do, "fall in love with being in love". In other words, many women AND men are in love with the idea of being with, and committed to, someone else. Women often dream of the "big white wedding", the "house with the white picket fence", the 2.5 children, etc., etc. Don't do this! The image is fine, but it leads to unreasonable expectations. For example, what if you rush off to Las Vegas to get married, live in an apartment in New York, and wind up having 1 kid? You may be surprised to hear this, but people actually split up just because their relationship wasn't what they expected (or imagined) all those years!

 

Each relationship is dynamic and uniquely vibrant. It has it's own pace and "feel". Don't discount one just because it doesn't match the image in your head. This goes to another point - do you have to be married to be "committed"? Absolutely not! Marriage doesn't make anyone more committed. Live for the QUALITY of the relationship - not the FORMAT!

 

6) Work on yourself!

 

This is probably the most important of the points. Here's my attitude: "Why would someone want to go out and eat hamburger when they have steak at home?" In other words, I feel very strongly about myself, and believe that any woman would be extremely lucky to be with me. While I don't tell women this, my attitude screams it loudly. If they don't want to be faithful to me, that's THEIR problem - not mine, other than the mistake of misjudging their character.

 

Because of this, I have never had a girlfriend cheat on me! Further, once I learned how women think ,Just because I believe it strongly, they also believe it. That is an important key. Your attitude plays a huge role in how others see you.

 

7) “Read” your lover

 

Get to know what (and who) she wants. If you are this guy – great, but don’t make assumptions. If you aren’t this guy and can be him without much work – become him. This is the greatest idea of the century!

 

If you find an attitude you admire in someone, adopt it as your own. Remember, you’re don’t “done” becoming who you will be, so there isn’t anything wrong with growing your personality. Further, there is nothing wrong with working to become the person that she stays in love with the rest of her life.

 

8) Get educated

 

Learn about women/men, and how they think. Not just what some people happen to say - but what they REALLY think. This way, you can play to their strengths AND weaknesses. After all, women and men want a man or women that compliments them, not verbally, but in attitude and personality.

 

I hope I've given you some things to think about! Maybe after reading this post people will stop cheating on eachother..because its pointless.

 

Notice from rejected:

Put articles from external sources in quotes please.

[rejected 0]

Cheating.. blah. Anyone who cheats on their partner is a horrible person. I can't understand why someone would do it, it's just ridiculous. If you want to be with another partner, that's dishonest and distrustful. Cheating needs to stop, people don't understand the negative effects until it's too late.

[Chatz 0]

Cheating.. blah. Anyone who cheats on their partner is a horrible person. I can't understand why someone would do it, it's just ridiculous. If you want to be with another partner, that's dishonest and distrustful. Cheating needs to stop, people don't understand the negative effects until it's too late.

You are totaly right.I can't stand this cheating thing.Guys should stop cheating and this goes to the girls as weel you girls are has bad as us men in cheating.Just that when a gril cheats they get know as a "*BLEEP*" (dn't know if i can use that word here) and with that kinda fame it makes it hard to find some that will love you.But never the less cheating has got tob stop.
Edited July 20, 2006 by Chatz (see edit history)

[MaverickFang 0]

Its a proven fact, that when a male inters a relationship with a female, his testostirone level drops signifigantly. When a baby (even a plastic one) is introduced, this causes yet another signifigant drop. My theory, some genetic defect for the male. anyways...

 

Cheating normaly comes down to the lack of satisfaction, whether it be from the male or female side. I've seen with males, its just because their partner, be it male or female (you start flaming, i will personaly put you in hell) no longer performs to his standards. Thus to get the sexual sataisfaction this person needs, he begins a second life, molded specificly to this life style.

 

Females on the other hand, sometimes can be sparked by the simplest thing, such as lack of attention. You haven't told her you love her as much, or she did something different with her body to arous you, and you failed to notice. This can lead her to look for somebody that gives her the self gratification that females have been known for (no offense).

 

Now I'm going to split this into two parts, because i have been on both sides of it.

 

1. Spectators Point of View -

No, Cheating is just some weird way of getting what you want, and ofcourse I would never do that, except for that time while my girl friend was at cheer leading camp, but thats just a little secret between you and me.

 

2. "Offenders" Point of View -

Yes, Cheating is a game, because you have to do anything and everything you can to keep from being caught. The second you let something slip, might be the second your girlfriend or wife gos ballastic on you and everything blows up in your face. Then you might end up out of the street with no place to stay, then what do you do? Go to the person you were cheating with? But you have been paying her rent, and she doesnt have a place for you. S.O.L.

[Chatz 0]

For most of you that did notice I haven't been online today.Why? Because today was a busy day.I got 10 emails from people asking for advise.Sadly only one person from Xisto emailed me.

I have cheated on my fiancé and now of course she is no longer my fiancé. I lied to her about it and now I am trying to prove to her that my heart is genuine for her and her only. I know I will never be able to make up for what I have done but is there any way that I can win her heart back?What happened was I didn’t end a relationship with my ex-girlfriend for about 2-3 months after we got together because I was confused. I realized later that I was making a big mistake and ended it and lied for a long time about it because I didn’t want to face the truth about it myself. I was and still am extremely ashamed.
We have broken up and are both hurting. I know her heart is genuine and I’m trying my best to win her back but nothing I say is working. She says she still loves me and forgives me but needs space to figure things out. I am so scared of loosing her forever I don’t know what to do or say to make her look at me like she used to. I just want one more chance at this. I’m very desperate for her love and for us to be together. How can I convince her that she can trust me now? There has to be a way.
Please help me if you can chatz. Thank you

First of all, you need to get over the guilt and shame right now. These aren't going to help you. They are only a sign that you somehow believe you should pay some price for all of this.
The interesting thing is that women do this all the time! They have a boyfriend before they start dating someone else. Things get going really well with the new person before they break things off with the boyfriend and move on. Then, they claim that they were just "confused" (sound familiar?lol) and expect you to forgive them for it!

You have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about here. I don't care what your girlfriend is trying to make you feel. The fact is that you were with someone else and then you met her. Until she proved herself, you weren't ready to break things off with the ex. That's perfectly acceptable - even if you told her something different! Trust me on this one; she'd have done the exact same thing to you if the tables were reversed.

So, here's how you handle this: go to her and say, "Look, this is crazy. If you don't care enough about me to work through this then so be it. It's time for me to move on. However, if you do care, then you're going to have to get over this so that we can work it out."

Now, keep in mind that her next move is to ask you for more time. The point of this isn't that she's not ready to work it out - it's that she wants you to continue paying for her hurt. Further, she figures that if you have to pay enough, you won't ever do it again, and she'll be in control. The problem with this is that you'll also look like a ***** by doing this (you do now - trust me), and she'll lose respect for you.

So, when you talk to her, say, "No, this is going on too long. You need to make a decision. If you don't know how you feel by now, I'm sorry to say that I can't wait around for you." Then, walk right out the door. She'll be calling you in a day or so asking for your forgiveness. That's how the game is played.

Email me to tell me how it ends up brother.

qoute taken from my email,advise posted by me (Chatz)

Notice from rejected:

Plagiarism again. Taken from http://forums.xisto.com/no_longer_exists/. Warning issued