Right... I'm On A Special Date This Sunday :e Arrrgh Please Help Too shy for all that on the moment stuff :(

[Jimmy 0]

This is my first post in these 'life' forums as i'm a fair bit shy... but here goes: Well, I've got a friend called Guy and he's invited me on a double datee this sunday. It should help that I know him really well and trust him to accept me. anyway. I don't really know the girl who I'm going to be meeting this sunday Her name is Lucy... I was talkin to her on msn (which is the best thing for me cos it gives me time to see what I'm writing... not just blurt out random stuff that I'll regret) and she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen and she is also really really nice and she is fairly interested in me according to Guy. I would say that I am a really shy person and its really hard for me to get talking with someone who I've only just met... I would really like to make a good impression as she is so nice, I know a bit about her from out chat on msn last night (which I must say went extremely well in comparison to my first ever talk with Jeni...) I also managed to slip in a few nice little things like "thats really cute but incomparable to you" (I think worked fairly well) but I think I have a chance as it went wellcan anyone give me some help for that on-the-spot scene to maybe help it last ? People may have noticed that I edit almost all my posts just after... unfortunately It can't be done in real life!!!! i'm already worried (but in a good way) :/

Edited May 30, 2006 by Jimmy (see edit history)

[anwiii 17]

This is my first post in these 'life' forums as i'm a fair bit shy... but here goes: Well, I've got a friend called Guy and he's invited me on a double datee this sunday. It should help that I know him really well and trust him to accept me. anyway. I don't really know the girl who I'm going to be meeting this sunday Her name is Lucy... I was talkin to her on msn (which is the best thing for me cos it gives me time to see what I'm writing... not just blurt out random stuff that I'll regret) and she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen and she is also really really nice and she is fairly interested in me according to Guy. I would say that I am a really shy person and its really hard for me to get talking with someone who I've only just met... I would really like to make a good impression as she is so nice,
I know a bit about her from out chat on msn last night (which I must say went extremely well in comparison to my first ever talk with Jeni...) I also managed to slip in a few nice little things like "thats really cute but incomparable to you" (I think worked fairly well) but I think I have a chance as it went well
can anyone give me some help for that on-the-spot scene to maybe help it last ?

first of all, i'm happy for ya. hope it goes well. secondly, it depends where you are going. a movie is good for shy people because they don't have to talk. but any true first date should be somewhere where you can get to know the person. advice? ask questions about her and who she is. you have talked to her before so you know her interests. find those common interests to talk about. if she asks you a question, be responsive rather than saying yes/no answers BUT DONT talk too much about yourself. try to get HER to talk by asking questions about her or her family. most women will think that you care and you are interested in who SHE is while a lot of guys are just interested in getting layed. a good first date shouldn't last any more than 1 1/2 hours and it should be timed that the date needs to end at a certain time....make it known you have something to do later on. if the date goes well, then it's a good thing and both will be left wanting to spend more time, but there's all the time in the world for that so be patient. if the date goes bad, then whew...a little white lie never hurt anyone and consider yourself lucky to have timed the date before you went on it.

being shy is difficult to overcome, and yes, easier to type on the computer to catch the dumb things that pop in our minds when we are finding it difficult to talk. some people qill question you on it and ask why you're so quiet. just say something like "i like to listen to YOU rather than talk about myself...tell me more about you". then again, find comon interests you can relate to where you are comfortable talking about freely

although in person will always be different than talking on the net, you two have already talked, you two wouldn't talk back and forth if you two weren't interested in the other so that's a start. remember this when in person. comliment her 2-3 times during your date but don't overdue the comliments or they will sound fake. be real, and have fun. that's my advice....

[Jimmy 0]

I think we were going to go to a movie first, but I found last night that there is nothing on she really wants to watch... could this be a good chance to know her a little better..? or it might give us a little more together time??? Any he also had the idea of us going to a cafe or sumthin afterwards for lunch (this would make it longer than 1 and a half hours but that was helpful:

ask questions about her and who she is. you have talked to her before so you know her interests. find those common interests to talk about. if she asks you a question, be responsive rather than saying yes/no answers BUT DONT talk too much about yourself. a good first date shouldn't last any more than 1 1/2 hours and it should be timed that the date needs to end at a certain time....make it known you have something to do later on.
some people will question you on it and ask why you're so quiet. just say something like "i like to listen to YOU rather than talk about myself...tell me more about you". then again, find comon interests you can relate to where you are comfortable talking about freely
you two have already talked, you two wouldn't talk back and forth if you two weren't interested in the other so that's a start. remember this when in person. comliment her 2-3 times during your date but don't overdue the comliments or they will sound fake. be real, and have fun. that's my advice....

Edited May 30, 2006 by Jimmy (see edit history)

[Saint_Michael 3]

Well if the movie theatre is out, at least do the dinner thing and maybe rent a movie and hang out at your place his place her place :wink: :wink:.


I was going to agree on some points with anwiii but that all changed afte reading that post.

The time limit thing, don't you as the guy set the time limit to the date. That is bad mojo right there, she might think you have more important things to do then get to know her. At the most let "guy" or his date or her set the time to end it for the day. But if Its getting like real late and you do have to work tomarrow then you mention that you have to get going don't even lie about it or you will ruin what you already have started on msn.

"i like to listen to YOU rather than talk about myself...tell me more about you"

Don't even follow that, be honest with her and tell her your shy guy and she will understand for all you know she could be the same way as well., saying what that anwiii mentions makes it sound cheap and your trying ot get in her pants the easy way. Its true talking online and talking in person or on the phone are different, But if you want a legi relationship you have to do the person to person. The computer will only get you so far in a relationship.

The only thing I really agree with anwiii is the talking thing, but to change it up just a bit let the conversation flow, it all has to do with timing rush to soon and she will think you don't care what she says, not answering after awhile and she will think your not even listening or thinking about getting in her pants again. You want somewhere in the middle. You being shy will have some advantage but after awhile that shyness will wear off and your conversations should be fluid after that.

But those are only suggestion don't treat them as the bible, use the info and try to incorporate it into your situation and who knows something good will come out of it.

Besides the getting into her pants, thats just a bonus of being honest with yourself and her. Trying ot be a player will not work no matter who does it and says it works girls who fall into that image are Ho's (using the best word for that).

But the best advice I can give that people should follow is "BE YOURSELF".

[anwiii 17]

But the best advice I can give that people should follow is "BE YOURSELF".

that's the truest advice, but at the same time you have to put yourself in his shoes if you can to give good advice for HIM. not yourself or anyone else....but for HIM or those that may be shy or quiet and feel embarrassed or awkward if other people notice that about them if he's not comfortable being the way he is yet.

now me, i used to be shy and quiet. heck, i still am. i like to listen. i am a people peson THAT way. i like to get to know others and there is an advantage to being quiet....watching.....listening. there is also an uncomfotability in how other people may percieve you because of first impressions that you have to watch out for because people WILL misjudge. they can take you as being rude, or you think you're better than they are since you're not talking to them, etc....

things you need to think about before giving advice in something that is obviously important to this guy going on this date with this girl.

but being yourself is definately key because you don't want someone interested in you when ya got a mask on. they'll be interested in you for the wrong reasons. it's best to just be yourself and play the waiting game for those who accept youfor who you are....but at the same time, little white ies never hurt anyone, especially when one is struggling with shyness and worried about what others think. it's not easy to get over, but the more practice one has, the more one can overcome...AND the more you are able to learn about your own self and be happy with who you are.

but for now, he just wants to get by with this one date and take it slow....step by step

People may have noticed that I edit almost all my posts just after... unfortunately It can't be done in real life!!!! i'm already worried (but in a good way) :/

i DID notice you edited your post hahah you're funny.....

[tuddy 0]

Why is being behind a computer different to being there in front of someone? You should always just be yourself, and let them like you for you, if they don't then so be it. If they see the fake you, your always going to have to keep that act up, and you'll eventually get very tired of this and the relationship is likely to break down quicker then the time you put in to get the relationship started.My advice, is just be yourself, and try and not prove yourself just because your friend may be there, i know that sounds strange, but alot of people tend to show off alittle to show someone you can treat a girl right.

[Jimmy 0]

Yeh thanks you guys... I think its helped... still worried and probably still will be in about 20 odd years....What I am getting worried is that i'm gonna run outta conversation. But I think I'm in luck cos she seems to be understanding al that shy stuff etc. and does seem to like me for who I am...GoodGood Keep ya informed L:-) <-- My God... Did I just write that???? She's definitely affecting me in a very good way

Edited May 31, 2006 by Jimmy (see edit history)

[Tetraca 0]

My suggestion is just to not stress out about it. Do anything it takes you to relax - medication, meditation, etc. The calmer you are, the less of a chance you'll mess up.

[PmH 0]

I say just take it easy for a bit. Make sure you clean up and have good hygeine before you go and make sure you look good. Other than that just be honest with her, tell her you're shy if she asks why you're not talking (as Saint Michael suggested) you don't always need to speak. So if there's a time where nothing comes to mind, let Guy or his date do the talking. That's the flexibility of double dating.Anyway, if you go the to theatres, there won't be as much talking, but then you won't get to know her that well. If you go rent a movie at home, then you may be more engaged, so it just depends which one you want to do more. And if you go to a cafe, then it's pretty much all talk, so get ready for it. :)Best of luck! Hope everything works out, sounds like you two make a cute couple.

[Jimmy 0]

Best of luck! Hope everything works out, sounds like you two make a cute couple.

Hehe thanks. I think I got over my worst fear - actually talking in person. Guy kept bugging me to phone her up in person, usually I don't take any notice to stuff like that but I did feel like i should take a dive in :E. Well I rang her. I was really worried about that awkward silence... and me not being much of a talker I was worried that It might just tail off into nothing and ruin everything.
But I thought speaking in person went fairly well (if not it made me sound a little crazy I think... but oh well! - it has helped along with all of these comments here to get it going... Thanks very much.
They've got me this far I hope that you can just help me make that first attempt at a meeting to go well...? I just made like 5 posts without editing any of them I hope it works out... I am getting soo nervous...
does anyone have any other tips I could use to calm myself down or try and make it go right or sumething lol...

James.

P.S. What do people think of my new sig? did it myself with windows software... just wanna know what people think
Edited June 2, 2006 by Jimmy (see edit history)