Long. 1 And Half Relationship. Any Advice? What Would You Do? (some things might not make sense, i just kep trailing on, sorry)

[LeeSUHH 0]

Where to beginn....me and my ex boyfriend, Chris, started out being best friends for about 2 years.off and on he liked me but i didnt try to mess around with him because my other girlfriends like him as well. maybe a year later i couldnt help myself but to be interested in him and sooner or later we were going out. (dont worry my friends didnt like him then) So the beginning of the relationship it was good, we always promised we would be best friends and talked about how stupid it was that people wouldnt even talk to eachother after couples break up. everything was fine and normal then one random day he decided to break up with me. Of course i was heartbroken because i had never been dumped before and i pretty much cried for a week straight. Life was really crappy and i wouldnt accept the fact that we broke up. Especially because he had done so many things in the past to hurt me and i have done nothing to him, but in the end i got crazily hurt. Anyways about 2 weeks later, after my misery, we did get back together and i was probably THE happiest person alive. The following month was the best we had ever been and i did loose my virginity with him. Me being dumb as i was didnt treat him like i wouldve wanted to and started lieing about things. An example would be the fact that he would tell me not to go to the club and id tell him i wasnt when i really did. Slowly after only a month of being back together, we both started to break down....AGAIN. we were fighting nonstop and things just werent working out. He would do things that would hurt me and i would just b****. Obviously by the way we were going, i knew it was about time we were about to fall apart. The thing was, i wasnt ready to go through that much pain again because i did love him. Eventually i took the first step and asked what was bothering him, why he wasnt so affectionate. He just told me he didnt know if he liked me or not. Even though i could already tell by the way he would act, i didnt want to believe it and being stubborn me, i wouldnt believe it at that time. So i basically just blew it off and told him to not be so sure of it so soon and to wait it out and think about it. TERRIBLE MISTAKE. Because the following two weeks after were just pretty much hell to me. Basically, we were still together, but we werent. Everyday i had to be with him and know that there was nothing between us. We would still hold hands, but it wasnt the same way at all. We would still hug, but it was barely a hug. And when we did kiss, it was only a tap, not only that but he didnt call me anymore like he did everynight. This was the most painful because everytime we did something that was suppose to be the same as before, it wasnt and all it did was make me feel depressed and thinkin about what it WAS like. Finally, my friends pushed me to it and had made me break up with him. I remmeber his exact words, "can we still be really good friends"The next day summer started so we didnt see eachother at all, and of course i missed him like crazy because there wasnt one day when we had not spoken to eachother. Maybe a week into our break, i called him and we talked for a little bit and had decided to hang out the following weekend. When the weekend finally came up, i had called him right away and he never answerd his phone. Then i had to leave on a vacation for a month and didnt hear from him at all. As i came back, i called him right away, but still no answer. I left him messsages and no replies. Then my friends began to tell me that he had said he hated me and didnt want to talk to me or seee me at all. really, why, what did i do to him?He was the one always doing the bad stuff, making mistakes, and hurting me. I was the one being mad at him for doing stuff but always forgiving him in the end and always trying to make things right. And in the end i just kept getting hurt and hurt and hurt. Anyways this story is taking forever so i will try to finish quick.After 2 months of not talking to him i saw him and we started talking to him. I couildnt stay mad at him for being mad at me over nothing and ignoring me because i still did love him. By the end of summer we hooked up again and i got pregnant. GREAT right when we were starting to talk again, something big happens. Of course when i told him he got scared and basically ran away. After trying to get support from him He told me he didnt like me and that he didnt need to be responsible for anything. He told me that it was my fault that i was pregnant even tho it took TWO of us to make that happen and he said how it was annoying how i would try to keep him invovled in what was going on.(this was all in a 3 month period) He also told me that our relationship was a waste of his time and that he didnt care if he were to never see me again. YEA i was pissed, ive been hurt so bad by him that it was affecting school, work and social life. And after being pregnant (which is very tiring and stressful) he had the nerve to say all that to me. The painfulest thing about that was the fact that during the whole time, everything he had said and done had always passed through me, that i never kept that against him because i was still so in love with him but so hurt at the same time. Eventully time passed and we stopped talking. We would see eachother everyday and ignore one another. After about 3 months of complete ignorance, we did start talking again and both are doing fine currently. Im guessing that for most people they would never be able to talk to that person after everything they have done? But me, i still cant put that against him because even after almost a year of being broken up, i still love him.....crazy? yeah. i think i need help...any comments anyone could make about this would be nice, maybe give me their view of the story.

[shadowx 0]

Love....the ultimate weakness!One of my friends is going through something very similar to this at the moment, her bf of 9 months dumoped her yeaterday sayin he didnt want another chance then got back with her the same night and all because she loves him. All i can really say is the only person you truly TRULY need is yourself. You can be a one man (or woman) show and you dont need backup. Belvie in yourself, belive you are strong enough to break away from him, like break contact with him and still be happy. Unfortunately some guys are like that and it always seems to be the nice girls that fall for them and get hurt. But not all guys are like that, some are really caring and nice and some day soon i bet one of the nice guys will walk round a corner, look into your eyes and you'll know from that point on you will be together for ages maybe forever. One thing you must'nt let yourself think is he is the only one because he isnt. Im not saying you dont love him, im sure you do but there will be others. Atleast you have supporting friends and when you need someone dont try to talk to this guy talk to your friends. And when (or if you have the baby if you were thinking of abortion) then you know you will always have your friends there to help you support yourself and teh baby through anything. Its what friends are for, you should try to take this alone Just remember you can do anything ALONE anything atall, you dont need anyone to help you through life, you dont need him atall. You have your friends and you have yourself. :lol:Big hugs!

[tuddy 0]

WoW, People never seem to learn and you can't see the underlining thing here. He was the one who you lost your virginity, you are pregant to him and yet he still says basically, you're worthless and the relationship wasn't real and you can't see that he was using you for 'sex' or a 'show girl' to his mates?? Now i know that you were best friends before you both started going out, but maybe it should have stayed that way?? and as for him not taking responibilitiy for his actions and child, proves even further that he was only looking for some quick sex.Remember going through life as a teenager is tough, but never impossibal.. never take the easy road out, and show to the world you can raise above the bads and shine through... goto college, it may be hard but stay forcused. and never ever forget you dont have to go throught the world alone! ... or with him making your love life a misery!

[GrinningKittie 0]

*hugs*Yeah I know that sounds weird because you don't know me but wow.......lemme explain....Back when I was 16 I had a best friend. He had a crush on me but I didna find that until YEARS later.Anyways at the time I was with my son's father ( who was a bucketful nay barrellful of issues in itself). By 18 I moved to Florida with my son's father ( I had my son just before I turned 18). Things got horrible down there and my best friend bailed me and my baby out. You see even though we lived on opposite sides of the country we kept in contact reguarly.When I got back he courted me ( though I was blind to it at first). When I figured out he wanted to date me I kinda freaked. After all he was my best friend. More like a brother not really a "lover" type. I figured though that if you canna trust your best friend then who can you trust?UGh.......We dated for not even a year. It ended badly too.For starters he never told me that while I was in FL he got into drugs in a bad way. When I found out I told him I would help him through it. However most of our relationship was me being left at home with my son and him never around. We lived together sure, however I never saw him. Either he was at work or out partying and then getting mad at me for making a fuss about it. Soon he started accusing me of stealing, cheating on him and other ridiculous things. None of which I was guilty for. I was crushed and yet perservered. The drugs really addled his thinking though and not a word I said, not a tear I shed filtered in.Then he decided to move out of the apartment we shared. This sucked because I was a roommate and I by the lease rules I had to leave ( not that I could afford the rent on my own anyways). To add another layer of confusion and hurt I was pregnant by him too.He let me down in uncounted and innumerable ways and yet I kept at it because underneath all the bull, he was still my best friend. Or rather the memory of who he was as my best friend is what kept driving me on. I knew there was a good man underneath. I just needed him to find that man again. That was not going to happen.....Eventually I broke up with him. He was not there for me, took very little interest in my kid and seemed to think that me being pregnant with his kid was great....so great that he wasn't around for any of the appointments.When I broke up with him things got UGLY. I told him that things were not working out. He never called when he said he would ( if at all) and showed up randomly ( at best). This was not a relationship of the serious boyfriend girlfriend type. I just wanted my best friend back. The guy I had fun with. The guy who respected me. The guy I loved without knowing it when I did fall for him. I told him that he was more than welcome to be in his baby's life. I encouraged it actually. But no.... he acted like I was the one that had done him some injustice and all my complaints were just me being *edit*y. The final straw was when he tried to frame me.....Apparently he was very mad and called some fellow a racial slur. Said fellow pummeled him. I didna find out about this until a couple of years later mind you. Anyways at the time I found out about the attack because police came to my door informing me of the attack that I and a friend performed on my now ex.WHAT?Yup. Apparently ( according to the report) I invited him over and then banged him upside the head with a bottle of beer ( which was a blatant lie as I was 4 months pregnant and not even 21) and then my friend attacked him.WHAT?It got worse. Restraining orders became involved, and not just involved but embellished. Since he was my best friend at one point he knew everyone who liked and hated me. So he fabricated dirt on his order fueled by people who disliked me. I was crushed. Beyond crushed really. I was devastated. All I wanted was my best friend back and all I got was the worst enemy I had ever had.Eventually I had my lovely daughter.....throughout my pregnancy he "needed to clear his head" and had moved out of state. I was the last person to find out when he was back in town.Still the pain continued.Over the next decade ( almost) he went through his own trials and life and had very little to do with me as a friend or his daughter. It hurt me more for her than it did for me. It took every ounce of patience I had to deal with him. The most frustrating part was that I knew he was better than the lifestyle he was choosing and there was nothing I could do to help him get his head out of his.....well you know.The drugs he took turned me into some nagging horror show in his mind. At that point all I wanted was him to be a father ( at least on SOME level) to his little girl. In the end life slapped him up the head and he got his stuff straightened out. By then I was already happily married ( going on my 6th year now actually). It's taken a long time but I now have my best friend back and he is a great father to his daughter ( he regrets being stupid for so long and missing out on her life).At any rate some relationships are better left at a less intimate level than dating and yes it is possible to be okay with an ex ( depending on the ex and all that).I agree with Shadowx who replied with "All i can really say is the only person you truly TRULY need is yourself". It took me a long and hard road pebbled with frustration and heart ache to really figure that out myself. It's a hard road being a single parent ( and harder when you are a teen) but it's a harder road trying to make things work on a level when both parties are not on the same page as to the responibilities in a relationship ( in your case that would be your fellow). DO NOT try to make it work out because he is the father of the child. I tried THAT route with my son's father and almost got killed because of that thinkology. Seriously. Be true to yourself and if you keep the baby be true to your child.

[ckcomputerstallahassee 0]

sounds like a couple of bad relationships in this thread. I feel for you guys. I have to say love is the ultimate weakness. When you are in love you will do anything and sometimes too much. The saying "blinded by love" is spot-on. I had been blinded by love when i was about 16 or 17. It wasn't the love that i have now with my current gf, but it was young love. I made some mistakes and i have grown from them. The problem I see with most young people (especially girls) is that they are always attracted to the same type of guy. They end up going from one unstable relationship to the next. It is a never ending cycle. If you always date high-risk druggie guys for example, you are going to have unstable relationships because his attitudes and personality will evolve around drugs more than you. It is just a factor of psychological dependency to substances. I always cringe when I hear these nice girls get involved with loser guys. I would tell all the girls that have had unstable relationships in the past to lay out a few qualities that you would like in a guy. Look at them and give someone a chance that you normally wouldn't. I gave my gf a chance and we were total opposites. Everything worked out though. You never know where you will find that person. If you never take chances, you will never reap rewards. Ok, im stepping down off my soapbox now.....