Microsoft's Memo To It's Indian Staff - Hilarious This would really appeal to the Indians on board

[miCRoSCoPiC^eaRthLinG 0]

This came to me through email a couple of days back - and it this is true, this is by far the most hilarious corporate memo of this century. I've posted this on Asta too - but would like to share it with you all.

 

BTW - this would appeal more to the Indian people on this board as it contains a lot of expletives in our national language - Hindi. I wouldn't bother translating them, as some of them are real nasty. But wherever you encounter such a word, simply put your imagination at work and replace it with something filthy - and you'd get the gist of the whole memo.

 

 

Microsoft's Memo to its Indian Staff

 

This is a REAL MEMO from Microsoft HR Director in Redmond , WA to its staff of the Indian Origin. Every word here is kept intact without alteration.

 

 

MEMO TO INDIAN STAFF

 

In view of the large number of Indians working in the USA , UK and many other countries with White People, it has become important for Human Resources Department to issue directives to their Indian staff.

 

TO ALL HINDI-SPEAKING STAFF

 

It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our corporate headquarters that offensive language is commonly used by our Hindi-speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and colleagues.

 

Staff will IMMEDIATELY adhere to the following rules:

 

1. Words like CHUTIYA, GANDU and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion. You will not say CHUTIYE, AKKAL NAHI HAI KYA TEREKO when someone makes a mistake, or MADAR CHOD, BHENCHOD when a major mistake has been made. All forms derived from the verb CHOD are inappropriate in our environment.

 

2. No project manager, section head or administrator, under any circumstances, will be referred to as GADHA or CHUTIYA . Lack of determination will not be referred to as KAAMCHOR SAALA and neither will persons who lack initiative be referred to as BHOSADIKAA or MADARCHOD .

 

3. Unusual or creative ideas from your superiors are not to be referred to as GAND FAADU, if a person is persistent, or if a task is heavy to accomplish. In a similar way, do not use GAND FATI, if a colleague is going through a difficult situation.

 

4. Furthermore, you must not say BHOSADE MEIN GAYA when matters become complicated. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say DIMAG KI MAA BHEN MAT KAR. Do not ever substitute 'May I help you?' with BOL TERI GAND KAISE MARU.

 

5. When things get tough, an acceptable _expression such as 'We are going through a difficult time' should be used, rather than MAA CHUDI PADI HAI or GOTI MUH MEIN HAI.

 

6. No salary increase shall be ever referred to as KHAIRAAT BAATI JAA RAHI HAI KYA. Under no circumstances should you call our elderly corporate partners as BUDDHA KHOOSAT.

 

7. Last, but not least, after reading this memo, please do not say: YE KAGAJ GAND PONCHNE KE LAAYAK BHI NAHI HAI.

 

We hope you will keep these directions in mind.

 

Sincerely,

Steve Rider

Human Resources Director

Microsoft Corporation

 

On second thoughts, I'll do provide translations (not literal) of some of the minor ones - and in most cases I'll tone down the meaning a bit:

The verb CHOD - to screw, to put it mildly

AKKAL NAHI HAI KYA TEREKO - You don't have brains enough

GADHA - donkey / **bottom** - whichever you prefer

GAND FAADU - Kick **bottom**

KAAMCHOR SAALA - bloody idiot who's always absconding from work.

DIMAG KI MAA BHEN MAT KAR - dont chew on my brains

GOTI MUH MEIN HAI - my testicles have popped up to my mouth

BOL TERI GAND KAISE MARU - let me know how to screw your hindside

BUDDHA KHOOSAT - Old hag

YE KAGAJ GAND PONCHNE KE LAAYAK BHI NAHI HAI - this is the final one in the memo - this means, this memo paper isn't even worth wiping your **bottom** with or being used as a toilet tissue.

Have a good laugh

m^e

 

P.S. Even after translation a good part of the connotations are lost. I could have been closer to the real meanings but that'd put the post in a somewhat risque category.

[OpaQue 15]

OMG!! This is sooo funnY.. and I can't believe a company like Microsoft will pass a memo like this.Anyway, I must say, Microsoft is very linient on its employees. Because they have't banned half of the other types of sh** I say. And If I m in a company and they pass this memo, I swear to God, working in that company is impossible man!BhenchoD! how can they expect us not to say this man.. chutya log saale, atleast they should have thought about it a couple of times. Employees KE Dimag ki Maa bhen ek karne ka, this is the easiest method!. OppS! I forgot, I m not supposed to use them even at Trap... sorry...

[michaelper22 0]

Wow, I never thought A) Employees would talk like that enough for M$ to talk about it M$ would talk about it (I repeated myself on purpose). Man, m^e you are one cool guy! Where did you get this from? And OpaQue, nice work there on your Indian

Edited February 15, 2006 by michaelper22 (see edit history)

[iGuest 3]

This is nothing just a bull ****

Microsoft's Memo To It's Indian Staff - Hilarious

 

I would say it is just a bull **** funny letter and nothing else. It's not about MSFT, no company will pass this kind of MEMO. This is not a corporate or politically correct language to pass a memo or even to talk abt. At last it too funny, read it and enjoy...Hahahahahah

 

-reply by Anon

[iGuest 3]

This is an obvious fake. No US company will use the term "white people" in a memo.-reply by Gumnaam

[miladinoski 1]

Um....Can anyone provide translations to the other words which aren't translated to English I ask humbly? :)You may put them in hide or spoiler tags please

[mahesh2k 0]

ROFL...

 

Translation is not correct though but if translation is done correctly i'm sure how much people will feel offended when they hear those words. But i can't believe Microsoft found out about those words, looks like they are working on i18n projects very seriously. Like it or not, in IT industry usually girls & boys from call-center use this a lot when offshore client talks roughly with them. So It's going to happen one day or another.