Bar Jokes

[Dawid 0]

Those are great.

[tasty 0]

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" "No." A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly. "That's not my dog."A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"

[clergyq 0]

Three vampires walk into a bar. The bartender says "what can i get you guys?"the first says "i'll have a bloody mary".the second orders a bloody caesar(sp?).the third says "i'll just have a cup of hot water."the other two vampires and the bartender all sort of stare at him dumbfoundedly.He pulls something out of his coat pocket and looks back up to see them starting.He says, "What?! I'm having tea!" and holds up the bloody tampon defensively.

[switch 0]

that was a bit over the top .........anywaya Aussie bloke walks into a bar in England, and walks up to the bartender. The bartender starts boasting about his bulldog that could rip the shreds out of any dog it came up against. The man says to him "Ok, then, ill bring in my dog tomorrow, and we'll see who wins.""What kind of dog do you have" says the bartender."Oh, its a short legged, long snouted, sharp toothed, ridge back terrier.""oh...... ok...." says the bartender, not really knowing what was going on.the next day the aussie walks into the bar again with his dog, and challenges the bartender to a fight. They put both dogs in a ring, and they fight. The Aussie's Dog literally rips the bulldog to pieces.the bartender, with a dumbfounded look on his face, asks again "Exactly what kind of dog do you have?"the Aussie replies "Oh, its a short legged, long snouted, sharp toothed, ridge back terrier, but in Australia we just call them Crocodiles."AUSSIES RULE!!

[tasty 0]

lol thats a good joke

[synapticflame 0]

So this guy walks into a bar."Ow, my head..."

[abusado 0]

An emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new chief samurai warrior. Only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Pinoy samurai. "Demonstrate your skills," commanded the emperor. The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his sword and-swish!-the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two. The Chinese samurai smiled, then opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his sword. Swish! Swish! The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered. The Pinoy samurai stepped forward, released the fly, and drew his sword. SWOOOOOOOSH! The speed of his sword created a gust of wind. The fly let out a high-pitched sound, but continued to fly around. "What kind of skill is that?" asked the emperor. "The fly isn't even dead." "Anak ng?," replied the Pinoy samurai. "Dead is easy. Now, circumcision...that takes skill!"

[Becca 0]

Okay I think I might move this to the jokes section but Im not sure so I will do it.[this topic was moved to the entertainment and jokes section]

[andrej 0]

Pig In A Bar

 

A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, ''Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?''

 

Then the lady answered, ''Excuse me, I think this is a goose.''

 

And the bartender says, ''Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.''

[andrej 0]

Here is the another one: A poor man and woman sat down in their living room and the man said, ''I'm going down to the pub for a bit, so put your coat on.''The woman replied, ''Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?''The man replied, ''No, I'm turning the heat off.''

[antitrust 0]

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

[UnheroicHero 0]

Three guys walk into a bar. The fourth one ducked.

[andrej 0]

Here is one newest:The Hamster ShowA guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing "Tuff Enuff" by the Fabulous Thunderbirds."That IS amazing!" says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer."If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog. Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to."Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog.""Can you keep a secret?" asks the man. "The hamster's a ventriloquist."

[PIPER-4-HIRE 0]

A man walks up to the bartender ands says "hey barkeep i bet you $100 that i can P*ss from here into that empty glass down the bar with out missing. Bartender goes ok give it a shot, So the guy pee's all over the bar hitting the bartender in the face. when he steps down he hands the laughing barman $100, the bartender goes hey bud, you werent even close y'd you even try.The man goes........................ I Bet Those Guy's $5,000 i could P*ss all over you and your bar and make you laugh.

[hafex 0]

A man walks up to the bartender ands says "hey barkeep i bet you $100 that i can P*ss from here into that empty glass down the bar with out missing. Bartender goes ok give it a shot, So the guy pee's all over the bar hitting the bartender in the face. when he steps down he hands the laughing barman $100, the bartender goes hey bud, you werent even close y'd you even try.
The man goes........................ I Bet Those Guy's $5,000 i could P*ss all over you and your bar and make you laugh.

friends...........r...........:if u r happy i laugf with ya...if u smile also i will lafgh..i will always b with ya.....if even jump from the window of your hous i will laughf