sarahscope

So as you may or may not know from a post about a month ago I have been seeing an older guy on a regular but casual basis. We have started having an intimate sexual relationship only recently and I really enjoy spending time with him.It's coming up to a month from us first hooking up and although I'm happy as things are I don't really know where we, as a couple together, stand. When I have mentioned "us" or "making things official" he brushes it off with a joke. To be perfectly honest this didn't bother me when it was only two weeks or so but as I say it's nearly four weeks and I think something needs to be said one way or the other. What do you reckon?The truth is, I was happy being single so its not really important that he turns around and declares an undying love for me, it's not that I was seeking a full on long-term committed relationship. Whatever happens I'm not going to stop seeing him just because he doesn't want to be my boyfriend, we have good times together. I just need to know one way or another. What's the best way of going about it? Letting him know I don't mind, but equally not acting like I don't really care. I do care. I just want to know where I'm at.Advice if you please....ThanksSarahScope

It's been over a week now since we got together. And no it's not long. We are seeing each other semi-regularly, just meeting up, watching TV or getting a take away. The other night we went to a gig with some other mutual friends. Some of his mates found out about us hooking up. They thought it was amusing at first but generally had no problem with it, just joking and so on. I asked him whether he was embarrassed and he said "it could be fun". Whatever that's supposed to mean.When I went back to his that night I half expected to be put in an uncomfortable position where he was forcing himself on me, but it just didn't happen. I genuinely believe he respects me. As for love, its far far too early for that... we like each other yes, keep each other company and make each other laugh!The other day I asked where we stood with each other and he laughed it off, making marriage and age jokes. It's becoming common knowledge that we got together that first night, and even that we're still seeing each other and it's not been a problem as I thought I would. In fact its only a handful people nearer to my age who have a problem. Even my mum's ok with it!anwii - the drinking age in the UK is 18. I started when I was 13, just the odd drink here and there. Gave up about a month before I was 17 and only started drinking socially again earlier this year; I know how to hold my drink. As for the teachers who "encouraged me" obviously as they were never staff at the school when I was a pupil I don't see them in the same light as I would another teacher, they're just mates who happen to teach, they're only 25 and just finished their training a year or so ago.Saint_Michael - I respect where you're coming from regarding finding someone closer to my age, but I have always been attracted physically and intellectually to older men. When I was 16 I had a boyfriend 5 years older than me and have had a few partners of a similar age difference. My friends have always been older. My best mate is 24, and I have close mates in their 40's and even 80's.For now I am taking things slow... we will see...SarahScope

I don't go to the school no, I left two years ago and went to a 6th form only college.THank you for your comments its been helpful, I think I'm worried about doing the wrong thing... whatever that may be...

I'm 18 and just finished my A levels. I left school 2 years ago and have only been back for school plays as up until recently my friends and my brothers (and their mates) were there. Anyway I've become friendly with a new teacher who wasn't there when I was at the school and the other night he and his wife invited me round for dinner.Another member of staff (non-teaching) also came along and we all drank a lot - 6 bottles of wine, lots of cider and beer between the four of us. This guy and I ended up getting pretty close, kisses, cuddles and the like. It was weird because obviously he was a member of staff when I was at school however, he's sweet and I always thought so. Whatever the history though I ended up going back to his house, we didn't have intercourse (mainly because we both couldn't quite get over the barrier) but we were sexual.The following morning the four of us laughed it off (we went over for breakfast). Thing is I do actually like this guy and even went over to his to watch a film with him yesterday. I didn't think it would come out but I wasn't surprised when it did today. I think most people think is funny and that's cool but what would happen if it became more than that? Should I even let it get that far? He asked me round with the couple from the other night today but decided it probably wasn't the best idea even though I do like him. I don't want to look too keen, and wouldn't even if he were my age so I've left it. He says he still wants to see me again and I'm cool with that.I'm thinking I'm going to let things run but he is 16 years older than me so it's unlikely to work out. I guess I just wanted to know what your opinion on it was and also whether you think it would be difficult/odd? (If indeed it goes further of course)Would appreciate some advice.SarahScopePlease see my 2 following posts below.

I got the same virus about 6 months ago, but via MSN not Skype!

Attempts and a cell phone for kids has been made. One that springs to mind is the Teddyfone its marketed towards children as young as four and shaped as a bear. To be honest though why on earth would a four year old need a cell phone?

The weather this year seems to have been a nightmare all over the place. In the UK this summer theres been severe flooding and it's been a poor harvest too. But the spring was one of the hottest on record, we ended up with daffodils flowering more than a month earlier than usual. I do hope things are better next year...

Risky business leaving your job. The idea of standing alone terrifies me and has therefore never appealed. But I suppose if you don't take the plunge at some point theres a possibility that you'll end up regretting it. So although I can't offer any words of wisdom I can say, whole-heartedly, good luck!

I don?t want a relationship. It?s not something I?m looking for, the last few guys I?ve been with have treated me rotten and to top it all I?m interested in possibly seeing my ex again ? I don?t know what will come of it but I just want to keep the relationship aspect out of my life at the moment!This guy and I have been friends about eight months; not long really, but we have a laugh and a joke and make general innuendos. That?s just the way we are and the way I?ve always been. We're good mates! Thing is, yesterday it wasn?t just innuendos anymore it turned into a game of strip Blackjack - the sober version.We were having a laugh until the point at which we were both naked or near naked. But for some stupid reason we decided to continue playing with the loser of the hand getting some kind of forfeit. First it was looking, then touching? I?m sure you get the picture?I don?t know quite when it stopped being a game but it did ? obviously. We ended up having oral sex. We agreed it would stay between us because although to us it was just a bit of fun we didn?t think our mutual friends would agree, and to be honest, they would make jokes from here to eternity. We also agreed it would never be spoken of, which I was happy with until the following day?Unfortunately, at college the next day things were a little more awkward than expected. Neither of us had looked at the other that way until the previous night and things were different. I felt like we were both avoiding each other and obviously the lack of talking didn?t help.I guess it is to be expected but do you think there is anyway in which we can still be friends? I don?t really see why not but it?s considered the ?done? thing if you get my drift. It?s not been long since it happened so I guess I?m just in a waiting game.What do you think? Advice needed!!SarahScopeI'm not normally the sort of person who does these things!!

someone once wrote on another forum the following advice:

You didn't know about his daughter??!!??!! WTF?!?! If someone can lie like that, and it's not a little lie, we're talking a human being here, why on earth would you want ANYTHING but anything to do with him?? Seriously....I'm all for exs being friends (I just don't get the whole "they're my ex so I can't possibly talk to them ever again") but the position he's put you in is horrible!TBH, I don't know what to say to console you. But the person you love should never lie to you, it's something I just can't abide - something that actually sickens me. Is what you had the real deal, or do you just think it was?The right person is probably still waiting for you...

I have 2 or 3 really close friends! And about 5-10 people I'd call real friends. Theses are people I've known years though as FolkRockFan says and I tend to, but don't fully, agree. Those people you've described are not you're friends. They're not worth it and although you're hurt now, you wont be. Friendship is a give and take relationship, its the people who are there through thick and thin that matter. Who tell the truth when you say "do I look good in this?" instead of trying to be nice when you clearly don't. It's the people who tell you to stop whining when you're being stupid about something trivial. And I hope I do a good job returning the favour. I admit I fell out with a friend the other day, mainly because I was being all emotional and silly, but we made up and there was no problem. I know she'll be there for me if I need her and similarly I'll be there for her. Don't be angry. I know my family love me unconditionally, and my friends do too. I have friends who do things I don't agree with but I'll be there when they need to be picked up. Just as they'll be there for me when I've fallen down. I spoke to a mate (and no they're not included in my friends) who once told me "I have no friends" I turned around and said "how many do you need FFS?" and proceeded to list a number of people who have been there for him over the years. I spoke to him again last night, and I noticed that he realised its not how many "friends" he has, but whether their true friends or not. I trust these people with my life, and they trust me with theirs; I tell them things and I know they'll remain confidential. Love who you have, don't worry about the people who clearly don't care. I know you've been there for these people but have they returned the same love you showed them...?

OMG NO NEVER... age never ever ever matters... just don't break the law... think about it: my friends parents have nearly a twenty year age gap but no bats an eyelid.Unfortunately in this society, with paedophilia etc people get all freaked out when you're under about 30, years ago people got married at 12 and still do in some parts of the world.When I was 12 I had a boyfriend almost 4 years older than me - people found it an issue and the school wrote letters home to my mum in concern for me. I've never had a boyfriend my age since, my previous one being even older! My Dad always says that guys and girls meet somewhere in the middle with girls being far more mature than guys, as you say it is with the girl you're with. But even so, my 15 year old brother for example has a girlfriend almost 5 years older than him! They don't want to have an intimate relationship, not only because it's illegal but because they both want to wait.As long as you both want the same thing, you respect each other and you don't break the law whats the problem?People will assume because you're older you'll only want one thing... but people don't give the younger generation enough credit.Don't be surprised if people call you names or threaten you, thats something you'll have to deal with... it depends how strong you are...Good luck :PBTW - why is everyone so concerned about how old she "looks" surely it doesn't matter? I know people in their 20s who look like 14 year olds... it doesn't mean I cant date them!

Devon/Somerset Boarder, England, UK Loves: Local Food: Devonshire clotted cream - never Cornish; Cider (and other locally produced alcoholic beverages) Area: Attractive; rural - and very close to coast; fewer chavs Hates: Weather: Awful (but often better than other parts of the UK) Area: Nothing to do... Absolutely nothing (unless you like endless country walks or traveling for surfing)!! Living 20 minutes from the nearest town and nearly an hour to the nearest city (which is Exeter) its difficult to hang out with mates and actually have a good time Summer: I know it sounds awful but tourists are my worst nightmare and they get right up my nose - few have any respect for the area - and no we don't have road sweepers in the countryside so don't throw your rubbish out the window onto my front garden... I know the area rely on them but seriously... And they cause havoc on the M5 (a word of warning: don't plan to travel anywhere in the summer, especially at weekends and avoid the A303 too - and please don't bring your caravan) The Government: No matter how hard I try it seems that neither parliament or the local government EVER think about the consequences of their actions - my mum always taught me "think before you speak or do" - didn't their mums ever tell them that. (TBH though, I have a distant relative by marriage who's an MP - ooops) I guess I do love it overall though, after all I grew up here and all my mates are here. I don't think I plan to stay forever though...

S***! Sorry you?re feeling so low but all I can say is these things happen. I can understand why you feel you cant be friends with her because you?ve been through so much. My ex and I were together nearly four years before I left him a year ago, at first it was hard because he wanted to talk to me and I didn?t want to talk to him. Eventually he got the message and we lost contact before getting touch again only recently. I went through so many emotions of hating him and being angry and now I miss him. I still love him yes, and I sometimes hope we have a future again, but it?s the company I miss. All I ever wanted was for him to be happy. Two years is a long time, and it would have been such a difficult decision for her to make because you had something and no one wants to be alone. Don?t try and kill yourself, I?ve tried, it hurts and doesn?t solve anything; but most importantly you?re worth so much and you deserve a long and happy life.TBH, I don't understand why exs cant be friends, I never have. Just give it time...Don?t worry about the job; you?ll get a new one. Just try and get you mind back on track ? YOU are the most important thing not your job and not your ex.SarahScopep.s Sorry if I?m being brutal, its one of my good but not so nice qualities.

I agree it's tough....... I think I'd just want to settle family disputes. Tell the people who matter I love them and have a big party..... ALL DAY!!

When I was at senior school I never skipped. As soon as I entered sixth form college though that all went to pot. I wouldn't say I missed loads of lessons but my attendance was less than the college requirement... Ooooops

I am sooo annoyed that you've been having such fine weather... I live in the UK and although not affected by flooding the rain has been awful. Its cleared up these last few weeks but its certainly not "summer" weather... I've also just come back from France and it was horrid there too....

I guess sarcasm doesn't come across as well as I thought re-reading what I wrote... sleeping about was the last thing on my mind... I feel destroyed and used... But thanks to everyone for your replies... everyone has a different POV. Its about three weeks til he's due back but he says he might have to stay a little longer... thanks again... Sarahscope x

i live in a split-level bungalow... which is basically a bungalow on a slope so it needs a few steps... i have six steps plus four individual lonesome ones

Women my dear friend, suck. I should know, I am one! At the end of the day you know the truth now, and although hurt you can move on.

In October last year I broke up with my long-term partner, of almost four years; we didn?t live together because we couldn?t afford to but when we were together we were happy. Our relationship for the most part was good; we had our ups and downs of course and he was slightly over possessive but in a ?good? way. He was my first, he made me laugh and we were totally happy, he treated me well and he made me want for nothing. We were extremely serious, planning our future together.Unfortunately, he went through some emotional issues; if I went into them I think would be unfair on him so I wont. But they affected him badly, resulting in him being reclusive staying inside for about three months, only going out of the house with a member of his family or myself; and jumping at the sound of a car pulling up outside his house or the phone ringing. It was awful but I stood by him through everything. When eventually he did come round he became gradually paranoid, I was unable to go out without him calling countless times and demanding to know where I was even though we didn?t live together. He would call four, five or six times day if not more.One night I went out to the pub with a male mate of mine. Nothing more than a few drinks but he called me about four times in the space of two or so hours. I wanted to stay longer than the person taking me home but I couldn?t drive so I decided to stay with this same male mate of mine. I called him to let him know where I?d be. He got furious saying that I was a w**** and should just go off and sleep with other people. I was distraught and went home.He was apologetic the next day: flowers, chocolate, the works ? that?s what he was like. But he?d upset me so much and I was so fed up with his constant paranoia that I ended it. I never told him I didn?t love him, just that I was finding it difficult. I thought he?d be happier as he was moving away to study anyway and I thought he could move on from all the strife we?d suffered over the last year or so with his personal issues and upset. I genuinely thought he?d be happy.But the calls never stopped, they?d died down to three or four a week but I was still getting them. It took me four or five attempts to get it through to him that we were over. His mum told me that, for months he thought we?d get back together.Eventually after finding a new boyfriend the calls began to get increasingly annoying and my partner was getting annoyed. I told him I didn?t love him anymore, which wasn?t true, just to get him off my back.I was with my new partner for six months before he ended up physically attacking me. The first person I wanted was my ex. I was upset and I knew he would no what to do to comfort me. But he wasn?t there. During the next week I took two painkiller overdoses, and both times I was admitted to hospital overnight. I wanted my ex there.Its been a couple of moths now, and I?ve been with other men only a purely sexual basis which is good for the self-confidence I assure you; but all I think about is him the entire time.Meanwhile my ex is happy; he?s met someone and is moving to the other side of the world to be with her. And I am happy for him. He?s coming back to the UK soon but only for a matter of weeks. Then he?s going again, forever!Should I see him again before he leaves for good? Someone asked me which is worse: seeing him and knowing you want to be with him? Or never seeing him again? the latter is heartbreaking but I wanted him to be happy; and now he is. Thing is: I don?t think coming back on the scene is going to do anyone any good. But I?m still in touch with his folks, and they don?t like this new girl in his life at all. She?s rude, inconsiderate and wants nothing to do with his mum. This girl stops him from emailing me and she?s called me names that his mum refuses to repeat on principle. She doesn?t even know me. People weren?t keen on him when we were together but I still stand up for him even now a year on. He?s run away to the other side of the world but I?m still picking up the pieces of the past. That?s what hurts the most, that he has so little respect for me that he won?t stand my ground as I do for him. The guy I was with six months would get a sharp tongue if he said anything ? but she?s allowed.As I?ve said he is the past, I know that. And we split up for a reason. But a year on I?m as in love as I ever was; and he?s always on my mind in everything I do, I ask myself daily; what would he do?I?m off to see his parents tomorrow over five hundred miles away. I?m so excited because they?re like part of my extended family. And so is he. He?s in my heart always and I want him back with me again.Do you think I should meet with him? If I do, do you think I should tell him how I feel or end up regretting it for the rest of my life? Should I only tell him if a ?moment? arises or he brings it up? He?s happy which is all I ever wanted. But I want to be happy too. Is it a case of if you don?t ask you don?t get?An urgent reply is required please?Thank you,Sarahscope x