CopperZepher

I'm.. a little astonished and confused anwiii... I don't think you get it... The letter was a deterent from her thinking that I was going to rape her or something, it simply explained that i was NOT interested in a relationship, NOT after her, NOT trying to break up the family, THAT is what it was about, how can that hurt me?I've moved on, I don't go there anymore, I havn't actually seen her since my last day there, and I intend to keep it that way. How many times must i say that i have ZERO intentions to do ANYTHING. I've applied for jobs at new places, I'm just trying to survive here, the last thing on my mind is getting revenge, if she feels bad for ruining my life, fine, let her do it on her own, if she wants to call me fine, but I'm not about to go calling her for any reason at all. Things are in such high tension in my life now, the last thing I want to do is snap the thin ice im walking on, and as those male police officers (and the female detective who also got a word in, which was no different) simply stated "dont do anything stupid, you dont want to mess up your career, just move on" and thats exactly what I have done. Like i said, I was very emotional and I have no idea what I was expecting anyone to do with that information, I was just angry, but it was several days ago now, I'm done, it's over, and I just want to get a job, move on with my life, and start being able to pay my bills again!!You want to contact her? Fine. Go for it, good luck with that. She'll probably get real pissed off and either 1. hang up on you if you called, 2. throw the letter away if you took that route. She's very independant and does not want any help on anything from anyone, especially someone she doesnt know exists yet.ALso, the cops dont know who she is, only where she works because they knew where i worked, they dont know her name or what she looks like, that she lives out of city, any of that, just what she did, and how it does not correlate to anything involved in sexual harassment, if i told you that i wasnt trying to get involved with you, would you consider that sexual harassment? i wouldnt. Sure I offered her a ride home, I'm a nice guy, plain and simple, what do you think I was going to pull over and rape her or something? NO! that's HORRIBLE, not only that, it's against the law, the most common law i break is the speed limit, and thats about it.My car is not "trashed" it's simply missing a side mirror, insurance is paying for all of it, not my problem, I'm not mad about that, at all. Also, you don't even know how old I am, that, sir, is the beauty of the Internet, and the Glory of Anonymity.So I say this, 'Calkid', stop hanging on the past, you're 39, you should know this by now. For the last time, I am done with her, I don't want to be messing around with her anymore now that I know what she's capable of doing. I am no longer interested in having her as a friend, and several of my ex-co-workers are afraid to even go near her now, good for them, they're smart, like me, STAY AWAY. That's what I've been doing, and plan to continue doing.P.S. Has anyone ever told you that you look like Dane Cook?

I myself am totally confused as to why this all happened too. I know the letter was a bad idea, I know offering her a ride home was a bad idea (especially after the letter). (I also know I should not have put her full name and address on here, and do apologize for that, I don't know what I was thinking.) My boss said that he had no idea WHY anything would go to Human Resources, he had no idea what evidence of anything anyone had, but either way, as you said, it would end up a "he said she said" and as I was told a "Conflict of Intrest" would arise and I would lose my job, and "sexual harassment" would go down on my record. As I said, I was forced to read the "sexual harassment" section in the Comapny Handbook, nothing in there did I ever do, or have any intention of doing. And to reply about the physical thing, there was no words spoken to her, no words typed or written, nothing, about anything physical. If anything, I admit she's very attractive, but I admit that here and to a few people who know her and agree, but no word of that ever got to her. This whole thing was purely emotions and "feelings". Not sure if I said this before, but yes, whatever did happen, seems like a totally un-important situation, and from what I hear, from my boss who talked to Kim directly, she told him that things were said to me, that were not said. She told him that she specifically told me to "stop" TWICE. I was the one that told her "I'm glad I know where you draw the line, and I don't want to cross it." and the second conversation I had with her said nothing of that, it was merely me thanking her for acting cool about the situation, nothing more. She even said at the end "we good?" and nudged me a little, seriously, I don't know what went down in her head, or what more she has said, but I think THAT is where I lost my job. I have even spoken to LAW ENFORCEMENT, and they said "sounds like nothing major at all, especially nothing that forces you to have to quit...".Also, if you're looking for hosting credits, is there a way I can donate them or something? I don't need them, I have paid hosting with my own domain now, and after this bad ju ju situation, I have a ton just sitting around.

All ready for my Christmas Update?? So everything was fine for like 2 weeks, perfect, I stopped visiting on lunches and days off, we stopped talking about it, and I only spoke to her about regular stuff. There was a little thing where I offered to give her a ride home because her house was on my way to the Kingston Sheriff's Office and it would be easy, but she made me look like an idiot in front of half the front end and said "uhh, no, my husband is picking me up" so I just dropped it and said "ok, bye" and in the name of the Internet, I GTFO'd. So I was pissed at her for that, and I agree, it was "rediculous" for me to offer that after such tenious circumstances, but still, I was just trying to be nice. I did not speak to her the next day we worked together, didn't look at her, didn't bag for her, just completely ignored her, I think she got the picture. The day after that I actualyl did speak to her, making it look like we were both wayy to busy to say anything to eachother. A week later, or so, just, this last Thursday, on my way into work, my car was hit by something that fell of an oncoming truck, both traveling roughly 60MPH, thats a 100-120MPH impact, on my windshield. Didn't even crack it, but ripped off my mirror, dented my door, and some major paint damage. Truck, gone, thing that hit me, gone, no suspects, I didn't even get a description of it let alone a plate, it was dark, and yeah, I was in shock. Other than $1,312.xx damage to my car, I found out later that night, that if I did not quit, I would be fired, because Kim, freaked out, told a bunch of people, showed people the letter, and eventually it got to the Store Director, and soon enough it would be at Human Resources (it never made it that far). Point being, shes a back stabbing *BLEEP*. Asked me to not feel weird around her, we dropped it, everything was great, I even bought her a new phone for Christmas, and when she did this to me, I hadn't even thought of buying it yet, then again, I didn't know she had ruined my life until after I bought it. I was informed that if I did in fact give her the phone, I would have been fired, and never made it to my dream career. I was forced to read the "sexual harrassment" part in the company handbook. My boss was doing nothing but 1. Saving my *bottom* and my career, 2. agreeing with me that this is rediculous!! He said he had no idea how it got to Rick, but it did. I trusted her. She was my friend, a really good one at that. She promised me she wouldn't tell anyone, and that we both would drop it. Now I'm out a job. I signed my papers Sunday night, and Monday was my last day... they let me leave 3.5 hours early. I said good bye to her, explaining that Dave and Carol were letting me go home early. She still has no idea I an no longer employed there. All she said was "mkay... see ya later..." in that sort of "whatever, talk to the hand" voice. I just walked away. Today, Christmas Day, the first day of not having a job. "Merry Christmas!! You're fired!!" is what I feel like it is. I voluntarily quit because otherwise some sort of harassment would end up on my record and BAM, goodbye police career. Even if i went to the union, HR has more power than them, and either way, I was going to get screwed. She ruined my life, my reputation, and almost my career. I asked my boss to write a note to the morning PIC the next day (that friday) to speak to Kim about my anger and the phone and so on. He stayed a whole hour late that night writing it, and ended up coming in on his own to speak to her on his day off. He saw me, read my body language, and heared the fierce words I used, and he conveyed that right to her, the phone, the "severity" of my anger, the fact that I doubt she has any feelings of "remourse" but rather just "malice and hatred". Some pretty rough words, and I wanted them to decribe her, and I did, and so did my boss. She told him that she feels very bad, and my friend Alex points out that shes a good person, and didn't mean to ruin my life. Point being, she said she feels bad, she might not, but the fact that she said, is really just admitting that she did something wrong, ruin, my, life. So thank YOU Kimberly <<personal information removed>>(ahem.. she told me that, and I didn't even ask haha, dumb *bad word*.) Yes yes, you've ruined my life, and taken my job and only source of money from me, and you don't even know it yet. Wonderful, I hope something equally as horrible happens to you, and no, I have no intention to be the cause of that. I have spoken to my Police friends about this, they think it was a minor thing (all of it, the letter, the phone, the offer for ride home) and that the last thing I should do is be forced to quit. But it was in my best intrests to do just that. Notice from BuffaloHELP: Xisto does not condone releasing of personal information without consent, without anything. Removed.

Yeah I was going to say.. "Uhh, did you READ the topic?" SM, if he had, also he would understand that she's not 11, but 12 years older (thought she was 28...), but most of all, that I wasn't exactly looking for a RELATIONSHIP like boyfriend/girlfriend, but rather just a really good trusting friendship.Update, or I dunno. I went into the store today after school, because I was thirsty and wanted a drink. Went through her line, she said Hi to me good and happy, didn't sound bad as if "oh, he's here AGAIN!", she was happy to see me. We talked like normal, she didn't know that I didn't get a ticket on Saturday because that officer called a buddy of mine, so I talked to her about that and other stuff, told her I would see her on Saturday (you know, not visit like everyday), she said "have a great week!!" and everything was totally happy and good. So yeah. I'm really happy about what happened (in the end).

I do feel you are right, SM, about her trying to do damage control. Today, I worked my plan out. She's been sick so I called the store and made sure she was getting off at her usual 7. I told her that I would be coming down to work then, and that I wanted to talk to her. I did. I went there, I wrote down a list (typed up, and DID NOT print, nor did I even save it) of points to make, and make sure I remembered them. She was happy and cheery when she saw me in the parking garage waiting for her (I call it that, its like a... undercover area made up of part of the store), I figured it was very light under there, and it would be less creepy if I didn't come out of the darkness (they came from the blackness... 300 quote). I first asked her if she told anyone, she said no. I then made my major point. I said "I... I want to thank you.. for being so.. cool, about this whole thing. Like.. you really handled it well and it's commendable how you took it. The way you acted, and still are acting, it couldn't have turned out better, and I couldn't have hoped for anything more. You have been really cool about this, the way that only a good friend would act, and... with you... I couldn't ask for a better one." and she thought that was really nice and gave me the "awwww, thanks charlie!!" (yeah, its all over now, so there, thats my name, I told anwii her name in an earlier post). I almost just about lost control of crying control there, lips started to tremble and so on, but I held it in, and kept talking. "Really, you are such a good friend, and I want you to know that if I ever have something that I need to talk about, just.. anything, or the kinds of things I don't want to tell other people, you know, my guy friends or if I'm having girlfriend problems or something, that I want to be able to come to you." she said "That's totally fine!! I would love to help you out in any way I can!" I then brought up an earlier (much earlier, like before the letter) point about her thinking of something that she would allow me to do that she considers really nice, the way she said that she remembers it, was... unconvincing, in the manner of she didnt think of something. I said "you didnt think of anything.. did you..." and she just smiled and said no... (i would like to note that she is now sitting in her car, warming it up and getting herself warm as well.) so said "well... i thought of something..." and she gave me the sorta squint look, like suspicious looking and said "what...?" and i said "c'mere" but she didn't, and simply said "charlie.. i'm really not a hug person, like really, i just dont like hugs, but thanks anyways... really." so, at least I tried, but it's not like i was all "*BLEEP* get up and be my hug pole." so we kinda talked about some other stuff... me getting pulled over for the first time in my life, i shouldve gotten a ticket too, 12 over, but I found out tonight that was because my pulling over officer called one of my really good friends on the force and asked if he should give me a ticket, he said no because I had a really hard day. (speaking of last night the "outside talk" that was supposed to be a phone call.) Then at the end she said "so we good? you okay?" and i said "heh.. yeah.." and she could tell there was something else and she said "anything else you want to say?" and i, again, did a half chuckle and said "i really wanted to give you a hug..." and she just laughed and again, told me that she just doesnt really like hugs, which, is fine, shes a very independant person, likes to be alone on her breaks and such, supports herself and a family, and I respect that.All is well. I feel really good about it, our friendship is... I would say, stronger than ever before, and only getting stronger. All in all, it was a good idea, because in the end, everybody is happy, and we both feel really good about the whole thing. Although I fell short of getting that hug, I'm sure everything will be fine. I really want to thank all of you, especially Saint_Michael, and anwii. You really helped me get through this situation. I know there are still some follow up things that you might want to go through with me, making sure I don't go messing things up by thinking things are better than they are and trying to do something actually stupid. But thanks, again, for helping me through. I have to say, I followed your guys' advice on most of it, maybe not that last part about "my plan" but that was where it really came into me knowing her, knowing how shes going to react, and responding to that with what I know she wants to hear, and what I want to say.@anwii, your words were marked, and I took that into account, but still followed through with my plan, and now everything is better than ever.@SM, you helped me more on the experience and wisdom side of things, you knew what was going to happen, although anwii could tell what had already happened with his super mental abilities, you used your super memory abilities.

@SM omg, you couldnt have said it better!! I'm not trying to get in her pants because I know better, and like anwii said, I've been trained better. She's (if I havn't said before) the most amazing person I have ever met, and I don't know someone more wonderful, and the last thing I want to do, is ruin anything I have with her.@anwii Although you make some damn good points, there are some things you should know. The 'workplace' is "one big happy family"... (not really though) it is a family owned chain of grocery stores, and everybody, as you said about the community, is very closely knit and so on. Although I am well aware a hug crosses a legal boundry, I know her well enough to accept that hug, especially after I tell her what I plan to tell her. I think she will feel alot more comfortable, and it will be the first step in building our friendship to even greater... strongpoints, whereas for example, if somebody wanted to try and mess up our friendship, they would have to try alot harder because eventually we will trust eachother enough to beleive the other no matter what, not what some random *bottom* wants. I wouldn't dream of kissing her or touching her like that, I happen to know she is a fan of hugs. Also, I plan to do this after her hours are over, so although it may be company property, it's in the employee parking lot, where like nobody will be. Our bosses get off at 6, her at 7, so they're long gone. If my plan goes down the drain, I'll be sure to tell you tonight, and I'll be sure to let you say "I told ya so." I really do think that after my little speech about being friends and all that other crap I have planned (and no, i don't have like a written thing, it's just sort of ideas floating in my head, and I hope they come out in the right order, but more importantly... I hope they come out) will ease her into a more comfortable well being. I think it will make her accept my hug...Now to both of you. I wasn't planning on an exactly short and sweet hug, I was thinking like... 2 MAYBE 3 seconds. That may sound short, but it's a lifetime when you think about it. I plan on repeating one word (like say it during my speech, but repeat it once during my hug)... "thankyou". I'm not sure whether or not what's going to happen, I may break down right there, but I can *almost* assure you I will once she's gone. This may be a stupid plan, but I thought giving her that letter was the stupidest thing I've ever done in my entire life, and that didn't turn out SOO bad, I mean look, we're still friends, but last night, the way she nudged me with her elbow (that kind of "cheer up!" nudge) after her talk with me, I know I didn't seem convinced that we would ever be friends again, and I don't think she was either, I was very detached and distressed, and I think I made her feel bad.. after that talk, she proceeded to ask when she I work next, I said "you won't see me until saturday" and she said "what?!" and i said "well i get sunday through tuesday off, i requested wednesday cuz i have an appointment, alex stole my thursday, and you don't work friday..." she seemed pretty unhappy about that, said something like "well have a good week!" and i just said "yeah..." and I just kinda walked back into the store.. very... outside of myself. I couldn't work up a "you too!" So my plan will not only repair whatever damage I may have caused last night alone, but let her know that I'm still willing to be her friend, because what she said, and the way she acted, was that she wanted to be my friend. And I plan, my plan, the plan, to tell her just that. But not those exact words "I still want to be friends" no, that's awkwark. I have my plan... and anwii, your words have been marked well. If anything, prepared me for the worst.

That is really weird anwii, perhaps I have, I do see pretty much all the customers... You have to take a ferry to get anywhere COOL, theres always the bridge haha. What I am thinking though, call your sister up and ask her to head over to TnC and look for a 'Kim', then you'll know what this girl is like.The "phone call" came... in the form of her after work saying "wanna walk outside with me?".... she basically said, that its really great that i have those feelings for her, but that its a strictly work relationship and that its innapropriate for me to want more, which... i dont really want, mean, i dont need to have shotguns blazing my way. she said also that it would have been bad if her husband found the letter. but other than that, shes happy she knows, and she still wants to be great friends. I was in shock when she told me this, so I didn't have much to say, but I plan on tomorrow (and you guys arent going to stop me, it's my playing field now...) wait for her after work by her car, and explain that I couldnt think of anything to say, but ask her if shes willing to be that "girl i could talk to about anything" because I dont have any friends really that arent guys, and that I'm not about go go telling them about my super emotional things that go on, and that i trust her enough to keep a cool head about my emotional... wrongdoings. im going to thank her for letting me down as easy as she did, and, if i can, sneak a hug. That way, we're still friends, I get what I want from her (just someone I can talk to about things I won't tell guys about... crying, that sort of thing), she gets to maintain a "work only" relationship (not really though) and everyones happy. nothing will change at work because we wont be doing... anything, except talking, so yeah. thats my PLAN not idea, and its what im going to do... now... to wait until 7pm tomorrow... im going to bed. haha.EDIT: @anwii I went from wanting to be a cop to earning money bagging groceries while still looking at a career full of... nothing... also, she lives a few towns over, I'm actually one of the few employees that lives ON island.

okay okay, i see now. well im on my lunch from work. the first thing she brought up to me was why she didnt call "my kids me me are sick and i just..." and i interupted ehr with "(her name), really, dont worry about it. I'm not losing any sleep over this, just call me when you're ready..." and she said "oh yeah, i know, i just wanted you to know why i hadnt called... so yeah, thats where we are now....

@anwii Think CNN Money... http://forums.xisto.com/no_longer_exists/ if that halps... which it should haha... @SM The best thing I can hope for out of this, IMHO, is a super Supportive and Caring Friendship, I mean, I see that as like heaven for my current situation. She may or may not have marriage problems, I happen to know her better half has some pretty bad medical problems...

Your story intruiges me? Perhaps a topic for another thread though haha. Her kids are 2 and 9. Also, I personally don't think she would commit against her marriage. But I like your idea of waiting 2 weeks or a month if it does happen to all go down the drain.

@SM About body signals. She seems kind of jittery, but not like shaky. Her movements are just more.. quick instead of smooth and fluidy. I have seen her tear up more in the past 3 days than all the other times combined. That means, once, I saw her come into work crying, like, makeup streaming kind of crying, and I heared something about her husband. I'm not sure the family status is in the best of terms.@anwii I personally think that I am mature and responsible because I spent a whole semester out with the local police every Saturday. I'm not the most popular kid on the block because of this (actually far from it), but it has, I think, really shaped me into the real world. It's nice that I have someone like you working with me on this, especially because of your Patrick Stewart X-Men Mind Reading Abilities. I feel though, that you are right about her being uncomfortable, and as somebody said earlier, that she may have her own insecurities if shes wanting me to feel comfortable around her. I want her to know that I am far from uncomfortable around her, because I think that will make her feel better about this. EDIT: I also think that she sees me as responsible and such, because she is well aware of my police connections. Because although that semester was 3 years ago, I still am in great contact with many of the officers. I have said a bit about this place, it's sorta small, so the department isn't that big, there aren't many people to go getting in the way of things. She does live 3 cities away, but I wouldn't call them cities... rather... communities. And as a hint for you all, I live (and always have lived) in the "Second Best place to live in the country for 2005".@nol I'm not sure there is another woman in the world as pretty or amazing as her. Then again, how many girls have we all thought that about? Also, I hit up 18 in May.EDIT2: A note that I probably should have said alot earlier, but even though I didn't, you guys still picked up on it, and now that I think about it you might be right. Maybe it's because I don't look for a relationship her, that I don't see her maybe having those kinds of feelings for me, but since you (very helpful) guys are a 3rd party, you pick up on everything because you're not biased about her or me. The day after I have her the letter, Wednesday, it was... normal, I had some anxiety at first, but she was really comforting about it. We acted like normal, talked like normal, and treated eachother like normal. But I didn't really think about it until now (also, to whomever said something about me thinking about her, and love and hard to get her out of my mind. Yeah, I think about her 24/7, I can't stop, but I'm being really patient about it, as you have seen.), but my job is to ask the customer "paper or plastic" and the customer said something about how they wanted me to choose or something, but she (this girl) said "ohh, don't worry, he's not picky..." and she's never talked about me like that. It's as if she knows me, the way I think, like she's become an expert... on me, its amazing, especially the way she looked at me out of the corner of her eye when she said that. I felt like, wow, she... can read my mind or something, like there's some sort of real connection there that I never saw, but apparently you guys have. What do you think about this?

No no no. I have her the letter on Tuesday, like 3 days ago. All the stuff before that was just random confusion and affection on my part.anwii, you may be right about this being a big crush. I don't want to break up any families or ruin and marriages, she knows that, like I'm 100% sure she does. I would feel absolutely horrible if she did break up her family because of me.I like what you said about letting her know that I'm still waiting, but still willing to wait longer. I'm thinking that my idea of saying something like "you call me when you're ready to call me.." is pretty good, and if she doesnt call by Saturday or speak to me on Saturday, I will tell her that at the end of her shift (she starts 1 hour before me and ends 1 hour before me, but our schedules are always changing so it's rarely like that.). But I'm not going to push anything from her before that, I will wait until she is halfway out the door to tell her that. As you have said, she seems emotionally unstable about this, and if I'm going to bring it up to her, I want to bring it up seconds before she is out of the public place, so maybe she can sit in her car for a bit and do whatever she needs to do (cry?) without fear of anyone else seeing her, this is why I like the car situation.Thanks for making me laugh too S_M, I havn't really been able to at all about this situation.This is perhaps the second or third time someone has said that maybe she has feelings for me. I don't pick up on those signals from her though, but perhaps you can pick up on them from what I am relaying to all of you. Back at perhaps me wanting something more than I say I want.. I'm not really sure, I mean, she's literally the most wonderful person I have ever met, but.. like I said, I don't want to mess anything up on her family side of things. Granted, she's really beautiful, but I don't look at her like that often, I see her as someone that I could tell almost anything to. I want to use that as a way to make her feel more comfortable around me, to get her to open up, like you said, that's more important. I'll feel comfortable around her because I love her, she knows I do, and I know that shes okay with that. I'm thinking that if I tell her just how comfortable I am, it will make her feel more secure about talking to me, if that makes sense?

Her kids dont recognize me as involved with her, MAYBE they would see me as "somebody from work" but I'm nothing special to her in their eyes.About what you said about the me not bringing it up on Saturday, I think that's a good idea that I did not think of, I mean, I was going to say nothing more than "I want you to call me when you're ready, no rush. Call me when you know what you want to say and when you have time to say it. Don't worry about me waiting..." I mean, is it okay that I say that? to re-assure her that I'm not anxious about getting her call? Even though I want nothing more in the World then that call?I have made sure that anything and everything I say to her (at least about this, I mean, we recently talked about me dieting, but that's nothing) thats physical. Nothing sexual, becuase what I want from her, is far from physical or sexual.There is only 1 person in the store with near complete knowledge of the situation. There is a guy that knows that SOMETHING is going on, but he has no idea what. The guy that knows whats going on, I trust him, and yeah...So I'm thinking that, if she ever has enough time, which I know she doesn't and this is just one of those "Wouldn't it be nice." things, but still. So a good situation that would be nice to talk to her about this, I'm thinking, is in a car. It's mostly quiet (especially where I live, lots of woods and trees and stuff), it's a good place to think to yourself outloud, and would be a good place for both of us (well me at least) to feel comfortable about saying whatever needs to be said. I'm not sure I'm going to suggest this. A phone call is alot more likely, but I wouldn't mind a walk or something. Just a thought, any ideas on a good situation I could try and put her in to make her feel more comfortable when she is ready? Perhaps a way to suggest a comforting situation to her?

I am sort of afraid as to what's shes going to say or ask. I really don't want things to go down the drain, but from what she's said so far, and the way she's acting, she's taking it really well, and it doesn't seem like she's about to end our friendship. She's really made me feel better about it too. Still have not received a call from her either, a couple of my friends have suggested that I call her. I told them that she'll call me when she's figured out what she needs to say, and when she finds the time to say it all. I trust that she's not going to just pretend this never happened, considering she has said at least twice that she really wants to talk to me about this. I know she has a very busy lifestyle, and I respect that. I'm in no rush for her to figure out things, it's her life, and I'm going to let her live it (I think I put that in the letter somewhere, lets see if I can dig up a quote from that. yeah, found it). So that sort of applies to me just letting her call me when she's good and ready. Also, I can't quit now, I need money and health insurance, and I live in an area where there's not exactly a large amount of jobs to choose from. I can see how me getting her drinks and candy I know she likes is perhaps pushing the line, if not over it, I'm not exactly sure where she sees that line though. I know what she likes, and I know when she wants it, and I'm good at delivering it to her at that time, and she seems to really like that, especially when the really two things I ever buy her (this drink she likes and this Resee's Banana Creme, which like NOBODY but me and her like) are inexpensive and it's like only a couple time's a week I do this, but I haven't in about a week, I've run out of fun ways to give them to her, like last time I bought her the candy, I bought it from her (remember, works at the store), and I said "hey, do you see that little black bag down there?? *points to... well under the check stand area*" and she said "uhh, yeah, that's my purse..." so I said "yeah that... could you put this in there?" and I got a really good smile from her and a nice little "awww, thanks!!". anyways. I'm just waiting for her to call, I don't see her again until Saturday, so I hope to hear from her before then, but if not, I can't say it will be a bad day, considering how supportive and comforting she's been about the whole thing...

I totally agree with you. I am not trying to push her for more. I really don't want a relationship from her, at all. I'm not about to go asking her to go live with me. From what she has said to me so far, is that she knows what I want, but there seems to be some questions she needs answered. She told me she would call me at 8-ish, but its almost 11 and no call. Not sure if I said it in the last post, but she did not have time to read it the night I gave it to her, but rather the next morning on her way in (she seems to think that was funny, reading it while driving, I guess I can see why considering the last words are "Have a safe drive home.") to work. She may have not had enough time to call me tonight. I really wish I knew what she is going through. She kept getting all teary eyed today when I was.. near. She said that she hates it when people feel awkward around her or because of her, that its the worst feeling, and that she really wants me to feel comfortable around her. I feel like after that letter, I could tell her anything. Shes being really cool about the whole thing, and that makes me feel alot better about being around her without any anxiety or fear.

Update: so it's been what? 15 days since an update, its time.I started to visit her on her lunch and we have had some amazing talks. I was trying to figure out where local to take her for lunch and she flipped (okay, didnt flip, but like.....), okay maybe it was more of a "no, you're not taking me to lunch." It took like 3 days of convincing, but I got her to agree to think of something that she considers "really nice" that she would allow me to do for her. And that as long as it was reasonable, I would do it (examples of, thats unreasonbly too high, are "I'm not buying you a house" and unreasonably low are "im not going outside and bringing you a rock."). Today is the deadline for me to find out what that is. I suggested that I could buy her a new phone because the one she has, she cant see the screen and the battery sucks, but she said no.Last week with her, was not so good. Kind of ignoring me, not really wanting to see/talk to me. 2 people from work agreed that she might be tired of me, and that I'm being too over-sensitive. But being my... well over-sensitive self, I wrote her a letter on Sunday. The letter explains what I think of her, how I feel towards her, and so on. I hade a major edit to it, and finally worked up the courage to hand it to her last night. The letter was not supposed to be given to her until my last day at work, I had planned on getting a job at Radio Shack, and quitting the store... but I didn't get the job, so now I'm stuck. But I couldn't go on any longer without her knowing how I feel. I explained that I was not looking for a relationship, but rather someone to talk to and yada yada.. 2 people said it was a horrible idea, good that i wrote it, had a record of it, but bad that i actually gave it to her. a couple other friends said that I did the right thing, and they agree with the theme of the letter "its only fair that you know". I wrote a P.S. in the letter explaining that I would not be quitting and some parts of the letter no longer rang true, but all the stuff about my feelings and all that mumbo jumbo were still true. I got very little sleep (by my standards) last night, and had about 13 anxiety attacks (dont get those often, maybe... once every 4 years?) after my half day at school today, i went down to the store, and after about 30 minutes of thinking about actually going up front and facing her (oh yeah, i wrote in the letter that if she still thinks im a good person and what not, please, call me, and yes, she has my number, but she never called, hence the anxiety and the lack of sleep...). After the "Hi (my name)" it was kind of awkward and i could see tears coming to her eyes... i proceeded to scan my own items, just a fun thing some of us employees do, and it really helped break the ice... she then said "i want you to know it's okay. i didnt get a chance to read it until on my way to work this morning... but i want you to know im not mad, im glad you told me, and i really dont want you to feel weird.." (FYI, this letter was 2 pages long, single spaced, it had ALOT of *BLEEP* in it, and everytime one of my friends would ask "well what if she thinks this??" yeah, it was covered in the letter, and to quote another friend "I think it's written nicely. I thought you got your point across well.... If there's one thing you don't need to worry about, it's that she'll misunderstand something-- everything was written well." he also noted earlier from quotes I had given him that "I've discovered, from reading your quotes here, and your XXXX(hidden word), that you have a really well developed writing-voice." I feel that this letter I wrote, was the best piece of literary genious to ever spring from my head. Back on topic... she pointed out like 4 times that "its okay" "we will talk about this" and "i really dont want you to feel weird."now is the time between all that and when "we will talk about this"... any ideas on what you think shes going to say? anything to be prepared for? she specifically said "im not mad at you".

Haha, I found out today it's 12 years. Oh, and all she did when I said her life was messed up, she just laughed and agreed. I know that it's not her kids, she loves her kids, shes had alot of problems with just life, her house, famile (not immediate family) and i know of personally at least 2 times when she came to work crying because of her husband. Also, I'm not exactly spending the whole day with her, she lives a good distance from work, and I'm a 10 minute drive from work, and she's not about to come across 2 (small) towns (about 45 minutes) JUST to have lunch with me, I'll be going on one of my many days off and meeting her when she goes on her hour long lunch, I just can't figure out where to go.... I've met her husband, he's a cool guy, I think he's okay with it... I almost really don't feel as much about her as I was when I made my first post, I'm not saying the feelings aren't there, just that they're less intense. I almost feel less like I need to be with her at all times, but more like... I don't know, I still miss her when shes not around... but when she is, I feel (but cant act upon) being defensive towards her. I'm not the only one around the age of 17 there (if you havnt figured out yet, I mean, adults, and kids working, it's gotta be like a restaurant or other food related things minors can do, it's a grocery store), but like today, I mean, I could NOT get near her!! I'm the Senior among my group (meaning, my boss puts me in charge of them, and I can tell them what to do) but they would not let me work with her, even the new kid! I think she's just got this really attractive look about her, I didn't like her very much when I first started over a year ago, and apparently she REALLY didnt like me, but we've grown to become eachothers favorite (found that out today too). I noticed a LONG time ago (before I even really knew her name) that we work REALLY well together, I mean, our speeds are almost identical, and we can get ALOT of work done in a short amount of time. With alot more people in the store, less want help out to their car, because they feel like it's busy (and boy is it) and other people might need it, but most people think that so we end up with the same person most of the day. Tomorrow (today) is Thanksgiving, I don't have any special plans, I do have to work, but they put me on the dead shift, 2-6, and on Thanksgiving, there will be a total of maybe... 6 customers. She will be there 7-3:30, so I really only get an hour and a half today of her (yeah, thats how i look at my day of work) The past few days, I havn't had much of a chance to talk to her, but I've been working long and late shifts the past 3 days, and being the Senior (not school related by the way, I've been there longest, the other guy is on sick leave for a few months), I (yesterday) decided to take by break a half hour later, when she got off work, so I could walk to her car with her and actually talk, and I expect that today will hold a good few chances for me to actually talk to her!! My break today is at 4, but, being me (I feel proud about that Senior thing haha) I'll take by break a half hour earlier... to make up for yesterday.... *smirk* (read: shes off at 3:30). I should probably stop talking now, but it's kind of hard. I think it's great that you guys have given me such good feedback, I really feel like I've improved upon the situation, I'm finding things (especially since I could be out late tonight) to occupy my mind a bit more. It's nice, all of it.

@anwiiiI cannot say how right you are. I mean, I'm sure you're right about low self-esteem, I was never the high class football star, or the really smart nerdy kid, I'm just kind of... well more on the nerdy side I guess , but that's alright sometimes. I am VERY resistant to peer-pressure, I don't smoke or drink, and don't really plan to, regardless of how many of my friends have tried to get me to. I am a very opinionated person, I stand by what I think very fiercely, but when it comes to me not knowing, like now, I'll take whatever I can get from you guys. You've been great. The part about the job and great benefits, I already have that. I may not make a whole bunch an hour, but I'm only 17, and don't have many bills (cell phone, car insurance). My Health/Dental is AMAZING, I have the Union behind me, and I get 100% free preventive care, and everything else is 80% covered, with no office visit co-pays, and ER visits are a flat $75. Not that that has anything to do with anything, I'm just saying haha. Also, for my future career plans, I do wish in 4 years to go to the Police Academy and become one of the Men in Blue here.Also, about the test I put forth for myself. Let me give you a short background. I get out of school daily (don't go Fridays) at 10:30, but I get there at 8:45, it's a short day for me, I have Independet Contract Studies though. So I have to be to work 30 minutes later, generally, my schedule is changing next week. It's not hard to get there, I mean... like a mile, MAYBE a mile and a half, and I drive there. Anyways, back to about my test. I failed, really bad, like, I did exactly the opposite, I couldn't have failed more. I was good at first, I was suprised at the fact that she hadn't even spoken to me this morning when I got there, but it could have just been the usual Thanksgiving madness going through everyone's head. I got a good 30 minutes without any contact with her, at all. Then I just gave in, but slowly, started off with simple "how are you" and so on. She got a call, something about her aunt, bad stuff really, and I, naturally, felt bad. Throughout the course of the day, because it's too much to go through, I'll just give you the rundown of my failure: I ended up buying her a drink (like I had said in a previous post), asked her out to lunch (another first for me, ever, and that was a success), helped her do some shopping at the end of her day (hey, it's my job), and then helped her out to her car with some more non-work casual conversation which I don't get much of from her. Failed the test? Yeah. But you know what? I felt good about it. I didn't feel such passion or whatever you want to call it for her. I felt like I was being a good friend, which I am more than fine with. And about the lunch, I told her that there were a few conditions: 1. I pay. 2. You don't owe me anything. I feel like her life is always just a mess, and I have said that, even today, and she nothing but agrees with me, and I told her that that was my reason for being so nice, I think, today, it was a big advancement in our friendship, and I feel alot better, like not as many feelings of being empty without her. I'm pretty proud of myself with this one. Perhaps, sometimes it is better to fail.

I see what you mean, I would often find myself visiting, just for the sake of visiting. I see her tomorrow, and before I even posted the original post here, I vowed to myself that I would attempt to give her as little, if not none at all, attention tomorrow, I thought she worked today and I was already to do it, but I had to do it anyways. This being just a test to see if I can do it. It's that I'm probably her favorite person at work, everytime she sees me in the morning she always says something like "OHh!! (my name) Is here!!" *big smile*, and I've gotten in trouble from the boss about working too much with her and not much of anyone else. But regardless, I'm going to see if I can do it. I lost probably 5 hours of sleep last night to staring at the wall thinking about her (honestly, thats a first, and not with just her, with any girl, usually its about bad stuff, like me getting caught for doing scandelous things, which, i pretty much dont do anymore, better things to do).Anyways, I know that there will have to be communication between me and her tomorrow (err, today I guess now..), but I am going to try to keep it to a bare minimum, and only work related. I'll check back with you guys tomorrow about it. And let me say, to all of you, thanks, I mean, deep down, I knew what you had to say, I know you're right, I knew you were right before you even said it, but I just.. it's hard to say, i cant quite make it into words, I mean, just having at least 2 people say the same thing pretty much, is alot better than me trying to figure it out for myself.

thank you, both, the advice is hard but its true. on a side note, to both of you, i think only 1 of her kids is from the current husband, the other one I believe is from a previous encounter.and about me being "forced" to see her, we work at the same place together.And do capitalize on your advice, how do you suppose I go about finding someone more... for me? I was never really good at that kind of stuff, like ever.

I have quite the dilema here. Now, I'm going to keep information to an extrme minimum because enough people that I know personally may stumble upon this in a simple Google Search of my Screen Name which I use for just about everything.First let me start off with this. It's been two years. I have not been around on Xisto since late 2005. I have come back thanks to some good experiences and memories, but this time, I'm not after free hosting (has a paid for Domain and Unlimited space/bandwidth server now).Okay, down to the business. An unnamed girl, is 11 years older than me, now, yes I am 17 (to think I was 15 when I last logged in) now, and almost 18, but she is 28, maybe not so happily married, with 2 kids . I'm not going to say where I originally met her, but I now see her (not like SEE see, but just talk to and so on) on a near daily-basis. She is one of the most stunningly beautiful person, and I cannot go an hour without a thought of her slipping into my mind . The problem is, the marrige, the kids, my age, and the fact that I know I can never have what I want . I'm not here to try and get advice on how to move on with her, but with how to get her out of my mind, at least in the way that's there now. This is a somewhat recent advancement in the way these thoughts formulate in my mind. I want to start liking somebody thats more... my age range, and just, more.. well possible. But I'm sure I can handle that myself (perhaps I'll be back later on when we get there), but for now, I just want these thoughts out of my mind. Cheaper the better, remember, I'm 17, not the richest of the kind, so maybe accupunture isn't quite the right path for me.Now, I'm not about to go tell this person how I feel, because I am pretty muched forced to see this person daily, and I don't want any of this ever getting to her. Also, let me add, once I'm 18, nothing would really stand between, meaning, the being forced to see her daily, is not an student/teacher thing, there are no rules or laws (again, once I'm 18) preventing me from pursuing her, minus the whole married and kids part. I guess that means this is more of a physical attraction, but there are countless parts of her personality that I am attracted to, it's just those things that's the downside.So, any advice on how to go about this? I mean, if one of you comes up with some elaborate (EDIT: and now that I think about it, legal) plan to get her to ditch her hubby (for the second time I believe) and get real rich and buy a house with her and live happily ever after, then please, enlighten me, it's just I don't think that's ever going to happen.EDIT: now, almost an hour later, i keep checking, every few minutes or so if someone has replied, and i keep thinking of things i could also say about this. so here goes part deux.Everytime I see her, it's almost like I want to hug her, for a long time, but I just never see that happening, I don't really see hugging as anything wrong, as I have many "friends that are girls" that hugging is absolutely, just friends-like...-ness. I've seen her cry before, and been there enough to know why... that being her husband and her were having some sort of problems, that apparently has fixed itself, but that, among her 4 year old house having a blown water pipe that was going to be several thousand dollars to fix, the wood floors were quishy when walked on, and the family was getting sick from mold, they had to move out, and rent a place, no pets, so she lost the family dog, and theres just been alot of heartache in her life recently, and perhaps I just want to jump on that, alot of these "friends that are girls" come to me for advice on that kind of stuff and granted they are quite more my age and my experience level applies slightly more to them, I guess I feel the need to help, in any way I can. I offered to help her move, I often buy her drinks (not THOSE drinks) and I'm really starting to think that I would just love to be a shoulder to cry on, but I'm not sure how to get there!!

1. Yes it is true. I THINK I also heared about these creatures and stuff are the only NON-Carbon based life on the planet? Maybe I'm wrong...2. It is 7 miles from sea level. I know it seems shallow, but trust me, you have a better chance of surviving in Space without a suit or anything... Billions of gallons of water over your head, you would be crushed into like nothing. You can survive in Space for 30 seconds without oxygen, because after that, you will either freeze, or breathe in and die. There is no air, nor is there pressure. Your lungs must be completely empty in order for it to work... Don't try this at home!! lol

Alot of it at my school is just kind of, secret, no one really knows, maybe on the phone. Although the week before homecoming, during a football game, Feori Alaima asked one Brittany Rosche (or something along those lines of name spelling) by having the announcer say it. She of course said yes. I think the way to do it is have ALOT of people around, all knowing what is going down. Maybe it's pressure of the girl on the spot? I don't know, maye I'll look into it.

Ooh, ouch. I had that operation too, except only one one of my toes. It was probably the most pain I have ever been in (maybe more than the time my balls were attacked by a large, hard, round Bass Drum stick in Concert Band back in the day...) The darn nail grew back into my toe and now it's there again... maybe I should go get an operation (again) too!

I would suggest getting Macromedia Fireworks. It's pretty basic and simple. Now if you really want to go basic, and understand Pixel Art, then use Paint, zoom in all the way, and make pixels until you have what you want when you zoom out. Most people use Adobe Photoshop, which is ironic because I'm about to install that like right now!But yeah Macromedia Fireworks or Adobe Photoshop...