Hello, everyone. I hope you all can shade some light on my current situation. I'm in love with my best friend and have been for awhile. We dated not long ago, but due to us being in two different countries its a bit hard. We broke up only because of the distance, but since then.. him and I have been keeping contact and becoming more of best friends. He has a girlfriend now whom have been dating since April and he claims he's in love with her. What is extraordinary, is.. he talks to me, flirts with me with comments such as: 'Your very attractive, stunning, perfect, smell really nice,.. but he always has to say, 'but [his current girlfriend's name] is too.' He told me the other night, I'm the only one that he understands and trusts. He trusts me more than his current girlfriend and if I'm down tries and comforts me. How odd is our relationship? I feel like he's in denial and really loves me, but doesn't want to show it, but instead he is dating this girl just because he's in the same country as him. Thus, I'm the one that is going mental, wishing I could be with him, but can't until a bit of time. What can I do, to help him want me more than he does right now? I don't want to put my feelings down because he'll say he's in love with his girlfriend, he says, but I think its more of a infatuation with the way he acts. So, I'm in such predicament and thanks for the advice.
Dear Dusty in Trap Land. You know the situation better than anyone else but something you might not have thought about is: A lot of times it gives someone comfort to know they have an option to resort to, a fail-safe relationship. For example, he knows or thinks that he can always go back to you if things get rough. He knows he doesn't have to go as far as proclaiming his love for you because you like him. His flirting with you could be keeping you on a leash so to speak. You're hesitant to move on because he's making you unsure if you should wait for him. It's my bet he's doing this whether on purpose or subconsciously. This kind of relationship to fall back on gives a person a good, confident feeling. To know that if your partner breaks up with you you have someone to go back to is a very comforting, but selfish thing to feel. In my experience, people say things like "you're my best friend" "you're the only person i can talk to about some things" all the time. I take it as a compliment, but I never take it too literally anymore. You're also talking about a guy who's flirting with you while he's supposedly in love with. It's not setting a good example of what kind of a boyfriend he really is. It's tempting to think that he'd only "cheat" on his girlfriend if it's you, but it seems doubtful in the real world in my opinion. Of course, I have no idea what his motives really are but I think the best thing for you to do is to try to meet someone else. You might find you love someone else more, and even if you don't, The Guy, if he loves you, will almost definitely show some sign of jealousy, or even just tell him about a guy you're liking or find attractive. A lot of guys get jealous easily. The bad thing is, even if he does get jealous, it doesn't necessarily mean it's because of love. Some guys can get very possessive of women they think are "theirs" even if it's not love. I know I'm being kind of negative and pessimistic in my reply, but you've already got the optimistic angle covered. I'm not trying to make you cry or anything, just trying to help you figure out what's going on. Maybe he does truly love you. Who knows? Not me, not you, maybe not even him. As for making him want you more, that seems to go against my idea of what love is supposed to be. I think love shouldn't be that much effort. It should be like floating down a river on a hot day with a cool and comforting breeze always there to push you along. What you describe sounds like paddling across an ocean on a raft during a hurricane. Then again, that sounds rather exciting.But I wish you the best in not going mental and hope you stick around here, or maybe you just came here for the wise (or stupid) advice?ps: This might be a stupid question, but I can't help but wonder but how does he know how you smell if you're in different countries?
Sorry I'm not good with this, but I will voice my opinionated advice anyway.I would tell them that you like them, then if they respond with I like you to, but as a friend, you go one step further. To keep your relationship intact no matter friend or soul mate, you add 'I like you more than a friend' saying in the sense that you have feelings for them. Then hopefully they follow with the right reaction. If not, I'd say not to argue if they reject you, but to try and keep your current friendship intact by saying that you understand, that the person is not ready or etc. So that's my advice. But dont use it if you dont trust me
i am ashish ranjancome to help you, you are in love with your friend and afraide to say her, then do something that she or her also fall in love wity you
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