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Problem With Long Term Girlfriend


Hakkera

Hi all, It's been a while since I have posted here, but to be quite honest I'd like some opinions on what I am doing. I have been going out with my girlfriend for about 2.5 years now, and I'm 19 years old. She's obviously very special to me but recently things have not been going brilliantly between us. By recently I mean over the last 5 months. About 3 months ago, she booked a gap year project to go to Australia/New Zealand for 10 months. I wasn't consulted over this but that isn't my problem with it. I had already said I was going away for two months in April.It was my intention to roll with the next 10 months (of which I am 3 weeks into now) without a girlfriend. Like I said, i'm into her, and why not.However she has now stopped replying to my emails, texts, I've seen some rather dodgy photos of her on facebook too, but nothing too conclusive. I was a little hacked off if I am honest, but then again what really can I do from here. She is on the other side of the world. I believe I must be very careful and calculated about what I say as it will have a lasting impression. At the end of the day though, this is all relative, as in 10 months she will come back and go off to college (university) possibly in London (100 Miles away from me) or to my local university. She has't yet decided.All was going well until this new girl started at work, ironically enough with the same name as my [current] girlfriend. She's in the same age group, and situation as I am having just finished college. I may as well be honest and say that whilst i'm not sure that I am attracted to her, I think that there is something there. To be honest I don't think I know her well enough to know if there is anything in reverse. The reasoning for all this I do not know, maybe I'm doing it to spite my g/f maybe I'm doing it for a change, maybe I'm doing it for other reasons, I just don't know. Though, it's just really hit me that I am only 19 once, and I have plenty of time to settle down when I am older. In a nutshell, i'm basically not sure whether I stick or twist. Not just with this new girl, with anything over the next 10 months.Anyone have any ideas?


onscreen

I will neither twist or stay.Long term relationship which i currently have one, 7 years needs alot of trust and commitment. Since your current girlfriend seems to be having her own pace of life, I did suggest you to get know more girls before settle on another one. Forgive me for giving a simple advice, love and relationship is my weakest point


wingman23

Im sorry to say that this does sound a bit as if she is ready to go her own way. Its very sad when this happens but it does. The time you have been together doesnt really matter, its the time you spend together that does. i know that she is special to you, but any relationship has to be on equal grounds, in other word, just because you love her, doesnt mean that she now feels the same.For a person to want to spend nearly a year away from someone doesnt really give off signals of a strong bond. When you love someone, its hard to be away from them for a week let alone a whole 10 months. Its only been three weeks you say since she's gone and already the emails and texts have stopped, what will it be like in two months, three months, i dread to think.I know all this sounds hard but you are only young, you have all your life in front of you... i know i know, ive had this said to me many time when i was your age and another girlfriend went belly up and i was left heart broken. its only with experience that you realise that she is just one in a long line of meetings you will have until one day you will meet the one who is right for you, and when the person does come along, you will know it and she wont be buggering off for 10 months like its nothings. True love isnt like that.


websey

Hi Mate,

 

To be honest yes this happens far to often !!

 

But mate you are still young the time you spent together was good you have already said this and her decision to go away for 10 months and not discussing it with you shows 1 of 2 things to me....

 

A :

 

She did not think that it would effect your relationship and that when she come back everything would continue as it had done before, But no matter how much you say this would of happened it wouldnt, Why because although you say it doesnt bother you the fact that you mentioned her not discussing it with you hurt you.....

 

Also people change over 10 days away from each other at your age let alone 10 months.

 

B :

 

She knew how you would react and found it easier to go away for 10 months and then 3 weeks in stop returning emails txt's etc

So it would be easier on her to break up with you this way, I know it sounds like I am painting her out to be some sort of calculationg witch or something but I am not, I have had girls do similiar things to me, not the same I know but the same feelings and motivations behind it...

 

I am sorry to say this mate but I do concur with wingman and you should let her go mate, It will break your heart and I feel for you I really do

 

But that is the way it is, You will find true love one day mate and when that does come along you will know it, in your heart you will know it mate....

 

----------

 

I would also like to just make a comment here,

 

Most blokes get tared with the same brush due to the bad actions of some, Women do think this because I have many female friends who admit to this, But on the other hand alot of woman are un-trusted in relationships due to the actions of the few before...

 

I was cheated on by a girl that i was madly in love / lust with I took on her kid as my own provided for her and her kid better than the ex / father ever did, but that was my downfall in that relationship....

 

All I am trying to say mate is do not let this one ruin a good relationship that could blossom, But on the other hand give your self enough time to get over her, Make friends with women before you start dating them.....

 

But dont think to much about a relationship at your age mate 19 is still a young age mate go out have some fun (practice safe sex) if that is the way you go....

 

But when you get into the next relationship start afresh forget what happened here but be mindful of the signs that she may have showed....

 

And for pitties sake people talk to your partner about things that bother you, All good relationships wether a partner or friendship is based on trust and respect and if people dont understand the problem explain, But on the other hand listen to problems that the other party may have....

 

It is all about give and take but make sure it is 50 / 50 not all the time as you some times have to give more than you take but it also works the other way around sometimes, Just be happy mate and take the experience as a positive after your time of grieving over her... and dont listen to anyone that tells you that you wont because 2.5 years is a long time.....

 

Alright sorry I have gone on a bit, But as I said everyone on this forum of a certain age or above has been in the same situation as you more than once more than likeley, you just have to take the good with the bad, the wheat with the chaf, the cream and the curds etc etc

 

Any way mate good luck and dont bottle it up, I know we maybe people you have never / may never meet but sometimes they are the best people to get advice from


Hakkera

No need to apologize websey, this is all relatively new to me so anyhelp is appreciated.I guess I wasn't really expecting the reactions I got though, kinda makes me consider somethings. I guess after being together for so long I never really contremplated splitting up, maybe that was my own folly. But yeah, you guys are probably right looking at it, she just kinda rolled over mine one day and said she would be off for about a year, maybe less maybe more. Kinda blew me out, but her parents live in another country so she does go away for a month maybe two a year, but 10 months is quite something else. I'd think about splitting up with her now, but quite honestly I don't want to do it from such a distance. Maybe there's other reasons too. Maybe in some circumstances she will just cut off communications completely, hence doing my job for me.Yeah, going out with other girls is gonna be a bit of a challenge I think, I've been out of the game for a while, forgotten techniques etc....Kinda ironic actually, I was meant to go into town with this girl I was speaking about I work with, but she bailed and isn't replying to my texts either... Oh the fun doesn't stop.


Hakkera

Well, things have taken a turn for the worse/better depending on your viewpoint.She dumped me a few days ago, and, I'm not feeling all that great about it. You can think you have feelings for someone which are completely different to the ones you actually have. I think the only way of finding out these 'true' feelings is when the *BLEEP* hits the fan.I don't know, maybe I didn't want to like her because I was upset in myself at her going away, maybe there was something more there than I anticipated. This maybe better in the long term, again maybe someone else knows more than me. I've blocked her on facebook (even though every 5 minutes, I keep wondering what she's up to an wanting to check it) deleted her number frm my phone and pretty much isolated her as much as I can. It's not really helping, but I don't know how much worse I would be if I did have some contact with her. A lot I reckon.I have to say I really miss being in a relationship, but I'm really picky with girls. It seems most of my friends seem to grab any girl and 'shape' them into something they're not. I'm not down with that, I want a girl that I like the way she is. Who am I to change anyone's life?But yeah, I was fine when it happened but I guess now I start to miss all the things that were there. Obviously the 'rose-tinted goggles' come into it, but I can't really help that.I'm not sure if I can 'appreciate' - if that's the right word, being single right now. All I can think about it girls, but I just don't know anyone else that I like - which annoys me further and makes me feel like there is no way out in the near future.


iGuest

Been there and done thatProblem With Long Term Girlfriend

I was in a very very similar situation to you last year. I went away to study in Ireland for a year, leaving my boyfriend back in the States. He and I are very serious  but I'm only 21 and still felt like I needed adventure. Your girlfriend may feel the same way you do and doesn't know how to talk about it, so instead she is ignoring you. This seems terribly immature and will perhaps indicate that you need to find a better girlfriend but here is the best advice I can give you:

E-mail your girlfriend and write something to the effect of the following,

Dear Barbara-Jo,

You've haven't been responding to my emails recently and it's made me a little concerned. I'm sure you're busy and I hope you're having a good time but it's been putting me ill at ease. I don't mean for it to seem like I'm accusing you of anything, but some pictures on your facebook suggest that you've been partying pretty hard. I can handle it if you want to date or simply  just fool around and experiment with other people while you're away. It might be good for us both to do that while we're apart. I don't want to lose you  and I don't want you to be afraid to talk to me about these things. 

 etc.

 

The open relationship is my best advice, if both of you  just want to sow some wild oats while you're apart, more power to you, maybe it'll make you both appreciate each other better and neither of your will feel repressed in the other's absence. Trust me, if you can handle the idea of it, it's the best thing to do in this situations of temporary longdistance.


Ousk

I don't think you should think about her anymore. It's obvious that she is not doing any sacrifices to keep the relationship together, and does not really care. If u say that she does not even reply to your emails i think it's all gone south. Your 19 so it's not worth it to waste 1 year of your life just to wait for her and then what wait some more? It's a no no from my point of view.


princeofvegas

First off I am very sorry for your problems and situations. It really does sound like she has moved on, especially when the emails and texts stop. But let me say this, you are only 19 dude. I made the mistake of getting married when I was 18 to my High School sweet heart(or so I thought at the time). We were unhappily married for almost 5 years and had 2 beautiful children together, but it was still a mistake.I was 23 when we split up and it gave me the opportunity to see what else was out there and what really made me happy, and I soon came to find out that it was the complete opposite of my ex.I would take this time as an opportunity to date a few other people and experiment around a bit. You would be surprised what you will find out there. As someone once said, there are a lot of fish in the sea. See what else is out there, maybe take this new girl out on a couple dates and see if anything sparks. Even check out a few party scenes and see what you can find in there, because it is obvious from her lack of response that your girlfriend has already moved on, now its your turn. And you never know, you might reconnect when she gets back from her trip.



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