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Looking For Advice On A Long-term Relationship Break Up


Lenwu

Hello everyone, im new here but hope some of ya'll can help me thru this.Me and my GF were together for almost 10 years, 2 kids,2 cars, house etc. Everything was good, we didnt argue about anything went to work everyday came home,everyday normal life. Then in matter of a month everything changed her attitude towards me just went weird, not talking to me being real short, after asking her what was wrong she tells me she is unhappy. After listening to her talk about the things she is unhappy with i start to understand the things i should have done, that is my fault, she was working 50 hours a week as to where i was working 25 a week, she wanted me to get a better job, but i didnt put forth a honest effort in trying, she wanted to get married,i told here i wanted to get married when i get a ring, but never got the funds to do that. Then i find out that some guy is feeding her stuff that im no good and she should end it with me so they can be together, yea it hurt me to hear that, but i cant make her do something that she dosent want to. OK now heres the kicker, we both dont have the money to live on our own seperatly, so alas im still living in the house, yet we sleep in the same bed tho,but we have no relationship connection to each other, she has completly shut me out, the only reason im still here struggling is our 2 girls they are 6 and 7, thats what keeps me going day in and day out.I guess what im looking for is someone to talk to, in the 10 years that we have been together ive been by her side,there wasent a day we werent together. We didnt go out, we didnt have friends outside the home,I just dont know what to do, i feel so LOST.


rayzoredge

Wow.It's VERY unfortunate how it took up to this point for her to have opened up with the things that have bothered her, and it shouldn't have happened this way. Since it has though... I'm not sure what I can tell you since I don't know the situation to its entirety. Then again, that's probably why they call it "advice..."Right off the back, you're going to need to make that honest effort to get a better job. I don't know how since I don't know your work history or how much you expect to be paid in your next job, but you're going to either need to earn more as far as wages, work longer hours, or both. If you want to live separately, you're going to need to take into account living expenses as a single person as well as a good surplus to be able to help support the children. (That's not a mandatory thing, but I'm sure that's something you would want to look into continually doing.) Take a look in renting an apartment and see what you can afford, and establish a budget to include utilities, other bills, and plan to have extra cash for rainy day funds or for leisure. Research rates and take value of what you're paying for services into account. I have no idea where you're from or how good utilities are in your area, but you're going to have to do some homework to see what's right for you and especially when the budget's tight, what you can and cannot live without.I'm sorry that something like this happened. It's extremely sad to know that there wasn't much open communication enough to have actually sat down and talked about problems to come up with solutions and deal with them as opposed to keeping the feelings inside and blowing up like this.


saitunes

That's pretty rough. There are really alot of points you've made and seem to be looking for advice on, but I'll try to be as helpful as I can.May I make a suggestion? Do something completely spontaneous and romantic. Remind her why, or how, or when she fell in love with you. She might be able to shut you out, but I doubt she could forget 10 years of love, good times, and fun. Take her to the first place you went out together. Have a romantic candlelit dinner. Sing her 'your song' if you're that way inclined, or write her a song. Make some grand romantic gesture that would (in the movies) make all forgiven and have her run into your arms, but in reality you might get a smirk or a smile, and get on the road to making up. Or you could do something big and fun as a family. (not the best example) go to an amusement park, go camping for a weekend, spend a day out as a family. not just you and the kids, not just her and the kids, all of you.If money's a problem, you could possibly get a 2nd job, or start your own online business if you're really good at one particular thing. If money is the problem, not the effort or commitment put into the job there are plenty of ways to make some extra money. Don't forget if you're working 30+ hours and so is your girlfriend, who is gonna raise your children?Another thing you could try is saving up some cash and buying her a ring. Propose to her. In my opinion the ring doesn't have to be flashy, its more of a symbol. My parent's wedding rings are just plain bands. Good luck.


anwiii

ouch. so sorry to hear what is going on, but at the same time, can you blame her? as far as another guy feeding her crap. it's only crap if it's not true and your woman can't relate to it.

you've been together 10 years and haven't gotten married because you can't afford a ring? that is a copout bud and you and i both know that. nobody stays together that long because they can't afford a ring....so you have some issues with this one. as far as a job, start doing what you are meant to do. if that means working 50 hours like your woman at a ob you don't enjoy, then i would suggest not going that route....but start doing what you are meant to do in life. if already doing that, then great. if not, think long and hard on that one. if you enjoy what you do, it's not even really a job but more like a hobby and time passes quick and you get paid for it.

now if your woman is talking to another guy that is telling her things that she is listening to that are against you, then look at it this way. sometimes in life there are wake up calls. this is a wake up call for you to either start making a better effort or lose what you have. you already admitted you haven't put in your best effort. just remember though. money isn't everything and working at a job you don't like will just make you unhappy.

sounds like ya got a good woman there bud. she has accepted and supported who you are for 10 years and seems like she has something good in you too which is why she has stayed with ya this long and trusted to have children with ya.

listen, ask her to sit down and talk to ya. open up to her. ask her questions. get to the bottom of everything. most important though is to open up to her even if it means talking about your own insecurities....especially now and always tell her you love her and need her. your already living a life of a married couple. start commiting more of yourself to this relationship....

if everyone in this world had to wait before they could afford a ring, how many people do you think would get married? there is a thing called layaway or credit. there's also some cheap *bottom* places to buy a decent ring if you look.....and not talking about the typical jewelry stores. you can also haggle in the stores for a better deal. a cheap but decent ring may cost about $1000. i know you think she is worth a lot more than 1k, but sh knows you aren't rich and still accepts you. she ust needs something to show off and be proud of. hell, i didn't even give my wife a ring. i did something i told people i would never do. we got tattoos. it's of a moon and sun with two rings at the bottom wrapped together in a ribbon. the symbol i believe meant more to me and my wife than any ring.....although women like the ring too i went for more of the meaningfull aspect of an engagement and marriege rather than the typical stuff that society dictates you do and that women are accustomed. anyway, the only reason why i bring it up is use your imagination and be yourself. if there is a will, there is a way.

if need to sort through the *BLEEP* with someone, pm me and i will give you my email address that i check daily. i know it's rough but hang in there and never give up on the one that holds your heart.

lastly bud, now that she opened up to you a little bit in how she is feeling, i should warn you that all eyes are on you know. she's going to be watching closely to see if anything changes. she gave fair warning. don't ignore the warnings like a lot of people do right before they lose out of something they would have rather kept in their life. what that means in our language is guys are idiots. don't be an idiot

Hello everyone, im new here but hope some of ya'll can help me thru this.


Saint_Michael

Shockingly enough, I totally agree with anwii especially on the ring and the wedding, you don't need to spend a ton of money to get married or get a ring, and not knowing where you live their is thing called common law marriage or something like that. After seven years you two are "married" in the sense that you can taxes and stuff like that but other then that that other guy is your wake up call and odds are he is manipulating her by saying the right things and so your best bet is figure out how to make her happy again, do the unexpected thing and figure out why she is working more hours then you, although 50 hours a week seems a tad to much unless she working two jobs. Cause all that guy has to do is say the right things and she could kick you out of the house and he can sneak his dirty self into a bed that you shared with that woman for 10 years and also their are children involved and that will really screw with them later on if you two can't figure things out. Also a better job doesn't consist of more hours just more money and stuff like that, but of course explain to her the world of economics because getting a good paying job these days isn't like showing up and signing a piece of paper anymore.



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