Getting Hit On All The Time

[mzwebfreak 0]

Okay, I understand that I am a reasonably attractive woman who just happens to both be a dancer and try to work in the adult industry. And yes, I understand that in either job capacity is the understanding that people are going to hit on me. (Not that I'm going to enjoy/tolerate the overly aggressive ones, mind you, but...) But, see, me, my man, another couple we're friends with, and a single chick who's kinda our girlfriend all went out to Jack Willie's for dinner. Now, I was wearing a nice scalloped hem dress and noticed that an older guy and a Hispanic guy were eying our table. Now, the way it was laid out is that, from left to right around the table, we had Kelly, me, my boyfriend Rich, Mark, and then his wife Denise. Well, after the salad was served, Rich, Mark and Kelly all went out for a smoke. Meanwhile, the Hispanic guy comes over and asks if we're alone. In as polite a voice I could manage considering I was a lil pissed since we'd been sitting there for about a half hour or so at this point, I said we were out with her husband and my boyfriend. Well, he acted all offended and said sorry all sarcastic like. Well, when I explained this to my other half, expecting him to agree with me, he told me I should have thanked the guy because he'd been paying me a compliment by hitting on me. And besides, I should be used to it in the industry I worked in. EXCUSE ME?!?

[nykegodess 0]

i totally understand how you feel. but the thing is maybe u r more upset about becuase u work in the adult industry. sure it can get really really annoying.sometimes i like been hit on, sometimes i really really hate especially when i am trying to be seriuos.

[Forsaken 0]

Ok, first of all I would like to say that most mexicans, not all, but most are very, uhhm what's the word... aggressive. Aggressive in the scence that they don't care who the girl is with or anything of that nature. My fiancee and I go out all the time, and now-a-days in this country they (mexicans) are everywhere. But anyway, when we go out they will litterally hoot and holler at the tops of their lungs at her while I'm standing right there. I usually throw them an evil stare and they usually stop in fear of the reprecutions.Now the thing that I am not understanding is why your husband (or b/f whichever) is telling you that you should have thanked him? The guy was obviously way out of line in approaching you and of all the nerve asking you if you were alone when OBVIOSLY you were not alone as you had been sitting there at a table with several men. So in my opinion he had no right to approach you, and if it was my fiancee in that situation and she responded to the guy in a calm, polite manner, I would have been disappointed that she had not gotten an BIG attitude with the guy and told him to F*ck off or she'll have me come in and... well you know... so anyway, I think you did what you were supposed to do, doesn't matter what your job is you weren't at work and you have no resaon to be treated in that manner, and your man should have stepped in and interviened. Nevermind Me, I'm just a violent person

[NilsC 0]

Does this mean I can't hit on you anymore :)Kidding aside, I think you should remember that guys and gals are wired a little differently when it comes to "Hit on and being hit on". A guy may think it's the ultimate compliment when he hit's on you. Even when he acts like a jerk about it he feel macho. So your boyfriend adding injury to the insult by telling you that you should take it as a compliment and being used to it because you were in the industry should tip you off that he still needs a lot of growing up. What you do for a living should not determine how people treat you in private and by them mixing the two you will be hurt by people who you consider friends. You seem to have the ability to separate what you do for a living and not mix it into your private day to day life. Your friends and family may not be as good as you when it comes to see the difference and you need to point out that what you do for a living is not what you do for a life.I admire you candid way of expressing your hurt and the ability you have when it comes to recuperating. Here we are a bunch of pixels so the previous statement is made from observing your posts here and has nothing to do with your real feelings since you may still be hurting and angry.Take the compliment as a compliment and show the pig under the rug. (it?s an expression that lost it?s punch line when translated from Norwegian..)Keep up the good work of separating your work and private life and stay happy here B)Nils

[BaSsMaNjR5 0]

Hey im 15 so you know at our age we are already exposed to hitting on girls and the whole industry thing......we wont go there.....But you should feel complimented that guys come up and get enough courage to talk to a girl as beautiful as you are....I know I get nervous before goin up to a total stranger that is beautiful and makes my legs shake. But I see what you mean, my sister gets very very pissed about the hispanics staring at her.....They are very obvious at the way they "check out" a girl....Im a guy so i cant speak for a girls feeling cause I dont really think about it when im "checking out" a girl but I would think I'd be like "dude turn your head around you ahole" lol.....but you know, If your very attractive and a guy gains enough courage to come up and talk to ya, you shouldnt be mad, and he shouldnt either, just keep your cool and grit your teeth lol....sorry to hear about your experience

[op! 0]

Was it your choice to wear what you wear? I'm not saying don't dress up because of it but try and make "less revealing" selections. That may help or it may not. I'm quite a bit younger so I might have gotten it wrong.

Notice from NilsC:

This comment is out of line and not something you need to post.What people wear or whom they are with is not and should not be used for a base to judge or behave differently. We are all equal here on this forum and in real life, so by judging or posting comments like this you reveal a lack of understanding or an immaturity in thought and behavior.What a person chose to wear or not wear is that person?s choice, just like you have the same choice. You have a right to your opinion, you just don?t have the right to force that opinion onto others. Nils

Edited April 4, 2005 by NilsC (see edit history)

[AbstracT 0]

I think you should take it as a comment. I can see if it annoys that a person keeps nagging at you after they said how much they like how you look but if they just come come up to you and pass u a compliment your way it shouldnt be bad. I mean if i see a nice looking woman and i'm single i would say you look very nice and if i see she's taken i would walk on. But thats just me some guys can be jerks.

[mzwebfreak 0]

Was it your choice to wear what you wear?  I'm not saying don't dress up because of it but try and make "less revealing" selections.  That may help or it may not.  I'm quite a bit younger so I might have gotten it wrong.

66483[/snapback]

Sorry, darlin, but I do believe that your comment was out of line. No matter what I chose to wear, whether or not they may be revealing or not, does not negate the fact that it was insulting that he could sit there and say that just because of my business, not my dress, I should be used to this. This is the same rationale that girls who get raped ask for it because of how they dress! Both are nothing but an utter crock of...well, you get the drift.

[Saint_Michael 3]

im the exact opposite i need chicks to hit im me so alone that im actually posting this on the internet well i do have someone so to speak but thats somewhat irrelevent at point i think but hey who knows so many fish so many many red lobsters ooooh yeah

[JaVe 0]

In the end it sounds as if you've been given the blame, that's stupid.

[clagnol 0]

I'm a little confused. When you say you work in the adult industry, does that mean you have sex on film? Or are we talking fluffer here? Or perhaps something like a cashier at a fetish outlet? Concievably, someone who bakes erotic novelty cakes could be considered a hard-working cog of the adult industry. Just what do you do?

Notice from NilsC:

You need to grow up and read the posts, the issue at hand is not the one you are responding to. What a person wear or the job they have are not what is the issue here. What happended is when someone insults you should you expect support from family / friends and people you are with.By not reading the post, or by reading it you got this morbid urge to to ask questions that has nothing to do with the issue at hand.Nils

Edited April 4, 2005 by NilsC (see edit history)

[Wyllt 0]

Was it your choice to wear what you wear?  I'm not saying don't dress up because of it but try and make "less revealing" selections.  That may help or it may not.  I'm quite a bit younger so I might have gotten it wrong.

66483[/snapback]

Perhaps I am wrong about this, but since when is "a nice scalloped hem dress" automatically a revealing outfit? I think you are just projecting what you assume she was wearing.

 

I'm a little confused. When you say you work in the adult industry, does that mean you have sex on film? Or are we talking fluffer here? Or perhaps something like a cashier at a fetish outlet? Concievably, someone who bakes erotic novelty cakes could be considered a hard-working cog of the adult industry. Just what do you do?

 

Ok, how is that important to the discussion, she could be a hooker it still wouldn't give the guy the right to be overly agressive. What she does for a living should have no bearing on her right not to be acosted.

 

 

 

mzwebfreak:

Ok without knowing more about the incident I can't really can't comment too much, but from what I read I think you may be overreacting a little. I wouldn't consider asking you if you were alone to be an overly agressive move, but as I said I don't know enough about the incident, I didn't hear how he appologized and I didn't witness it. I don't know for example if he was saw you all sitting at the table, I don't know if it was blatently obvious that there were others at the table, or if it was obvious that you were with anyone else at the table. Hard to say. That being said I don't think your BF's reaction was exactly logical either. I personally don't mind when my wife gets hit on, but I would never suggest to her that she should THANK someone for doing so, especially if it was agressive enough to make her uncomfortable.

 

As for all the guys who say that they always take it as a compliment to be hit on by girls, well duh! Of course you do, most guys would, but what if it was a constant intrusion on your life, and by women you wouldn't even consider seeing? What if while you were at work you could barely do your job because women were fawning over you? Would it still be a great compliment. Well sure it would, for the first while, a few hours, a day, a week, maybe a month, but constantly, no the charm would drain out pretty fast.

[mzwebfreak 0]

Well, thanks to all the intelligent people who wrote in to comment on this. Yes, I do believe Wyllt has a point about how I may have gone a little overboard, due to the fact I'd gotten off of work about an hour before, and may have still been in "he's nothing but an annoying perv" mode. I dunno...it's been about three weeks or so now. I do apologize to NilsC, however, for allowing an opening for clagnol to walk right into, but, then again, he's a newbie (though that's no excuse at all, since we have the rules listed numerous places, but I digress). Anyways, my final word on the subject is that though I may have overreacted about whether or not he was too agressive or whether he noticed who was sitting with whom, the main reason I'm venting is that I thought I was due some support from my other half.

[Wyllt 0]

<CLIP>

 

...the main reason I'm venting is that I thought I was due some support from my other half.

68232[/snapback]

You are definately due some respect from your boyfriend, you were obviously upset and regardless of what he thought about the incident he should have supported you and been at least aware of how you felt about the situation.

[NilsC 0]

mzwebfreak, no need to apologize, I put the notice up for him and others who read and feel like replying. If it had ticked me off I would have given a warning. :)My biggest issue is when people take things out of context or start commenting on the irrelevant parts of a post or for that matter when it happens in a meeting or just talking with a group of friends. If we are discussing apples, don?t mix in oranges.So this was just an attempt to keep it on track and let you have the comments that are to the point even if they don?t agree with you or share your view as long as it?s done in a civilized manner.I guess my strong opinions come out at times and I try to tone it down so not to scare people. There are subjects and topics here where you will never se a comment from me, not because I don?t care but because I do care.Nils